So I floated the post-nup idea . . .

AffableHandyman · 2021-09-13T15:45:21+00:00

Just get it over with and give her a divorce. You need to look out for yourself, not for her if it's already getting to this point.

Calm_Tomato · 2021-09-13T16:07:38+00:00

Yeah. This is kind of what happened to me. The ex and I kept talking about divorce and it wasn’t until we reached the 10 year mark that she all of a sudden wanted it. She didn’t ask for lifetime alimony but she asked for more upfront (in the monthly alimony amount) in order to give up the lifetime alimony. I took the deal because I had just become vested in my pension and she left that alone. The longer you wait, the more she’ll get.

RStonePT · 2021-09-13T21:38:08+00:00

Dude, this negotiation is pathetic and I can't believe you thought it would be a good idea.

And the only incentive you gave her was to be kind to the guy she really can't stand.

hadrianviceroy · 2021-09-13T16:20:51+00:00

My friend went ahead and filed and the offered a post nuptial, she said no and he said you've been served.

longboatlarry · 2021-09-13T19:21:08+00:00

Bud. I’m going through that right now. Married for 24 years. Separated 3 years ago. I also have a high net worth and she has enough to retire at 51 already. Although she’s claiming she has to work until 70. I am worn out from working my ass off for last 30 years and reduced my work to two days a week. She’s taking me to court to impute full time income to me. She’s relentless. My lawyer tells me that family courts expect us to work as hard as we can for as long as we can. There is not benefit to sprinting to the finish line. It’s a prison sentence that we have to serve. It’s complete bullshit. I got her to a point of self sufficiency. That should be enough.

JackSkell0255 · 2021-09-13T20:01:49+00:00

You had me at “pull the trigger”, but then I continued reading…

Spend your best effort locating and paying the best divorce attorney you can.

Mavik52 · 2021-09-14T02:41:21+00:00

You are way ahead of the game. 99% of the posts here are because the hammer already dropped. Hats off to you for thinking way ahead. If you have already discussed the idea and it was shot down, then politely tried to help her understand your concerns and she still blew you off, then that says everything you need to know. I am assuming you provided adequate comfort to her during and after the discussion. That conversation most likely created an intense feeling of her safety and security being threatened. If you did then the only thing left is to make the decision to move forward and mean it. I would not show your cards and threaten the divorce. But I would make it very clear that this is a concern of the highest priority and you are not going to table it. If she doesn't agree, find your attorney and start getting your affairs in perfect order so you can serve her first and be in control of the process from the starting bell.

Throwaway4120213 · 2021-09-13T19:48:31+00:00

The chances of you not divorcing is low. Everyone that gets to the stage of seriously contemplating divorce eventually do - question is how long can you kick the can and how screwed are you going to be by family Court.

In a couple of years - she’s going to be in her 50s with almost no job experience for 20yrs so you better believe you’re getting hit with lifetime alimony. So wait a few years and you can kiss your early retirement goodbye. You’ll be slaving away to give her 50% of your paycheck for the next 10yrs. Why would you risk that? Is your life so great now that the promise of status quo is worth risking a life of servitude until retirement age?

FUMoney · 2021-09-13T15:35:34+00:00

This sounds like a living hell. I have no solution. Hopefully someone with perspective and experience can provide wisdom.

sicrm · 2021-09-13T16:02:39+00:00

I think more people that get cheated on, especially the breadwinners, should ask for a post-nup.

the issue is you need a plan b when they say no.

if there’s no actions in the near future you can take to make the divorce better for you, then you’re probably better off biting the bullet now.

try offering lump sum payments or giving up a bigger share of equity in the house to reduce alimony.

JohnnyMnemo · 2021-09-13T21:05:56+00:00

You could also try to move to a state in which lifetime alimony isn't an option, to prevent that risk.

As for NW, if you start hiding it now, in stages, it'll be hard(er) for her to claim later. Martial assets are by and large free for either party to dispose up until divorce; when you're moving towards separation ofc it's an argument. But years in advance are less so, and then it's really only what she can find.

whnyrhppyndyknwt · 2021-09-13T23:31:03+00:00

So it went over like a fart in an aqualung...

MakeItSoQ · 2021-09-14T03:06:02+00:00

Here's another option. Take a new job that moves you to another state where alimony is not automatically awarded. Many states do not have automatic alimony. If necessary, set up an arrangement where you have to travel there a lot, purchase a small apartment, and change your driver's license to that state to establish residency. 6 months in you file for divorce in that state.

Another option, give her consideration now for signing an antenuptial agreement. For example, buy her a big ticket item she wants like a car or a new house, and have her sign an agreement on how it will be split in a divorce. Along with that contract, include a provision to limit alimony in event of a dissolution.

AskLeading241 · 2021-09-13T16:17:16+00:00

What kind of assets do you have liquid or fixed? If they are liquid could you “gift” some of the money aka let someone hold your money & then file if that’s your intention?

playerknowmore · 2021-09-13T18:54:14+00:00

How long is the marriage? Did she cheated on you? Infidelity equals a postnup; before reconciliation. If she didn't cheat why would you destroy your family over money.

henrysmyagent · 2021-09-14T04:21:39+00:00

She is thinking 100% about what is in HER best interest.

Why aren't you?

She is only willing to stay if there are additional cash and prizes for her later on.

Cut her loose to find some other guy to fund her 401k.

pegleg_legal · 2021-09-14T10:54:37+00:00

I must be missing something. I don't understand how anyone could be expected to sign away their rights for no benefit. I hope you wouldn't do it if you were in the same position.

Friendly_Fireman · 2021-09-14T12:44:29+00:00

what

Is this a follow up to a previous post where you explained what you’re talking about?

Title	So I floated the post-nup idea . . .
Author	gnackered
Upvotes	15
Comments	51
Date	September 13, 2021 3:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/pnhttm/so_i_floated_the_postnup_idea/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/so-i-floated-the-post-nup-idea.1070633 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070633

Comments