Dad if you ever do that to mommy or me...

venereveritas · 2011-10-27T04:20:23+00:00

Have you tried talking to her? She's a teenager, right? You should be asking her questions and answering them all the time right how!

Don't let television teach her. Talk to her. Tell her how you felt about the comment, that it upset. Remember, television not only negatively effects men, but women too. A girl her age could use a guiding hand to show her reality versus what our TV program says.

Sarstan · 2011-10-27T06:09:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

gb2digg · 2011-10-27T05:35:06+00:00

Am I wrong? I'm ill. If her mother hadn't pushed me around the house a couple times maybe I wouldn't be so ill.

Uh... what? Your post stopped making sense right here.

fondueguy · 2011-10-27T10:16:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SpanningInfatuation · 2011-10-27T06:22:38+00:00

To be fair, it is very unlikely that she sees you as capable of beating her. In this instance, it probably had less to do with you being male, and more to do with you being an authority figure and her seeing parallels of two very different types of subordination. If the program had shown a woman doing something such as radically neglecting her children (I didn't pick outright violence because of the unlikelihood of that being shown on television), she would probably have thought of her mother, not because of gender, but because of authority.

I'm not trying to downplay the situation, however, only provide some additional insight. It is likely that misandry is at play here as well, just because gender is an aspect of what was portrayed (one against the other) it just isn't the only factor to address if you want to fix it, and it isn't likely what she sees in you, specifically, even if it is likely she would see it in another figure, such as a boyfriend.

waspbr · 2011-10-27T09:21:56+00:00

You should let your daughter know your perspective into this issue.

2011-10-27T23:03:36+00:00

Woman good, man bad is simply everywhere in media

Yeah, it's always depressing to turn on music channels and see all those female superstars degrading scantily-clad men.

A_Nihilist · 2011-10-27T06:43:45+00:00

Quit watching shitty Lifetime movies, moron.

Dexter77 · 2011-10-27T12:29:47+00:00

Yes, it's not only the brainwashing that all men are evil but also that women are always good. No matter what they do. It encourages women, even your daughter, to act violently. She might even think 'since men are so violent, I better be preemptive and keep him (future boyfriend) down'.

MrStinkybutt · 2011-10-27T06:18:04+00:00

Stop watching shit tv with your daughter. Find some old quality television shows or movies, hardly anything on tv isn't misandric. You need to screen that shit extensively.

gorbal · 2011-10-27T07:04:14+00:00

She was being facetious ...she knows you would not do it and probably is so sure she knows you know that she doesn't realize how it might sting.

ThePigman · 2011-10-27T20:52:41+00:00

"a local DV shelter FOR WOMEN"

Is there another kind?

barn_burner · 2011-10-27T14:19:42+00:00

Everyone else has posted some good advice. You definitely want to talk to her about culture and how it perpetuates these stereotypes.

I just want to add one other perspective. She is a teenager, which means she is part adult/part child(notice I made no gender references there). The child still wants to believe that such things don't really happen and wants to feel totally safe. The adult part thinks,"wow, I could be in that situation, what would I do?"

As a female she may have been using her words to communicate differently than you heard it. The child in her might've been looking for reassurance from Dad. Maybe a hug and, "Thankfully, I would never put you in that situation." It sounds and feels like you have to defend yourself, I know, but this is a child we're talking about.

The adult part of her may be trying to start a dialog about what to do. You said the story was a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. Something she can picture herself in right now. Start talking to her about what to do, how to see the early signs of abuse(for herself and friends), let her know you will always be there for her, and most importantly how to pick well in the first place.

I personally would not recommend a formal discussion of the topic, she may feel like she shouldn't bring it up next time. Unfortunately, it will come up on tv again. Watch for opportunities to bring the subject up. She will remember your previous conversation and notice that you were listening, this will make her feel your genuine love.

I know the gender bias of the culture is frustrating but you have a real opportunity to stop the cycle with your daughter. Good for you being that kind of dad.

fondueguy · 2011-10-27T20:18:19+00:00

Talk to her and tell her how it made you feel. Then let her know that the world in not just like the tv and that men and women can abuse or be victims. If she can handle it let her know that you have personally dealt with abuse and wouldn't bring it to your home.

It would be a real learning experience for her and you would not feel so isolated in your own abuse let alone your man = treat image. Just make sure you are stable when you talk to her and tell her only what she can handle. Also say you know she didn't mean anything by her comment but that you saw it as a good learning opportunity.

rockidol · 2011-10-28T02:39:54+00:00

Assure her that you wouldn't do something like that, and that the people (use a gender neutral word) who do that to the people they love, are rare compared to those who don't (don't know how to word this to a child).

Moustachiod_T-Rex · 2011-10-27T08:23:14+00:00

I understand that that must be extremely frustrating for you to go through.

However, as someone else pointed out, stop watching crappy television. It rots your mind. Get some nice, clever, long term, non-formulaic drama like Lost, The Sopranoes, Battlestar Galactica, or The Wire. Maybe some of those are too mature for your daughter, but I think you'd be surprised.

megazen · 2011-10-27T13:39:48+00:00

Explain to her that domestic violence is initiated about 50%/50% by men and women. Show her some videos, articles.

I understand your dismay at such a response from your own daughter, but it's also a good moment to educate her that domestic violence is not a one-sided issue.

Offensive_Brute · 2011-10-27T15:36:56+00:00

haha you got persecuted by your own daughter. how does it feel to be a man?

lollan · 2011-10-27T10:53:13+00:00

Your problem is that you let your daughter talked to you that way. She should apologize for what she said and you should put some distance between the two of you until she does. To show her that what she said is insulting.

WhiteDragonTiger · 2011-10-27T13:42:14+00:00

Turn off the fucking television.

Did we need it before this bullshit?

Will she need television to be a productive member of society?

Does her actual productive ability in the rest of her life depend on television?

If not turn that shit off.

47blkmstr8 · 2011-10-27T15:41:47+00:00

I'm not sure if this will help but I don't see it as all "woman good, man bad". Honestly, the media is filled with all kinds of images to get people worked up. The mean guy who slaps the shit out of the defenseless woman is just a really good hot button. You can't say anything against it. I'm really sorry that happened to you.

2011-10-28T00:21:20+00:00

Get out. It's not your family any more. It's only a matter of time until you get your divorce/abuse claim. Your fuse is lit buddy.

2011-10-27T12:56:04+00:00

You should beat the shit out of her for thinking such a thing.

beatsdropheavy · 2011-10-27T07:55:17+00:00

if you're really "all that" then your daughter would know that beating her is not an option, and being pushed around like you say you are is DEFINITELY not an option dude. Grow up, man up. If your daughter doesn't see you be the best man you can be, how will she ever be able to find the best man for her.

Best wishes

Title	Dad if you ever do that to mommy or me...
Author	carchamp1
Upvotes	122
Comments	92
Date	October 27, 2011 3:57 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/lqkx8/dad_if_you_ever_do_that_to_mommy_or_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/dad-if-you-ever-do-that-to-mommy-or-me.1032533 https://theredarchive.com/post/1032533

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