How do i escape the fuckboy trap?

Brunoclement123 · 2024-09-26T15:51:07+00:00

Re-become ugly, problem solved

norwegiandoggo · 2024-09-26T16:10:38+00:00

Your issue is failing at dates. You're assuming it's because you seem like a fuckboy. I don't see any evidence of that whatsoever. More likely, the issue is that you're not escalating on dates. Your fear of seeming like a fuckboy has made you a hesitant boy.

What evidence do you have that they are rejecting you after the first date because they think you're a fuckboy? I think you just made this up as an idea and now you believe it. But there's no evidence to support it. At least none that I can see in your post. Maybe you left out some bits

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-09-26T15:21:00+00:00

The fuckboi vibes isn't making girls run away.

Lack of congruence does that.

If you look like a fuckboi but are not one, your behaviors ain't congruent with your appearance.

Fuckboys are called exactly that for a reason, girls fuck them....not for the appearance or behaviors, but the alignment between the two. Either dive into that persona and become congruent with it or change your look a bit to align with your current internal core.

Wing_Inevitable · 2024-09-26T17:14:41+00:00

insight from smart people.

Smart is questionable, but I do know shit sooo.

run into something that i call the fuckboy trap.

I googled it - It only gives out questions from women on how to get them to date.

i have a prettyboy face and i am rather quiet so people think that automatically.

Ok you are confused. You are closer to sex in girls eyes.

Since they want to fuck you - they presume you fuck a lot (aka fuckboy.)

Stuff like this happens so often!

Like duhhh they just presume you fuck a lot.

I try to make any girl on a date feel comfortable because i have two sisters and i put a lot of importance on equality and that girls are not pressured to anything.

I have 2 sisters too and I came out of that xp the exact opposite.

i didnt make a move.

Oooo that shit. When a girl wants your dick and you don’t push to put your penis in them …

It somehow ends up meaning you fucked up.

A 8 bitched at me the other day cuz I didn’t ask her out.

It just happens. Accept it.

But i am more into artsy, smart type girls.

It will pass at around 26/27 when you see there is 0 difference between the 2 types

The type of girls who dont hook up with random club guys.

They do. The club guys just don’t want them. Trust me I used to be friends with a bunch of that type.

They still want the hot guy BUT they want it in a teen romantic book form.

Like girls having a bit of class.

😂😂😂😂

Buddy

many girls i dated for the past months almost all stopped talking to me after the first or second date,

This is why :

intellectual level too and i want them to value personality in a guy.

Women are not Disney characters - they can’t give less of a shit about your personality.

Don’t buy this bullshit from the media - They don’t care.

Like you have 2 sisters I expect at least 1 of them to tell you that. My big sister told me.

Look try this and then we can argue - fuck a girl 3 times from the dates without telling them shit about yourself and then tell me I’m wrong IF they don’t want to stick around you.

complimented me on my looks etc.

Means “make a move dumbass , I like you”

How do you have this problems when you have 2 translators at home ?

Like I got belittled by a 10 year old (my little sister) when I went home and told her a similar thing.

I know its hard to believe me

I believe you. I grew up watching Disney movies. I made the same dumbfuck ,idiot moves.

I don’t believe that your sisters didn’t make fun of you for days after you did that.

it very often doesnt move beyond one or two dates.

I will be honest with you - that has 2 correlations.

Something in what you were doing was not clicking correctly. I can get them to stick around me even if I don’t make a move.

It is POSSIBLY a disconnect with the way you look and act. Or you act somewhat nerdy (which having sisters can cause this)

You don’t have sex with them - which is a defiant problem.

I always thought that being attractive, being desired by other girls is something that helps with game.

Yea you start closer to sex. What the fuck did you think it does?

It does help you in the sense that you have less work to do. (shaves off like 2/3 min)

Somethign that helps with getting girls obssessed over you.

No. That it doesn’t do.

Your behaviour and lifestyle (which at 24 you don’t have) do that.

When people give the “Brad Pitt” example - they forget he is a supper famous rich movie star.

But it seems like that all the game mantra is wrong.

The game mantra is “Get them in to bed asap, then you can start bonding with them”.

Dude YOU HAVE 2 SISTERS. They should have told you this by now.

Most girls i meet are not the hookup type of girls.

That doesn’t exist. It was a pipe dream of the late 2000. All women (even those in a relationship) are hook up women.

When my sister who lost her virginity at 24 , cheated on her boyfriend at 30 - I stoped believing in that made up crap.

They dont want the “chad” or the attractive guy.

Are you drunk ?

You made the sisters up. I don’t believe they exist anymore.

How do you even think this? Do you talk to them at all ?

My little sister would sell me down a river to date Jason Ackles and you are sitting her telling me some made up shit from fantasy land.

They dont hook up with you easily and they run away if they even get a tiny bit of fuckboy vibes.

Aaaaa. No.

They are just a certain bread of women. Know as “datable” or nerd types.

They are however easier than “whores”. It just kinda works differently in game terms.

Edit : the game in normal interactions is “push for sex”

With that type is more like dance around the idea of sex.

The goal is still to get laid asap. Just don’t be overt about sex.

Has anyone smarter have any insight wtf is going on?

Yes everything I said above.

mow_foe · 2024-09-26T16:19:10+00:00

Meh. Look, being attractive and dressing well doesn't turn women off. Being a cum bucket janitor does. You don't want to meet club girls? Don't go to clubs. You don't want to seem standoffish? Be more outgoing. Ask questions. Women just aren't interested in you, but because you look good they'll fuck you.

bert_cj · 2024-09-26T16:39:09+00:00

There is no fuckboy trap. Girls like fuckboy vibe.

Lol bro. Yea no. You need to be humbled. The fact that girls aren’t going on dates after first or second tells all. You’re not as good as you think you are.

You need to reflect on why you’re not getting more dates and why these girls don’t want to continue dating you. It’s not because you have fuckboy vibes.

Brave_Scholar_3849 · 2024-09-26T14:59:35+00:00

There's a thing called good boy bad boy classification bad boys excel in short term relationships while good boy wins in the long term relationships i think you when you combine both these traits you get prince charming from a disney movie

MyUsername0_0 · 2024-09-27T09:42:24+00:00

Fuckboys don’t have these issues. Girls try to convert fuckboys into relationship guys and get attached to them. It seems like you issues are something else. Either you aren’t congruent or you aren’t escalating enough. I don’t look like a fuckboy at all, I’m a 5’10 scrawny nerdy mexican guy but I get accused of being a fuckboy too but that’s after I smash them. And even then I ignore it or call them out on it. In my mind I’m a nerdy software engineer and explain it to them but I guess my actions are different.

AngryGoose21 · 2024-09-26T15:43:30+00:00

damn man. I’m having the same issue. I get laid a ton but can’t keep a girl I want around consistently

TripleDigitNomad · 2024-09-26T15:09:22+00:00

How affectionate are you with women? Because being more affectionate can balance out the fuckboy perception and actually make them want you more.

crazynewb · 2024-09-26T16:08:42+00:00

The best way to avoid the “fuck boy” trap, is to lose the “dumb bitch” trait.

Then it’s like oil and water!

Onzalimey · 2024-09-26T17:51:30+00:00

Isn’t the fuckboy thjng. Girls don’t actually care that much. I’m 6’4 and good looking. Have that vibe. Girls always say they don’t want it blah blah but they don’t care. Something else your doing is turning them off.

Crackmin · 2024-09-26T15:19:06+00:00

If you follow pickup artist tips, you'll come off as a fuckboy, it's just a guide to be a fuckboy

CompleteConstant5149 · 2024-09-26T15:54:21+00:00

I had the issue that i got clingy sometimes, which drove them away, and i thought that they are interested in the affection. Maybe also the topics you speak about, how do your dates look like? Are you having a blast during that? I have been told also that i am a player, i smiles it off, but yeah looking always for that something special

TastyPractice9912 · 2024-09-26T16:40:25+00:00

bro i’m having the same problem. literally just had a girl call things off with me because in her words she can’t trust me & im gonna hurt her ????? when i actually did wanna pursue something long term with her all bc she had a pre conception of who i am. but she’d slept with me already. as another comment said our energy gets us all the short term fun, but girls don’t want to commit to it which makes it tough for us because it’s not even intentional the energy we’re giving off we’re just being ourselves and i’ve been called pretty boy too before so i 100% know where you’re coming from.

BxPunisher · 2024-09-26T17:25:24+00:00

Mans is suffering from success 😅

But nah, either you’re doing something wrong on these dates as the rest of the fellas said or these girls are looking for something you’re not.

ellabbanlaith · 2024-09-26T18:16:45+00:00

i know the problem you’re talking about. where you have no problem attracting the one nighter girls but the type you actually wanna keep around, you seem to alienate because they don’t trust you.

they see a weird contradiction between you being a good guy with substance and things to talk about but strongly resembling the guys who don’t want a relationship. it’s a weird middle ground.

i think it ultimately comes down to marketing. it’s about how you present yourself. the female equivalent of this situation would be: you have the choice to have one woman for the night. a hot pornstar or a conservative modest woman. you know immediately what you’d choose.

but if i told you, you have to pick between the two for a wife? you would say the latter.

it’s the same thing. both of those women are attractive in different ways for different things.

bearsarescaryasfuk · 2024-09-26T18:25:20+00:00

Do you have the Gen Z broccoli type hair cut?

I find that cut to be the most fuckboy look on the market rn.

UnidentifiedTomato · 2024-09-27T00:14:06+00:00

You have a fuckboy look because you're good looking and keep yourself tidy.

redspikedog · 2024-09-27T04:54:25+00:00

They are looking for sex. First to second date and then gone? They want to have sex. They were waiting for you to make a move, or like someone else said - escalating in the set. Further more, when it's a date and it feels like they are hanging out with "friend" where there is no banter, flirting, or touching - then why continue if it feels like another friend. Thats one.

Two. If long term relationships is what you're looking for, then lay that out early on.

three. If they didn't want sex or long term stuff. Then Idk. Must be the economy and people barely have time for ANYTHING.

Keep in mind that a lot of dates will be ehhh. Even the best of them have bad dates consecutively.

REHEHEHEHEHEHEHE9 · 2024-09-27T05:33:37+00:00

I think it's because you need to have a kind of substance behind it Personally I'm not good at short term relationships but am good at long term ones so this is based on not a complete set of knowledge. Anyways I think that you need to give them something to latch onto in a sense. It's like how one does not fall in love (unless they very weird 💀) with a statue because it's more of a caricature and less of a person. You might have changed from being a person in their eyes to being more of a character. I would recommend trying to seem vulnerable in some ways but as I said I don't have experience with short term relationships. Anyways that's my 2 cents

RedditsAdoptedSon · 2024-09-27T05:47:20+00:00

maybe volunteer at a animal place or something.. seems not very fuckboyish.. i havent tried it or anything just off the top of my head

Jironasaurus · 2024-09-27T05:51:45+00:00

I have an insight on this. You basically just need contrast and harmony.

Unfortunately, I'm traveling to Thailand right now, so I'll write something more on this when I get back on Tuesday.

PeanutSnap · 2024-09-27T10:02:21+00:00

Open your eye wider, physically. A lot of fuckboys look like they’re high or something

Dress like you’re put together.

Make sure you give off a vibe of something is constantly going on in your life and inside your mind. Aka, a tiny bit more serious.

Good luck!

-a woman

coldbrew18 · 2024-09-27T14:17:38+00:00

Pick up at a library not a club.

SlimTallGuy7 · 2024-09-27T16:24:42+00:00

If dates don't work out it's simply because personalities don't match or lifestyles don't match. I went out with a girl a year and a half ago who was friends with my sister and although she was really into me, I was really not into her even though she looked decent, because she was into a very hard party lifestyle and getting drunk and high on a regular basis, as someone who is very sensitive to addiction, I didn't want to risk it. She is not a bad person or a slut or anything like that, she might have been a decent partner but our lifestyles didn't match so I wasn't interested.

What people consider red flags differs from person to person, but generally when there are too many, it just won't work out, regardless of how good your looks are, this is especially true when looking for a romantic relationship. For hookups, women's standards in terms of your lifestyle and habits are pretty low, all they really care about is looks and a bit of personality, but for a relationship, their standards are much higher, so you need a lot more dates to find a proper match.

Adam_geek1 · 2024-09-27T19:56:47+00:00

look for lucas chaccon on instagram beard style

Ok_Warthog6163 · 2024-09-28T10:18:50+00:00

OP is suffering from too much success :-

PrincipleFinal · 2024-09-28T14:31:02+00:00

I will help you in something, i know you want to be a good kid , respectfull young man, a gentleman, the thing is, you should know that there are fuckgirls too, a lot to be honest, more so between the ages of 15 until 24 even 30 in some cases, you are doing good, if they are walkimg away on you that means you are filtering them really well, that works on your favor, there are a ton of pretty girls who are over with that fase or they skipped it, pay attention to those ones who keeps with you, good luck young man.

pikecat · 2024-09-28T19:18:33+00:00

I don't have much to go on, and your experience may not be similar, however your dates might not be the problem that you think that they are.

I've been on dates where I know the girl wants to fuck and the date is just a formality. You know you are going to smash that night regardless, unless you seriously it fuck up.

I think the girls are dropping you because you're not taking them home. Girls often do not take rejection well. They're going to feel rejected, like you don't think that they're good enough.

You can tell when a girl is DTF. Are you ignoring this? Trying to make it into something else?

Your dates were definitely into you, it sounds like. And you possibly soft rejected them, in their mind.

Unlike guys, girls who sleep with you on the first night are definitely into keeping you for a relationship. Although it may not be the kind that you want.

I am also intellectual and like a smart girl who can carry a serious conversation. This proves to be few and far between. Later when girls just wanted to fuck, it was quite the change.

I definitely had a case where I really liked a girl and was thinking about marriage, but she made sure that things didn't go that way. I found out much later that she thought that I was a playboy and thus she kept back.

It was the girls that I didn't really want who were so overtly eager for a relationship.

InstructionAbject763 · 2024-09-29T23:22:39+00:00

As a woman, if I see a man who is well versed and seems like he has women down pat, I see him as a player or fuckboy

Meaning he's good for a fwb, but not a serious relationship

The more charismatic and naturally good you are with people the more women assume you've had practice (fucking around) thus the less seriously they will see you as a long term partner

The more awkward a man is to me, so long as he's not inept. I'll see him more as a relationship guy. Because I assume he hasn't had all the practice in the world and am much more inclined to give this man a chance at an actual relationship.

You can't exactly get rid of your stellar personality but truthfully that is probably what gives off the vibe

You are probably very charming, which raises all women's read flags to "he's a fuckboy/player"

Because, how did you get so good at this? To women the only answer is practice, which makes us think lesser of you as a long term partner

Edit: from a woman's perspective sleeping with lots of women is a turn off. But having the option of sleeping with lots of women is a turn on

Like if you can afford 20 Ferraris, you're cool. If you spend all your money on 20 Ferraris you're stupid and irresponsible and probably a jack off.

And I think a lot of men don't understand. Having a high body count is very unattractive mentally for long term relationships while you having OPTIONS, but not taking many of them, is seen as attractive for long term.

Meaning a man surrounded by fawning women, coming to talk to YOU is nice when he makes it clear he isn't with those women and doesn't want them

Ie, he has the option to sleep with them all, but doesn't just choose anyone

CharmingRejector · 2024-09-30T17:26:45+00:00

Being attractive means more women want to fuck you. It does not mean they want to marry you tho.

IMHO women are creeps lol

Nullroute127 · 2024-09-30T23:21:50+00:00

I think you've mischaracterized the problem.

Looking good, is not fuckboy. There isn't a specific look or aesthetic that is fuckboy - despite what the memes will say about ripped/ribbed above the knee jeans. You might be accused of being fuckboy because you act so distant/aloof that you're not interested AT ALL. Maybe you're 'fuckboy' because you lack so much interest that only someone whose plate is full would act as distant as you.

You have good looks, but your ability to engage her emotions is not there. It seems like looks are getting you pass the first date, and the second is when she's really hoping your personality and emotional strength will show but you're failing.

How I read certain parts of your post:

I am reserved when it comes to physical touch - you don't escalate touch enough. A guiding touch on the small of back as you lead her into the venue, picking up her fingers to remark at her nails, poking the hole in her ripped jeans and asking "did you earn those or buy them that way?", swapping watches/eyeglasses/rings/etc. these are all subtle ways that give girls of your touch feeling good/having a positive experience.

For me I have a motorcycle injury on my collarbone. When discussing bikes I'll have them feel the difference in my left and right side. It's 'ick' but also intrigue, and touch.

Feel comfortable/not pressured/didn't make a move - It just sounds like you're waiting for a signal flare to move things along. As a guy your job is to move the interaction along physically and emotionally. You need to push the gas and only let off if she gives you the brakes. You need to sexualize, strategically, parts of your conversation and test her willingness to reciprocate.

Basically, you need to take more risks. You're too platonic and not escalating enough.

I understand you want 'classy' girls. What you have to also know is that women will tend to conform to the men they respect. Ever seen a girl change her style or interests when she dates a guy? There's a reason.

Any girl that asks if you're a player/fuckboy is giving you a shit test. Shit tests are good. Girls only test guys they want to pass.

If a girl ever asks if you're a fuckboy just confirm and amplify, "If you really want, my rate starts at 300/hr plus incidentals, butt stuff is off limits" (here you deflect being a fuckboy by saying she can pay you to be one but it's not your natural state, it subtly sexualizes the conversation, and also hints that you have boundaries and will enforce them).

A similar test of "player" might be, "Most definitely, I'll put your heart strings in my guitar, and play stairway to heaven" (Misinterpret, agree, and amplify, and sexualize).

between3and20characr · 2024-09-26T15:24:12+00:00

Im a young, good looking computer scientist too. I have/had the same issue. People, especially women treat me harshly and different from others, call me cocky, arrogant etc etc even though I’m not these things. I can get women to sleep with me, but getting anything more out of them almost seems impossible.

As others have said in this post, balance your “fuckboy” attributes with some not so fuckboy attributes. Sometimes this can actually make you even more attractive than not. Ive seen memes (to do with clothings) where it shows a picture of someone in a suit and the same person in joggers. It says “get a man that can do both” and I believe this applies to the whole “alpha, beta” rhetoric that we’re all familiar with.

karmakiller3004 · 2024-09-26T21:35:39+00:00

The problem is you're a baby/soyboy.

I can tell just by reading this whiny nonsense. Talking about Equality? lol

Males like you wimpy bimbos who may or may not be used for a womans enjoyment and then discarded. Once they are done with you they move on because A) you're a p%%$%y B) you're weak and uninteresting C) you're not a bad boy.

Guys like you are underdeveloped in the mind and women sniff this out VERY quickly which is why you can't hand on to anyone.

Hate to break it to you. But you aren't a FUCKBOY lol

True Fuckboys can keep women in their orbit and have soft harems for days.

It sounds like you have none of that.

You're just a cute "boy" who can't keep a womens attention because you come off as a weak, boring manlet.

You don't like the truth? You're offended? Then read the other comments telling you lies.

Truth hurts.

Title	How do i escape the fuckboy trap?
Author	CumBucketJanitor
Upvotes	40
Comments	60
Date	September 26, 2024 2:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fpxvi1/how_do_i_escape_the_fuckboy_trap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-escape-the-fuckboy-trap.1531488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531488

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