How can I stop focusing on finding a girlfriend?

A_Wild_Zeus_Chase · 2022-10-07T20:10:38+00:00

The easiest way to love yourself is, you must become, or at least feel you are on the way to becoming, the man you hope to be.

What I mean by that is, are there personality traits you like or dislike about yourself, and are you taking steps to further improve or correct them (for example, practicing small talk while waiting for something if your shy)?

Do you have a profession your interested in, and would like to do in the future? Are you taking steps to accomplish that (applying for jobs, taking certificate programs, etc).

If not, have you tried asking people you respect, or even Reddit, professions they enjoy and find interesting, and then comparing them to your own interests? Tell your parents you are interested in doing that, and not only will most parents have 10 meetings set up with various people by the end of the weekend, but they’ll respect you more for showing initiative.

Do you have hobbies that your fulfilled by, especially those that include other people, and preferably those that aren’t solely male dominated? Do you make time for those hobbies?

Living at home can be tough, but there are other living arrangements. Though it can be jarring, if you’re sharing a home with 3 or 4 other people, the cost can be reasonable, and you’ll start to feel like a truly independent person.

Ultimately women enjoy, all other things being equal, being with someone who has a goal and pursues that goal. For most women (though not all) it’s not about being the richest or most famous, it’s about having purpose, and making steady progress towards that purpose.

Most also don’t enjoy being the sole focus of that attention. Men can be a bit different, wanting a women to focus on them at the exclusion of all other things, but women typically want someone who has other (non-romantic) passions.

So to put a girlfriend as your purpose is putting the cart before the horse. Make your ideal self your purpose, and once you have that, combined with hobbies that include women or friends you can go out with to find them, you’ll find success.

mjornir · 2022-10-07T20:18:28+00:00

I’m 24 years old and I work at a bar as a server/food runner. I live with my parents still and I have a hard time figuring out what I want to do with my life.

Right there. That’s what you should be focusing on instead.

Gigachad4Head · 2022-10-07T21:27:58+00:00

As i would advise to anyone having serious trouble in their life that comes from something beeing fucked in their head, i advise you to take 5g's of magic mushrooms. Will help.

Technical_Hawk8547 · 2022-10-07T20:05:39+00:00

A simple question for you mate. Let’s say you have a girlfriend, what is now better in your life? What will having one ultimately change?

jsbach123 · 2022-10-07T22:03:17+00:00

Despite what women say, they don't want you to make them your main focus on life. They want you to have your ambitions so that they're tagging along for an exciting ride. They wanna be your side event, not the main event. As such, the best mental state for finding a girlfriend is when you're not really trying.

Sandvicheater · 2022-10-07T21:48:44+00:00

Stop putting the pussy on the pedestal.

Work on yourself whether its physically, financially, mentally or all of the above. Once you excel in one or all of those categories girls tend to "drop" onto your lap.

Upset-Temperature · 2022-10-07T22:35:57+00:00

Your question won’t be answered by progressing more professionally. I’m not saying that you should stop trying all together, but professional progression is not the answer to “how do I get this girl?”. There is a barback out there who is the same height and weight as you who is also 24 and lives with his parents and he still gets laid more.

The problem with the professional progression argument is that it eventually gets to a point where your professional accolades have diminishing returns for women and you end up being someone who can only provide material things and experiences and those things only have a small emotional lasso on people. If you don’t work on your confidence and self love, you’ll still be a guy who girls don’t want, except now you’ll have more money and since you weren’t successful before, you’ll constantly think that anyone who likes you only does so because of your status and not because of who you are inside. It’ll crush you even more and you’ll become a nihilist (this coming from a man who made $100,000 in one year from music and blew it all on buying drinks and drugs for the bar every week but still couldn’t feel happiness or joy because of deep self-esteem issues).

Confidence isn’t always something that is attributed to being great. It is a really difficult exercise to be confident with your flaws. People really struggle with that, to love themselves as they go thru the arch of growth in their lives. If you love yourself, you’ll do exactly what you want. And when you actually tap into that self love and confidence, all your interactions with women (and people in general) will change. Once you actually start to care about yourself, it changes your POV. And some of the things people recommend like activities like working out or dressing well are valid, but they come off more genuine when they are symptoms of feeling good and caring for yourself as opposed to mandatory solutions required to be happy. I don’t work out and sometimes dress like a bum, but I genuinely don’t care about the opinions of others on that topic and when I’m in a great mood, I’ll still pull with a food baby and pit stains.

All that being said, I have good days and bad days. And I still struggle with my demons and issues of self-esteem and self love and self care. But being aware of what makes you happy is the first step in your journey as a human. Not even in seduction, but just for giving you the strength to survive the simulation of life. If you think more money will make you happy, then try and get more money. If you like playing guitar, then play that. Reach out to that girl you like and be outrageously honest. Who knows? You may get exactly what you want. The thing that will hurt your soul the most is allowing yourself to suppress the voice inside you and continue to do what you think you should be doing instead of what you really want to do

gmos905 · 2022-10-07T22:43:22+00:00

I'd say adopt the vibe of a fuckboy and talk to numerous girls at once. Then instead of choosing one of one and pining after her, you'll be trying to narrow down from a bunch. This will make you less needy with one in particular and make your energy better.

I wish I could find something less toxic that works but this has always been what works when i decide I'm ready for a relationship.

I mentally say "I'm going to go on a rampage for the next while and smash everything i see" then i usually find a girl who becomes my girlfriend through that process.

Also though at 24 you should focus on getting your money up. I definitely wish i focused more on that then just smashing when i was in my 20's

XCEREALXKILLERX · 2022-10-07T21:16:20+00:00

Just from personal experience, focus at work to improve your financial status and not because of women. First you don't want a gold digger in your life and second a needy not wealthy man is the same that a needy wealthy man. Women can smell a needy person miles away. What helped a lot for me was therapy. In my case i was able to track the source of me being needy and shifted the game back in my favor. To not keep this long the needy thing comes from our childhood. So dig deep in yourself my friend.

Edit: typo

donkey_teeth_ · 2022-10-07T22:24:19+00:00

It sounds like you find this girl extremely attractive and strongly desire to be with her, but if you can't tamper those feelings she will sense it and naturally be pushed away.

Have you dated in your league or down at all? That changed everything for me, I saw women replicating the needy behaviors I displayed with partners I actually wanted to be with and everything clicked. Watching them be so available and laugh too hard at my jokes etc actually turned me off from wanting to see them

Always2ndB3ST · 2022-10-07T22:33:40+00:00

It sounds like you’re able to attract girls but have trouble keeping them attracted to you. Girls can sense neediness from a mile away and it is a huge turn off for them because they perceive it as being a low value male. If you don’t love yourself, how the hell can you expect a female to? You have an inner game problem.

Face_Puzzleheaded · 2022-10-07T22:37:56+00:00

Well,the problem is that you're chasing one girl at a time. Just imagine. You're only texting one girl and she is replying late. You're gonna keep thinking about her and eventually do something that comes off as needy. And women don't like that.

So don't put all your eggs in the same basket. Do you really think that the girl you like only talks to one guy? No. Similarly, you need to pursue multiple women simultaneously.

NoTransportation2899 · 2022-10-07T23:57:19+00:00

Do work on finding a more professional better paying job situation

Don’t shame yourself for living at home at 24, this market is terrible for even established professionals

BlancheCorbeau · 2022-10-08T02:02:19+00:00

Think of it like this: whatever you devote time to, you’ll get good at.

Getting good at finding a girlfriend doesn’t help you get good at keeping one. So, in a way, it’s wasted time.

Instead, spending the time working on yourself - sleep, diet, exercise, therapy, hobbies and skills is going to make you a better friend and coworker, someone who gets invited to the parties or asked for help in a pinch, trusted with secrets that are held in confidence.

And your future girlfriends are going to see all that, and value it. And those skills are transferable into the “keeping the girlfriend” stuff.

You don’t even have to love yourself to get started. Just love something, and share that love with all who curiously approach. Give without an expectation of a return, and you can never be disappointed.

Johnwaynelsd25 · 2022-10-07T21:05:03+00:00

Ignore her. Every time I start seeing a girl, she does the ole “pull away and act disinterested” routine. She wants to see how clingy you are. Don’t take the bait. Ignore her until she texts you. If you text her first you lost. If she doesn’t text back after a week or two, message her and let her know you forgot about her, apologize and offer to go on another date. When she says “sure” go along with her and cancel at the last minute and block her. Problem solved.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-10-07T22:10:44+00:00

The problem is that you're not dating enough. If you had more women in your life, you wouldn't feel so much pressure to lock one in with a label. You would instead be able to let a relationship blossom at a natural pace.

brownhippyyy · 2022-10-07T22:44:10+00:00

I would advise you to get a girl who truly adores you, someone desperate. Keep her around to boost your ego long term, while you keep gaining confidence.

czpz007 · 2022-10-07T22:46:53+00:00

The game has changed. You can’t chase women these days. The regular guys don’t stand a chance against social media or dating apps. Everything is centered on how you look or an image you project, a vibe. Being yourself won’t get you anywhere there’s too much competition. You need to stand out somehow and let the girls come to you. I don’t know how you’ll do that , but that’s what you gotta do . Stand out

rfd007694 · 2022-10-07T23:52:45+00:00

Dont plan/do your life around a woman, just move on, time heals everything

ponysniper2 · 2022-10-08T00:21:53+00:00

Surround yourself with a good group of friends you talk to daily, find passions in life that you love doing, go out with friends or alone and try new things you've always wanted to do but haven't, travel, study things, ect......

We'll always want someone there. For me atm, I have found I'm just not interested in the average woman. I've been going on a decent amount of dates off dating apps recently and all the woman bore the fuck out of me. They also only wanted dick and I'm past meaningless ONS at this point in my life given how much sex I've had already and that now I'm chronically ill and want something real and meaningful. It's a real slap in the face when you want a relationship but since youre sick, no girl wants that with you and only wants sex from you. All the sex in the world doesn't make up when I was left for dead when I first got sick. Ask me about it. Makes you realize loyalty and a caring heart is the number one thing you should seek, not sex. When shit gets rough or you get betrayed, you'll see what I mean.

So I've just shifted my mindset recently after dating around and am becoming more career oriented in my passions and goals since those will lead me to people of equal intelligence and drive. I'll naturally get a partner from doing what I love. So yeah, that's my advice. Focus on finding out what makes you wake up every morning and think, "Fuck yeah. I'm alive and get to do xxxx today. Lets get it!" You only have one life to live, and you don't know when it'll get cut short. So take advantage of your healthy body and get out there and live. Girls will naturally gravitate to you when you when they see you genuinely enjoying life.

blackburncl · 2022-10-08T00:26:07+00:00

Just don't say you want something serious. That will scare most women in this day and age. Let it flow naturally.

ChosenbyTheGods · 2022-10-08T02:01:06+00:00

This is going to sound like I’m being an asshole, but just stop. You’re a human being full of experiences, feelings and you’re literally a world within yourself. Making your prime obsession girl-related is being dishonest with your own consciousness, because you’re an entire universe by and within yourself. Acknowledge that everyone who breathes air is invariably driven by finding a sexual partner, and it doesn’t have to consume you because it’s normal. Find time to love yourself, so when you find someone who also loves you, you can share yourself with them rather than relying on their love. Stop idealizing women. Every human being is one way or another shitty and there’s no girl on earth you’ll love everything about. Even the actress/celebrity you simp the most, we’re you to be with her, there’d be some things you don’t like. Idealization is a respectable man killer, because it makes you see a perfect relationship with the first girl who looks at you, when you should, every time a girl pays attention to you, be wondering if YOULL like her, not stumbling to make her like you.

ferretkona · 2022-10-07T22:34:01+00:00

You need to change yourself into someone that other people want to be around - interesting. Find a peace inside yourself to become comfortable being alone, I know it sounds off but once you are comfortable by yourself you will not come off so hungry.

Take up some interests hobbies classes. When you are having fun you will be someone that others like. When you meet someone at a event you enjoy they have a shared interest.

Fabulous_Half83 · 2022-10-07T22:52:53+00:00

The most attractive thing is having goals, hobbies, friends, happiness and satisfaction in your own life-- or active steps to get you to those goals. (College, a career change, a promotion, travel whatever it is for you.)

Find what makes you Happy. If you're having trouble I would suggest trying counciling or therapy. Shift the focus to what you can do to bring yourself happiness because if you're always dependent on someone else's presence or influence to be happy you'll always be afraid they will leave which leads to anxious attachments where you smother the other person and they pull back everytime because its over whelming.

NDex101 · 2022-10-08T00:25:33+00:00

That’s a psychology question, for sure. I don’t have a ph.d. Yet, I do love myself. In my experience, learning yourself starts with helping. Maybe volunteer or help a friend. Selfless deeds. This will really put into perspective, a few of life’s pleasures. It is hard to not get involved in relationships since we are wired to want to reproduce. If you don’t want women to pull away from you. Let’s say you decide go ahead and do my first suggestion and still want to have a gf. Try getting her put more effort. Women tend to stay with a man they had invested a lot of time with. Get to know more about her without proving too much. Remember the stuff she is saying to you. Let’s say she says she loves giraffes and pbj’s. Get her a little stuffed animal giraffe 🦒 and make her a pbj after sex or what not. Sweet gestures. Just to let her know you’re listen. Never give her a hint that your remember the information you’re going to gesture. Just do it. Give good feedback too. Don’t be a know it all, again, just let her know you’re listening through that feedback. More things to put more time in with a girl. If you need to go shoe shopping are going to grab something from the fast food restaurant. See if she will make a quit ride with you. Of course, have enough to get you guys stuff, but you’re investing time into each other. Beach day, movies, parks. Whatever it may be, include her. Write down a few goals you’re aiming for, considering you’re living with your parents because that’s a red flag to a girl. She’s got to hear you say that you’re either thinking of moving are moving as …. (Such and such date.) If you’re not thinking of the future, she will think you like living with your folks. So, I hope this helps. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

UltraBlue89 · 2022-10-08T01:15:41+00:00

Do you have hobbies? I feel like that would be a great way to meet people with similar interests. Even if that doesn't lead to a girlfriend directly, it opens up your friend group and chances of meeting someone through those interactions.

You feel very intense to me and like the pressure is on from the very beginning. This would definitely scare me off (33f)

omicron01 · 2022-10-08T01:36:11+00:00

I feel you man, same issue here. But I can atleast give you this advice: Don't overpower yourself for any woman. Woman are for our lives a cherry on top. They accomplish our missing feelings and at the end of the day, they become our partners till we die. In good times and bad times.

For me, everytime when I get my life a bit organized for a timespan, I coincidently meet a woman, that changes my path and I immidiately fall into some emotions, wether it is a bit of love through pink glasses, lust or happieness. But I've got hurt alot, even after they slept with me because none of them sticked to me. Mostly fwb or fun calls/meetings.

Just remember: You and I will hopefully get there, I mean half of the world population is woman. You will definitly meet one that is fittiing in your life. If you fall, just stand up and try again. And also, try to hold your standarts but don't set them to high, cause nobody, even yourself, is perfect.

Don't stick to the stereo type of getting married under 30. There are even people that get married with 40-50. Focus on yourself, and cherries every day of your life , like it would be the last and be greatfull for everything you have. Wether it is your health, a roof on top of your head, a bed, bath, family, friends. Live your life to your best with your passion in your job , make people around you happy and share

Affectionate-Bat-235 · 2022-10-08T02:05:31+00:00

Buddy I make over a 100k after taxes at 25 and I'm still tryna figure out how to even get a text back.

zapadz · 2022-10-07T20:06:12+00:00

Here are videos on how to stop focusing on finding a girlfriend

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzeXRDUk1ds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIsy_HSHkKo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hs0vk092UN0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC2ZiPfwf1M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivNrbE26Aps

Here are videos on how to attract women

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnhWiq3E7eI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCU03Dp8Zw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYmFAWvk0TU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY

Fit_Commercial_3786 · 2022-10-07T20:19:08+00:00

Are you any good at sex?

No-Emotion-7053 · 2022-10-07T21:29:25+00:00

relationships should compliment a lifestyle, and each other not be the basis of

Fate-in-haze · 2022-10-07T21:42:33+00:00

Get The Girlfriend Activation System by Christian Hudson and the social man.

Nutter222 · 2022-10-07T22:19:31+00:00

Either find one or like stop searching

Zandork555 · 2022-10-07T22:48:35+00:00

Raise your value and sense of self worth. It'll improve your character and life fulfillment. When you enjoy life, other people will want to be apart of it.

lamahopper · 2022-10-08T00:11:37+00:00

Bro become a giga-chad. Become amazing in each area of your life. Then women line up for you.

Gaydame · 2022-10-08T00:42:52+00:00

Therapy

heyyou11 · 2022-10-08T00:44:21+00:00

I think if you just reread your own post (and also scroll through this sub at essentially the same thing posted daily), you should be able to come the answer on your own.

But as you want support from the internet, here’s a little: 24 is fucking young. It’s the age many are barely out of college and figuring out life at the highest rate ever. But yeah the sooner you make at least some sort of 1, 5, and 10 year plan (with 100% permission to change it later) the sooner you get real goals and the better other things fall into place. What are you good at? Where do you find the most joy? Are you passionate about anything (even if it’s something that feels dumb)?

711man · 2022-10-08T01:54:45+00:00

the game is about you and you only! so focus on you!!!

Lonely-Pikachu · 2022-10-08T02:00:23+00:00

At least you can get this far...

vivid_spite · 2022-10-08T02:10:26+00:00

I think it's okay if your mind is consumed by getting a girlfriend as long as your actions aren't all focused on that. Like you can think about getting a girlfriend while updating your resume and applying for jobs/school or working out etc. There's nothing wrong with that. It's when you're doing nothing and just on dating apps all the time is when you should try to do something else. Changing your mindset can be step 2 after you develop some good habits because it's harder to do

Title	How can I stop focusing on finding a girlfriend?
Author	Tony9188
Upvotes	121
Comments	104
Date	October 7, 2022 7:47 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xy8dhv/how_can_i_stop_focusing_on_finding_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-stop-focusing-on-finding-a-girlfriend.1248752 https://theredarchive.com/post/1248752

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