Not interested in relationships, do true FWB's exist?

Ok-Shock8867 · 2024-05-22T19:23:21+00:00

One side usually develops feelings.

I've never seen a FWB relationship actually endure the test of time, unless:
\* Both people are extremely attractive and sort of mildly dislike eachother on a personality level
* Both people are regularly able to find other partners
* Both people are afraid of commitment

I can only be FWBs with a woman who has a personality that I'm not attracted to or some other complete value system mismatch - i.e. she doesn't want kids and I do.

No-Preference8767 · 2024-05-22T14:00:39+00:00

I have a hot take .

Women are capable of being fuck buddies but men don't know how to be friends with a woman without acting like their boyfriend

She's not gonna fall in love because you talk about video games or rap music sometimes but she will fall in love if you're emotionally validating her , doing favors for her and being her free counselor etc...

Stop acting like her husband and she'll stop trying to be your wife

cemj86 · 2024-05-23T00:43:00+00:00

They do exist just not for liars.

Every woman I've ever been with as a young adult and beyond (serious or not) began as a hookup/fwb

The key is to let them know your intentions IMMEDIATELY.

if a woman's not asking for a relationship she doesn't want one so lead the situation through the example of what you're looking for.

Don't lie, don't bend, be absolute.

You must be willing to walk away if it's not EXACTLY what you want.

A woman will consider you on the merits of respect alone which is highly attractive to them even if they don't now, down the line they may.

I've never lied about my girlfriend to women when introducing the opportunity for a hookup, never promised dates, or anything to convince the relationship.

Keep trying, you're going to get far more denials than not (online), but the ones you get will be in it for the long haul and once you get a handful that don't need constant validation, you're good.

The success rate of doing this is much better in public settings. Just introduce yourself and go from there.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2024-05-22T13:32:31+00:00

Yes, it definitely exists. It's easiest to find in a context that's fundamentally limited such as when one of you will be moving away in a few months

GeorgeKaplanIsReal · 2024-05-22T12:32:50+00:00

The thing is somebody or everybody will eventually develop some feelings, the amount varies but it’s inevitable, especially the more you see that person. Now if it’s a ONS and you never see them again, that’s something very different.

ToughKage92 · 2024-05-22T22:08:40+00:00

FWBs have certain guidelines they have to follow, but my last one told me “glad we never moved beyond FWBs because you’re a dick idk if I could’ve dated you” lol

My rules- -Friends come first in the “relationship” Like we can hang out regularly as friends and if we decide to have sex cool, if not then thats cool too. -You cannot hold each other back from relationships Same girl I mentioned above found a guy and was fighting her feelings I called her on it and she gave the guy a shot, we still hung out just didn’t have sex. -free to have other partners just get checked regularly and use condoms I hate condoms as most men do but always have them and use them when I’ve multiple partners but I get frequently tested for my own sake and some people will ask if they know I’m sleeping with multiple partners - most importantly be honest&respectful You may wanna hang out and enjoy the benefit part one day and they may not that time, be respectful of that and don’t lie to each other, nothing is gained from it.

Anytime I’ve done it, they know I’ve other partners and that I am as safe as possible, the amount of respect and support I get from them following these rules is what all of us want out of real relationships anyway

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-05-22T15:48:24+00:00

Women want to have way more casual sex than they are actually having. But the problem is they have two extremely big fears.

The first fear is fear of rejection. Of course, everyone hates being rejected, but for women it's so bad that they actively avoid any kind of overt approach or propositioning men. Why? Because they are socialized to believe their only value is their sex. So the idea that they can offer their sex to a guy and he turns them down is akin to having their entire being and identity rejected. Getting a number and not calling her is the same as rejecting her. Her being super flirty with you and you not asking for a number or making a move is the same as rejecting her. They hate that. That's why you don't see women being more active in seeking out casual sex.

The other big fear, and that one is arguably stronger than the first one, is that women are terrified of being "used" for sex. It's the same as a guy who takes a girl to a fancy dinner, a show and at the end of the night when he tries to kiss her she pulls away and says "hey, I like you just as a friend". Ouch! What a stab in the back! I was used!

Women feel the same way when they go home with a guy and the guy never calls her again. That's why women will either try to use you first or they will try to force you into some kind of commitment before the way have sex (like waiting to have sex, playing hard to get, demanding exclusivity, etc.).

The only way to go around these is to:

If she expresses interest in you, capitalize on it right away. Only take a number if there is no other way for you to hook up them and there. Like you are on your way to work or a court date, you have to pick up your buddy from the hospital, etc. Even if you take a number, make it blatantly clear you will call her first thing tomorrow.
The second is a bit more tricky, but you have to make it clear that you are not looking for a serious girlfriend but that you can offer her fun and respect and you will continue to see her as long as she wants to. Just make it clear you can't offer commitment. But you can't be just hit and run. Unless you or her are in town just for that night and then make it blatantly clear that you'd like to spend this time with her and give her memories for a lifetime.

saymynameJ · 2024-05-22T20:10:07+00:00

Yes... I'm in one right now. We're really good friends. She's become one of my best. We fool around on occasion, and when we eventually stop and start a relationship with someone else. We'll still be each other lives, and happy for the other person and the relationship they're in.

sikulet · 2024-05-22T23:54:35+00:00

I think this is possible if the girl has an avoidant attachment

tossitintheroundfile · 2024-05-22T23:06:09+00:00

Well… my situationship isn’t exactly FWB but the reasons for it might shed some light on how FWB can work.

First, we were truly friends first. Both married at that point and didn’t cross any boundaries for years, but became very close. Truly loved each other and were each other’s biggest fan.

I got divorced and our relationship turned physical. He was planning on getting divorced but there were complications. That’s a boring story but suffice to say there were good, if tragic, reasons. We realized we were not going to be able to build a life together like we hoped, but we didn’t love each other any less and still enjoyed the hell out of each other’s company.

That was years ago and we have maintained a FWB sort of existence ever since. We spend time together when we can for travel and non-sexual activities. And we have explored every kink that either of us has ever fancied in the bedroom. We keep each other happy and sexually satisfied, and each of us are able to then go home to our kids and be better at all the shit life throws at us.

We know we can’t change our situation for now, and that’s okay. I am able to do pretty well as a single mom taking care of my offspring and I love that no one else gets involved in my parenting, financial, or household decisions. Nobody tells me I’m loading the dishwasher wrong nor trashes my house by being a slob.

So I guess maybe that is where the FWB success happens - enjoy being friends, be highly compatible sexually, hell, even love each other - but be at a place in life where a full relationship isn’t feasible or perhaps not desirable.

Disastrous-Stuff-268 · 2024-05-22T21:07:18+00:00

I’ve been with at least 70 women. The FWB never worked. On the note of who catches feelings first, it’s always been the woman. I’ve never had a GF because I just want to fuck. I see no value in a relationship. Anytime I’ve tried a relationship I pay for everything, cook, clean and am emotionally strong. So, the only valuable thing in the girl was sex. So why would I commit to them? The only way I’ve been able to make it work is to cuddle and watch movies “date” and then when she asks “what are we” I just stop talking to her.

What I’m saying is FWB do work. One person has to think something more is there and one person has to pretend there is more there. Basically, be a piece of shit

DrinksAreOnTheHouse · 2024-05-23T01:46:24+00:00

Temporarily. Someone will either get hurt, want to get serious, or find someone else.

JustNefariousness625 · 2024-05-23T03:30:03+00:00

Low maintenance situation-ships are best for me it’s basically fwb but a lil more familiar. We don’t bang every time we hang but on the flip side I’m definitely not obligated to call daily it works for me.

Schuhsuppe · 2024-05-23T09:58:29+00:00

They exist. They are not alltoocomlon but they exist. They are (in my experience) people who don't want to commit into relationships but still seek fun. And who is there to blame them. The real challenge is finding the right ones if you realy want them

blinkb28 · 2024-05-22T12:22:08+00:00

Not really… usually it’s one of them who wants more but has to settle for fwb. And it’s a constant drama when one or the other starts being in a relationship.

PrinceDestin · 2024-05-22T15:28:27+00:00

Eventually until someone catches feelings and you’ll know when you or the other person does something around the same lines they would do with you to someone else and you get that slight feeling of damn they doing that?

ConjunctEon · 2024-05-22T15:27:25+00:00

Absolutely. Many women want to have benefits also, without the commitment to a relationship.

throwaway7272000 · 2024-05-22T21:32:51+00:00

I've had it going for years with some women. Just kind of evolved naturally. Just don't put pressure on them and support them as much as you are willing. They'll stick around

WinterTakerRevived · 2024-05-22T22:16:09+00:00

Yes but they never last

Significant-Report16 · 2024-05-23T04:47:04+00:00

I'd like to think FWB is a temporary phase. You cannot maintain such a relationship perpetually, either it develops to something more, fizzles out, or one of you ends up getting involved with someone else.

You can have maintain platonic friendships perpetually, because there is no concept of exclusivity with them. FWB arrangements will eventually end unless both of you plan to be single and polygamous forever.

Say it one of you gets into a relationship, its highly unlikely you will be able to maintain that friendship even without the benefits. The new girlfriend/boyfriend probably would not be okay with the relationship even if platonic.

Thinking about it, most relationships are quite sad as they either lasts or they don't and then you're basically strangers with someone that you used to be so intimate with.

AdventurousParty1078 · 2024-05-23T06:29:32+00:00

From my (25F) own experience, only one time has a true FWB worked for me. We’ve been hooking up since I was 19 and he was 20. It’s been on and off because either one of us is in a relationship, but if we ever find ourselves single then we’re hooking up. I honestly will only ever see him as a friend. Yes I’m physically attracted to him, and yes we have really good sex (mostly because we’re so comfortable with each other). But I can never see myself bring him home to meet the parents. Or vice versa, I can’t see myself meeting his family. We both know we wouldn’t make each other happy if we were in a serious relationship with each other. Also we have very different life goals. The main reason I think it works is because we respect each other. If he tries to reach out and I tell him I have a bf, then he stays away. There was a time when he said he liked a girl and was gonna shoot his shot. And I respected that, so I backed off. It end its a genuine friendship, and would want each other to be happy. Even if that means putting our needs last.

MWYPHMP · 2024-05-23T07:54:08+00:00

I live an ENM/Poly lifestyle these days. I have one consistent partner at the moment. We hang out twice per month and have sex/hang out. We tell each other about our other sexual exploits. She is divorced and already has a kid, so there's no desire on her part to get more serious. It works perfectly for both of us.

Darkhorse_76 · 2024-05-23T11:36:49+00:00

That’s what they call a situationship

MOD3RN_GLITCH · 2024-05-23T12:00:17+00:00

I’ve had a few FWB, definitely possible, but feelings can get involved, and things can get complicated.

peppa_12 · 2024-05-23T15:25:19+00:00

it there a app, for these type of people?

rigzman187 · 2024-05-23T16:48:28+00:00

Been doing this since I was 17 (27 now) very frequently and never ends well

ChipsAhLoy · 2024-05-22T17:14:18+00:00

FWBs don’t usually last long. Everyone in here so far talking about the guy eventually catching feelings, but in my experience it’s always been the other way around. Women can often be the one to develop attachment instead.

But short answer is yes. Just know that someone will likely want more at some point.

cruz_93-j · 2024-05-22T23:05:50+00:00

I liked this girl for a while, we finally became fwb. We shared a girl the other day. It’s been fun. So far no feelings, I do miss licking her vagina all the time tho. In reality I want like three or four of her.

SaaSWriters · 2024-05-22T16:47:54+00:00

Most guys catch feelings quick time. Take it how you see it.

blue_barracuda · 2024-05-22T17:11:02+00:00

Definitely. I've had luck with a couple. Both were in their mid-late 30s and got out of long relationships

KarmicPlaneswalker · 2024-05-22T18:08:54+00:00

They do, but they're incredibly rare. Even more so if you find one who is only willing to sleep with you exclusively.

It's important to be upfront with terms and boundaries early-on, so to avoid confusion and missteps.

When it works, it's the best thing in the world.

_FIRECRACKER_JINX · 2024-05-23T10:21:06+00:00

I'm a woman who's actually had a FWB.

He was a personal trainer, and he was extremely fit.

He was also sexy as fuck. He was also extremely social. This man has literally had friends since he was in diapers.

Half the people I've seen commenting in this subreddit are terrified of talking to women. Honestly, I don't know how they would do that when they struggle to even get a match on dating apps, based on the posts that I've seen.

So there's that.....

Reasonable_Mail_3656 · 2024-05-22T20:45:28+00:00

Not going to happen and not a good idea anyway? And just….why is that even necessary? Is there actual tangible productive benefits to this? Sounds unfulfilling to me as you’re essentially looking for a free pass with zero effort for your enjoyment/pleasure only.

One side or the other develops feelings. One side or the other feels used after a while in the very very very shallow “situation”. Its literally way more of your effort to even try to balance this than to just have a gf you’re, you know, compatible with and attracted to…

I really don’t understand hookup culture/FWB these days. Such a waste of time.

Available_Bass9725 · 2024-05-22T14:16:23+00:00

A friendship between a man and a woman isn't possible because there is an abyss between the two worlds of men and women.

Title	Not interested in relationships, do true FWB's exist?
Author	romeMAJOR
Upvotes	117
Comments	75
Date	May 22, 2024 12:05 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cxylp2/not_interested_in_relationships_do_true_fwbs_exist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/not-interested-in-relationships-do-true-fwbs-exist.1519204 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519204

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