Feel conflicted about approaching girls at the gym. How bad is this, and what should I be doing differently?

Thin_Protection5616 · 2022-06-28T07:45:05+00:00

The gym is the only place I've gone outside for years

Fix that

VisionsOfVisions · 2022-06-28T06:18:51+00:00

Instead of approaching and immediately announcing your intention of going on a date, approach as a friendly gym guy. Asking for their number, asking if they would like to go out, asking to be more than just gym buddies makes the female feel awkward whenever they see you afterwards. But if you just asked about their workout routine, chatted about the gym and its equipment or classes that it offers, chatted about other gym people, chatted about crossfitters, etc, then you get to tests their interests without forcing them to reject you and making every time they see you thereafter, "Oh, there is the guy I rejected again, I hope he doesn't talk to me again."

Ok-Talk-4303 · 2022-06-28T09:26:17+00:00

The gym is not the place for a direct approach like that. If you try to pull girls at the gym you have to treat it from a social circle perspective. Befriend a bunch of people at the gym you regularly talk to to display social proof. That aside, only indirect approach girls at the gym. Like start a conversation with them based on an observation or something. Leave it at. Then if you see them some other day you can start a casual conversation again. If you've talked to them a couple of times, perhaps three, you could invite them to some activity you were going to do anyway. That gives off low pressure vibes, which is more comfortable to the other person. I disagree that it's completely not okay to approach girls at the gym. You just have to adapt your approach to what is socially acceptable and doesn't bother the girls all too much.

ryacoo · 2022-06-28T09:42:13+00:00

Don't feel bad about it and don't let other people's views online put you off.

It's a difficult place to approach - some girls will be absolutely fine with it, others won't but the more experienced you are, the better you'll be at reading those situations.

Start by being indirect, friendly and generally sociable, just say "hey" a few times as you walk by people. Make small talk while you're in the queue waiting to get in, or waiting to use a vending machine or at the water cooler, etc.

They'll see you as the friendly guy who says hello rather than a creepy stranger. Then, over time, see which girls are more receptive/open and continue to build rapport/get more direct from there.

error_404pgn · 2022-06-28T06:39:58+00:00

Women aren’t going to the gym to be hit on, so this makes it a very uncomfortable situation for them.

weredog31 · 2022-06-28T08:52:20+00:00

You failed because you went after women that didn't give any signals to you/not interested in you.

It's actually good for overcoming your fears, though.

getting rejected has it's benefits.

nickmenage · 2022-06-28T15:30:19+00:00

Cold approach at the gym is only valid if you have a solid physique and you are also attractive .

Tô increase your odds you must make friends with the most amount of people there possible first so now you have social proof and you are not just some random guy .

It’s specially good if you make friends with the staff , the cleaning lady or guy , the guy in the front . If everyone there loves you and they see that they gonna be more willing to go out with you

Kenn_p · 2022-06-28T14:31:37+00:00

Speaking from personal experience it depends how you do it. I go to a college rec center so that’s probably why it could be different in approaching. My only advice is only approach them if they’re in the midst of packing up their belongings or just getting there. Don’t interrupt during their workout because that’s when it’s considered rude or creepy. Not everyone will respond the same and truth be told some women won’t mind it and some will be bothered by it.

Difficult_Ad_8299 · 2022-06-28T15:16:22+00:00

Can you please not approach girls at the gym? At least freaking wait for them to get out of there…

Scrub_Beefwood · 2022-06-28T07:46:18+00:00

The fact you wrote what you did and posted it here. Is you knowing it’s wrong. Kinda not caring its wrong because you want affirmation to do it again.

If you’re train of thought is “engaging with women minding their own business. I know it’s bad but I did it anyways. ” as your only source with engaging with women. You’re desperate.

This sub treats talking to women as some mountain to climb. This is advice on how to do so not a place for incels to get encouraged to harass women while they’re working out at the gym.

It’s always weird and creepy to them unless they came up to you.

Or some event happened that sparked a conversation.

You could be at a gym and someone might be struggling with equipment. “Can I help you or do you have someone I can grab for you”

Someone’s using a piece you’re ready for “hey let me know when you’re done with that. Gotta get my reps in”

This won’t always lead to a conversation. But it’s a 100000000x better than walking up unprovoked and hitting on them.

Your brain and instincts were warning you and you ignored them because you’re so desperate. Just chill. They’re humans.

ImAGhostOooooooo · 2022-06-28T12:28:51+00:00

I am a woman and will give you my perspective on how I feel about being approached at a gym.

I don't like it at all. I go to the gym to be by myself and work on my fitness/mental health. I'm wearing skin tight clothing, sweating, alone, and can always see guys staring. There's always a guy who feels the need to come up to me and critique my form or machine use (I've been going to gyms since I was 16 years old. I was a competitive cheerleader and swimmer in high school. My dad used to be a gym buff and my mom is a professional body builder. Me being a woman doesn't mean I don't know how to use these machines. If you're worried about my technique go grab a staff member).

It makes me extremely uncomfortable knowing that a guy was staring at me for so long that they wanted to come up to me and approach me while I'm working out by myself. Just because someone finds me attractive does not mean they need to come up to me at a time where I want to be alone and focus on my workout. I'm not there to impress guys, I'm not wearing cute outfits to impress guys, I'm there because I want to stay in shape and relieve some stress. I wear cute outfits because I like the way i look in them and they're easy to move in, not because I'm looking for attention.

This is why I don't like using certain machines or doing squats around men, because a majority will stare. Sometimes I get some weights and use a multipurpose room by myself so I can relax and focus without being oogled at.

But lately I've been thinking that it was more important I was honest with myself and tried talking to them instead of regretting never doing so.

What you want should never be more important than someone else's comfort. If multiple women have expressed to you that this isn't a good idea, you need to keep that in mind.

Will I get kicked out of the gym or something?

Not a guarantee but a real possibility in the future if you keep at it consistently. A lot of gyms have anti-harrassmsnt policies in place for this reason. There was a gym that I went to that specifically had a policy that said "if you're not friends with another gym goer, and you're not staff, then please don't approach other customers unless it's an emergency safety concern". It also said if there was an emergency, you needed to get a staff member immediately, and you weren't allowed to falsify a safety concern in order to talk to somebody. There were some bullet points that explained acceptable approachable behavior ie. Looking for a spotter, asking for weights, asking to use a machine etc. But the policy specifically stated that you weren't supposed to use the gym as a social cocktail hour unless you're doing group activities like Zumba or Spin because those are meant to be social. Anyone who broke those rules multiple times had their memberships revoked. There were also cameras throughout the gym and it made me feel very comfortable working out there knowing that everyone's behavior was monitored. It's just sad that a policy like this had to be a thing in the first place.

Another was smiling but told me she was 16.

If you're over the age of 18 then approaching women in a public setting can be really tricky. Always be sure to get their age as soon as possible, especially before exchanging numbers.

With all that being said, there are some ways to approach women without being "that guy".

If they have ear buds in, don't bother

Try at the water fountain or front desk

Don't beeline towards someone like you're waiting for them or searching for them

I met my best friend in the world at the gym, but he approached me outside at the smoke pit. We both commented how we were eyeing each other and decided to become gym buddies (romance didn't work out but like I said we are still best friends!)

Eye contact can be VERY misleading. Some people get a 1,000 yd stare for focus, some people will stare back if you're staring at them in the hopes to say (I see you staring, please stop), sometimes eye contact is just brief moments where your eyes meet and that's it lol. What you need to look for is a body scan (looking you up and down and smiling while maintaining some eye contact or consistently watching you workout while smiling). I tend to people watch when I workout because there's nowhere else to look if there's no TV or the TV is out of view.

Join some classes and chat then up before or after while putting away equipment

I would avoid saying "I saw you and thought you were cute" it sounds like you're only interested in her body since she's probably wearing tight clothing and it can come off pervy.

This might not be the best advice for everyone, a lot of gyms have different policies and some women are more open to being approached while working out, but this is just what I think is appropriate. The gym is kind of a private place in my eyes, I'm going there for myself I'm not going there to socialize with other people. Even if I went to the gym with friends we really wouldn't be talking that much because we're focusing on the workouts.

I hope this helps even if some of it isn't directly related to your situation. If anything just use it as some thoughts to keep in mind When approaching women at the gym.

Scrub_Beefwood · 2022-06-28T06:39:06+00:00

This is why I (27F) don't go to the gym

Skizznitt · 2022-06-28T10:18:46+00:00

The gym is one of those places you can't really just hit on chicks. If anything you'd have to approach with a just friends mindset, build rapport over multiple visits in brief conversation and only ask for like a coffee date or something much later... And that's if she's even receptive, a lot won't be.

ahkivah · 2022-06-28T07:02:58+00:00

It’s extremely creepy for you to approach these girls are the gym. And one was 16? What the fuck? You can’t tell one of them was a child?

2022-06-28T13:44:13+00:00

Them striking you down is them being creeped out. Take the hint.

caitikitty7 · 2022-06-28T20:48:53+00:00

Leave us alone. The only reason we say yes and flake later or act nice about it is because men don’t take straight rejection well.

Lopsided_Jackfruit37 · 2022-06-28T15:03:19+00:00

Don't approach women at the gym. The only "possible" exception would be if you two happened to be leaving together at the same time and you make small-talk that's not creepy (number-asking).

For example:

-You and "Hottie" are both leaving the gym at the same time. Say something like, "That workout felt great..and then insert some small talk about the weather, what you're going to eat, etc." and see if she responds with an opening. If she doesn't, just be like "Alright, see ya around" in a cool tone.

DO NOT approach her when she first arrives. When she is in-between sets. When she is doing a set. When she is on cardio. When she is getting a drink, etc. The only somewhat acceptable time is AFTER a workout when she is outside of the door.

Sup3rHD · 2022-06-28T10:47:36+00:00

Women go to the gym to receive attentions and validation

GordonGecko69 · 2022-06-28T14:24:30+00:00

Unless you have a “reason”, leave it alone. Otherwise you are in AFC country.

dani098 · 2022-06-28T14:27:29+00:00

Over the years I have dated several work man in the gym and friends with a handful. I have to disagree when you say “ I won’t bother”

putcoolusernamehere · 2022-06-28T18:34:41+00:00

Approaching becomes a lot easier, and feels way less creepy, when you stop viewing it as something you go out to do, and rather something you just do naturally when the opportunity comes up. I rarely leave a daygame “sarge” season feeling good about myself, whereas I always feel great when I shoot my shot with a girl I encountered on the course of my day. So, go to the gym to exercise, and take opportunities as they somewhat naturally arise. If you go there with the idea of approaching girls in mind, you’ll probably feel creepy and come across poorly.

drywalldog · 2022-06-28T20:45:00+00:00

Move a bit slower. Gain knowledge of common ground.See if she makes a positive gesture. Don’t try the drink pickup line. To invasive. Small talk can show interest also.

Front-Lunch9988 · 2022-06-28T20:49:38+00:00

I think it is less the place and more so the social cues. Like it would be better to talk to a girl when she is coming or going or on a water break or cleaning something up rather than actually working out or in a set. Also, if the woman just seems to be avoiding everyone, then she probably just wants to be left alone, but most girls will not be annoyed if you ask them and are appropriate with it.

Title	Feel conflicted about approaching girls at the gym. How bad is this, and what should I be doing differently?
Author	throwawaysedd1
Upvotes	25
Comments	104
Date	June 28, 2022 6:12 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vmg4md/feel_conflicted_about_approaching_girls_at_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/feel-conflicted-about-approaching-girls-at-the-gym.1255849 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255849

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