What’s really holding you back

adriano515 · 2019-05-29T02:22:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BlindTheThief15 · 2019-05-29T01:54:43+00:00

This is the realest post so far lol

UnparliamentaryTea · 2019-05-29T03:07:58+00:00

Excellent post. Great material and advice that I can’t imagine not being motivated by.

Even as someone still in my early 20’s, I regret not putting myself out there when I was young more. I let being called dumb or weird or creepy get to me when I was 14 and 15 and that put me behind. It’s harder to confidently tell a woman she’s gorgeous when you feel 3 years behind everyone your age, and women are a lot more likely to take it the wrong way when you’re both 20-25 than they were when you’re 13-18. Plus, when you’re in high school and even early in college, you don’t have a career, your friends aren’t mature, you aren’t supposed to “know better” than to call a girl pretty, and your perceived reputation is meaningless. Also, most of those girls are nothing to you in a few years.

I still have a lot of time to make mistakes, but I go on dates with some of the most beautiful women I can imagine, and I feel reliant on things that are more or less luck, like having the right “energy” and “vibe”. They’ll bring up going out again, but usually they aren’t hooked enough to put a ton of effort in. After those, you don’t know how much I wish I’d asked out some of those girls in high school who I thought were cute. Now I would never go out with them, but trying with them at the time could’ve really helped me down the road with some incredible women. Who cares what the people in my small town would’ve thought back then? Don’t let pride and ego get in your way or you’ll regret it in hindsight

ZincMan · 2019-05-29T05:03:29+00:00

I’m scared of approaching girls on the street. By the time I check them out enough to realize I’m actually physically attracted to them I already feel creepy/ they feel out of my league. That’s what’s holding me back! St least I’ll admit it ! I talk to strangers all the damn time and am quite social, just bad at approaching girls I actually consider “hot” also I’m 34 but look young. I guess I need to start approaching?

mrpownnv · 2019-05-29T06:42:12+00:00

Not just lack of experience let me tell you. This is what everything falls under : The self imposed limits we impose on ourselves every damn day. Do whatever you have to do to remove those fucking limits, PERIOD. They are going to end up holding you back and will make you regret most of your life. Which is how no one should live. That's pathetic and depressing. My 2¢

gtrman571 · 2019-05-29T03:11:09+00:00

So true - The really hard part is I feel motivated at home, once I get to the venue I clam up... I'm approaching more though, and I've noticed that a lot of times I take a rejection as an existential crisis and I try to think about how hilarious that actually is which is helping I think.

Least1ngenuity · 2019-05-29T05:50:02+00:00

what holds me back? my past. a decade of straight up being rejected, ignored or used. makes me often wonder why I even keep trying to fix things.

AnonomousWolf · 2019-05-29T09:05:43+00:00

I can think back to so many cringe worthy moments in young adulthood where I learnt to socialise and just put myself out there, fuck I made a complete ass out of myself so many times.

But I wasn't just going to vanish into the background, I was going to get out there and learn, now I'm great in social situations, I've had girls fly from other the other hemisphere to come see me again, and I've got a few fuck buddies and a great girl I'm seeing now, with many reliable friends.

None of which I would have had if I didn't put myself out there to get rejected and learn form my mistakes.

bemore_ · 2019-05-29T11:36:26+00:00

Can you promise me I will get better?

Ulanyouknow · 2019-05-29T05:10:16+00:00

Been thinking hard about this since you posted. In the end I think thats the best piece of advice I could have received.

I think im heading straight to a mistake. But maybe thanks to this I will be grateful for having made a mistake instead of having made nothing at all.

oualidslaoui · 2019-05-29T02:51:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Pulse_reddit · 2019-05-29T02:21:56+00:00

Keep in mind of the learning process though

darksoul_psyop · 2019-05-29T04:37:45+00:00

Well said

Brad-Blunt-Roberts · 2019-05-29T05:39:12+00:00

Highly agree, I must man up and do this.

PolesWithGoals · 2019-05-29T06:04:16+00:00

The most relatable post I’ve ever seen

2019-05-29T06:29:34+00:00

Yup in the end of the day you're going to learn the most by just fucking doing it

Chrisanova_NY · 2019-05-29T07:24:50+00:00

Talking too much, and talking oneself right into the friend zone.

Something most guys still don't get, and refuse to see.

Guys, you have to know when to sell yourself, and then when to s.t.f.u.

There is another: Talking too much, and saying something verrry wrong.

The more you talk, the greater the risk you stand to disqualify yourself, by saying something irretrievable. Whether it's poltical, or religious, or you hate cats, or whatever.......

AVN_RL · 2019-05-29T08:19:52+00:00

I'm 16 and have already fucked up 3 times 😂good times ahead

sanepanda · 2019-05-29T08:41:35+00:00

And without experience I think just following a set of rules is kinda wrong. Yes these rules apply most of the time but every girl is different, every situation is different.

Sometimes “alpha body language” looks cringy, sometimes touching a girl is inappropriate, sometimes you need to censor yourself a little bit as there might come a point you become too offensive.

Menlistenhere · 2019-05-29T10:15:17+00:00

Yeah nice job on this, man.

delhibuoy · 2019-05-29T13:08:47+00:00

Premature ejaculation

WhatsGoingggOn · 2019-05-29T14:00:37+00:00

Embrace the fuck-ups as a part of the journey, and know that each one is bringing you a step closer.

I’ll sometimes have moments where insecurities act up right before or in the middle of a set, starting the whole interaction off on the wrong foot and afterwards I’ll laugh at the ridiculousness of it, maybe write a short personal field report with a few pros and cons/do’s and don’ts if necessary, and immediately accept it as a forward-propelling act of momentum socially—especially contrasted with me not having done anything at all.

The fat slob tripping, waddling, and grunting his way across the track still laps the fatass on the couch watching family feud and munching on Doritos in his comfort zone of mediocrity.

Great results demand great effort, even more so if you’re not given a natural edge, and your attitude towards this is the key to your success.

Colencence · 2019-05-29T15:17:44+00:00

My laziness

barronator · 2019-05-29T15:55:50+00:00

While I agree that experience is important, it's not everything. As you note, I was certainly one of the less social guys in my younger years. But I was willing to "fuck up" and pushed myself to be more social. Now as "future me" I've had sexual experiences with upwards of 70 women, with a much larger number of failures.

However, I still feel a bit socially inept. I still feel anxiety when approaching women. I still feel awkward as fuck just trying to make small talk with retail workers who are essentially paid to engage with me. I still spend the majority of my time alone.

I suppose what I'm getting at is that it's always going to be an uphill battle. It's always going to be a challenge. At least for me. But what's life without failure, rejection, challenge? I don't know anything else. But I do know that when the successes do come they taste all the sweeter.

We all want to say "it gets easier" but I'm not so sure. It doesn't get easier. But it does get better.

throwawaycoventry79 · 2019-05-29T17:20:59+00:00

That last line is a real perspective changer, nice one

AudiblePlasma · 2019-05-29T18:50:28+00:00

This is hard with someone with crippling social anxiety. I was nearly mute through out high school, not just with women. With everybody. I'm looking into a therapist now but I feel like I shouldn't compare myself with others since I have a larger hole to crawl out of.

tanenbaum · 2019-05-29T19:16:03+00:00

This is an extremely useful mindset to have. On bad nights when you feel AA or everything is going to crap, think of taking action as an investment. You're not doing it for the immediate reactions. You're doing it so you're a bad mother fucker when you meet girls that you are even more into than the ones you've met that night. If you don't do anything on this given night you'll run into some super cute girl in a couple of years and you could have had her, but because you decided to not take action over the years you won't.

It's like knowing that you want to interview for your dream job next year. You can start the preparations now and be perfectly prepared. If you just postpone it till the day before the interview, you'll feel great regret. If you want a great future life, fail NOW.

JGHipp · 2019-05-29T22:22:08+00:00

Yes!

Explositated · 2019-05-29T22:30:55+00:00

just curious because i think this is fucking me over, but what do you mean by talking yourself into the friend zone/talking too much?

Explositated · 2019-05-29T22:31:06+00:00

just curious because i think this is fucking me over, but what do you mean by talking yourself into the friend zone/talking too much?

beastboi27 · 2019-05-30T01:04:27+00:00

I wasted my teens feeling unworthy and in my mid 20s I lost a ton of weight and started trying to date..I only went out on dates a few times. When i went out I am social and I can make girls laugh and they would think I'm cute, but never closed. Now, my younger brother, who is basically a hermit and is overweight..is going out with this girl he met online almost everyday, while I am stuck feeling like shit.

Life just really baffles me. I worked my ass off losing weight and I am putting in effort go be social and go out as often as I could, but who gets the girlfriend? The guy who never goes out and never tries talking to girls.

TricksyTrampoline · 2019-06-02T02:17:50+00:00

Yup sounds right.

I like to think I’m putting in time and practicing now for when an amazing girl does enter my life so I have the skills and experience not to fuck it up

2019-06-11T11:58:07+00:00

I feel like it’s too late for me. I’m 31 years old and have been single for nearly 10 years. I’m so depressed from having no sex love and being a recovering porn addict that I don’t know what I should be working on. Even if I can go up and talk to a random girl, I have no idea what to say, what to do and it just feels so fruitless because what woman wants to be with a guy who has virtually no SMV? I let way too much time pass to get good with women that I’m now depressed because of it and I feel like any rejection is just goin to make me more depressed. Does anyone have any help? I’m so tired of being sexless and single

2019-06-26T07:50:33+00:00

It’s true. I stayed inside so much during my earliest years, even though I had a friend or two and speaking to girls at a young age gave me confidence. I then stabbed myself in the back by staying in the house. After changing schools and upping my appearance, hygiene and fashion—women began to hover around me, check me out constantly, especially when they have boyfriends. The girl I had a crush on was so interested and so obvious she stared at me from across the table. Plain staring at me, and everywhere I went and saw her she stared and had that look all guys want. But I wasn’t socially experienced so I lost probably 35 (big school) opportunities in that on school and her

2019-05-29T18:23:00+00:00

Better to fuck up in my 20s than to fuck up in my 30s. So I approached lots of girls, went under a little fatigue because I never really got sex or even a second date from it so far, so I took a break.

Title	What’s really holding you back
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	682
Comments	71
Date	May 28, 2019 11:46 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bu7eig/whats_really_holding_you_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whats-really-holding-you-back.1469992 https://theredarchive.com/post/1469992

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