This is your friendly reminder that having boundaries in your relationship is not "controlling."

I mod an anti-porn subreddit. A lot of new users there start out in other relationship advice subs only to be ripped apart for admitting they aren't comfortable with porn. My heart breaks for them. There is a distinct difference between boundaries and being controlling, and enforcing your own boundaries is not evil. But it's the simple act of having expectations for your partners that sends a certain kind of Redditor into a rage.

Having boundaries is saying "I don't want XYZ in my life." It's focused on you. When you're dating someone and they don't match up with your boundaries, you enforce these boundaries by walking away. The same goes for when you're in an established relationship. Often saying "I don't want porn in my life" doesn't stop people from watching porn in your presence. It empowers you to leave relationships that don't suit you.

Controlling your partner would look more like "you must stay with me AND stop watching porn." It can also look like "You can stop watching porn OR break up with me." This is a form of control because you're putting the onus on your partner to react to your boundaries. But for boundaries to be effective, it must be you who acts to protect them.

This is why vetting is important. This is why blocking & deleting are important. And this is why the standards set out in the handbook are important. These are all in place to protect your interests. But at the end of the day, you're the one who needs to enforce these interests with an iron fist. You cannot make someone conform to your image of a relationship, but you can move on in search of something that suits you better.

Remember this when you're dating and find a prospect who is perfect except for that one thing that happens to be a dealbreaker for you, or will bring you pain. You can "communicate," sure, but too often these dealbreakers (example: porn) will be something they continue anyway and either strongarm you into accepting or hide from you for the sake of having both. If you let this happen, you end up communicating that your boundaries aren't boundaries at all and can be ignored.

The answer to "what do I do?" relationship advice posts is "dump them" 99% of the time.