Low confidence guy with ''above average'' looks seeking help

Philgob · 2017-11-26T03:57:33+00:00

Ah... A classic: the introvert attractive guy who gets no pussy. I used to be just like you bro and I totally relate. Honestly, the only solution that I know of is practice.

2 years ago I barely had any female friends (or female interaction at all, for that matter) and I was a virgin. That changed when I finally started to put myself out there. Most females I met were friends of friends and it was hard for me to conversate. Alcohol helped A LOT. It's so much easier to be interesting and outgoing when you're drunk. Today, I don't really need alcohol anymore, but it was a great tool to help me start. Whenever I got somewhere, I tried to meet everyone and conversate with every female (not only the attractive ones; I actually found it easier to start off with less attractive women because I felt I already 'had' them). Ask them how they know your friend, what she's studying, if she likes it, etc.

Also, start NEVER breaking eye contact. Look straight into her eyes while still listening to her. If you MUST break and cannot take it anymore, look to the side as if you're thinking about something. Do NOT look down, this'll make you seem like a bitch.

Another thing is open up about your emotions. Chicks love a man who isn't scared to talk about his emotions. Your dog is sick? You're sad because of something that happened to you? You're excited about something? All that is interesting. I noticed the first times I actually had interesting and meaningful conversations with women was when we talked about how we felt about certain topics...

After all that, I pretty much never get anxious around women and am not scared of talking one on one. Another tip is try to get a notable conclusion to a conversation (hug, ask for her number or snapchat, something that'll make her think about you).

Cheers mate! Contact me when you try these tips, I'd be glad to see your results and help you furthermore

Sorry for poor english, I'm also French haha

Edit: Oh yeah. Also, drop Tinder. It gives you a false-sense of accomplishement. You're not actually talking to women, you won't gain anything from these online conversations.

ACaulfield910 · 2017-11-26T09:16:12+00:00

Cliche answer but I cannot recommend this enough: read Models by Mark Manson. It's quite literally life changing, not just as a dating book but just as a psychotherapy book. It will improve every single relationship in your life, platonic or else.

ForeignInUsA · 2017-11-26T13:34:40+00:00

Yeah you are very good loking dude. However girls don't react to looks but emotions. I've had hot girls love me and say I am attractive and less attractive ones think I am ugly or disgusting. The ones that like me they feel that way. There many good looking dudes, but you have one unique trait, yourself as a person. It sounds cheezy but if you want girls to not only be attracted but fall in love with you, you have to express yourself the way you are. All that's stoping you is conditioning that is telling you, you have to be this and that, when in fact the way you are is enough.

AwesomeIshPossum · 2017-11-26T16:38:41+00:00

I think everyone here has great advice. I will chime in my 2 cents.

First, congratulations on acknowledging your own issues. This is the first step to getting very good at something - realizing you need to improve. So many other men just blame women or society or whatever, and they never get better. You are on the right step.

If learning game was like any other skill, lets take basketball for example, you need to learn some basic skills. If a 6'2" guy who is fit is not scoring in basketball, you have to think "DUDE! you are missing lay ups, or not even realizing you have lay ups" Eye contact and not fapping are good starts to long term improvement, but I am 100% sure you have no idea how to hit a "lay up". In basketball its right under the basket for an easy score, In game its a girl who wants to sleep with you and you have to just do the minimal to score. The hardest part about lay up, is recognizing you are in a lay up situation.

So here is my advice. Just like basketball, yes you need to work on long term game, but first you need to enjoy the game by scoring a bit. Learn to hit layups because being tall and fit, you have so many lay up opportunities. Lay up in game is when a girl likes you, wants to sleep with you, and just wants you to guide her (minimally) to bed. Screen for these, recognize them, and dont miss them

Here is how I recommend you start:

At this point, minimize online talking as much as possible. Because you say u are not good at it, why expose yourself to it. Go for layups. Write 1 compliment, write something funny, ask for a number, and than text her to meet up. From intro to meet up, it should be maybe 10 lines of text. Will some girls not be into it?...for sure...but those girls aren't layups. You have tons of matches so just screen them out. Go for layups - score a bit and get some confidence. (honestly you can have prewritten text blocks and just copy and paste them - save you some time)
When you meet the girl in person, go for a hug right away. Break the physical barrier. Probably highest yield for "layup learning" is Kino - learning how to touch girls
Keep it simple in convo. Say compliments, be friendly, have 2-3 canned stories that you know are funny, drink a bit, and cut it short on a high note. Don't neg or try these other tactics - those are advance cross overs. You trying to learn a layups.
Go for her handhold at end of the night, and kiss her. Will some girls think it is too fast - yes, but those aren't layups. You are trying to screen. Also most girls wont be offended by trying to make out (in the US at least). You can always back off by saying "sorry i just thought u were so beautiful, had to try smile)
Take her to your place, or offer. Just score. Doesnt matter if it is the ugliest form or anything. Just see it go in once (hah!) just get yourself some confidence to learn more about game/basketball

Yass_King · 2017-11-26T05:59:16+00:00

Calling all idiots who think a guy only needs to be tall, white, and handsome to get women. Idiots, please come to the reality check phone.

Yeah, I mostly agree with the other commenter on how to be more successful with girls. But my advice would be less formulaic – all that eye contact stuff, etc. will only get you so far if you don’t work on your fundamental confidence and self-assurance with women. And the only way to improve that is by getting out there, chatting with women on a regular basis without letting fear of rejection stop you.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-11-26T15:06:36+00:00

Wow, what a problem to have... Dude, you should be drowning in pussy. On looks alone.

So conversation is your weak point. Work on smiling at girls. Practice on cashiers, waitresses, etc. Practice small talk, there are videos on this. But more importantly, practice asking good questions about people. It is more important to be interested in them.

Be a fun guy. Go out, even to the mall. But go to festivals, concerts, street fairs, etc. You can still hang out around the college, and go to bars, parties, etc. Put yourself OUT THERE.

MarkoLeonov · 2017-11-26T11:02:26+00:00

I know this may sound weird ... But stop masturbating ... Try to abstain from it for at least 2 weeks. You will be much more self assure and self-confident and you will run out to the street every morning to get a girl xD

ls737100 · 2017-11-26T16:46:55+00:00

First of all, I'm just getting started with this myself and I'm 48, and I'm finding my ability to attract women in their early 30s is pretty easy. Got one that I'm trying to slow down the "girlfriend" evolution, which I sort this stuff out. Another that I met on Tinder that flat out said the other day in text, she's "trying to figure out what sex is like with a guy over 40". Another one in another state that's made it pretty clear that she's interested, also late 20s or early 30s. This has all just happened in the last few months as I started figuring some of this stuff out.

Someone here mentioned eye contact, and it's crazy big, so, work on that, don't stare, try to soften your eyes a little if that makes sense. But follow eyes, if you catch a woman's eyes, stay with them, they notice big time.

Looks wise, I always thought I was average or worse, based on women's responses. I'm finding two things, 1-I'm better looking than I thought and 2-looks don't matter that much.

Some people have recommended Models, that's a great book. Get a bunch of different books, you may need to hear the same things in different ways to understand them.

Someone else said it, but just talk to everyone, male, female, young, old, ugly, good looking. It gets easier over time.

Focus on them. As someone that is introverted myself, it's easy for me to talk about myself if people ask questions, but they never do. So, turn it on it's side, ask them about themselves, again, everyone. Had a great conversation with a bar tender yesterday. It's a dude, but, its a local bar, so, next time I return, I'm sure I'll have a good convo with him, that women around will notice.

Don't tell them you don't have luck with women. You won't get sympathy or empathy and it won't help anything. I'm the same as you. It really doesn't matter. People are selfish, make them feel good and they don't care about your past that much.

Oh, and if by "fairly fit" you mean, not in very good shape, get in the gym, they notice. I've been lifting, first time in my life and last hair cut, my super cute (but married and newly pregnant) stylist, grabbed my chest and said "wow, you've been working out". I'm not big, not trying to get there, but building some muscle. The women notice.

Ultimately, have your own thoughts and opinions and don't be afraid to disagree with a woman. You think they want you to have lots of things in common, in reality, if you have the guts to disagree, it turns them on!

Hope some of this helps.

kieflicious · 2017-11-26T16:09:19+00:00

Embrace your personality. I agree with the other user about models by Mark manson. It's easier to be confident when you know who you are. Take me for example, I'm 5'8", 125 lbs, very white, above average looking, I see myself as an ambivert, but I'm definitely more introverted. I'm funny, I'm honest, I'm kinda sensitive about certain things so I like setting boundaries with women and they like that I make my boundaries known. It's about getting out of your head that there is a "right thing to say" and being confident with the first thing that pops in your head. If you make a mistake, apologize and move on. Be stingy with your time. Talk to whoever you want to but if either of you aren't feeling it say, "It was really nice meeting you", and go give your time to someone else. Practice cocky/funny humor. Work out. Learn to cook. Get a couple good hobbies you love doing. One of the easiest ways to talk to women for me is to ask them their opinion on something or a question, women love having their opinion asked (you have to practice active listening too), but it's a good ice breaker/ foot in the door.

NilacTheGrim · 2017-11-26T08:07:44+00:00

Hey man I'm a dude. But I can say you're strikingly good looking. You're also tall.

I think just be persistent in this goal and the path to success will reveal itself to you. You have a lot of ingredients already for success in this domain (the pussy domain).

Just don't give up. If it's what you want -- experience with women -- just keep at it.

Be careful of manipulative women though, is all I can say. Good looking guys that lack confidence sometimes end up with a manipulative bitch as their first. Even so -- that's still better than nothing, so go with it I guess. Just don't marry a bitch. :)

Good luck! I think you'll do fine! Just don't give up on your goal!

xen911 · 2017-11-26T14:51:25+00:00

Start watching rsd and Corey Wayne vids on YouTube and go to at least one free or low-cost lounge or group activity with men AND women present per week (dance class, adventure club, painting class, habitat for humanity). Start saying hello to everyone. Learn from there.

throwitnow · 2017-11-26T15:06:49+00:00

use what you think are your weaknesses as your strengths.

Most introverts I know are intelligent, self-aware, kind, good listeners. You don't have to be chad and boast how much you can lift to attract women. You can also impress them with actually listening to them. The only hard thing is you have to get to the place where they feel comfortable enough to talk, but when you're at that stage you pretty much have it easy.

wimbs27 · 2017-11-26T15:28:39+00:00

Read Dale Carnegie 10 rules of success

TurnPunchKick · 2017-11-26T16:25:19+00:00

Same as you but not nearly as good looking. For me I didn't and don't need "pickup" or "game". I needed to like myself and get over my self sabatoge. Believing I was a loser and then making my belief reality. Loving myself was one of the hardest battles I have ever fought and continue to fight.

Nothing is easy.

After you like yourself then work on game or getting a wider circle of friends or whatever.

PresidentGanker · 2017-11-26T16:38:34+00:00

There's nothing wrong with you at all, the psychological and spiritual dramas you would go through with women are themselves sometimes a curse more than a blessing.

Don't have sex as a goal, do it as an opportunity.

Chastity is under-rated, and your success in it up to this point may be a boon to you; when said chastity does break it may well be more likely to be a blessing than a curse.

evan1932 · 2017-11-26T23:33:02+00:00

Damn, know you're not alone, I'm in the same exact boat as you, 20, think I look average but friends/strangers always compliment my looks/outfits, awkward, shy, same height, still a virgin, kissed girls but never made out with them, hell, I even look like you. I can't offer any advice, but I can wish you the best of luck, and what I found is starting to help is talking to girls who are 'easy' or 'average/ugly' just as practice for the girls who genuinely catch your eye, it helps your flow and conversation develop better for these moments so you don't fizz out easily with the girl you're interested in.

donkeyotee · 2017-11-26T16:51:52+00:00

Step one.

Get a gym membership and start lifting heavy. You can start with the 5 by 5 and work from there. You need a serious body chemistry adjustment that comes naturally from picking up heavy shit.

Step two.

Fake it until you make it. Within 6 months you'll notice a dramatic difference in self confidence, ambition, and drive just from your hormones getting in line from the lifting. Use this and just start striking up random conversations with strangers.

These are the most important things you can do to work towards breaking out of your shell and becoming more outgoing.

themanbat · 2017-11-26T06:28:25+00:00

First off, you should start acting a little haughty from here on out. Looks are good, but as you well know by now, it's better to be a super confident ugly guy, than a super shy attractive guy. Start being proud of yourself. Start talking to more women, and speak to then like they should he grateful to you for speaking to them. Many of them will be genuinely grateful. Women love attention from an attractive man.

Your problem is you are not yet confident, and not yet a leader. Some of this will only come with practice. So practice every day. Consider taking a public speaking course to help your communication and confidence. Girls don't want you to ask them to be your girlfriend. They want you to tell them that they are your girlfriend now. You don't say, "Will you go out with me Saturday night?" You say, "Let's go out Saturday. Can you meet me at eignt?"

Practice texting with the girls you matched with on the dating sites. Try different openers, but you are probably going to want to come up with a few cheesy pick up lines you can cut and paste. Because even for attractive guys it's a numbers game. If a girl doesn't respond to you, or stops responding to you, after a while, send one last bold attempt to get her attention. Something direct and sexual like. "Hmmm no response? I thought you were a good girl. Now I can see you're a bad girl in need of proper discipline. ;)" Or, "Too bad. I was going to make you my good little wife. Now you've been demoted to me making you my good little slave. ;)"

Not everyone will respond, but you'll be surprised how many will like it.

UncensoredIdeas-PORN · 2017-11-26T14:17:01+00:00

You are also french?!? Wow. Do you work with females?

ch3ck_ · 2017-11-26T18:07:13+00:00

Salut mon frere, stayed in France for a while; I feel your pain bro.

HighwindMark2 · 2017-11-26T18:11:30+00:00

I'm a dude and I say you're handsome as fuck. I'm not even kidding.

What you just need is some confidence, not too much because cockiness+ looks scares some girls away.

Working out will build some confidence in you.

Wear nice trendy clothes.

TiggerZ97 · 2017-11-27T04:18:55+00:00

Bro u r beautiful #nohomo

NoloRadio · 2017-11-27T11:17:28+00:00

'Sup' is maybe the worst possible thing you could put there. Put in a joke or a funny quote or statement.

urbangentlman · 2017-11-27T22:28:03+00:00

jesus what I would do for your bone structure

urbangentlman · 2017-11-27T22:29:15+00:00

you should mention that you're a virgin and not by choice in your profile. that could be advantageous to your success. Girls can't believe it and want to be your first.

Claw-D-Uh · 2017-12-01T23:47:35+00:00

I’m a lesbian but damn OP is handsome

haircream95 · 2017-11-26T09:24:02+00:00

Can you do us/me a massive favour dude? Can you please screenshot your Tinder profile? All the photos you have on there as well as the bio. Just curious and it'd be greatly appreciated :)

Glad_Incident2295 · 2022-03-19T09:36:53+00:00

Maybe if you didn't stalk girls online you'd be fine. Either your pics being stolen or you need to stop.

Wubbster839_ · 2022-08-01T02:02:56+00:00

Try going into modeling

Zoidberg22 · 2017-11-26T22:20:23+00:00

You're borderline model level honesty dude

Title	Low confidence guy with ''above average'' looks seeking help
Author	chips911
Upvotes	217
Comments	89
Date	November 26, 2017 3:32 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7fkaqc/low_confidence_guy_with_above_average_looks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/low-confidence-guy-with-above-average-looks.1437466 https://theredarchive.com/post/1437466

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