Is money that important

Dell_Hell · 2021-12-21T20:22:48+00:00

At 5, your son is just now making memories they will actually recall as an adult. All those adorable moments between birth and 4 yrs old? Almost all gone, won't remember them at all.

Do not take the freelance job if it's going to cost you your relationship / quality time with your son. There's certain times you can't get back - at 5 you're still the world to your kid. I'd give anything to go back and not be working so much when my kid was 5.

You can make money at any time, even 15 years from now. If your kids needs are met, if you're not in such absurd financial stress it's hurting your mental and physical health - just focus on being there for your kid. Your son is dealing with a lot of change and making space to create new patterns, new traditions, and really paying attention & learning how to be a single parent has to be top priority for you.

Just two cents from a 40+ yr old parent of an adult now...

SwamiSweatSocks · 2021-12-22T00:33:07+00:00

I worked my butt off for two years after the divorce finalized and I have another two years of hard work ahead of me.

I still won't be quite caught up with where I was before the divorce, but it feels good to have some level of security and honestly theres a big empty place left from my ex leaving me for another man (20 year marriage). So I fill the empty with work and gym for now. Even if it doesn't fix things, when things do come back together I'll be in decent shape both physically and financially.

Bipolar_investor · 2021-12-21T20:18:34+00:00

Your son is young, and you care for building something for you both. If you can take advantage of the 10 days you have with him, with this job, then take it. Your bank account would smile at your in a year...

JuneCleaversMudFlaps · 2021-12-21T20:43:52+00:00

I personally feel like its important for you to think about what happened and process everything. Maybe even get a therapist for a bit to work through it. I feel for you though, the system sucks and i am right in the middle of it currently. I know i am going to get screwed and i have come to terms with it. I would not take the opportunity just yet, but would spend the time working on myself. You owe it to yourself and you deserve it

JohnnyMnemo · 2021-12-21T20:50:25+00:00

This is an opportunity for you to decide what you really want in life.

I determined that money and ambition were part of what me to my divorce, so not only did I lose my wife, my money, but also I sacrificed my life and interests. I'm not willing to do that again.

But now you get to decide what really motivates you individually, instead of trying to decide what's best for your family.

FUMoney · 2021-12-22T00:04:31+00:00

Go for the job opportunity. Do it now. It gets exponentially harder as you age. Get it done now, build a huge cushion, then you will have lots of optionality later.

pegleg_legal · 2021-12-22T03:12:35+00:00

Make hay while the sun shines. Don't forget to save some of that hay.

turbor · 2021-12-22T04:54:04+00:00

You will only get the tender years once. It is the crème del a creme of life, IMO. So much fun! My little guy has a Superman costume on and a Mohawk bicycle helmet, right now. He’s running back and forth across the house, pretending he’s Sonic the hedgehog. He’s counting presents under the tree, and my life is full.

Im also an engineer. Don’t punish yourself.

derelictherds · 2021-12-22T02:14:56+00:00

Are you mentally "fit" for a new and possibly more demanding job?

holisticounselor · 2021-12-22T04:09:27+00:00

You have so many moving components that you need to straighten through that I would strongly encourage you to seek counseling or therapy. I am a holistic counselor with a background in mental health counseling who specializes in divorce, and I’d be happy to work with you. I also have a support group for those going through divorce tomorrow evening at 10pm ET via zoom if you’re available at that time. First and foremost I would encourage you to think of your child and not sink further into depression. You have to focus on your healing which contrary to popular belief doesn’t naturally occur with the passing of time. You’ll have to put forth the effort to rebuilding your life and creating a better relationship with yourself. Not to sound cliche but money does come and go. I would look at the lost funds as very expensive tuition. You have learned valuable lessons in the school of life and relationships that resulted in overpriced tuition. You still have ample opportunity to regain all that you have lost but I’d encourage you to focus on healing your hurt over financial success.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2021-12-22T04:56:00+00:00

You can always make money. However, at 5 you are still your son's whole world. Many men have been in the same boat. I too am upset and angered over being financially pillaged just because she could do so in a court system that pretty much lets it happen and encourages it. It sucks, but at the end of the day, move on as best as you can and make those memories with your boy. It is so worth it, and he will look back with great joy when he is much older.

AlbumSixForever · 2021-12-21T21:53:25+00:00

Money means nothing. It’s a fools game. Spend time with your children.

ChatRoomNinja · 2021-12-21T22:04:13+00:00

You can always make more money, but you will lose the childhood years to build time and bonds with your kids. Does the freelance job preclude quality time with your kids? Probably not... may not even diminish it that much, only you can answer that question, and even then there's a lot of variables.

ExpressionStrict1503 · 2021-12-22T03:16:54+00:00

I am going through the same process and after spending tens of thousands of Dollars and still trying to finalize child custody with my STBX if i can go back in time i will give in to everyone of her demand.

I wasted 2 years of my life i am close to 50 and i am still far from done.

Consider yourself lucky that you are out. Now come with a game plan and try to get more time for your kids.

Spend as much time as you can with your kid. He is 5 and you are his superman be that person, forget your Ex and spend as much time as you can with him

thefudmaster · 2021-12-22T05:38:12+00:00

Money is important. More/quality time with your son is I’m important. Only you can make that decision.

azwildcat74 · 2021-12-22T15:06:00+00:00

Get your money now while you can. You have ~20 days a month to make that your focus, there's no disputing the effect of time in a market and you have NO idea what your ex will try to pull where you may need the capital to fight for the time you do have with your kids. You will want to get back into your interests at some point, let that come to you in time. Get back on top financially ASAP, IMO.

LyricalPig · 2021-12-25T00:13:40+00:00

Its just money - you can make more of it.

Title	Is money that important
Author	bladefish1
Upvotes	14
Comments	27
Date	December 21, 2021 7:58 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/rlmrh1/is_money_that_important/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-money-that-important.1091311 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091311

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