You can't make someone love you.

WindJammer27 · 2020-09-15T05:46:49+00:00

The way I see it is - there are women who will not be into you at all. Nothing you can do about that. Then there are women who are totally into you from the start. All you have to do is not screw that up.

But then there's a pretty big gray area, where she's kinda neutral about you, and your behaviors and how you present yourself can influence how she feels about you. Not everyone is looking for The One, some are looking for someone to keep their bed warm, or someone to help them get over The Last One. Maybe she just wants someone, and you'll do fine as long as you meet her basic requirements.

And all that is fine. Maybe you just wanna fuck around, maybe you just don't want to be lonely. That's all good. The problem is when people enter into these relationships of convenience and then try to make it into more. That's when the relationship should end, but for whatever reason they tend to keep on going.

bayfarm · 2020-09-15T06:22:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Sankara-Lumumba99 · 2020-09-15T06:05:35+00:00

You’re absolutely right OP!

You can not negotiate attraction. Point blank period!

DamnDirtyCountryCock · 2020-09-15T07:07:11+00:00

This should be obvious, don't know why this is such a big revelation to people. If someone hates bacon, nothing you do will get them to like it. It doesn't mean they're a bad person or that bacon is bad, it just means they have different taste.

Geekedphilosophy · 2020-09-15T08:25:36+00:00

Sounds like a challenge...hold my beer! Ok lame cliche jokes aside I have two thoughts on this subject...

Really depends on what you are implying by "MAKE somebody love you"...do you mean in the sense of you cant make someone want you sexually because they have no physical attraction or connection with you in the "barking up the wrong tree" or "friendzoned" sense or do you mean make someone want, desire or value you despite your best efforts and persistence? If the latter then I would say of course you can! That is all it is really in a simplified basic sense...the very act of talking too, flirting and doing the relationship dance with someone IS making them fall in love with you because they can have no real feelings for someone whom they have not interacted with yet other then visual sexual attraction so the question is redundant in that case. Many times over the course of a serious long term relationship the dynamics of love and power change and bounce back and forth with the natural ebbs and flows of life so your attitude and "ground game" absolutely plays crucial roles in how much someone "loves" you or desires you.

2.I do agree that often times we desire most the woman we can not have for one reason or another and take for granted the ones who we know love and desire us more then we do them. It is one of those odd and ironic human features that seems to be a universal part of human psychology that we really need to investigate and try to overcome if for nothing else then our own mental well being but is most likely beyond our powers to control as it seems to be connected to our own egos and psyche.

Sorry for the long ass word vomit lol...just my two cents

pua_max · 2020-09-15T04:40:14+00:00

Idk man game is all about leveraging smaller and smaller spark. It’s also about changing yourself and your situation to get the biggest spark you can. I like to think abt how different women have made me feel in the past. Now that my sample size is kind of large, I can say that there are definitely consistently attractive behaviors that women can show to move my heart. For men I think this is more true, bc women are generally less visual creatures than men. They focus more on behavioral signals.

Andrewfairlane · 2020-09-15T06:14:21+00:00

When you give up and move on, that’s when they come knockin’

Alex_O7 · 2020-09-15T08:44:19+00:00

For all the new guys in this forum, this is the one single biggest LIE you would read and heard here.

There will be some girls that no matter what you do you cannot attract them, because they are already into a wonderful relationship, because they are not looking for new partners right now, because they are lesbians perhaps, or other thing. And that is fine. You cannot have control over these kind of things.

But, the vast majority of the girls you would ever meet would not be into this category and would not be either into you from the get go.

That's OP is just loser mentality, not to offend you. But you cannot say that improving your attitude, your style, your vibes, your body, your game in general, will not help you with the MAJORITY of the girl you will meet. So it DOES matter how attractive, mysterious, alpha man, how amazing, patient, etc etc you are! Without all of that you are putting yourself in the lower 5% of a Gaussian Distribution, when you really want to be in the middle of the curve, to have more chances as possible with the majority of women. Then there will always be a 5% (or a small % anyway) of girls you can not seduce no matter what and there will be a 5% that otherwise will be attracted to you no matter what.

princesswannabeee · 2020-09-15T12:53:25+00:00

Well. Spark is not always there. You can’t expect to have a spark in a relationship in every day of your life. Same with happiness. There’s this fights and all. But not having spark doesn’t mean the love is not there.

RealJoeDee · 2020-09-15T16:37:48+00:00

Desire cannot be negotiated.

jestercake · 2020-09-15T16:44:07+00:00

Agreed. But you can maximize your chances by being the best version of yourself. The me of one year ago wouldn't have been able to date the women the current me is dating, because he was needy, boring etc. So what you say is correct, but it shouldn't be an excuse to not work on yourself. Not that I'm saying that's what you're advocating. Just wanted to make that clear for any newbies reading this post.

SmartPuppyy · 2020-09-15T08:42:30+00:00

I wish I could make my heart understand this. Yesterday, I had a pretty big argument in my head about why I should move on and I was doing great and felt happy but I had a dream where we reconciled and she is smiling at my jokes. I woke up at 3Ö30 am and not unable to sleep.

TooInToFitness104 · 2020-09-15T08:54:42+00:00

So we guys are saying is that attraction is a choice and There's no such thing as becoming an attractive man?

TheFeistyNun · 2020-09-15T09:22:46+00:00

Good post. I would like to add that also, don’t take it personal if your needs don’t align.

If someone is not ready for a relationship, then they’re not ready. This has nothing to do with you. The fact that they don’t spin on a dime and change their mind just because it’s you, doesn’t mean you’re not a great person and a perfect match. So it should not be a reason to let it ruin your self worth.

superdupersmalltown · 2020-09-15T11:18:17+00:00

I feel like everyone could give this Bon Iver song a spin and it’ll answer all your questions. https://youtu.be/Q3VjaCy5gck

Flashy_Pound4892 · 2020-09-15T12:59:11+00:00

So true..

e_getts · 2020-09-15T14:04:05+00:00

I think I just recently learned this one the hard way. Been seeing this amazing girl for about 2 months, and there was definitely a spark there from day 1. We were obsessed with each other, talked all day every day, went on dates. Then she slowly started to distance herself, going a day or two without responding, not hanging out as much. But I remained patient and never put any pressure on her.

It had been about a month since we went on a date, and last weekend we were both drinking at a friends house and all of a sudden she kissed me for the first time in ages. And afterwards I asked her if I could take her out that week and she proceeded to get upset with me.

I think this feeds into the point of just wanting someone to have fun with no strings attached. Which I am down for but we havent talked since and at this point it feels unsalvageable.

hawtjustluc · 2020-09-15T15:38:06+00:00

You can control loving yourself. My favorite lesson learned from YouTube relationship coaches from has been focusing on myself rather than trying to control an outcome.

2020-09-15T15:54:28+00:00

I needed to read that, the last months or even years were quite desperate for me, reading that helps, even though I knew it, I wasn’t really certain of the problem that bugs me. Thanks!

joenaph · 2020-09-15T16:25:52+00:00

I'm more of the "you can make anyone love you if you know what strings to pull" train of thought. Personality traits are what pulls those strings. You just have to find that someone to whom your personality naturally pulls those strings. That way, you wont have to alter yourself to be with that one.

Or then again, improve on those traits you see as detrimental, and you'll pull strings on those you perceive as "higher" than your standards

erikmalkavian · 2020-09-15T18:30:31+00:00

That is SO True OP!

PurpleRoxy · 2020-09-15T18:52:30+00:00

You can only learn this the hard way I feel

andy64392 · 2020-09-15T19:15:06+00:00

Agree. Vast majority of “make any girl fall for you” advice is complete and utter bullshit sold by conmen wanting to scam people into buying their dating lessons or secret book tutorials

king_bot14 · 2020-09-16T01:29:16+00:00

i like a girl help me get her i think she likes me 2 pls help me

sedmone · 2020-09-16T02:06:36+00:00

So what if the female happens to be your friend for 5+ years and she says she isn't feeling the same. Should I cut off all ties with her and move on or still has to act as the friends which is kinda hard for me to do ?

rfd007694 · 2020-09-16T03:11:20+00:00

In my experience I see this as sales. The majority of people you met will be kind of "neutral" and your personality (social trait in this case) will tip the balance to your favor (not always but
like >80%) but of course there are some people that even if you are the best salesman in the world you wont be able to develop rapport and get the sale.
So it's true what someone said, social trait wont get you 100% of the women you met, is literally impossible, but developing good social traits will give you more probabilities of making it.

bam03_ · 2020-09-18T13:59:06+00:00

Gawin kong tagalog para tagos sa puso.

Minsan, di ko rin maisip kung ako yung mali e, ikaw ba o sila. Pero one thing na lagi kong sinasabi at totoong totoo nga na, "People love the chase". Kahit saang aspeto, sa pangarap, sa pag ibig o sa kung saang bagay man. Gusto nating naaachieve yung bagay na parang suntok sa buwan pero kaya naman. May thrill eh. Nakakaexcite. Totoong nakakabuhay. (Kaso yun pala ang papatay sayo no?)

Sure ako may sparks yan, short lived nga lang. Hindi nga lang nakabuo ng maayos at matibay na koneksyon. Maaring hindi kayo nagtugma sa yapak patungo sa relasyon. Pwedeng masyado kang mabilis maglakad, sya naman eh pwedeng parang naglalakad sa buwan.

Pasensya na pero di ka nya naimagine na pangmatagalan. Panlibang lang ba. Pangpuno ng kulang sa gitna ng kawalan. Pang panandalian.

Laban, OP! Bata ka pa naman. Naniniwala na lang ako sa sinasabi nilang, darating daw ang the one sa oras na di natin inaasahan.

Dannyboi93 · 2020-09-22T12:05:56+00:00

Neil Strauss disagrees

Pringles__ · 2020-09-15T07:42:16+00:00

"You can't make yourself love someone" either.

I personally wouldn't invest time in someone who is not interested in me. I want to give people unconditionally if they are willing to reciprocate. That doesn't mean I'd do it to get something in return, that means that if they don't show any sign of interest, I ain't going to force myself into the relationship.

Bryn79 · 2020-09-15T13:31:32+00:00

When you finally grow up, you will discover love is overrated and relatively useless for a mature relationship.

What is love? Feelings? Attraction? Overwhelming thoughts?

What’s a relationship? Two people choosing to be together. Someone can love you more than anyone else in the planet and still choose not to be with you because you’re an immature idiot, or abusive or for any other reason.

Love is only a step in a journey, it’s not the destination.

NinjaGirl88 · 2020-09-15T10:37:25+00:00

“....So it DOES matter how attractive, mysterious, alpha man, how amazing, patient, etc etc you are”

You got it right !

You cannot guarantee it but you increase your chances 100 folds

Railionn · 2020-09-15T13:20:14+00:00

Disagree. A spark can be created by personality. If love was based solely on sparks we could simply approach the first person you feel a spark with and ask her if she does too.

I've dated countless of woman and some of which I didn't feel a spark with in the beginning did form one later on.

oikmule · 2020-09-15T15:23:41+00:00

You could kidnap someone and rape them until they develop Stockholm syndrome...

But I guess that's not love, that's the mind's coping mechanism.

yoma_mafat · 2020-09-15T11:14:34+00:00

What you need is some roofies. Add some to them drank. They'll accept your love all night.

excentrik-art · 2020-09-15T11:17:59+00:00

I would say I could make 75% of single ladies fall in love with me with pure experience, social callibration, friends, parties, events, sports and mainly sex.

You can make girl fall in love with you if you pressure and relieve correct points (emotions) at correct times, frequently enough, long enough.

Title	You can't make someone love you.
Author	Educational-Tie5732
Upvotes	753
Comments	97
Date	September 15, 2020 4:30 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/it1qxx/you_cant_make_someone_love_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/you-cant-make-someone-love-you.1428292 https://theredarchive.com/post/1428292

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