A dominant man, submissive woman (or captain, first mate) relationship dynamic is frequently advocated by TRPers. I made a point on another thread that mainstream relationship/dating advice frequently advocates or results in the opposite: a dynamic where the man defers to the woman. Link.

A lot of this comes from the messages I heard during my formative years. I encountered sayings like "the woman is always right", "happy wife, happy life", and the man referring to the woman as his "better half". In portrayals of marriage (e.g. on TV but also real life men talking about their marriage), it seemed like the woman was generally the authority in the household. The man had to worry about not displeasing or upsetting her (like a teenager trying not to upset their parents), he has to ask her permission to do things, etc. The man being "whipped" was portrayed as normal and natural.

I especially remember noticing that it seemed like a lot of married men (again both in fiction and real life) had "sage advice" about marriage for avoiding conflict and disharmony that mostly involved variations on "do what she tells you to do". I saw from men a self-deprecating attitude and deferential approach to their partner that I didn't really see from women.

Interestingly, a lot of these attitudes (woman as disciplinarian for the man, "just do what she tells you") can be seen in statements from Barack Obama. Here's an instance where his marriage advice for a man is "just do whatever she tells you":

"Just do whatever she tells you to," Obama told a man sitting with his wife at a table during a brief chat about what makes a good marriage. The president's words were collected by The New York Times reporter Mark Landler, the print "pool reporter." [http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/obama-marriage-whatever-she-tells-200624645.html]

His advice to women? Be patient; it takes about ten years to train a man properly:

At an Indiana town hall, a questioner noted it was Obama's anniversary. Obama said it was 22 years that Michelle "has been putting up with me."

He then recalled recently telling the new bride of a friend, "It takes about 10 years to train a man properly so you have to be patient with him."

"He'll screw up a bunch. Eventually, he'll learn."

[http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/obama-ladies-patient-men-article-1.1962727]

Some might dismiss this as a joke, and there's probably some humour intended, but I also think that it's partly serious and that many people do see relationships this way (and advocate that view). Importantly, I think I can safely say that there would be massive uproar if Obama had given women marriage advice that consisted of "just do whatever he tells you", regardless of whether he meant it as a joke. The result is that men are a lot more likely to get such messages that encourage deferring to your partner. Also, the "she has to put up with me" line is an example of the self-deprecating attitude that I see from men much more often than from women.

Question: Do you believe that mainstream relationship/dating advice (or portrayals of relationships) advocate or result in the man deferring to the woman? Do your experiences line up with mine, or did you encounter different messages?