Should i stop caring about girls until i improve myself

Shfiend · 2016-11-23T18:53:31+00:00

I'm gonna tell you what I wish my 18-yo self would've known. I'm 25 now. I'm not Korean, but I'm an Asian just like you. I know how it is.

Man, there is no "right" time to start something positive. You just have to do it and make that promise to yourself that you'll keep going no matter how slow it takes. What matters is progress. PROGRESS. I cannot stress this enough. This goes the same way with stopping something negative. Making it a lifestyle is the goal, not just start/stop for 3 months, then back to zero.

Everybody goes through that phase in life about self-confidence, depression, anxiety, etc. What you need to know is how to deal with it. I've had my own problems with it, but what it took was keeping my head high and move on. Snap back to reality, look at things in a bigger picture. That's when you realize your problem is so fucking small, that it's stupid to even spend too much time on it.

Don't worry about game at all. Clearly you already know what you need to do. Working out is important, keeps you healthy and boost your confidence. Working at your job is important, makes money and keep you sane from staying idle everyday.

It's not about to "stop caring" about girls, it's about stopping the mindset that each girl is this special creature that you need to impress. 99% of guys when they go out on a date with a hot girl (relative), they start to have expectations. When these expectations are not met, you get depressed, you devalue yourself, self-loathing happens, etc. What if you don't get a second date? What if she ignores you? etc. etc. Seriously? Men who are attractive don't think that way. Put yourself in the women's shoes sometimes. Would you wanna date that insecure self-loathing kid if you were a girl? Ehhh, probably not, especially if you have options. This is why everybody is saying that we need to have that "abundance mentality". A lot of women don't get caught up with only chasing one guy, because they have options. You need to do the same. Also, sometimes you just have to accept that attraction goes both ways. It takes two to tango. If she doesn't like you back, that's just what it is. Move on. It's not the end of the world. Look for other girls. Surrounding yourself with tons of options is very important.

Again, what really matters is PROGRESS. You'll learn as you go. Nobody is suddenly good at the game. Confidence is earned, not just something that pops up randomly. Sure it's easier to be confident if you're good looking, but it takes diligence to maintain it. How many good looking dudes have you met who fall down the drain because they don't take care of themselves? Tons of them. They get fat, they get ugly, they party too much, etc. Just do you man, self-improvement is where it's at. Every time you want to do something, think about how it can benefit you. If it's only going to affect you negatively, don't do it.

Last thing, tons of people say women are impressed by men who have money, titles, degrees and looks, in that order. Are they shallow like that? Maybe. Think about why this happens. All these things become impressive to women, because at the back of their mind, they think about men who earned it. This is called social status. These men who are so successful, there's got to be a reason why. Why? Maybe because they have these qualities that some other men don't have: generosity, integrity, humility and kindness. They must have worked VERY HARD to be where they're at. They must also have stumbled/failed tons of times. They just get back up and fucking keep going man. Learn the game slowly and play the game efficiently. Good luck!

iVisionX01 · 2016-11-23T17:09:29+00:00

18 is the best time to be working on yourself. Go workout and improve at work maybe try and find a better paying job.

Also a bit controversial but I recommend practicing /r/nofap ymmv but it helped me out more than I ever thought possible.

Sngx94 · 2016-11-23T17:39:46+00:00

Go work on yourself. But don't let that limit you to only doing certain things. You need to find what kind of a person you are. While its good to have time to yourself during this point, don't be afraid to come out of your shell once in a while, to try new things and see what you like.

Murfdigidy · 2016-11-23T19:50:02+00:00

The key to the game is patience, it takes time to improve yourself so don't just give up on girls or say no to girls. girls are what your end goal is anyways right, but it also shouldn't be you're sole reason for living. that's why people say they go in to monk mode. concentrate on improving yourself which I completely agree with, but in seduction you also need to take baby steps.. Saying hi to random girls, start conversations with random girls, etc.

How can you do that if you're in monk mode? You can't, and you learn so much from failure. I say always always improve yourself but u also need to dabble in the game, dabble talking to girls.

You're on the right sub, so much good material. Read, study, improve yourself, and then practice the material you absorb (rinse and repeat)

Practice practice practice!

You're 18 kid, I was a mid 20 year old Virgin loser with girls, at 30+ I'm a stud. Patience is a virtue

MysticalQuack · 2016-11-23T18:23:54+00:00

You really shouldn't care about girls in the first place.

Yes, every man wants to reproduce with a woman and gain sexual pleasure but, it shouldn't be your main focus in life. It seems that having a relationship is a very glorious and passionate experience. While that can be true on rare occasion, women are a lot of work.

What do you really care about other than women?

Now go do that.

Personal Example:

Women are a variable you can't completely control. Yes, you can increase your attractiveness and get good at pick up but, even long time PUA's have dry spells. When I got into dirtbiking, I stopped caring about them. Dirtbiking to me was better than a girlfriend. I went months without really "trying" to seduce anyone and was OK with it. A whole 3 months of a sexless life and it was awesome.

A day after riding, I woke up to my door being knocked on. My buddys girl friend was here saying she needed help with her bike. I went on a couple rides with them and she always was friendly with me. Immediately, I mentioned her boy friend and how he was perfectly capable. From there she said that it was over and really needed help with her bike.

Dirt bike worked normal and I knew what she came over so early for. I invited her in for breakfast and her already suggestive nature ended up in awesome kitchen sex.

I will repeat again. . .

Women are a variable you can not control.

Yes, you can increase the chances of reproducing and gaining sexual pleasure but, overall it shouldn't be your main goal.

Pussy comes and goes.

Find something that won't.

Overnight_Delivery · 2016-11-23T16:16:34+00:00

If you're going to take a break then take the time to do something significant like begin taking dancing classes, mma, or acting classes (improv / standup etc).

You should take the stance that no excuse is legitimate unless you are physically incapable of going out.

eenergabeener · 2016-11-23T18:58:07+00:00

Now is also a good time to work on friendships. Form meaningful relationships with other guys and learn from them.

infiniteslinky · 2016-11-23T23:32:21+00:00

You need to get your head straight. People can tell pretty fast if you are depressed, or have low self worth. Even guys wont be interested in being your friend assuming you are trying to make new friends. You are young which is a giant blessing. You can put on a ton of muscle which is amazing. You might also take up learning to fight. By the time you are 25, you will be a machine. That stuff will naturally make you feel good about yourself. Endorphin's, and not taking shit from anyone will help you out. Get on it.

sardonyxdragoon · 2016-11-23T23:54:09+00:00

Yes. And watch out for video games too, take a break from that and pmo for even a couple weeks and you'll be seeing some good stuff. The difficulty is in staying off those things, and keeping up with growing as opposed to old behaviors. Get your head clear then hit the gym

imastromusic · 2016-11-23T18:14:45+00:00

Maybe quit league of legends.. Don't want to be mean, but quitting league helped me a lot!

monkeyman114 · 2016-11-23T18:13:16+00:00

Make girls part of your self improvement.

XSplain · 2016-11-23T18:49:44+00:00

You can do both. The important thing is to make sure you're actually working towards something and not using excuses to avoid dealing with something scary or hard. I can't tell you the best way to do it because we all have different circumstances in life.

airtek · 2016-11-23T19:51:20+00:00

You always have time for the gym, and at 30-40 hours for a work week you have plenty of time. My typical work day is 10 hours, I have to commute an hour each way, and I still manage to get to the gym 3-4 times a week. Just gotta get that mentality that you want to improve and that this is what is important. Take a break from the video games/tv and do something that will better your future.

lilChaos · 2016-11-24T01:36:21+00:00

I'm just going to give you a plain and simple answer from someone who has both GAD and chronic depression. Care about yourself. Care about the way you look, the things you do. Grow a beard if you've always wanted to, learn something new and grow as a person. Eventually you'll reach a point where none of this will matter and you'll find someone.

The saying "Love yourself before you love someone else." is the truest saying I've ever heard.

RagaTanha · 2016-11-24T03:12:37+00:00

No, do both.

TinkleThief · 2016-11-24T03:59:07+00:00

You need to find some balance, man. This isn't an all-or-nothing thing. The things you listed (diet, working out, meditating) are great and not optional in my opinion, but you need more than that.

You still need to push yourself, but don't make it about women. Make it about finding new challenges for yourself, establishing new friendships, find new hobbies, experiencing new parts of life. Even if you're keeping yourself physically and mentally healthy, you will never grow unless you get out there start putting yourself into new and scary environments. Don't make it about women; that will come naturally when you start meeting new people and putting yourself in new situations.

PM_ME_BOOTY_PICS_ · 2016-11-24T04:39:28+00:00

Work on your anxiety and depression. Go get help, take meds see someone. Once that is taken care of you will stop over thinking and just do what makes you happy.

FoxMcWeezer · 2016-11-23T23:00:21+00:00

Protip that will get me downvoted because it's the truth and people hate truths that hurt their feelings. Stop going for blonde white girls. They have the worst Disney Princess/Prince Charming complex.

Dantilli · 2016-11-23T18:12:33+00:00

how do i really stop thinking about girls

How do you really stop thinking about food and drink? You can't, the need to procreate is a fundamental part of the "human experience" as it were. This isn't to say you can't masturbate and gain the sexual release that you need, but you can't give it up completely.

You CAN come to an understanding with yourself that chasing girls isn't what you need to focus on right now in life. That's exactly the position I'm in now, I just don't have the time or desire for a relationship right now so I'm taking a break. But you will still have those moments where you are so desperate you would do ANYTHING to have someone beside you. Keep in mind that those moments will pass (masturbation helps) and you should get along well enough.

There is also the no-fap route which hinges on redirecting your sexual drive towards other goals. It may work for you it may not, personally I get more work done when calm and cool. Others are really motivated by having a literal fire in their loins to spur them on, it might be worth at least giving it a try.

Just don't let this go on so long that you are then too scared to get back in the game. You can still flirt and have fun with women you meet in life incidentally, in fact I would recommend it. You don't have to take it any further, just make sure to maintain your basic social skills, you'll want them later.

Hope this helps :)

AwesomeIshPossum · 2016-11-23T21:55:37+00:00

If I understand your logic in "forgetting about girls", it's to take the negative energy that normally goes to women (anxiety, what should I text, does she like me..) and place it to something more productive.

I think that is one way of handling it, but it's not deep change. As others have mentioned, the true change happens when you don't allow yourself to be consumed by that negative energy. You can still think about girls like how you think about working out, or your job - something fun, something to learn something from, something challenging. But when you place all these negative emotions and energy on women, it drains you.

My advice is to forgot "results" when it comes to girls, and just enjoy experiencing them as much as you enjoy seeing birds or great TV show. If you find yourself excessively thinking "does she like me? what is wrong with me? Is it b/c this, or why is she not texting back" Realize that all these negative energies are all self created. Would you spend a lot of emotional energy thinking "omg why is this character on this TV show suffering" no because while you can watch it and wonder, you enjoy the show and process, but don't harbor deep negative emotion that drains you.

Title	Should i stop caring about girls until i improve myself
Author	I_Main_TwistedFate
Upvotes	119
Comments	78
Date	November 23, 2016 4:12 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5ei2l5/should_i_stop_caring_about_girls_until_i_improve/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-stop-caring-about-girls-until-i-improve.1415976 https://theredarchive.com/post/1415976

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