“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

SnapSocialGuru · 2018-05-22T17:13:11+00:00

The subcommunication behind this question is: "You're interesting. You seem to have your shit together. How is it that someone hasn't 'caught' you yet?"

It's not a shit test.

They're asking you out of curiosity (the good type of curiosity).

A good response would be genuine and thoughtful. A moment to be real and vulnerable.

EDIT: I want to go into more detail about why I gave OP this answer (and any guy in similar shoes). It sounds like OP is seeing a few girls or at least doesn't "struggle" with women. Because of this, I'm concluding that OP is an attractive guy who's got his shit together. If you're a "loser" or struggling to get any positive results with dating, this question wouldn't even pop up. It'd be dead obvious to women why you don't have a girlfriend. The question subcommunicates a lot of information that's deeper than the surface allows to show. If there's enough interest, I'm happy to dig deeper.

FYI: I recently started a blog that talks more about this kind of stuff: Socialite Magazine.

blunt_eastwood · 2018-05-22T16:52:09+00:00

Why not just tell them the truth?

ghlibisk · 2018-05-22T18:48:39+00:00

It's not a shit test, but she's trying to figure out what your motives and endgame are. For example, if she's looking for a serious relationship and your response implies you are just trying to keep things casual, then she might decide to devote more time to other prospects.

The best answer I can think of is: "Well, I just haven't found the right girl yet."

Snazzy_Serval · 2018-05-22T17:27:53+00:00

"I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that"

-Mitch Hedberg.

innergamedude · 2018-05-22T16:34:11+00:00

I'm 34, have slept with 11 women, and I still don't have an answer for this. And it still sometimes haunts me during my depressive days. Honestly, it's an impertinent question. Like asking a woman how old she is. Enough of philosophy, you want a useful answer: play it off as a compliment.

Her: Why don't you have a girlfriend?

You: Yeah, I know right! I'm so gorgeous/quite a catch/so charming!

lovelygumdrops · 2018-05-22T16:57:37+00:00

"I'm not ready to commit to one girl yet." A broad question, anything would suffice. "I don't want one."

piperson · 2018-05-22T20:08:17+00:00

I think she may be asking, "What is wrong with you? Do I have to be on guard for something bad that is coming down the line?" i.e. are you an alcoholic, or a control freak. You don't want to go into why you are not hooked up.

I tell them the truth. I've been in relationships and was not happy. Now I want to stay free and see how that goes. I am very open about not wanting a relationship because I don't want to have any unexpressed expectations coming up for me later. There is almost always shit coming out in relationships but if I'm honest from the start, at least I can say that I never hid anything from them. I was upfront and honest.

benhurensohn · 2018-05-22T18:32:29+00:00

"I'm still waiting for Mrs Right"

LimitedContributor · 2018-05-22T17:24:38+00:00

When I approach, I can't avoid the thoughts of "What if I'm creepy?" "I feel like I'm being creepy." "Am I doing something wrong?" I can't comprehend how gaming works. Like, what am I supposed to do?

Sometimes I even feel forcing when I approach. Like, I'm out to get them. I can cry sometimes because of it, honestly.

Torabor64 · 2018-05-22T17:00:46+00:00

"Because they get gealous of each other"

It must be obvious that you are joking tho, if that's not your sense of humor don't even try it.

Ddub4 · 2018-05-22T18:30:51+00:00

“I haven’t found someone to my liking yet”

cbh28 · 2018-05-22T21:51:45+00:00

Just be honest. Just like one guy said, if you were a loser, they wouldn't be asking you that cause they know the answer... matter of fact, you probably wouldn't even be with them to begin with.

hunterpua · 2018-05-22T22:21:03+00:00

Tell the truth.

What I'd say to this is that I don't like to jump into relationships, maybe one day when I do meet someone absolutely special I'll settle down but for now I like being free and having fun.

Even in the most seemingly innocent locales, most girls have had casual relationships and those that haven't know the ones that do so they'll understand.

TallDarkandBot · 2018-05-22T22:46:55+00:00

Broncos gonna buck

Kellogsnowflake · 2018-05-22T23:11:47+00:00

'What do you mean I have loads! You're one of them'

socalsoop · 2018-05-23T00:03:58+00:00

I just say that "I'm picky. "

SuperPoop · 2018-05-23T00:27:56+00:00

I’m too picky or I have high standards are my go to responses.

GuyFromDaStore · 2018-05-23T04:58:49+00:00

Thats not a good sign really, they may be trying to reject your advances with a disarming question.

The best thing I can think of is "I have a girlfriend (then describe her physically....of course its the girl you're kissing)" Its a way of expressing intent while adding a touch of slight humor.

t-t-t-tasty · 2018-05-24T07:54:24+00:00

"Just lucky I guess"

judahman8 · 2018-05-27T08:31:55+00:00

My dicks too big lol

judahman8 · 2018-05-27T08:39:42+00:00

Im gay lol
You can be my girlfriend for the next 20min
I don't know actually, thats a good question, you want to be my girlfriend?
My dog gets jealous and scares them all away
I haven't met a girl that I really click with yet. Maybe I'm just too picky.
I have Daddy issues
Girls are always trying to change me into something Im not. As soon as I find a girl that accepts me for who I am then I'll have a girlfriend.
Why don't you have a girlfriend?

ImJustSo · 2018-05-22T16:48:43+00:00

".....I've never been single in my life"

Although, I don't recommend saying this. Lol I'm just honest with women about other women.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-05-22T17:45:57+00:00

the past few girls I’ve been with ask me this, after making out/etc. ..... I honestly don’t have a good answer to it.

The common thing of "shit tests" is that we men often create them out of nothing.

This comes off like one of those situations.

Sometimes a cigar is just a damn cigar and sometimes a person, male or female, just asks a question out of curiosity.

It's not like they have a club and decided that this is a question they need to ask. It's that you're doing something that's resonating with these girls and they apparently like you enough that they feel like you're a hidden gem and they can't believe no one snatched you up already.

What are some good responses?

So yeah, you pretty much turned this simple curious question, into something complicated.

Just tell them the truth, as u/blunt_eastwood said.

Although, now I'm curious, what is the honest answer here, in your mind?

FutureHope2 · 2018-05-22T18:44:44+00:00

just tell them its because you must be super lucky....

RunItGunIt · 2018-05-22T20:21:06+00:00

Too many to choose from but I just found a good pick!

Sauce it up my man.

Janemba_Corvalis · 2018-05-22T23:11:41+00:00

I always say "I'm really picky" or something similar.

WIA20XX · 2018-05-22T19:34:19+00:00

Whether she is not being serious, or serious, you can't let her dictate the conversation.

She is basically "taking the frame" and you have to answer in such a way that pleases the Queen.

Fuck that, you're the King.

"Oh wow, somebody just put their cards on the table"

"Trying you lock me down already?"

Flip the conversation like she went from 0-100 real quick. She is the thirsty one.

coldbrew18 · 2018-05-22T18:17:25+00:00

What I think she’s asking is if you’re available. If not say: “I’m just not ready to commit to one person yet”, or “I do, but I don’t let her leave the basement”

If you are available, say: “I don’t know, (look away, half smile) I guess I’m just looking (bring eyes back) for the right person (full smile, eye contact).

Title	“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
Author	hunter32tz
Upvotes	33
Comments	46
Date	May 22, 2018 4:27 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8lbb95/why_dont_you_have_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-dont-you-have-a-girlfriend.1447040 https://theredarchive.com/post/1447040

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