[deleted by user]

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2022-02-27T00:31:32+00:00

You need to move on. You shouldn't be friends with someone who isn't into you, because that's not what you want, it's not what they want, and nobody just "decides to date" a friend.

Move on, stop worrying about her feeling; she doesn't care about you dude.

Mir_man · 2022-02-27T01:23:20+00:00

First of all why do you see her everyday? Are you guys coworkers?

I was/am in a similar situation where I got vaguely turned down by a girl and she ended up being more interested in my friend. Fortunately I m no longer in a situation where I see her all the time, so most of the time out of sight out of mind. But I do still occasionally hang with her and my friend, I just try to not think about it and just see her in a platonic light. I still do find her attractive mind you, but I think pursuing other women helps a lot.

I also think people take rejections harder because they see it as a judgement on their person, you think to yourself, "hey I liked this person, but she doesn't see me the say way, she must think I don't measure up". But truth is people reject other for all sorts of reasons and its really not a reflection of your value. Girls especially can reject a guy for fickle reasons, like not liking a guy's vibe at the time. If you keep in mind that the girl rejected you because of "her", then it makes it easier to get over her imo.

NegotiationMedical21 · 2022-02-27T00:32:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

oreopimp · 2022-02-27T02:37:35+00:00

Well you can be a jealous little bitch with a fragile ego…or you can be the dude who gets more than his fair share of women and realize you can’t get 100% of them and be happy for the girl and for your friend. Didn’t work out for you = hell yeah it worked out for your buddy. Also If you’re chill as fuck about this kind of thing, she could very well have some hot friends she’ll bring around some day and they’ll know you’re chill as fuck too

The only thing you do not put up with is if any of your buddies try to cock block you in order to get w a new woman you’re talking to. Any of them do that pull them aside and lay down the law, they keep it up, never go out w them again

2022-02-27T00:49:36+00:00

You need to let go and move on. Why are you concerned about her noticing a change in your behavior?

She rejected you and got with your friend. Sounds like you have a bit of oneitus. You don't need to be a dick but you don't need to be a pussy either.

raulonastool · 2022-02-27T03:36:26+00:00

Be flirting and hanging out with other girls

Pro tip: Girls hotter than her

chief_yETI · 2022-02-27T04:16:58+00:00

long story short, she doesnt find you attractive, but finds your friend attractive.

and THAT'S FINE

Use it as motivation for self improvement.

2022-02-27T05:43:46+00:00

A similar thing happened to me.

I met a girl on holiday. We hit it off and got on with each other really well, or so I thought. We spent a few days hanging out on the beach, I invited her to join me and my friends on a night out. Later in the night I leant in to kiss her and she rejected me.

A few days later she hooked up with one of my friends. I knew that this friend was married but I didn’t say anything. He was planning to divorce his wife, which he later did, but at that time he was still very much married.

The rest of the holiday was a bit uncomfortable as my friend was parading around this girl who he had made his girlfriend for the holiday. It sounds worse than it was, there was a lot of us in this group so it wasn’t too difficult to ignore them but it still wasn’t pleasant.

After we returned I decided that this friend was no longer someone I wanted in my life and I deleted his number. Unbeknown to me he divorced his wife and then flew this girl he’d met on holiday over to stay with him.

One day whilst he was at work the now ex-wife went back to their family home to pick up some of her stuff and found this girl sitting in her living room. They had a long chat and the girl found out for the first time that my friend had been married when they had hooked up. She promptly packed up her things and left.

How do I know all this?

Because she rang me to tell me, in tears, crying that she didn’t know what to do. I told her it wasn’t my problem and hung up.

FiftyNereids · 2022-02-27T10:41:02+00:00

From personal experience just treat her like she’s nothing. And I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. Just treat her like you would any other stranger you pass by who you don’t care about.

If she says hi, say hi back, if she tries to strike up a Convo answer in one word responses or replies that make it hard for her to continue the convo, maybe even pull out your phone or look at your nails and scraps off some dirt.

Point is, she don’t matter to you no more, you give her the basic respect as any stranger but she doesn’t get or deserve your time of day.

skaag · 2022-02-27T02:25:12+00:00

The strongest thing to do is to remain friendly and talkative. Not all people are this strong though, so don’t beat yourself up! You’re only human, with human emotions. You should however work on accepting the situation because of several reasons:

for whatever reason it didn’t work out, she may not be into you, or thinks you’re not her type, or whatever. You may feel rejected by this, but if you really thought about it, it’s actually a good thing!
when you truly love someone you want them to be happy with it without you. It’s a selfless thing, to truly love someone.
moving on quickly would mean you didn’t really love her. What you can do is tell her face to face: “Karen, I care a lot about you, and while it’s painful to know we can’t be together I still value our friendship and don’t want things to be awkward between us. There’s plenty of fish in the ocean, and I hope you find yours. Until then, it will be my honor to remain your friend”. If you can do this, that’s a huge demonstration of strength and maturity.

You’ll find your fish, some day. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine! <3

2022-02-27T05:07:10+00:00

I would stop hanging around any circle of friends she’s a part of. I don’t want to see a girl I had a thing for with a friend of mine. Create some space and distance.

MeaningMoney · 2022-02-27T10:28:31+00:00

Cheer him on, find another girl

UrFavPlayerIsBack · 2022-02-27T01:17:23+00:00

Should’ve had her friend on ur car’s backseats that nite.. and that’d be best “innovations” about you that she’d notice: BALLS

adambombchannel · 2022-02-27T01:45:02+00:00

You have what is called “limerance”. Go read about it here. If you need to go see a therapist to help you.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-02-27T04:33:57+00:00

you gotta think about it she respect you some what cause she stoped if she ain’t give a fck she would of kept going plus they ain’t kiss man you could it nipped that situation in the bud quick you can’t be afraid to show emotion just don’t act emotionally reckless this is a teaching moment for you Forsure you prolly can still talk to her and clear the air or choice is yours choose communication over suffering in silence always

bewaregravity · 2022-02-27T05:15:31+00:00

you wanted to date her , not be friends. You don't need another friend. You have plenty.

lozboss · 2022-02-27T06:32:39+00:00

Don't ever shit where you eat.

Stop dating colleagues. It rarely ends well.

2022-02-27T06:58:39+00:00

Ignore and move on. You didn’t fit the preference but you’ll meet a chick that will like you better than any of your friends. Unfortunate, but it’s reality. Something to sulk over? Perhaps, but it’s normal. This too shall pass

joy_collision · 2022-02-27T07:37:35+00:00

Just accept it and move on. It sucks, but I have ran into this more times than I can count. You need to also determine the value you have on your friendship and what matters more; being mature and dealing with those feelings effectively or finding a way to protect your mental and emotional health. Either way, good luck, it sucks a lot imo.

always_stay_activ3 · 2022-02-27T08:00:05+00:00

How to react...? With class!!! Just say hello to her and your friend and nothing else!

YourAverageTurkGuy · 2022-02-27T09:09:56+00:00

You can only stop caring if you actually stop caring. Move on.

LordPrettyMax · 2022-02-27T09:42:49+00:00

What’s wrong if she sees that you’re bothered so you don’t want to talk to her anymore
If she can see that you’re bothered then she can definitely tell that you’re still bothered when you’re friends with her and probably thinks you’re a pussy too for not ending the friendship but instead wallowing in your own self pity

2022-02-27T09:50:53+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear this. I know how you feel as I too have been in a very similar situation with a colleague recently. The only real thing that helped me was time. Time healed everything.

It took about 3 months (I was really, really into him) and a serious case of covid and quarantining for me to get it through my thick skull that my colleague will never be into me like i’m into him. Around the office, I could tell people tipped toed around me but eventually I became numb to it. I just kept on reminding myself, ‘If i’m at work, then that’s what I should do! Just work!’

Another thing that helped me was getting it off my chest. I have 2 friends that are literal godsend. Venting to them all of my heartache and frustration and hearing their response to my situation saved my sanity.

Instead, I diverted my attention from my colleague to literally anything. My friends said I should give anime a chance and was mind blown with this series named Baki. I started working out at home, lost a LOT of weight. I started to learn how to cook too! Which was something I never had time for but now, I know how to make great lasagna! I even tried out ‘plant collecting’ which is the trend where I come from.

And before I knew it, I healed through improving myself with the help of my friends. Now, my colleague and I are friends but ‘keeping each other at an arms length kind of way.’ A couple of weeks later, he cheated on his girlfriend and I just said to myself how much I dodged a bullet!

So please don’t worry! You’ll get over her sooner or later. And don’t mind your co-workers saying shit about you. Someday, you’ll see that she is not the one for you and that’s ok! You’re going to make someone very happy in the future! I hope this helps you!

Vril_SA_PL · 2022-02-27T10:55:28+00:00

I don't know Maybe if I remember When I see my EX again for the first time

I will let you know... if I am feeling good like I am with myself of late... I will be cordial and act like a gentleman and have no care in the world in how she treats me... cuz I have moved on... you can always find someone better...

It just takes a willingness to let go of your pain and what if scenarios... what happened happened... you learn from it and grow and move forward

ArtofWar2020 · 2022-02-27T04:30:43+00:00

Start banging her girlfriend. Kill 2 birds with one stone. You’ll move on and she’ll be jealous

2022-02-27T01:43:00+00:00

Mate, be happy for her. I know it sucks that you were “rejected”, but that’s just her saying she’s not interested in you and you should look elsewhere.

Be kind you yourself and her. We are all just a bunch of humans floating around on a big rock. We all want happiness and a good life. If that’s not with you, be glad she found someone she can do that with, and work toward the day you can do the same.

ZoeticLark · 2022-02-27T14:31:00+00:00

It happened to me, but reversed genders... I had the benefit of decades to have it play out in different ways, as we operated in some of the same networks, so we saw each other over the years.

A takeaway: Never hang your thoughts on what might have been because you will get stuck in what could be in the future as well. I had more than one sad moment with this fella because i wasnt paying attention to the present moment and what I was moving toward.

To get through, at various times; I confided in close friends who were not near the situation, so there is less "bleed", I put more focus into other things such as school and career; and most of all forgave myself and him so that i could enjoy the other fruits of the networks we were a part of. We were even friends again for a time, but you could say it was always strained. In the end, I moved on, to other work and other locales; it wasn't meant to be in the beginning, or the end. I can't disgaree with moving on more quickly than i did, however... we each have to replay till we can level up

All in all, I would say rather than going the route of cutting off, which is not really a humane or communal way of dealing with things (toward yourself and acknowledging your initial attraction), rather put your focus into people that draw you toward inspiration and balance you thought you'd have with someone like her; find it in yourself, through experiences, and people not aligned with your best interest will automatically fade away. None of this forcing against human nature and shutting down... Humans are flawed, they experiment and make mistakes, but they are also great catalysts for change, growth, evolution and serendipity. And the hardest lesson is that as adults, we are doing most of the driving, even toward our own demise at times. If you run and hide from that reality, even by running toward/forcing something blindly, you miss the important lesson of becoming more of the kind of person you want to date. One that is whole hearted, presumably. For this reason, it's better to be a bit of a passenger, an engaged one, but not trying to control too much and simply observing more. From there, one can develop perspective, compassion, self respect (as in not denying the variety of parts we all play, respecting every aspect of you that was there in those other moments).

Uh, that got long... just sayin'... see what is there with a brave heart and keep connecting with the bigger vision, and in the words of one of the masters, "Be like water"

2022-02-27T04:32:55+00:00

I smoke but girls who smoke are not dimes

2022-02-27T02:02:50+00:00

When some rejects you and is in your social circle, remove any notion of dating them from your mind and go back to treating them exactly the same way you did before you were rejected.

2022-02-27T03:54:39+00:00

Just ignore her. You don't owe her anything. You don't need to accommodate a girl who isn't interested in you. Put yourself first.

anony2469 · 2022-02-27T04:03:04+00:00

move on my friend... if she's not into you, whatever man, there's so many nice girls out there, also she smokes bleh, you can find someone better and who likes you the way you are

Imreallytired2301 · 2022-02-27T04:03:32+00:00

Move on bro! There's so Many girls out there you should be having a catalog on who's the next one up! Don't look. For Commitment until you're old!

Kobe_curry24 · 2022-02-27T04:22:38+00:00

Either way man you have to deal with the feelings you should of brought it her attention quickly don’t wait and listen to these idiots keep it in, after the situation you should pull her to the side and ask her what’s going on politely to air it out but now that it happen you might just need to let the feelings go maybe cry it out for a few days

2022-02-27T04:31:09+00:00

When a girl rejects me I can’t help but think what about me did she reject? Was it the way I asked? Her mood? My looks? I’ve always been tall and good looking but I have a fear that’s all I can offer so if a girl doesn’t wanna fuck me I take it to heart. Start hitting on one of her friends. Don’t ask her out or be outright about ur intentions but get her to flirt back at least. Eventually you’ll hookup w her and get ur pride back up. Who cares what she thinks tho

2022-02-27T06:17:00+00:00

You smile and feel happy for them.

Happened to me with my bff

its4thecatlol · 2022-02-27T07:53:32+00:00

Alright that's it for real, I'm unsubscribing from this sub. I'm out ✌️

Sup3rHD · 2022-02-27T09:22:13+00:00

fuck other girls

Shintaigou · 2022-02-27T09:58:04+00:00

You showed too much interest which is off putting, girls like guys that are a challenge to get to show that they are the better catch and that they were the trophy no him. You need to focus on yourself and make improvements showing she made a mistake. But don’t let that idea affect your friendship. Seriously sometimes feelings are not mutual

GravelRoad730 · 2022-02-27T10:18:52+00:00

Quit smoking...

Intelligent-Dingo-64 · 2022-02-27T12:39:31+00:00

smoke a joint of weed ,try to do sports and think about how many other option and pussy in this world ...

OkawaSeastream · 2022-02-27T12:50:00+00:00

Maybe this is for you? here

Big_Development_3303 · 2022-02-27T13:20:16+00:00

better to move on and if i were in your place i would have broke the friendship as it will hurt me

ksperi75 · 2022-02-27T16:40:37+00:00

You should have asked her friend if she needed a ride when you left

Ilovethaiicedtea · 2022-02-27T18:17:48+00:00

Tell everyone you fucked her first and keep doubling down till your friend Othello's out completely, then ghost them both.

Practising_Stoic · 2022-02-27T22:02:08+00:00

How do you want to react?

It's really not that big of a deal, if you want to try again go for it, if not ignore her or be polite and platonic..

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	182
Comments	91
Date	February 27, 2022 12:29 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/t2bcn2/deleted_by_user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1265827 https://theredarchive.com/post/1265827

Comments