After years of dating I am convinced that women are the most attracted to men who are so full of themselves, arrogant & rude who can show them their place.

cobraCL · 2022-04-16T06:33:48+00:00

Intermittent reinforcement is chemically addictive in the brain, read up a little on this subject. You can make this a 'female' issue if this has been your personal experience, but after years of being a very sweet, meek, reliable and generous woman in relationships I've also been messed around badly by men who were crazy over me until they got bored of me. I would work my ass off (driving, cooking, gifts, sex, financial help etc.) but the more I gave, the more it was taken for granted and the less interested my partners were. In that sense, I found that men also desire the opposite of what they say they want - submissive qualities are exploited while I've observed that Divas pretty much have fanclubs of dudes pining after them, even when they are maneaters and have a bad rep.

To be "exciting", you have to give them enough for them to stay interested, while subtly threatening a little 'danger' and unpredictability - this inconsistent reward pattern releases more dopamine than being kind, available and reliable all the time. Pleasure mixed with pain keeps people biologically addicted to the high of getting attention when they do get it.

Yet, I refuse to be a conscious manipulator to keep my partners 'crazy' over me. If those are the rules of the game then I don't want to play.

The only things will do different going forward:

Do not give any effort that isn't reciprocated. Courtship is like a dance and you should not give ANYTHING (not even a text, making plans, checking in etc.) if they don't come to the party and do the same for you. The second you realize you are feeling used, immediately withdraw the effort and attention otherwise you will become extremely jaded and resentful.
Have a full and autonomous life and do not be available to them 24/7. This way you are honouring yourself and making yourself desirable and 'sought after' to others, because a rare resource is more valuable than a common one.
Boundaries: It is human nature for people to challenge eachother - Control your responses and protect your dignity. Don't have a "how high" attitude when people ask you to jump. Draw lines and people will respect this.
Remember that nobody (relationships, work, family) respects a yes-man or pushover. Confidence is extremely attractive, meaning a healthy self esteem, assertiveness, independent passions and ambitions.

Wishing you all the best. Its true that people with a 'devil may care' attitude have the best "success" in having multiple people crazy over them, but I question the value of these connections - the facade melts eventually or people grow tired of the cat and mouse game and ditch. I still believe that secure love is possible without compromising our integrity and using dark psychology to keep people coming back, but never be someone's lovesick puppy. Let them dance with you and if they start treating you like a nobody kick them to the curb.

-_somebody_- · 2022-04-16T06:10:55+00:00

I think guys who think this way are equally into trashy women, perhaps that girl this is about wasn’t any better than the men who are into her

thomasvector · 2022-04-16T09:31:16+00:00

This is not true in my experience at all. I've dated many women and while some do go for the bad boy, most of them want someone who isn't a dick. You may be hanging with the wrong groups or something.

norwegiandoggo · 2022-04-16T07:17:00+00:00

Sounds like you're jaded and envious

NocturneBotEUNE · 2022-04-16T08:30:53+00:00

Well this is an incel post...

VDKay · 2022-04-16T07:06:08+00:00

butthurt OP got dumped it seems.

Don't worry mate. We've all been there. No reason to be spiteful. What you say isn't wrong though. You are essentially describing the attraction triggers in a female mind. Yes, people get bored at some point, who would have thought. Yes, girls get attracted to masculine "Warlord" traits, that's what brings up those tingling feelings and make them wet.

IMHO, girls need both: the arrogant "Warlord" and the supportive "doormat". the former for nailing her and the later for raising her kids and looking after her. Choose which one you want to be. Or you could be a bit of both.

that_guu · 2022-04-16T09:16:17+00:00

You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this discussion. I'm sick of the whole "women look for that type of guy" or "if you want women to like you, do this this or that and don't do this and this"

I refuse to base/alter my personality and behavior based on what women like. Even at the risk of being alone for the rest of my life.

This train doesn't stop for anyone.

reversedbydark · 2022-04-16T11:29:17+00:00

It's a scientific fact women are more attracted to men who's feelings are unclear...sorry but the rest of the comments are just opinions.

cronasminate · 2022-04-16T06:08:47+00:00

Someone who is full themselves does not equal someone "who isn't afraid to walk away from the relationship, one who doesn't care about her more than he cares about himself." If you are too afraid too walk away you are just a pussy. If say you care more about her than yourself you are just a liar or so desperate you are willing to lie to yourself so you can stay with someone.

Some guys are just too socially inept to make a distinction between the two and try to be some badass and end up being cringe while still not getting laid.

2022-04-16T09:51:24+00:00

Women are attracted to men that are both. The douchy agressive assertive confident man that will protect her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6b33PTbGxk

The douch is someone in the middle, he is seen as someone that has options, so he is better than the simp, but ideally it's not really what women want because we see him as someone that ”has to try”.

Women like men with options that reject other women.

”Girls want a bad boy who is good only for her”

Bad_Mad_Man · 2022-04-16T11:21:28+00:00

Women are not a homogeneous block. They are people with vastly varying tastes, personalizes, and behaviors. If you see them as just a faceless herd then it’s your approach that’s the problem not “women”. They don’t ALL get together and conspire against men. Remember the old saying “to a man with a hammer the world looks like a nail.” If anyone brings the energy in this post to any interaction it will certainly end badly.

CowgirlBebop575 · 2022-04-16T08:31:51+00:00

Honestly, I think those people just put themselves out there more. They seem to thrive on attention from others so they're more extroverted. A bigger social circle is key for getting opportunities for dates or even jobs.

Introverts generally have a harder time with finding someone as they may have a smaller social circle.

Also, there is a difference between being 'nice' and being someone who is desperate for approval. I've had guys twist themselves into pretzels to agree with me on everything, even to the point of taking back some of the things they said. It's annoying and uncomfortable since I am not sure what they really think. I have always respected people who were unapologetically themselves, who don't apologize for their personality or opinions. That's not necessarily a 'bad boy'. I like that trait in women as well. It can be seen by some as arrogant and rude (especially if they disagree with an opinion or if they aren't able to be so assertive), I just see it as confident and sexy.

MarMarNi · 2022-04-16T09:15:31+00:00

r/niceguys

Emortalrat · 2022-04-16T10:15:23+00:00

What women like her are painfully unaware of, is that the 6ft/6pac/6 figure men don't want to date or being in a LTR with them.

And yeah... you should really stop giving this woman rent free space in your head.

spiderSlayerr · 2022-04-16T11:02:18+00:00

True bad boys are the better boys

2022-04-16T11:28:39+00:00

When they get out of a "bad relationship" they lament thier choice of assholes by the delusional statement, "chivalry is dead" but eventually go for the next egocentric hunk. A lot of marriages are full of gaslighting, arguments and abuse. Good guys are boring to them but while they need to be rescued they may have a little lapse of clarity and lead you on but in my experience run right back into what they called a "soul death trap"..

maxpossimpible · 2022-04-16T11:59:44+00:00

Not really.

No one likes boring and predictable. Even though people say they hate drama, some drama is fun in an otherwise mundane existence. It's really like that song, fuck her gently. I.e you need to mix it up.

Especially with sex, the same type of mundane boring ass sex; she finishes this way you finish that way. #predictability, boring as fk.

DallasOneSix · 2022-04-16T08:34:42+00:00

This sounds like something a literal fedora with arms would write lmaooo

OP you‘re not a gentleman, you‘re just plain boring. Get out of your ass and actually become a gentleman, put the effort in.

yobro_2521 · 2022-04-16T11:13:19+00:00

Think of yourself as the prize.
Do not be always available to her (both emotionally & physically).
Be always busy with something. Women hate lazy, jobless/passionless men.
Do not reveal about yourself much, be a mystery,
Do not always be the first to text/call or set a date.
NEVER EVER BE DESPERATE FOR HER. Once she gets to know your desperation, it is game over for you. She will never treat you the same.
If she ignores you, ignore her back and do not initiate contact. Be busy and do not think about her.
If she dumped you, forget about her existence, block her everywhere, do not be in contact with her and instantly move on. Always remember 2 things - new is always better, there are always someone better than your previous one.

Shadow__Account · 2022-04-16T08:39:06+00:00

I get tired of these fucking posts, it has been explained ad nauseam. It’s about guys who put themselves first and go for what they want and have that as a priority over caring what others think about them, guys that take risks and are confident. It has little to do with being a gentlemen or not, it just happens that a lot of self absorbed assholes or narcissists do have these attractive treats. Seriously why does every fucking guy that has a stupid epiphany feels the need to make a topic and share his “knowledge” with everyone.

NastyMonkeyKing · 2022-04-16T09:46:50+00:00

This is anecdotal evidence based on who you go after.

Says a lot more about you then it does women, especially as a whole gender.

Potato2trader · 2022-04-16T09:32:15+00:00

If you observe the animal world, you will notice just that. We humans are just animals who have the ability to call ourselves humans.

mrrooftops · 2022-04-16T10:45:25+00:00

You sound like a guy in a poor foreign country complaining that all his fellow countrywomen want to move to the US... "but but the US is so full of itself, arrogant & rude."

RosenTurd · 2022-04-16T09:40:21+00:00

You’ll grow up some say Bro. Good luck

YoBeaverBoy · 2022-04-16T09:49:53+00:00

Not necessarly true. I would say women want men who won't put them on a pedestal. Who won't simp for them. They also don't like shy guys for the most part. You need to have confidence (easier said than done, I know), and you can have even the girl you think wouldn't even look at you.

Trust me, I know so many average or slightly below average looking guys who are dating supermodel level of beautiful girls. I could never understand how they pulled them off until I hanged out with one of them and I realised just how confident he was.

Best example I can give is my cousin. He is really overweight and not that good looking at all. He is very confident and he has so much success with girls that it got to his head and he became a player. And it somehow works for him, I don't know how he does it but be always brings home at least 3-4 girls every month.

Then there is me. I hit the gym, lost 20kg and I am also pretty fit. I am more good looking than him (been told by plenty of people) but I lack the confidence that he has. My weakness has always been my shyness. Quite ironic because when I am around other guys and my male friends, I am the most charismatic person in the group who never shuts up and makes everyone laugh. But around girls ? Completely the opposite. I don't have the success that he has, but I have my qualities and I won't change who I am just to get a girl. You shouldn't either.

VeliVoy · 2022-04-16T06:28:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DeathRebirth · 2022-04-16T09:28:11+00:00

This is a dumb rant, but the hard look is that woman like feeling useful. A project they can "fix" that other women visually feel attracted to makes them feel better about themselves, even though in reality they are being used.

People lie to themselves all day long about everything (intentionally and unintentionally). This is just yet another example.

But if you want on the train you don't need to be a douche, just learn to project confidence and don't compromise on the shit that defines you. It has the same effect without all the douchery. You can even be a gentleman most of the time.

If a relationship turns long term, be prepared that there is never equilibrium, and you will get tired at times. Up to you to decide when to cut your losses or fight for what you want... But you will always lose if you compromise.

NickFromNL · 2022-04-16T07:17:32+00:00

I always take it as a compliment whenever a girl I’m seeing calls me an asshole for making jokes about her (in a good way if you know what I mean, teasing)

Gaurma · 2022-04-16T09:48:10+00:00

More true words were never written. Totally agree with you man. And what's more cruel n unfair to the next good guy that comes in her life after she gets dumped or assaulted by that bad guy is the distrust , insecurity , loss of trust in the good guy. Poor guy will try to do everything good by her and yet will be treated will all the negativity n worse as if he was the one who did it.

Stup*d women in some cases seriously. Will ignore all the red flags under the influence of movies where the bad guy was converted n was madly in love with her n her only. Wake up you are not the central piece in a movie. You could easily be the girl that got dumped n used before the central piece arrives.

1hatethis · 2022-04-16T11:02:35+00:00

Knowing what you want in life and not relying on or putting other people over yourself is not immature. It’s actually the opposite

You’re right in your observation but you don’t need to change yourself any more than just finding what you want from life and taking it

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-04-16T11:27:53+00:00

Women don't have any interest in helping a beta male like you procreate. It's in their best interest to stop you from procreating but you are also doing a fine job of that yourself.

No_Escape_7997 · 2022-04-16T12:44:46+00:00

Shocker but there is no such thing as nice guys and bad boys. It's not that he is an asshole that attracts her but that he doesn't try to hide his nature through a some false gentlemanly facade.

Another shocker, hot women will piss you off, they will turn you off, they will make you want to not see them just as much as every other human on this planet will.

Also, women tell terrible advice to low value men so they don't succeed, if you are higher value then you can get all the sauce from women. The issue is you, not them.

Due_Entertainment_66 · 2022-04-16T10:23:05+00:00

My exact thoughts, but i think women want men who are comfortable with themselves and simply forget the world. But this is a double edge sword, u can be awkward as fuck and still be yourself but that wont get u any women. U need to balance and have a healthy amount of self doubt to correct yourself and optimize.

But women still get attracted to men who are rough and tough, it means they can keep them safe in all situations, an evolutionary trait.
this mostly is shown when they behave like a dick sometimes like not respecting other feeling and thinking about themselves noticablly. which is perceived as being a dick.

Title	After years of dating I am convinced that women are the most attracted to men who are so full of themselves, arrogant & rude who can show them their place.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	137
Comments	100
Date	April 16, 2022 6:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u4rd9r/after_years_of_dating_i_am_convinced_that_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/after-years-of-dating-i-am-convinced-that-women.1261952 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261952

Comments