I always gone out with friends until now but it was rare, if ever. And always awkward and boring. I kept huddled up in the 'safe zone.' Bad, bad, bad.

My closest friend thought I was insane to go out alone. My family gave me weird looks.

But yesterday was the first night I had fun. Like, really fun. I finally understand the appeal of going out.

Find a group. Make your own group. Here's my first saturday night out alone. Yesterday. I'm 23, never done this before. I'm usually a nervous wreck. I work out though, have my health and visible muscles.

I started my 3rd round of /nofap before this, 3 days in. This is the point where I feel the extra testosterone kick in. Instead of being conflict-shy, I feel agitated. Instead of quivering I feel like punching something. Instead sitting inside in front of the computer another day of my 23 year old life I feel like going out and do something.

Already had a beer and a glass of scotch in me before I went out. My clothes are pretty casual, but I have this brown jacket with a hoodie under, I kinda got this hooligan-style. This style brings a little cockiness out of me I noticed. I buy a pack of cigarettes. I don't smoke but I thought it fit my look. Kinda like a transformation from nerd to guy who will beat you up because you looked at him the wrong way.

The place I go to is small, with two bars right next to each other, across the street. People walk back and forth between them.

I get there early - 11:45 PM. Pretty darn empty. The first thing I spot are two girls, both 8s but I'll say HB8/9 to make it easy. They're sitting alone, HB9 on a couch and HB8 in a chair. Other than that there's only a bartender and a DJ there so far.

I go straight to the bar and order a beer. The usual nerves set in as I contemplate how to approach them. Mind you, I've never approached a girl before. Ever. Now two 'out-of-my-league' chicks are right there.

But I get the beer in my hand and think 'fuck it, they look bored. Say hi.'

I walk over, smirk a little like a stupid weasel and say

me: 'Hi, are you waiting for someone?'

HB8: 'No.'

me: 'Really? Can I sit down with you then?'

HB8: 'Sure.'

At this point I just assume they're being nice. I put my drink down, take off my jacket and sit in the chair next to HB8. I shake hands and introduce myself to both - I try to include both of them in my line of sight even though HB9 is across from me and it's a bit too easy to stare at her. They're a bit difficult to get into a discussion and the music is too loud but I force myself not to lean in. I take my space, relax and look for body language between the two of them. I do feel out of my element but these girls aren't doing anything. They'd be just as bored without me. So I decide to take lead.

HB9 is looking at the carte. I order a round of some shitty girly strawberry drink. Never again. I tease HB8 because it was her choice. HB9 joins in on it. I'm going for HB8 at this point. It's difficult to kino in this venue but I just assume I'll get a chance later on.

At this point the nerves started to slowly go away and then pop back up once in a while. The way I dealt with them was telling myself 'hey, bro, you fucking approached them... and they think you're cool. You're achieved more than enough already. If they leave, fuck it, you beat your approach anxiety.'

This type of mentality kept me in what you could call 'state' and I completely avoided validating behaviour towards them. In the end, they followed me around. They were my group.

'I need to go to the restroom,' I say.

'Don't put anything in my drink.' I should probably not have winked. That was cheesy. But HB8 smiles.

I am noticing some glances between these girls at this point. I think they approve of me.

As more people entered the first bar some dudes tried to heavily hit on HB9. Very sleasy, giving her a glass of wine and they're leaning in so heavily they're about to fall into her lap. Instead of going all white-knight I think of Hank Moody. How cool he'd play it. I just watch. I'm entertained.

By being relaxed and taking it slowly you're basically being given ammunition to use in conversation. I talk to HB8 next to me about their style of approach and I get her to lean closer to me. She stays leaned in even when we're not talking. HB9 and her suitors can't hear us because of the loud music and I make fun of them and HB9's situation. HB8 laughs. I tease her about how easily girls can get drinks.

Suddenly HB9 shoots me a look. I smirk and get it immediately. I get up and say 'hey, let's get some air.' They follow me out and I take a smoke. I actually don't smoke but it looks badass with the clothing style I have so I just roll with it. The girls don't smoke but don't seem to care so I take that as an IOI.

I tease them about the guys trying to hit on them.

'If that's my competition... no, I can't even call that competition.'

They liked that one.

I kept alcohol to a "minimum". I had a jegermeister shot and a beer right after meeting the girls and maybe 3-4 more beers over the course of the night. I never felt dizzy and I didn't have a hangover.

I took them over the other bar which was a bit more crowded. A rush of uncertainty washed over me as I laid eyes upon a full dance-floor, but I thought back to how far I had come. I can't lose.

I find a table where a few people already sit, ask if the seats are taken. They say no so I sit down with them and the girls I met follow. I introduce myself and the girls.

As the night continued I started to meet old aquaintances from high school and I got even more social proof than I needed. After all I've gone from scrawny, shady nerd to fit, straight-backed badass with two girls following him. I recognized a guy from the gym and the second I say that to him he becomes a total bro, introduced me up with even more people and we essentially rocked the place.

I can't dance for shit but I danced with both HB8 alone and both 8 and 9 at the same time after a while. Got HB8's number before they left for the night. I stayed and partied with my new friends until the bar closed at 3 AM.

Went home happy. Woke up, mom made eggs and bacon, I took a jog, called HB8 said I was having a coffee at 11 AM tomorrow, which I was regardless, but she should join. She said she couldn't because work. She doesn't counter with another hour so I take it as rejection. My first rejection... it feels... good. I'm going to say hi to the first girl I meet today. And get her number.

tl;dr: Focused on approach anxiety. Patted my own back constantly because I already achieved what I wanted, which kept me relaxed. Got lucky with social proof but it was not necessary.