Should I (a beginner) be friendly when talking to girls?

RedditsOlderBrah · 2022-10-01T15:09:20+00:00

it should set off alarms when you watch and read 'a lot' of pick up stuff and you still have no idea what you're doing when just existing in a group with women.

here's my sincere advice: forget literally everything, drop that stupid alpha bullshit and cooperate with the group. make some friends, or fail in the glorious attempt.

appmanga · 2022-10-01T15:21:50+00:00

Be yourself. Acting is exhausting.

msnanette13 · 2022-10-01T16:27:56+00:00

I can’t tell for sure but it sounds like you might be expecting for women to make moves in order for things to exit the friend zone. At your age I can assure you that unless you are one of the most attractive guys in the school that is unlikely to happen. Girls at that age get a surplus of male attention and efforts to move them out of the friend zone so if you want a chance with them you’re going to have to be one of those making the effort. They’re not going to come initiate with you and their signs of interest are going to be more subtle than you might think.

Dorsiflexionkey · 2022-10-01T16:03:49+00:00

Bro you just sound like you're inexperienced. You need to actually talk to people. See how I didn't say "girls" specifically.. talk with other men too. Befriend other men, watch how they act and you will start acting like a normal 22 year old.

More importantly, get buff, work on your career and find some hobbies.

foreign_sorbet03 · 2022-10-01T15:58:47+00:00

Anyone who uses the term "alpha" seriously is a red flag

leafhog · 2022-10-01T17:19:42+00:00

Talk to them like they are people, not like they are women.

Accomplished-Issue86 · 2022-10-01T23:41:24+00:00

The only way to avoid the friendzone is to show intent. Show/let her know you are interested in her romantically either through your words or actions. If she rejects you then so be it, that's part of life and dating.

Motoreducteur · 2022-10-01T15:26:00+00:00

Learn about women before trying to seduce them. It's ok to be in the friendzone of a few women, and then try to seduce others.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-10-01T18:57:17+00:00

This pickup stuff you are watching… probably not the best move tbh. A lot of outdated fucked up shit. But ok here we go: don’t act or portrait. Be yourself and work on your own features you want to improve.

fcknkaii · 2022-10-01T22:48:21+00:00

I can't speak for all women but most women, including myself, can sense insincerity from a man. Honestly don't try too hard and be yourself, just talk to a girl. Don't try to force a conversation just kind of go with the flow. It'll go a long way trust me.

Also the whole alpha male thing is a turn off (for me personally) I like talking to a guy who doesn't make me feel like Im beneath them lol

MindlessAd63 · 2022-10-02T00:17:08+00:00

Friendly and charming is a much better approach than dark and brooding, unless you are extremely good looking. In my experience, you have to communicate attraction and sexual intent within a two-week window or you will mostly like just be friends. If your friendliness and charm gets her talking, ask her out within a week. Work on non-intimidating ways of flirting. Make your intent clear but accept rejection with class and just move on if she does not show interest back.

A_Wild_Zeus_Chase · 2022-10-01T15:48:05+00:00

It’s sad to me that you think you think the epitome of alpha is this always stoic mentality.

Women don’t want a guy who is always serious, they want a guy who can get serious when the situation gets serious.

Seriously, trying to seduce without smiling, laughing (and making them laugh) and not being friendly is like shooting yourself in the foot and then trying to run a race. Its one of the worst things you can do.

First, all of those things are strongly inversely correlated with anti-social tendencies. Essentially, if you are doing them, your much less likely to be a sociopath, which is always concern #1 for girls.

Second, an alpha only makes sense in the context of a pack. When you picture leaders, either in your experience or historically, do you picture someone frowning with their mouth closed?

I picture a politician working a crowd, always with a quip and a smile, or someone telling a funny or interesting story that’s holding their whole friend groups attention.

You can’t be an alpha leader without speaking, and 95% of people can’t seduce a woman without being able to make them laugh. Don’t take my word for it, listen to Marilyn Monroe “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything”.

I’m not saying turn into a chatterbox, especially if that’s not your style. All I’m saying is your eventually going to need to speak to them to seduce them, and it’s always easier if you do it with a smile.

The easiest thing to do is honestly to wait for an interruption in an already ongoing conversation, and then chime in with a brief (emphasis on brief) related question or comment. That’s honestly one of woman’s default moves if they don’t know a guy and are potentially interested, so don’t be worried about that.

Also, I say brief because the length of time people speak and the attention given to them are also inversely correlated. Speaking a few times, but briefly, is much much better than once for a long time.

Obviously, any class discussions are an opportunity to introduce who you are as well(or demonstrate value, if you prefer the more cynical term), as women at any stage of relationship, including hookups, value intelligence much more than men.

Finally, remember that you are young and have many, many days to get this right. But that only works if you are actively trying, and most importantly, recognizing and learning from your mistakes! After you make a comment, look at people’s reaction, and then later, try to piece together what you said and did that caused that reaction.

StewpidHippie · 2022-10-01T17:52:14+00:00

Talk to everyone, the best way to get good at talking with women is just talking to people. Pua stuff is good in theory but I find rehearsed conversations kill the vibe

HeebieMcJeeberson · 2022-10-01T18:58:04+00:00

I stumbled into this sub by surfing Random, and your post stood out.

Dude, I'm happily married but at the end of my dating years my "number" was 15. With ONE exception (a woman I met while out dancing, which I rarely even did) all of them were women I met by being friendly. At work, taking community college classes, or my other activities which included building sets and running lights etc for stage plays and making cable access TV shows, and volunteering to answer the phones at a crisis line. These women all noticed and liked me by seeing me being a fun guy around other people, and also doing constructive things - i.e. not just hanging around some club trying to act alpha. Forget the alpha bullshit and forget all the pickup crap you've watched. It's All. Just. Crap. The way to meet women you're going to want to be around for more than 5 minutes is to find stuff you're actually interested in doing that's fun to you, and do that stuff.

Personally I HIGHLY recommend participating in theater. It's something a lot of women are involved with, they tend to be sociable and interesting, quite often hot, and also a higher than average percentage of theater guys are gay, which gives you a mathematical advantage in that environment. Take a community college acting class, or volunteer to help build sets - smalltime theaters love volunteers. But whether it's that or some other activity, basically stop making your Prime Directive seduction (presumably meaning getting laid). This will happen on its own. Get into some enjoyable activity that also puts you in proximity with women, and just be your normal self.

Noor_hassan4339 · 2022-10-02T07:27:24+00:00

Be yourself, if you’re lacking in certain areas then work to improve them while still being yourself. Be respectful of boundaries, be flirty. It takes a while to get comfortable

Indicaman20 · 2022-10-01T15:34:23+00:00

Bro just be yourself, if that's not enough for the other person then you don't need them in your life. That's some very Real Advice .Stop reading articles or whatever else you have read. Once your happy with yourself, that's when you'll get the confidence to talk to someone . People can feel those emotions real quick when your talking to someone . Keep your head up, be yourself and go for it. Rejection sucks, but the worst that could happen would be they say No. Move on to someone else or keeping your eye on.

No-Category-7524 · 2022-10-01T21:57:49+00:00

Hell no I mean be a gentleman but don't crawl on your belly for them. Look it's as simple as this people want what they can't have. The more available someone is the more that the available person goes after the person that they want will know that that person is going to be there because they are so available. Meanwhile, the person that you want is going to go after the person who is less available or some might say harder to get others call it playing the game. Personally I think it's stupid as shit but it's what, to some extent has to be done now to what degree that depends on the person.

Yes be nice to women. However, don't be a pushover, don't be afraid to speak up for yourself. Show you're interested without showing your desperate. Make them chase you! NEVER chase them.

Mr_Throwaway2834 · 2022-10-01T17:19:53+00:00

That's your problem from the start, you read pick up books, read Mode One, all it requires you to read and be real

userisauser · 2022-10-01T19:47:55+00:00

Demonstrate you understand her while demonstrating that you are different from her in masculine ways.

dobbs1997 · 2022-10-01T19:54:44+00:00

the only way you’ll get put in the friendzone is if you’re not honest with your intentions and if you’re not letting your true self show, your true self finds a woman attractive but if you suppress that and just give her friendly energy (no flirting, nothing like that) then you’ll just be a friend. So be honest.

Spiritual_Low8248 · 2022-10-01T22:01:20+00:00

Watch some THAT WAS EPIC videos. Relax. Have fun. SMILE ! Be curious about people when you meet them. Be nice to EVERYONE !
Servers at restaurants and clothing stores are super easy to practice on because the ice is automatically broken when you walk into the store or restaurant.

the_FUEGO_ · 2022-10-01T23:52:24+00:00

Yeah man. You can be friendly while still being confident and assertive. Be a good listener and learn how to draw the conversation out of them.

slurpeesez · 2022-10-01T23:54:29+00:00

Be yourself. 10/10 models fucked with me because i was nice, and some hated me for it. Regardless women are people. View them that way and you have no issues.

rahhumilovedogs · 2022-10-02T00:11:00+00:00

No need to act. Just talk to girls like you would anyone else. I am a F boy n just talk normal. No need to play games.

notsoslootyman · 2022-10-02T04:20:45+00:00

That alpha stuff is just the male version of horoscopes. It is nonsense. More specifically, it's a rabbit foot superstition. You're confident because you think you have a special technique that gets the girls. The confidence is the thing working not the idiology that tells you to be abrasive. Pick up artists are the same thing.

What works for me is to start neutral, act natural, and learn to let your conversation take you to a date. I start neutral to keep women at ease. Treat them as a normal person. They get a lot of bad attention so some normality can be a rarity. Acting natural is important because you need something authentic. A tough facade is an act you have to maintain forever. Eventually, you'll slip and show your real personality. It's better long term to avoid the deception. I'm a super odd and awkward person so I work the Goldblum energy. It works out. You'll have to do some trial and error to figure out your style. That's the important part. Keep starting those random conversations. The effort pays off. The conversations take a life of their own once you start. Get that magic started. Fair warning, don't listen to my advice if you want to get harcore married.

OkawaSeastream · 2022-10-02T07:58:47+00:00

Replace your alpha mentality with an understanding of self-worth and confidence instead. Alpha mentality is a sign of insecurity.

pastiesmash123 · 2022-10-02T09:00:37+00:00

Yes be friendly. Being unappealing, rude and aloof is really bad advice if you want to pick up girls.

And don't call yourself alpha, or try and "act" like what you think an alpha is. 99% of girls cringe at that kind of shit

Lnlbrd · 2022-10-02T09:42:56+00:00

Just be yourself. Act normal. Really people sense it when your 'acting'. It would really turn me off if I sense that someone uses a 'technique' on me. Get comfortable in your own skin and get confident. Hang out with people because you genuinely like them. Do stuff your passionate about. Etcetera. Etcetera. That will work.

Also: the friend zone does not exist. I repeat: it does NOT exist.

Exotic_Pop_765 · 2022-10-02T11:18:53+00:00

seems theory made you too rigid and you fail to act on your social instincts.. try to express instead of trying to impress. nice guys who end up in friend zone, are codependent people pleasers who try to impress the girl by how submissive and undecisive they can be. iternet PUA's try to impress by how alpha, or entertaining they can be. rich guys try to use their money. jacked dudes try to impress with unnecessary suprophysiological muscle mass to fat ratio, vasodilators and tight clothing. all these guys put the pussy on a pedestal. guys who fuck, never put the pussy on a pedestal. if your personality needs some social polishing, thats another thing. its important for you to have a thorough understanding on how you are coming accross. if you dont look either crazy, or meek, and if you can hold down a conversation with people you dont want to fuck, necessarily, then you only need honesty. honesty gets rewarded with women. especially when it takes balls to admit something. self ownership means being you without appologizing (indirectly or directly) for being you and knowing what you want. but it doesnt mean being intimidating (timid guys tend to confuse confidence with narcissism) being withdrawn or negative in any way shape or form. you will be all that if the moment calls for it but theres no such thing as a "self owned persona". its just you without the "fluff", without the self correction, without the second guessing or anxiety.

the difficult part is not in the understanding of all that. the difficult part is to keep your integrity when the devil starts throwing temptations at you. for this purpose give yourself some time to realize what your values are and which behaviours make you feel undivided internally, and proud of your decisions.

gmbhdios3 · 2022-10-02T11:23:26+00:00

The ultimate advice is Be yourself , and be selfish sometimes, put yourself first and you'll get bitches that's it

Scottishdutchess · 2022-10-02T12:16:18+00:00

Friendly, but real.

150420throwaway · 2022-10-02T13:18:53+00:00

Just don’t act and don’t be a pushover - be kind but dont let her disrespect you, with that said, be aware of shit tests, because those differ.

i_love_crazy_hobos · 2022-10-02T17:02:21+00:00

I'd say probably don't worry about it too much if you're just getting started. Just focus on talking to lots of girls. Doesn't matter how you do it.

Eventually you can start modifying how you communicate as a point of focus, if you feel like you need to. But still, it's not critical. You can get laid without being "alpha".

And I feel that having thoughts in your head that "I need to be alpha", and then trying to force it, actually throw you off, and fuck up your confidence, ironically making you less alpha.

I think there's some truth to the idea that the more you go out, the more you develop yourself in other areas of life, being alpha will come automatically. You don't need to front it. And putting on a front in game I don't believe is a good idea.

zapadz · 2022-10-01T15:12:26+00:00

Here are some videos with advice on how to be in interactions

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIj91N6zNsg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZDvpjBXvno

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYmFAWvk0TU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpozXn8ln-Y

Wingerlar · 2022-10-01T18:00:39+00:00

Ignore the PUA stuff it's outdated and girls have access to it now. They wouldn't have read books about it years ago. Honestly now work on yourself and be happy it shows.

Spiritual_Low8248 · 2022-10-01T21:58:00+00:00

https://youtu.be/CtFttiDwSzQ

theosdore · 2022-10-02T00:41:58+00:00

Don't try to act like that man. If you feel like you have to act "serious, hard, alpha, and not friendly" you're doing it wrong. Be friendly, show interest. I am 22 years old too and I've been there and done that, you will talk to a lot more girls if you just loosen up and be interested in them as a person and not just a potential girlfriend. That goes for everybody in life. Being genuinely interested in people and truly caring about what they say will get you so much father than you realize. Besides no one wants to be a hard ass. Be fun, make them laugh.

Stunning-Ad-4714 · 2022-10-02T00:48:22+00:00

Dude, people fuck their friends all the time. Basically all I did in highschool was fuck my friends. There is no friendzone, there's just the no fuck zone. Be friendly if you're friendly, but don't be a dick just because you think that puts you in a place where no one will fuck you because that's just not correct. One of the best ways to start a relationship of any kind is to be friends and the most important part of finding someone to fuck you is finding someone to like you. Being an aloof serious dude works sometimes, but it also cuts off people who aren't into that.

mebunghole · 2022-10-02T01:38:37+00:00

Watch Dan Bacon’s channel on YouTube.

Living_Ebb4598 · 2022-10-02T03:28:23+00:00

what?

ikeepon · 2022-10-02T12:45:32+00:00

No. Be flirty.

BadBambino · 2022-10-02T17:24:28+00:00

Men who doesn’t have female friends is a red flag 🚩. You are in a School Graduation ceremony so act like it. Have fun be yourself, see anyone you like spark a conversation with them and see where it goes.

Title	Should I (a beginner) be friendly when talking to girls?
Author	gmbhdios3
Upvotes	52
Comments	102
Date	October 1, 2022 3:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xsxl0p/should_i_a_beginner_be_friendly_when_talking_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-a-beginner-be-friendly-when-talking-to.1249109 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249109

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