Custody Question

InternationalClub328 · 2022-07-19T17:42:08+00:00

I would be concerned about her not wanting 50/50 for the reason she stated. 50/50 would actually be the least disruptive for the kids if you do one week on and one week off. They get good quality time with each parent that way. If you agree to less than that, know that it’s almost impossible to increase your time with your kids.

I had roughly 30/70 and it was really shitty. Especially as they get older.

Make sure you get a house right near them, ensure that they have their own rooms and set up their rooms really nicely before they show up the first time. You want them super excited and comfortable and an empty room in a new house isn’t comfortable for kids that age. You want a house near them so they can easily access their friends.

Rough-Area4765 · 2022-07-19T18:40:17+00:00

In texas also, had expanded standard plus 1 night which meant full child support but only had kids 13 days per month. It was too much back and forth on kids. Their mom didn’t budge since she wants full child support. So I offered her full child support but for us to go week on/week off. She said yes faster than the judge could sign the new modification order.

At end of the day, if both parents are fit, able and willing AND live close to each other, then 50/50 should be the standard. Only reason otherwise is money. Figure out a way around money and kids will be 50/50.

Texas is horrible when it comes to custody as 50/50 isn’t recognize unless both parents agree to it. One side still ends up paying child support as the state collects a huge amount of federal reimbursements from title IV-D of the social security act. The state is incentivized to not go 50/50. Keep that in mind here in Texas.

Good luck!

Bipolar_investor · 2022-07-19T17:39:22+00:00

Lawyers would tell you :

2/2/3 arrangement

Or

Week on week off

Talk to a lawyer, because in your case before and after school may be a factor.

eyesayhello · 2022-07-19T18:11:21+00:00

That's why she doesn't want you to get custody. Child support. FIGHT FOR IT. 50/50 Is your right as a parent and these are young and important years to be around your kids as often as possible.

If she says 50/50 isn't good for the kids then say, "fine. I'll just do full custody and you can have visitation."

AdrianInLimbo · 2022-07-19T20:07:31+00:00

It's sad when CS money is more important to the person getting it than what's good for the kids.

And then, in 6 months, she bitches because she gets no "Me Time" and "I have to be a full time single parent". Well, that's what you wanted, or at least the money that goes with it.

I work full time, have my 17 year old daughter living with me, full time, and my son (14) every Friday evening thru Sunday night. Sometimes till Monday morning.

She doesn't work, but babysits her boyfriend's son when he has him over.

AdministrationEast88 · 2022-07-20T02:05:42+00:00

I don’t care what anyone says, fight for 50/50… “back and fourth isn’t good”….fuck that. The kids need equal parenting…unless there’s a reason (abuse, drugs, etc) no reason to not let the kids grow up w the parents equally in their lives. Even if you don’t get it, you’ll get to (one day) tell your kids you did everything you could or even better, you get it. Courts want 50/50 there’s a crazy amount of studies that show that kids benefit from equal parenting time. Don’t let people “tell you what to do” including me… just fight for your kids. Good luck! PM if I can help

tarpy · 2022-07-19T17:39:48+00:00

We have 50/50, got that back in late 2016. We got there because kiddo wanted it. Told me first, I talked to her mom. Mom shut it down hard (bc she'd see less $). Kiddo did not like that, sat both of us down. Told her mom that every other weekend wasn't working for her and that if she (her mom) loved her as much as she said she did, she would do the right thing and work something out with me.

Ended up having to go to the Judge, kiddo was of age where her desires and preferences were given equal weight. The compromise was that we'd go 50/50 but I would keep my CS the same. I didn't like the fact that my ex was being rewarded for being difficult, but I view it as a small investment in my kid's future as a well adjusted human.

treborcj · 2022-07-19T18:37:24+00:00

Texas here. Had 7M and 12F at that time so close to their age. Got 50/50, called 5-2-2-5. She got Monday, Tuesday. I got Thursday, Friday. Every other week I had Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It worked out great.

Knave7575 · 2022-07-19T19:09:36+00:00

Others have mentioned, but the best schedule by far is the 2-2-5-5 schedule

https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/2-2-5-5.php

It provides consistency, kids are not away from a parent for too long. I’ve been doing it for 11 years now and it is awesome.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-07-19T19:24:43+00:00

> stbxw doesn't seem hip to it saying it's too hard on kids constantly moving from house to house

That's bullshit. Kids do just fine. At that age, you'd be looking at a 4/3, or 2/2/5/5 schedule.

If she's making more money than you, then it's likely she's spending more time at the office and you're spending more time at home. If that's the case, then you should be seeking to be primary conservator.

In TX, judged do not typically award 50% parenting time. There's Texas Standard Possession and Texas Expanded Standard Possession. The latter is about 42% parenting time.

Late-Kangaroo6081 · 2022-07-19T21:14:12+00:00

50/50 imposes the least disruption in the lives of the children. They keep close to both parents who still share an active parenting partnership (assuming they don't go to war) and thier sense of family can remain intact.

AStirlingMacDonald · 2022-07-19T21:15:09+00:00

Go for week on/week off, get a place in the same school district as your STBX. Fight like hell for 50/50, because once she has more, there’s a chance she’ll never budge again just to spite you. Might be worth agreeing to forgo CS from her if she’s willing to go 50/50 and you can afford it at all.

pegleg_legal · 2022-07-20T03:37:33+00:00

I'm wanting 50/50 but stbxw doesn't seem hip to it saying it's too hard on kids constantly moving from house to house.

This is fucking bullshit. Is her lawyer's advice that this argument will be considered grounds in the court? Can your place comfortably accommodate the kids?

Freefaller6 · 2022-07-20T11:45:02+00:00

2/2/3 is what I am in now and it’s a constant back and forth. Moving to a week on week off soon. If she thinks 50/50 is to much on the kids, ask her for 70/30, where you get them the majority. She’s trying to limit her child support to you. Plain and simple.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2022-07-20T13:08:52+00:00

50/50 is not “too hard” on the kids. My boys were 7 and 2 when I split. Fight for the time.

You need to find something within the same school system if at all possible. I ended up renting a dump on the south side of town before I had enough saved to buy my own house. The three of us lovingly refer to it as The Hovel.

The point is, we had our half of time together and there were brighter days ahead.

divorcedredeemed · 2022-07-20T13:46:05+00:00

50/50 worked the best for me. The only reason my ex didn't want 50/50 because she wanted more money. I said and fought for no. My three were in elementary and high school and they are great adults now. 50/50 works. Least disruptive my ass!!!

theOtherMusicJunkie · 2022-07-19T22:15:58+00:00

I'll tell you what everyone else told me... 50/50 is THE hill to die on. The rest of it isn't important... you'll get over it. You can buy another house, replace the shit you had to sell, whatever. But missing out on the times with the kids, you can't get that back later.

I'm on a similar path, trying to cooperatively get to that 50/50 agreement. My lawyers are great and passionate about dad's rights and 50/50. If she gets half of everything I have and everything I owned and what not.... equitable distribution they say... read the other stories, nothing equitable about that... but anyway, not to get all Solomon on ya.. but why should I not get half of my children('s time)¿?

Title	Custody Question
Author	sivertone
Upvotes	8
Comments	29
Date	July 19, 2022 5:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/w2ych0/custody_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/custody-question.1123829 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123829

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