My gf (22) just confessed to me (24) that there’s a double standard when it comes to leering.

OA12T2 · 2022-02-20T14:48:55+00:00

Men look women look - who cares. It’s when they act on it’s the problem. Also you’re an idiot for not looking - she’s not a unicorn, don’t treat her as such

ayvee1 · 2022-02-20T14:49:46+00:00

She comes across men that are more her type all the time? Obviously we don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship, but from the outside and with no additional context it sounds like you’re a placeholder.

Either that or it’s not true, and she’s just trying to make you feel insecure or jealous as part of her arguing. Neither sound brilliant.

excess_inquisitivity · 2022-02-20T16:43:56+00:00

She responds to this by saying that she doesn’t let me know when she comes across another man whom she considers to be more her type than I am, adding that she comes across these kind of men all the time.She responds to this by saying that she doesn’t let me know when she comes across another man whom she considers to be more her type than I am, adding that she comes across these kind of men all the time.

She just told you you're a placeholder.

PorcupinePower · 2022-02-20T14:40:14+00:00

What the hell...

she doesn’t let me know when she comes across another man whom she considers to be more her type than I am, adding that she comes across these kind of men all the time.

You're putting up with that?

rosewiththornzzz · 2022-02-20T21:15:05+00:00

God that’s awful. To me my fiancé is the only type for me. I don’t really have a type, but to me he’s just…he’s it you know? He’s mine and that’s all I need. He loves me, he listens, he cares, he’s helpful. I mean him being mine is what makes him my type I guess is what I mean to say if that makes any sense. I don’t really notice the men around me at all. I might notice if they’re attractive, as I know he notices if other women are attractive as well, but neither of us would want to be romantically or emotionally involved with them. Idk if this makes any sense at all😂 my point is that I feel sorry for you. You give her the consideration of letting her know she’s the center of your universe and she should give you that same consideration.

avitar35 · 2022-02-20T14:57:16+00:00

Your next question should’ve been “If you don’t think I’m your type then why are we even seeing each other?”, cut to the chase don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t really like you.

Ahielia · 2022-02-20T20:44:59+00:00

She responds to this by saying that she doesn’t let me know when she comes across another man whom she considers to be more her type than I am, adding that she comes across these kind of men all the time.

She sounds toxic as shit. I would not take that shit, if she sees all those dudes who's more her type, let her get one of them instead.

IronJohnMRA · 2022-02-20T15:35:51+00:00

She responds to this by saying that she doesn’t let me know when she comes across another man whom she considers to be more her type than I am, adding that she comes across these kind of men all the time.

Oh wow. Dude that is a huge red flag. Please get away from her ASAP.

Sun-Kizzed · 2022-02-20T19:35:44+00:00

My man and I gawk at cute girls ( I’m bisexual ) and he lets me think guys are cute. Because guess what, women and men are attractive. The difference is we don’t act on it and we let each other know through self esteem comments and reassurance that we would never want to be with anyone else.

2022-02-20T16:02:24+00:00

1-800 drop that hoe.. I’ll repeat it for you 1-800 drop that hoe.

Dieivita · 2022-02-20T16:27:49+00:00

As a woman, I have even mentioned noticing an attractive woman to my partner... Like... I'm human! I love going to Hooters and not just for the wings and beer.

I've watched women sexually harass men and yet if a man made those same comments they'd be crucified. It's ridiculous.

anonyree · 2022-02-20T14:48:25+00:00

Complete disrespect. It's over bud.

Whitified · 2022-02-20T18:47:37+00:00

as I consider myself a gentleman

It is at this moment you knew, OP fucked up

Content-Fly7323 · 2022-02-20T13:11:28+00:00

Kick her too the kerb.

OldRain1701 · 2022-02-20T21:01:20+00:00

If you put someone on a pedestal, you have forced them to look down on you. Know your worth!

DostoevskyTuring · 2022-02-20T22:33:04+00:00

Your relationship is doomed. Break up soon.

Morrighan1129 · 2022-02-21T00:46:24+00:00

I mean... this really has nothing to do with privilege, and more to do with your ideas of how the relationship should work.

Because both my boyfriend (of almost ten years now) and I routinely point out attractive folks to each other. There is nothing wrong with looking, as long as you're not touching. Yeah, sure, you shouldn't be like, "Oh yeah, that chick there? Way hotter than you. So hot. I wish you looked like her." But to see a nice looking person, and notice is literally something that we're programmed to do biologically.

But noticing an attractive person isn't a 'privilege' for only one gender. If your SO doesn't let you look at other people, they're just controlling and have low self-esteem -regardless of their gender.

weirdest_memes_ · 2022-02-21T02:12:12+00:00

she doesn’t let me know when she comes across another man whom she considers to be more her type than I am, adding that she comes across these kind of men all the time.

Dude, dump her right now!! It's a massive red flag!!! The temp pain you would get by kicking her out is totally worth it. She is just using you as a substitute while looking for other men and god knows what she will do as soon as she sees a chance w someone else

ABeeBox · 2022-02-20T15:25:40+00:00

I'm in a relationship and I don't check out women. Yeah, I look at a woman the same way I'd look at anyone else. But I'd never think "Damn she's hot" or "Daaamn she seems like my type". Never. I'm in a relationship and there is absolutely no desire for that.

I suspect that she could be a wanderer. I don't know if I'd feel safe in that relationship if I'd always be compared to other men. You should be the only man in her mind.

I think it's perfectly fine to consider someone else attractive, but it's not okay when you start imagining yourself with them, or comparing them to your current partner, or admire them as "more your type".

You need to have a serious talk with her. This shit ain't right.

jln3701547 · 2022-02-20T14:46:35+00:00

Run for the hills, dump her

WingsofSky · 2022-02-20T15:33:52+00:00

Women are super fast when they "Check out" a guy. You have to be really watching them.

TAPriceCTR · 2022-02-20T16:15:15+00:00

My wife and I tell each other when we see a beautiful person. Helps us understand what each other like. It doesn't matter what works up your appetite so long as you only eat at home

BUTTHOLE-MAGIC · 2022-02-20T16:33:45+00:00

Lol women lose their shit when you talk about how hot another woman is, but they'll talk about how hot men and women are all day.

Mhs7G_jeQ5Osi-xEp9_i · 2022-02-20T18:22:08+00:00

Make peace with the fact that one day one of those "better than you" men will ask her whether she has a boyfriend, and she'll say she doesn't.

You're a placeholder, providing money status and sex so as long as she doesn't find someone "better at it than you".

Impressive-Kitchen44 · 2022-02-20T19:52:28+00:00

She sounds like trash op

AkaSoldier · 2022-02-20T19:55:32+00:00

Thats grounds for a breakup wtf

Justathrowawayoh · 2022-02-20T20:03:29+00:00

stop simping

Ok_Medicine_7662 · 2022-02-20T20:15:27+00:00

Yeah dude you better hit the gym.. Promise all of these "More her type" guys have muscle tone and are taller than you. But you cant change height so just work out.

LingonberryMental · 2022-02-20T20:31:02+00:00

I’m gonna get a girlfriend and stare at guys hot cocks in public, see what she thinks about that.

MotorCityTrucker · 2022-02-20T20:59:28+00:00

I’m lucky in this regard. Most women consider me a very polite gentleman because when I give them the sinister leer, they’re not facing me. 😈

Maffioze · 2022-02-20T22:35:00+00:00

Personally I don't see it as a problem when people in committed relationships feel attracted to other people but the rudeness of the way she said it is giving me huge red flags.

International_Risk82 · 2022-02-20T23:39:38+00:00

Respectfully OP, you're a moron. Your gf just told you that she constantly compares you to other guys (who she sees as more suitable) which means she imagines herself with them which means she doesn't love you; you're just convenient for her. This is also a type of emotional manipulation where someone tries to indirectly tell you that they're the valuable one in the relationship and that you're expendable. Yet after all this you're STILL with her. Break up with her now and find someone who has enough decency to respect you behind your back

bluechair01 · 2022-02-21T01:57:02+00:00

Drop the cunt, she don't love you

ImplodedPotatoSalad · 2022-02-21T02:57:06+00:00

Yeeeah, OP, find a woman who is better than that.

cittix · 2022-02-21T08:09:48+00:00

Healthily arguing as all couples do most couples don't so its great that you do but honestly when she says that do you still feel attracted to her? If she likes other men more

skoynsuosbsk · 2022-02-20T15:45:07+00:00

Its over fam, she has no respect for u. Run, now.

CryingMadGirl · 2022-02-20T16:05:48+00:00

Listen man, this seems like a warning sign. Be careful, if she tells you that, she might cheat or something. That’s pretty fucked up to say

xTheVyrusx · 2022-02-20T18:17:05+00:00

All I can say is later on down the road don’t be surprised when she “doesn’t know what she wants anymore” and “decides” to move on. I’m NOT saying this will happen and for your relationship’s sake I hope it doesn’t but if it does the warning signs have been up the entire time for you to see.

tenchineuro · 2022-02-20T18:19:46+00:00

She responds to this by saying that she doesn’t let me know when she comes across another man whom she considers to be more her type than I am, adding that she comes across these kind of men all the time.

You might want to plan an exit strategy.

aknabi · 2022-02-20T14:53:30+00:00

Call it over based on this and doing it without emotion… if she simply goes then you know you dodged a bullet. If she tries to improve herself and tells you how she’ll be better it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue. Don’t do anything and you’re basically telling her to go ahead a sleep with those dudes and she’ll likely break up with you when she finds a BBD

Tre_Walker · 2022-02-20T16:00:28+00:00

She and I were healthily arguing as all couples do...

lol I can't read any further...

freakingfreakfrick · 2022-02-20T20:56:15+00:00

Women don't mention it because men can't handle it

SweatingSerpent1 · 2022-02-20T19:09:35+00:00

This post is so wrong on so many levels...

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-02-21T12:46:27+00:00

Never call yourself a gentleman. A gentleman is one “Yes milady” from a controlled cuck.

SamaelET · 2022-02-21T16:30:22+00:00

Well let your eyes free from now on. Or better, free yourself from that relationship !

PFfounder · 2022-02-21T17:53:55+00:00

Leave her, this is A BIG RED FLAG, she's just settling for you; she'll find a "better" man and leave you as soon as she can.
You should be her type, you should be bound by a reciprocal-caring relation, you love her ,she loves you and you care for eachother.
The fact that there sexier men shouldn't interest her...

throwaway3357305 · 2022-02-23T08:17:11+00:00

Don’t marry her is all I can say. Fuck until you get bored and then move on.

I’m not saying she WILL cheat on you but she has entertained the idea and just hasn’t had the right guy make the move yet.

She isn’t yours it’s just your turn.

EnvironmentalLeek180 · 2022-02-20T15:02:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AbsurdiBear · 2022-02-20T17:08:11+00:00

Well, you can't blame her for being honest with you. Even if her response sounds a little harsh, she is also letting you see that idealizing people is a bad way to carry on through a relationship.

You should try to loose a bit too. It endearing when someone really likes you to the extent that you like her, but it's also impossible to form a real relationship when either/both parties base their expectations on their own idea of "The perfect relationship".

Virtual-Possible5646 · 2022-02-20T13:12:13+00:00

Lol she said noticing other men that are attractive and you take that as leering? trying to victimize yourself pretty hard there bro

Magical-Hummus · 2022-02-21T10:51:57+00:00

I mean, if you wanna do it so dearly, then do it. Based on how you told me your story she was just honest to you. Besides, you could argue that it moreso proves that she wants you when she does not go for men who are "more of her type". Doesn't you are not stoll her type too.

Title	My gf (22) just confessed to me (24) that there’s a double standard when it comes to leering.
Author	JayKav97
Upvotes	263
Comments	116
Date	February 20, 2022 1:03 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/sx0ti0/my_gf_22_just_confessed_to_me_24_that_theres_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-gf-22-just-confessed-to-me-24-that-theres-a.1103898 https://theredarchive.com/post/1103898

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