~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]revente 33 points34 points35 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Then go to a place where girls hang out for some time.
Like a bar, or a club.
When I spotted my today's gf on a dancefloor I actually left the venue, went to another bar next doors where I had a drink with my friend, and only then returned and approached her.
There were many times when I would approach a girl the moment I saw her. But this wasn't one of them.
[–]Electric_kundalini 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cafe’s are also good
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
The key to approach is to look for a conversation piece .. as you introduce yourself look for something on her to start your conversations. For example, “excuse me whats your name? hi (girls name) my name is .. i noticed you had a gucci purse it reminded me of the one my grandma had. She got hers at a flee market, where did you find yours at?”
see what i mean Op? .. i hope this makes sense
[–]coffeecaketea 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The problem is to start the conversation. I'm sure I'll be able to say something. But going out of my way to do it is the thing I am unable to do.
[–]zackit 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe ask for directions to a place everyone knows... And then ask her how her day's going
Idk tbh, can't cold approach to save my life
[–]DiamondRider21 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you need more practice, just started with a nod of acknowledgement then move on to hellos, and so on and so forth. You don't have to wait till someone is close. You can either make eye contact or be a bit louder and sound direct. 😁👍
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
again find a conversation piece on your target first before approaching ..
[–]Abandons65 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Start by just doing something simple like going up to her for directions, or ask about something. Do this to multiple different girls / people until ur somewhat comfortable, then start trying to start conversations or really approach them
[–]Technical-Respond487 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I did my first approach last week and the first 2 times I went out i didn't approch anyone just roaming around the streets even tho I see many sets that I could have approached I made excuses. The 3rd time I went I was still doing the same thing but i was like i had to do atleast one approach and someone is getting approach today i don't know who but I will approach. So then I approach a girl i was nervous and talking too fast which made her kind of nervous but when i told i was Shy She became at ease and was very receptive talk with her for 3 minutes but she had a boyfriend after the approch I was so happy. You have to just go out again again until the pain of not approaching is bigger than pain of approaching.
[–]coffeecaketea 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Today the pain of not approaching was so much that I got a headache. I still have a mild one
[–]Technical-Respond487 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
U can script what u gonna say in the interaction it will be easier if u know what to say
[–]Evyfootgoddess 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pick up a part time job as a coffee barista or in a bar/restaurant. Don’t pick up anyone there like a sleaze ball, but it’ll get you comfortable enough to realize that people are just people and you’re over thinking. Never go into a conversation with someone with intentions to pick them up. Think of it as getting to know someone else and stop living in your head. Genuinely care about getting to know other people. That’s worth more than any trick, tips or advice someone is trying to sell you.
[–]countsunny 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It sounds like your problem is that your fear of the interaction is paralysing you from even starting it. Maybe start with baby steps like just saying "Good afternoon" to a girl you see and keep walking. Then slowly add more over time until you get to the point where you can stand there and have a conversation
[–]cheesencracker222 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try a different scenery, like a bar
[–]anou142 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro we all been there… sometimes you gotta start small .. go to clothing stores or supermarkets and ask the clerks questions about the location of a product and do that 10-20 times. Then you will notice it feels less intimidating to approach a woman. Or better yet find someone online who wants to go out and talk to girls and go out together it can give u a lot of courage to do it.
[–]Deep-Advice7587 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You don't have a need to talk, imagine if you gpt lost, you wouldn't think twice it.
[–]Vigeto619 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you have difficulties doing other things? Make a list of things you are most afraid or uncomfortable doing from least to greatest and work your way up
[–]ArkelNight 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Get a wing. Play the approach or get gut punched game with them. I also incorporated a dog shock collar at one point. Alot more fun than it sounds. Especially when its ur turn to torture your wing lol
[–]TheJackal619 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s important to heal and collect yourself before dwelling into unknown territory.
The fact that you’re brave enough to take a risk says something about you.
Just because you’re struggling does not mean you are failing, friend.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
listen to me believe my word
look at who interest you a little more than usual do it a 100 times those healthy and interested will send you marvelous signals, act there and then, act despite all the fears that will rise up
report back
Start simple. If you're in the mall, ask a girl for directions if she happened to see a game store. Or find a cute girl working in one of the stores and ask her for help finding something. Try doing this at different stores. Eventually, when you're comfortable doing this, try making conversation by asking further questions. It's not much, but at the very least you'll start to be less intimidated.
My advice would be to not masterbate. The only time I talk to girls is when I only masterbate once or twice a week and then my mental outlook shifts completely from feeling like a creep when I talk to women, to it feeling like the natural thing to do - to do what I was put on this earth to do - to try to get with women.
Lol take a break man. When I would get like that, I’d go to the bar and sit there and have a conversation with the bar tender. Girl or guy. That helps with just having small talk and getting somewhere. And then, when someone sit nexts to you, you can try with that person. Btw you don’t have to order alcohol at the bar, but just make sure you tip well even if you get a club soda with lime which is a good go to with me. It’s like reading and watching videos of snowboarding and then going out to do it. You’re going to fall, you’re going to cry, but trust the process. It makes it that much worth it when you get it. 🙏🏼
[–]Altruistic_Flow_9253 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Easy script for approach to start “Hey, how you doing” she replies then you say “I stopped you cause I thought you were really cute and was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime”. She either agrees or declines, but that’s not important. The important part is you done it. Simple. Don’t eat yourself up about it dude. Was so hard for me at first as well
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I've felt the same way man. I watch countless Todd V videos and then try to go out there and do it and it's tough. Idk the best way to get over the anxiety
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Because “dating coaches” (re-branded pick up artists) emphasize on what to say, rather than the kind of energy you need and the mind frame you need. What you say isn’t as important as your overall social, fun energy and lack of nervous energy.
Put yourself in a frame of energy that you’re adventitious and want experiences. You’re currently framing the conversation from a point of view that you want approval or validation from the woman (ie you want a number, etc.) you don’t want to do this. If you go into the conversation with the unspoken understanding that you want their approval, the interaction will be negative
Re-frame that you want to have an interesting conversation with a beautiful woman. If you tell her she’s cute/attractive/beautiful, you’re doing it because you feel it in the moment, and aren’t trying to get a response from her. If the conversation goes well, then you give her your number
Think that you’re not bothering her, but giving her a great memorable experience. You’re interesting, you made her feel beautiful and desired in a non creepy way. You were actually interested in her.
Get out of the pickup Artist mindset. Pickup artists aren’t inherently attractive, that’s why the focus is on saying the right thing. Get in the mindset that you are social, charismatic, attractive person who talks to all strangers.
Do some mental warmups. Think of five things that make you unique and a prize, why someone would be lucky to have you in their life.
Do some social warmups. Talk to strangers who you don’t find attractive. Ask how their day is going, could be the cashier at the grocery store, someone next to you getting coffee. Ask about something they bought, an item of clothing, make an observation about something around you
[–]FloWstare 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OP look here that's some dam awesome advise!
[–]coffeecaketea 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Are we doing it wrong then ? Are we supposed to take baby steps first ? But what are the baby steps then ?
[–]Technical_Hawk8547 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I like that you said baby steps. There is some and I’d love to share them with you.
Stay on each stage until you’re comfortable to move onto the next one. Right now your mind if filled with all these words, guides, outcomes, and everything else. It’s a lot different when you go out and do it in real life. Good luck OP you got this mate!
[–]coffeecaketea 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. That seems do able. I'll try that.
[–]FloWstare 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't know what Todd V is saying but man if I'd be in my early approaching-phase and start right on approaching on the street I'd shit my pants...Go somewhere where girls stay for longer or where you can get to know them over time to build up confidence...places like bars, yoga courses, cooking classes (things women like to do and also makes your life better), that's the baby steps you can start with. I hope that helps and gives you an outlook for other opportunities :)
[–]coffeecaketea 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've been to bars as well. Women just come there with friends...and I don't know how to approach 2 or more people.
[–]RainbowChardonnay -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dress up like a chicken and go for a walk on the shore. That’ll surely make you feel better.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you have a picture I can get you someone my boy
[–]Glacier_Sama -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gotta bump that testosterone and DHT up my guy.. you acting real feminine just saying
[–]blood_clot_bob 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try more social scenarios such as meetups etc. Low pressure..
[–]Throwway685 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Go to a bar or club. Everybody has approach anxiety you just have to do it. All approach anxiety is fear of rejection. Try not to take any rejection personally and learn from each approach.
[–]coffeecaketea 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't fear rejection. I just can't seem to take the first step.
[–]timetobbetter 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is fear of the unknown. Subconsciously telling yourself this is foreign and not normal; the interaction is not natural therefore the person will judge me for it; which circles back to fearing rejection.
[–]RoadyCoder 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh mate fuck the 3 second rule bullshit. I’ve never liked that. The most successful approach of my life occurred in a bar more than an hour after I’d initially spotted her. Do it when YOU are ready, not when someone else says you should be.
[–]Lighthero34 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Start with just catching their eye and smiling. Literally just spend the whole time your out doing that.
Then, when you're ready for more, start just saying "hello" or "good afternoon" while smiling; and keep walking. Just a passing comment.
From there opening your mouth will be easy, and then you just have make something up.
[–]itsazdeen 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
you don't gave to act in 3 seconds you can wait for them to pass then walk to them
[–]Codi_Banks 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How far away from them are you when you notice them?
If 2 people are walking in opposite directions, 2-3 seconds covers a lot of distance. Start by just trying to make eye contact, smiling at girls, and maybe quickly raising your eyebrows one time to acknowledge them. Eventually some girls will smile back.
Try starting off by approaching girls that smile back. When you are more confident you can approach girls that acknowledge you but arent smiling. Then approach girls that dont acknowledge you at all. Just make sure you never approach from behind her.
[–]ModeratorElbynerual 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Baby steps - don't do full on approaches. Just say hello in passing. Do it a hundred times. Say hi, and then keep walking. Don't try to stop, don't try to talk. Just a nice greeting, and then move on.
Eventually you will get so used to it that saying more will be much, much easier.
[–]CocoBabeNYC 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Approaching in normal daily situations is not for the faint of heart.
[–]nosepickergabe 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go to your nearest Target! Women Love Target, easy place to walk and talk. Just don't try Walmart haha
[–]Pain_Tough 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Read ‘dating for dummies’, you’ll know the truth
[–]paddywacknack 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Start smaller. Go to a mall and ask 10 cashiers if you can use the bathroom.
[–]Independent-Welder-3 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Drinking some coffee its helps
[–]Lonely_Man22 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s all about mindset. Pretty much think of it like this, If you don’t muster up the courage to approach a girl, you will be alone and die alone and regret not doing anything when you were younger. Is that what you want? Is that the kind of life you want for yourself? A life of regret thinking what ifs, if not, do the approach no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. This was what made me do my first cold approach which I did yesterday, I pretty much compared my life of loneliness to temporary discomfort of approaching an attractive girl and the answer was easy. JUST DO IT! GRAB YOUR NUTS AND DO IT! Swallow the discomfort and pain. It will feel super uncomfortable but do it regardless or else you will be alone forever.
[–]burncushlikewood 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know how you feel man I haven't done an approach in years, where I live i feel the women are not even interested even before I approach. I swear a lot of game and girls has to do with location, some women are taken/not interested, maybe a change of scenery will help you?
[–]neondream666 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try therapy.
[–]J33P88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was sitting with my husband at a restaurant and got nervous/embarrassed when I had to waive him to us for more water. It happens. But I still asked for the water. This is maybe a bad relation to what you're talking about. Social anxiety does suck though. I'm sorry.
[–]cormacru999 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The first thing to do is STOP reading seduction/dating books, sites, blogs, videos, etc.
The men & at least 1 woman I know of that try to sell themselves as experts are usually lying or at least wrong. You should pay attention to women that talk about their experiences, both good & bad, especially if they talk about what they like & don't like. You should pretty quickly realize that the majority of women hate the whole seduction culture & how gross it is.
Women can talk about what they are interested in. The majority of men have no idea because even when they see a post from a woman, they almost instinctively start arguing.
[–]naijaplayer 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What was the original content of this post? I have an idea based on the context of the comments, but I'm definitely missing something
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]revente 33 points34 points35 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Electric_kundalini 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]coffeecaketea 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]zackit 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DiamondRider21 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Abandons65 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Technical-Respond487 7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]coffeecaketea 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Technical-Respond487 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Evyfootgoddess 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]countsunny 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cheesencracker222 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]anou142 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Deep-Advice7587 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Vigeto619 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ArkelNight 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheJackal619 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Altruistic_Flow_9253 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]MO_drps_knwldg 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FloWstare 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]coffeecaketea 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Technical_Hawk8547 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]coffeecaketea 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FloWstare 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]coffeecaketea 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RainbowChardonnay -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Glacier_Sama -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]blood_clot_bob 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Throwway685 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]coffeecaketea 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]timetobbetter 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RoadyCoder 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lighthero34 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]itsazdeen 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Codi_Banks 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ModeratorElbynerual 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CocoBabeNYC 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nosepickergabe 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pain_Tough 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]paddywacknack 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Independent-Welder-3 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lonely_Man22 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]burncushlikewood 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]neondream666 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]J33P88 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cormacru999 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]naijaplayer 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link