Feminism hurts women too

I was thinking about the phrase that feminists use when you show them some problems that men face because of their gender, the phrase "patriarchy hurts men too". I hate this phrase. It seems condescending, uses the bullshit idea of the patriarchy which is used to blame all gender problems primarily on men, and also seems to imply that the problems women face are much worse. In addition, the phrase only seems to come up when arguing with MRAs and men and seems to be a tactic to try to hold on to their agenda and ideology in the face of evidence to the contrary.

So I decided that the phrase I am going to use whenever someone brings up problems faced by women in gender arguments is "Feminism hurts women too". Although not all problems faced by women can be blamed on feminism, many of the problems that women face are made worse by feminism.

I thought I would make a list of some of the areas where feminism hurts women. I know some of these are somewhat conjecture about how feminist misinformation effects people, but I don't think the conjectures are unreasonable at all.

-The wage gap: The perception that gender discrimination causes the wage gap hurts women by making then not go into certain fields. I have heard several women on reddit say they were pushed away from STEM fields by guidance councillors, and know one woman who didn't enter a field because the average pay in the field was lower for the average woman lower than the average man. By insisting the pay gap is not due to women's choices feminism denies women the information they need to make choices that increase their earnings.

-Feminist exaggerates the rates of both domestic violence and rape, which causes women to be more afraid.

-Feminism denies the causes and situations in which domestic violence occurs. By denying that domestic violence situations are often reciprocally violent, feminism denies women knowledge about a potential sign or even cause of serious domestic violence.

-By expanding the definition of rape feminism causes men to not take rape as seriously.

-By making marriage increasingly unappealing to men, feminism makes it harder for women to get married

-By fighting against equal custody presumption feminism places more of the burden of child care on women, which make it harder for women to be career oriented.

There are a couple more ways in which I think feminism hurts women, but I am not as sure and/or have not seen as strong evidence.

-I think by portraying problems facing women as all men's fault feminism causes women to ignore or not seek out things they can do to prevent things they dislike from happening. For example, women often complain about unwanted male attention, yet many of the women I have met do not seem to know how to ask someone to stop (there is an art to it, you need to be confident and serious or else people may mistake your seriousness, although some don't even say stop at all). Similar things happen with other issues facing women.

-By denigrating male sexuality and blaming men for the portrayal of women in the media I think feminism spreads the perception that men like the women in the media, whereas in reality male tastes are much more broad and don't tend to be for the tall skinny supermodel types (I think I read a study that found that women think they look most attractive at a lower weight than men found them most attractive).

-I wonder if how stacked the cards are in the woman's favour when a marriage ends makes men stay in relationships in which they are unhappy in and possibly increases domestic violence as a result.

-Feminism, because of the way it focuses on some issues makes it hard for men to treat women as equals in certain situations. An example is fears of harassment causing men to not associate with co-workers.

-Feminism makes women seem like children in certain situations, such as by not making a woman responsible for consent given when drunk. Absolving women of this responsibility seems to be implying that women are weak and not capable of handling themselves and making responsible choices, and forces men to take a paternalistic attitude towards them.

Anyway, it just occurred to me that we could use this phrase to fight feminism. I do think having a movement look at women's issues is a good thing, but this movement cannot be anything like feminism in its present form. Thoughts?

Edit: Found some major typos.