I'm now less obsessed with finding "the one"

sexualfoodpantry · 2022-02-10T12:51:47+00:00

Women are purposefully raised in most places, to view marriage and a family as their top priority, and the earlier it happens, the better. They often make very bad decisions because of this conditioning and ruin their lives.

Many redditors think this sub could have the same negative impact as misogynistic subs, because they love to project their hateful, violent mindset on other people. But nothing could be further than the truth.

At worst, it might make a woman pause and think for a while before making a lifealtering decision that could destroy her. I consider that a win for her, as well as everyone in society.

At best, it will motivate her to level up, so that she may never have to be at the financial mercy of others, while also expecting more from those around her. This is a win for the future of humanity.

N3wY34rN3wM3 · 2022-02-10T14:16:53+00:00

Yeah I've also completely let go of the notion of finding "the one" and it's made my life so much more peaceful.

Also, the family issue you bring up is something that's been on my mind for a while. Another user here mentioned that you date him, but you marry his family, and of course it's better to have a good relationship with his family. However, if you look at the subs pertaining to in-laws, sometimes it can be a total nightmare to deal with LV in-laws. The older I get, the less inclined I am to sign any legally binding contract that increases my chances of having to deal with people I don't like outside of business reasons.

Great_Woods · 2022-02-10T13:20:38+00:00

I’m a total newbie to this sub. I’m still getting my bearings with all the lingo and the concepts, tho I was familiar with some of them from other social media platforms. To me, this sub has reassured me that my failure to online date isn’t a failure, but rather a success. I find most men on the apps to be woefully inadequate. I struggle to see how women around me have dozens of matches. I just cannot muster enthusiasm for the men I see, and I felt like I was on the B team on Hinge. This sub has made me realize that truthfully, most men are on the B team, period. It’s been liberating in a way. I am happy being single because if I wanted to settle for a LVM, I would have stayed with my ex. I would match with whomever from Hinge. But I don’t want to do that, so I don’t. And it’s okay!

The_Cat_Empress · 2022-02-10T15:10:12+00:00

"I never dated"

[fans self and cries] I thought I was the only oneee!!

I feel you on this...you said you pursued the men you liked and are SPOT ON that any man not interested (especially if he dates you out of 'pity") won't lead to a happy relationship.

IDK if you think like this, but this is why I never dated men who were interested in me because I'd "feel bad" because it's kind of insulting to the other party to date someone out of a weird obligation.

Thanks for this post...I don't feel so alone in my feelings hahah.

cryptohobo · 2022-02-10T19:28:30+00:00

This is honestly why I think Disney princess movies should have disclaimers on them.

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2022-02-10T20:31:37+00:00

I totally love this post. I felt the SAME way, I had a major pickme crisis a couple years ago where I thought hurrr I'm an academic/woman of science therefore I have to CHASE the things I want in this life including the "perfect man", something to separate myself from the uneducated mass of my pickme mom and family I got sick and tired of. I ended up chasing one dude and let me just say neeeeever again.

katiekat0214 · 2022-02-10T14:05:17+00:00

If the guy is the right one, compatibility is a total breeze! You'll have way, way more in common than you can believe, and everything will simply flow. Whatever you don't have in common won't matter, or will be fodder for discussion and learning about each other, and won't threaten either of you.

With Jack, late second husband, it really felt like we stopped talking in one incarnation and picked it back up in this one, and have done so, will continue to do so. With everyone else, it's like Sisyphus pushing the rock uphill. The fit isn't there, the ease isn't there, the relaxation isn't there. With the right one, all of that is there, and more. You just fit together well, vibe together well, get on. There are no major knock-down fights, although there will be discussions, obviously. You never have to sacrifice, and compromises that leave both people satisfied are easily reached.

Seriously, I used to hate it when older people said "you just know" but YOU DO just know. Also, no tears of sadness, frustration, anger -- only happy tears. There is such a deep rest and relaxation and just knowing with the right one, there's nothing like it. The best analogy I can give is like the satisfying feeling of finally finding just the right jigsaw puzzle piece. Everything else might be a close match, but not right. When you find the right one, you are both complete people, but you complement each other, broaden and deepen each other, fit into each others lives, and also expand each other. The fit is just there.

sunset_sunshine30 · 2022-02-10T16:29:40+00:00

I feel like I have finally come to this realisation too. I recently had an amicible breakup with a guy I dated for a year. He was a great boyfriend, emotionally supportive but he was pretty into Christianity and it was something we couldn't reconcile because I am not even a little bit religious.

Whereas before I would have gone straight back into online "dating", I am no longer interested. I am tired of talking to mediocre men who can't drive or live in a pigsty or are sex-obsessed or lie or will keep me around until they find someone "better". I'm tired of men without a real job and the emotional depth of a puddle.

I am happy on my own, seeing friends and family enjoying the odd flirt here and there, but I just find life with a man so much more hectic and stressful.

2022-02-10T17:36:26+00:00

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msromperstomper · 2022-02-11T02:20:14+00:00

I'm taking a break from dating this year and honestly I am SO enjoying my me time and building relationships with smart, accomplished women who are making a real difference in the world. To be honest I think it has really spoiled me as it has set the bar SO high.

xfelugirlx · 2022-02-10T15:26:16+00:00

Amen sis, is way healthier to stay single that keep idealizing scrotes

Gologic34 · 2022-02-10T19:53:16+00:00

I think part of the problem is that we are looking back not forward. We would not want the partners of the past. We are comparing ourselves to women who got together with MUCH lower expectations of having to please their man, cook, clean, not enjoy sex, serve men while they watch sports all day, put up with men's depression, repressed emotion and insecurity (combined with societal pressure not so seek help), etc. Now we can afford to live alone and it's got a lot of perks compared to all that shit. Are there "new men" who are enlightened, not corrupted by society's VERY slowly changing patriarchial ways? Sure, maybe 10%. And a lot of them are taken simply because they know that relationships are mostly about being flexible and kind and they stick with partners and work through difficulties and don't become available that often. I think a lot of women's neediness is tied to chemical imbalance, personally. The two women I know with borderline PD must always have a man. I think that could be true of non-PD women who maybe suffer from a slight dopamine deficiency and need all that cheap validation thrill from dating apps. Just a theory of mine. The grass is always greener, but I think many marriages of the past (including mine) were more like shit brown.

XMochiixMochiiX · 2022-02-10T17:29:19+00:00

Honestly this is so true. I've also come to the point where I'm done with wading through so many lvm that I'm done wasting my time with them. I think that if someone was meant to stay in your life they will and that you will 100% meet them at some point. It's just a question of when and how long it takes. During that time you need to focus on yourself and levelling up and the time will fly. Investing time and effort into yourself is one of the only things that will never leave and will stay with you. Keep on going queens!

Title	I'm now less obsessed with finding "the one"
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	762
Comments	37
Date	February 10, 2022 11:30 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sp4ivh/im_now_less_obsessed_with_finding_the_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-now-less-obsessed-with-finding-the-one.1101415 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101415

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