Do you think people pick partners based on how good that partner would make them look?

stlmick · 2022-03-01T09:04:18+00:00

I've been in that one. It mattered that everyone she knew thought I was attractive. They did. It didn't matter who I was. It was toxic as fuck. Stay away from that.

lonely_mixtape · 2022-03-01T09:29:36+00:00

I don't know how common it is, but it definitely happens. Probably more so with people with deep insecurities.

My sister is exactly like this. Her boyfriend is quite good-looking, but he's extremely eccentric. I can't count how many times my sister has asked me for reassurance about her boyfriend. Whether I like him, whether I think he's weird or not, whether she should break up with him, etc.. She's constantly agonizing over how people will perceive him and by extension her. I personally think it's an extremely unhealthy dynamic. I would have a very difficult time being with someone who essentially thinks of me as an embarrassment or can't even make up their own mind about whether they want to be with me or not.

Of course she still began dating him. But the problem still applies. I'm sure it happens with plenty of people where they don't even bother starting a relationship because of that insecurity and need for approval.

TheEternalGhost · 2022-03-01T09:37:49+00:00

I've been with women of varying levels of attractiveness and I was definitely more comfortable introducing the more attractive ones to my friends. I think a lot of people would accept less attractive partners if not for the knowledge that they will be judged by the general public for it.

wtknight · 2022-03-01T13:11:51+00:00

It’s a personality thing. More social people with extensive friend groups or close family bonds are probably more likely to choose based upon what others think. Less social people, not so much.

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-03-01T14:51:40+00:00

I think this selection happens often. I don’t think most people are considering someone for a long relationship that they wouldn’t want to be seen outside with.

ogsimpology · 2022-03-01T09:04:45+00:00

Literally happened to me. The first and only girl I've gone on dates with and rejected, was a person who I vibed with on one level, and really liked how kind and sweet she was, but she just wasn't ... Presentable?

She had messy hair, was really boisterous and even though that was my type, I didn't like how I felt around friends...

Ended up breaking it off with her...

chingness · 2022-03-01T10:22:36+00:00

Ooh this is an interesting one for me I had an ex that I got on really well with but whenever we were out socially I couldn’t stand the second hand embarrassment of some of the things he would do/say

Honestly though it was a “me” problem. We weren’t right for each other and I never get that with my partner now. I don’t care what others think of him - it doesn’t worry you when you truly love someone - but then also maybe the right person doesn’t do things that embarrass you because you’re more likely to think similarly?

SwimmingAd9458 · 2022-03-01T10:36:03+00:00

I had men picking me for this exact same reason, those relationships were the worst. It's sad to be picked for your looks and number of college degrees, and not be seen as a more complex human. I always felt like an object for being shown off :/

I guess children of narc parents tend to land such partners, but due to therapy I learned how to avoid such men and instead find people who appreciate every aspect of me, and see me as a human being.

Barely-moral · 2022-03-01T18:05:09+00:00

In my circles there are a lot of people that picked their partner, wife or husband based on how good they would make them look to other influential people/their families/their industries.

It rarely works long term.

I am a lawyer, I am with a homeless woman I met at a shelter. My career and reputation took a hit and I needed time and effort to get my standing again. I will never get as high as I could have gotten if I decided to marry a woman in a higher class.

On the other hand Miss moral and I are still together and happy while I am watching marriages die in fires or wither into decorative husks all around us.

Visible_Seesaw4853 · 2022-03-01T10:33:15+00:00

I'm guilty of doing this, the sweetest girl that loved me was not good looking, i vibed so well with her, i was extremely attracted to her but didn't pursue it as i felt my friends and family would think i settled for her.

Now, i regret not pursuing.

AussieBrooks · 2022-03-01T12:01:59+00:00

Oh yeah. The biggest driving factor in a woman’s decision on who she dates is her top 2-3 co signing friends. If the friends don’t like ya, she won’t either.

tiposk · 2022-03-01T14:42:40+00:00

Yes and I would go as far as to say that many of our decisions are made with the "how others will perceive me if I do x". This mentality is a constant source of conflict as the need to look good in front of others comes at the expense of our desires.

Hoopy223 · 2022-03-01T17:29:11+00:00

Thats more of a girl dating thing, or guys who are “girl brained”.

Its pretty rare to meet a woman who will date a guy her friends or family don’t approve of. Its a romance trope that doesn’t happen in real life. They are big on social media, how we look as a couple all that stuff.

Unless the guy is a “Bad Boy” type in which case all bets are off lol.

Guys don’t usually care. Part of being a guy is being independent. “Be your own man nevermind what other people think” and “mind your own damn business”. It has to be a really over-the-top situation before we say anything.

LatterSeaworthiness4 · 2022-03-01T19:29:05+00:00

Yes, some people do this, just as other people intentionally pick less desirable partners intentionally because they don’t want them to have options and leave.

RRBeachFG2 · 2022-03-02T03:32:37+00:00

It’s an age thing

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Zcuzz · 2022-03-01T11:46:35+00:00

I was seeing a chick who was really fun and cool and she eventually asked me to make it official and I had to turn her down because she was such a downgrade looks wise from my exes and the other girls I had been seeing, I couldn't give any of them the satisfaction of knowing I was in a relationship with some busted ass looking chick.

Shallow I know. We kept seeing each other for another month or two, but she couldn't really get over it and our interactions slowly became toxic. A real shame too. I may have come around eventually. I was just in my player phase and I couldn't really bring myself to drop the other girls for her. In retrospect, it might've been worth my while in the long run.

Notsonewguy7 · 2022-03-01T12:37:17+00:00

I do wonder about people I can bring to my family like this does this person have a good education is this an ethnic matchup that would make sense would my family be okay with it. But I mean outside of that no not really random people in the street I don't care about.

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-03-01T13:01:17+00:00

Absolutely, and I encourage it. Always be pushing your personal brand.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-03-01T14:48:46+00:00

It happens fairly often, a lot of people really really care about what others think about them sometimes even at the expense of their own happiness

sarkington · 2022-03-01T15:50:24+00:00

Do you think all people do this ?

The-Antihero- · 2022-03-01T17:07:33+00:00

I don't think most people do that consciously, but that's def part of the background algorithm of mate selection. People absolutely treat you better or worse depending on how your mate looks. Especially women.

2022-03-01T18:01:12+00:00

I've been dated for "looks." It was awful. The man in question had no interest in me as a person. It was super sad.

Short-Fingers · 2022-03-02T00:06:43+00:00

Almost every woman I’ve been half serious with showed me to her friends for approval.

OfCatandPagan · 2022-03-02T04:38:18+00:00

Absolutely and those parings usually end badly

IcarusKiki · 2022-03-02T05:16:51+00:00

Yes very much

masochisticanalwhore · 2022-03-02T19:51:34+00:00

I think it happens to varying degrees, just depends on the person.

slut-forager · 2022-03-03T02:06:39+00:00

I mean it depends. I don't need a model but I need someone with good hygiene, goals, empathy, and basic manners. Idc if they wanna cover themselves in tattoos or dye their eyebrows or anything, but their behavior is the deal breaker

Spacechicken1998 · 2022-03-01T11:56:56+00:00

Too an extent yes, people are shallow. Why is this news

Title	Do you think people pick partners based on how good that partner would make them look?
Author	thoughtfulsoul10000
Upvotes	13
Comments	46
Date	March 1, 2022 8:52 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/t43k9m/do_you_think_people_pick_partners_based_on_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-people-pick-partners-based-on-how.1104723 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104723

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