I feel like this "always stay persistent, it’s your fault if she’s not interested" mentality is messing up my head

South-Ad-9635 · 2024-10-31T17:48:59+00:00

>However, this coach once said that, as long as she doesn't have a boyfriend, it’s always possible to sleep with any woman, no matter her current life situation.

That coach is wrong

tukipenda · 2024-10-31T17:52:52+00:00

Terrible advice. Some women won't be attracted to you no matter what you do. Focus your time and energy on women who are attracted to you.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-10-31T17:50:49+00:00

If you don't succeed in getting the girl; the universe filtered out a mismatch on your behalf regardless of whose fault it is.

brown_man_bob · 2024-10-31T18:14:54+00:00

TECHNICALLY his statement is correct where he’s saying one could sleep with any hetero woman without a bf. However, functionally it’s bullshit because you would need to be a mind reader. You’d need to know if and why she’s stressed, emotionally unavailable, her personality, her disposition, etc. Then you’d have to say the right phrases in the right order to make them receptive to you. You and I know that’s impossible. I think you’re doing fine. The only good thing his mindset is for is this: it dispels the fallacy that you shouldn’t even attempt to approach someone who you perceive to be unapproachable or out of your league.

TvIsSoma · 2024-10-31T18:48:27+00:00

Do you really even think a woman you have to try that hard for is your woman to begin with? I want it to be mostly easy. Those are the most fulfilling connections. Not the ones I feel like I have to contort myself for her to maybe like me. Maybe I’m just getting older but I have zero satisfaction from getting a woman to sleep with me if she doesn’t even really like me that much.

People who don’t like you are doing you a favor by rejecting you, trust me.

On top of this, taking this message too far is a quick way to be a sex pest or a creep. No means no. Don’t push past that. It’s gross and slimy and you don’t want a woman who wants you to behave this way to begin with.

Blitted_Master · 2024-10-31T18:01:17+00:00

Your coach has it completely backwards. Learn to like who likes you and gives you the energy you’re looking for. You’re trying to force an attraction. Attraction is non-negotiable. A woman knows if she’s physically attracted in 3 seconds. Dating is a numbers game. Your coach has you acting in a scarcity mindset. Talk to more women and disregard those who aren’t into you.

shinn497 · 2024-10-31T22:00:47+00:00

Seduction, for men, is about mastering your own mindset far more than it is about worrying what is in the woman's head.

I suspect the issue you are having is that you are internalizing your failures. By saying "it is all your fault" , you are owning your mistakes. The hope is that this causes you to be critical and try different things. But, sometimes ir can cause you to become discouraged.

Personally I say it is OK to accept that you have feelings and understand that each rejection comes with tbe real risk of your feelings being hurt. By accepting this, you can address them and guide how they formulate your self image.

Remind yourself that seduction is difficult and you should be proud for getting as far as you have come Focus on the progress you have made and the issues you have overcome. See yourself as a student in training chiming a mountain . You obviously have not reached the peak, but you have come really far. And that is awesome.

Also, while your instructor is probably somewhat correct in that there are always things to change, is it reasonable to be expected to make these changes? You can correct some mistakes but can you correct them all? Maybe in the future but not necessarily soon. Focus on what is within your ability to improve and congratulate your successes in improving them. Over time you will notice that the small improvements can add up.to a lot.

I think you can do this and be the attractive man you want to be. But it will take time. However looking forward to that future is something to hope for as you go through the rough process of dealing with failures and bettering your shit.

rydsauce · 2024-10-31T19:34:41+00:00

I think that advice is not meant to be taken literally—it’s more like a mindset to take maximum accountability in your pursuit of self improvement, game, and dating

Small-Acanthaceae567 · 2024-11-01T00:37:56+00:00

Sounds like your coach is just dead wrong. Even if he is hypothetically right, the problem is simply that it isn't worth the effort.

As someone else has said, you can't read women's minds, hence you can't know the why, hence it's really yo to luck whether you fix the thing.

Unless you have some other reason to really try and make it work, just move on. As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, if there is something you like about THAT girl, look for a similar quality in others.

Staying hung up on one person when they aren't interested will either

A. Turn them off

Or B. Take waaaaay to much time and effort.

You aren't acting high value if you persist when a girl says no. At best, just stay in touch and make light friends, if she soughts her shit out and sees that you'rer desirable for other women, then she MIGHT be interested.....later

Ok-Class-1451 · 2024-10-31T20:35:16+00:00

If she says no, STOP and LEAVE HER ALONE. She gave you her answer. Dont be a desperate creep.

Your coach sounds like a rapist.

DisplayAcrobatic · 2024-10-31T18:47:26+00:00

If you’re intermediate then you should by now have your own style, values, and walk away boundaries.

johnmaguire1994 · 2024-10-31T18:54:05+00:00

why dont you just focus on women who are responsive?? thats what we all want anyways. nobody wants to bug someone to hang out with you....

MysteryLiezer · 2024-10-31T19:38:21+00:00

Even girls with boyfriends/husbands have sex outside of their relationships…

SilenceHacker · 2024-10-31T19:58:05+00:00

Women have a lot of reasons to not be interested. It's definitely not always your fault. There are women with boyfriends. Women with girlfriends. Women who want to focus on their education/career. Don't beat yourself up thinking about every girl you talk to, just move on to the next or take a break before the next

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-10-31T20:54:13+00:00

My advice is approach a lot of women and once you have a large enough sample size you will see a pattern emerging then you will have a very good idea which girls are receptive to you and it will be less of numbers game.

New_Atmosphere_9247 · 2024-10-31T21:09:01+00:00

it’s always possible to sleep with any woman, no matter her current life situation

Retarded Statement. Ignore the coach. You can debunk this using your own empathy. Would you agree to sleep with a super hot model the night before an important exam? Would you be just as eagerly to agree if you had lots of work responsibility? Do you sometimes not reject women out of tangential or weird reasons that were completly beyond her control????

You might have the same name as her brother. She might be lesbian. She might be into guys with leather jackets and lots of muscles. Aren't there 100 reasons you'd reject a girl that the girl might not be able to do anything about?

HomelessMilkman · 2024-11-01T09:22:40+00:00

"Attraction isn't a choice". If you can't get and maintain attention, a huge part of that is your fault; it is 'being captivating', it is 'presenting well'. It's not 'saying and doing the right things', it's 'if this was a video, would people watch it' and the common sense with that dictates that if they don't like the first minute, they're not going to like the rest.

If you don't know how to create 'engaging content', present like a 'world class speaker', your results will be random. If someone is passionate, exciting, charismatic, it's hard not to pay attention. Fuck the girl, other people who aren't the girl you're engaging with should be checking you out. If not, you're not 'being attractive', you're not attracting attention.

That being said, just because she's attracted to you doesn't necessarily mean she's going to act on it. There's more to the situation than her 'being interested'.

_FIRECRACKER_JINX · 2024-11-01T14:12:26+00:00

Dude.

I've met some amazing guys who did EVERYTHING right but I just wasn't interested in dating at all.

And so I rejected them. Tell me right now. How is it these men's fault that I just felt like being single and quite literally alone because I was in a headspace where I just needed space from everyone?

How is it their fault? That "coach" you're following is full of shit. Please don't buy his merch...

InterestingGate7002 · 2024-11-01T19:46:28+00:00

I don't know who this coach is, but sounds like he's pushing a lot of nonsense.

as long as she doesn't have a boyfriend, it’s always possible to sleep with any woman, no matter her current life situation. Doesn't matter if she’s already in a get-to-know phase with someone else, doesn't matter if I'm not her type, doesn't matter if she is going through lots of stress, doesn't matter if she recently got divorced — it all doesn’t matter.

This should translate to: "It's possible, in theory, to sleep with any woman..." It means that any woman can sleep with you, not that every woman will sleep with you. This coach seems to have taken it to mean the latter, and is running with it.

I’m starting to feel like this “always stay persistent, it’s your fault if she’s not interested” mindset is really messing with my head big time.

Does it sound like bullshit? It's because it is bullshit. Advice like this is why women get dudes who don't take no for an answer, and why the dudes who don't pull this crap get all the shit for it.

The truth is that in most cases it probably isn't your fault that you got rejected. It takes two to tango, and it's ultimately her decision if she wants to accept your invitation to tango or not.

I don't know, maybe in theory it's possible that she'll change her mind after she says no initially, but in practice the chance of that happening is already mind-bogglingly small, and it's more likely than not your attempts to change her mind will end up backfiring and make that chance even smaller.

And alternatively, the "stay persistent" could just as easily be taken to mean "don't give up just because you got rejected, just do better next time" but the "next time" should be with another woman.

Regardless, the best policy is to accept a rejection as an indicator to not waste your time trying to pursue a woman. There are plenty of other women out there who will probably say "yes", and it's a much more efficient to just keep playing the numbers game.

vladiVP · 2024-10-31T19:29:54+00:00

She might be interested but not desire u? U need raw sexual desire. Other things come along

Timely_Fishing2560 · 2024-10-31T19:37:36+00:00

Coach is wrong. Case closed. What you'll find, if your personality isn't trash you'll always have like 1/5 women that are receptive, maybe my fraction is wrong, but a non-trivial amount. Everything else is just not up to you, could be age, job, personality, etc. Some women just don't sleep around, some are looking to settle down, etc. etc. etc.

j314314 · 2024-10-31T21:03:04+00:00

She is either open or she is closed for business.

If her boyfriend is going to pick her up in an hour, why is she going to talk to you?

If she is a gold digger, why is she going to talk to you?

If she deals with depression, why is she going to talk to you?

On the other hand,

If she just found her bf cheating, she is more likely to talk to you.

If she had a great day, she is more likely to talk to you.

If her female friends met other men at the bar, she is more likely to talk to you.

A bunch of stuff you can't control.

You can only control approaching, being yourself, and you attention. If she is open, give her more attention. If she is closed, next. EASY.

I don't know your game structure, but I used to try to go all the way with a girl. From open to pull.

Now days, I spot the girls I find attractive. Game a bit. Exchange contact. Follow up the next day.

So if I see 10 girls, I will get 5 phone numbers, 3 will be dates, and 1 will be a full close.

Do you understand?

Btw, I'm curious who do you follow for advise.

Good luck G.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-10-31T21:37:17+00:00

Your coach is wrong.

Not only is not every woman going to be interested in you, but as you start getting better at meeting women, you're going to find out that a lot of them aren't going to be ones you're interested in, either. You'll find that some are lousy in bed, like to start fights over nothing, are overly insecure, or have some other trait that you'll find to be incompatible with you. It is what it is.

Other times women you approach are just having a shit day and don't feel like talking to anyone, let alone a complete stranger. Some have past trauma and get scared when strangers approach them. Stuff that has nothing to do with you. Others will be open to being approached. You won't know until you do.

You've already said that you get a range of responses from women. Given that some of them are positive, you're doing something right.

ManaDeus · 2024-10-31T22:38:58+00:00

Stay persistent in your way, not with a single girl. Stick to your craft, not to a particular move.

Mean-Dragonfruit4941 · 2024-11-01T02:17:06+00:00

Yeah that couch sounds ridiculous. Why would you want to sleep with every girl you talk tooo. Even if you could you wouldn’t. Why waist ur time with a girl you dont like talking too or doesn’t seem interested that sounds awful and annoying. I’ve been with 10/10s that are retarded and I left early cause i am not fucking a retard

lornzweianz · 2024-11-01T08:16:31+00:00

Its two different types of approaching the same problem. They all work. You just have to stick with one of them. And the approach "it is always your fault" is for very experienced guys only, for guys that understand it more like "for every girl, there is a perfect key, an ideal way to approach her so that she sleeps with you". But you can only think like that if you have a lot of experience and see this all like a game, where you don't care about losing.

I would say that approach like "she either likes you instantly or not, and if she's not - move on" is better for beginners and intermidiates, as it helps you to get experience without thinking too much, as thinking without experience probably won't give any results anyway.

JScrib325 · 2024-11-01T08:50:27+00:00

On a long enough timeline, all eventualities are possible. That said, we get the time we get on this big blue marble, and you can get other resources (money/material posessions) back.

You ain't getting any time back. So to waste it on one woman when there's literal billions in the world is illogical.

willpowerchen · 2024-11-03T05:57:48+00:00

People are attracted to who they're attracted to. You're not everyone's cup of tea the same way that not everyone's your cup of tea no matter how much game or effort is put into it. If an interaction doesn't work out don't take it personally.

Worth-Combination306 · 2024-10-31T21:01:03+00:00

This sounds like many with “Game” lol

If you’ve got game, you can convince anyone. If you don’t get her; your bad game.

I’ve seen Chads fumble, stutter, say stupid things, or just nod their heads and take the girl home.

I agree with your perspective. Don’t waste your time.

Title	I feel like this "always stay persistent, it’s your fault if she’s not interested" mentality is messing up my head
Author	AndalusianMitsubishi
Upvotes	25
Comments	35
Date	October 31, 2024 5:24 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ggjyf7/i_feel_like_this_always_stay_persistent_its_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-feel-like-this-always-stay-persistent-its-your.1534286 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534286

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