I was served last week and just hired a lawyer. How long does this process take if you just stay in mediation?

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2022-05-10T18:46:54+00:00

Why would you just give up on your kids and take token custody?

Haitiboi · 2022-05-10T20:33:37+00:00

Don't roll over on these things - kids, most importantly. They may never know you fought for them, but you will. Don't let her intimidate you.

Gxl4 · 2022-05-10T19:29:05+00:00

Why are you giving up on your house and the kids.

You have a lawyer you need to pay anyway; might as well make it worth it.. if she pays for the equity in the house and you’re OK with that. And she wants/needs to pay fair price get it over with asap.

These retarded house prices arn’t going to stick for long anymore (call me crazy, wait for it).

Idratherhikeout · 2022-05-10T19:28:06+00:00

"She's made it clear that she's getting the house and custody of the two kids. Her dad has much deeper pockets than me and will open up the checkbook."

So?

fewdo · 2022-05-10T18:49:55+00:00

You both have lawyers, you're not doing mediation at all, I think.

My lawyer v lawyer fight in a court in NY took 9 months.

I wish I knew that distance = time without kids. Two hours away means taking the whole day off to go to a teacher meeting or a ball game or a hospital visit.

AffectionateAd6060 · 2022-05-10T21:14:30+00:00

No reason to settle for every other weekend -- imagine the kids with a step-dad who is spending all that time with them while you aren't .. Gonna have to fight

lemmingsrevenge · 2022-05-10T21:00:39+00:00

I really depends on the state. Some states like california require mediation. This adds months to the process.

It also depends on how much conflict there is. If both parents can be agreeable then it could be as little as 6 months from start to finish. In California for instance the minimum time is 6 months before the judge can sign off on the divorce.

Islandboy2000 · 2022-05-10T23:06:15+00:00

By going straight to mediation, you could hammer it out in one session, if you’re both agreeable and willing to compromise. Then it’s a simple matter of getting in front of a judge for the court’s approval of your settlement agreement. So it’s possible to be divorced in under 3 months.

But if I were you, I would hold your cards close to your chest, so to speak. Don’t let on that you’re willing to roll over so fast on the house and kids. Start off saying that you want custody and you want the house, for example. And then when you compromise you look like a good guy to the mediator (this does matter BTW). Be sure to strategize with your lawyer so they can help you get the most favorable outcome on the other remaining matters (e.g. child support).

I learned this the hard way, thinking I would be nice & agreeable by already compromising on some matters, without voicing it. And then when another contentious matter came up, the mediator browbeat me into compromising more, saying I hadn’t a compromised on much yet.

nomdeprune · 2022-05-11T01:20:05+00:00

She doesn't get to call the shots like that. And you don't need to just roll over and take it. If you're anything like me, you're emerging from a situation where you compromised much more than you should have to keep the peace. Well, it's a different scenario now and that approach will see you and your children getting short changed. It's time for a different philosophy because that situation is gone.

Jonger1150 · 2022-05-11T01:55:59+00:00

Fuck that.

Can you handle 50 50?

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-11T02:33:33+00:00

You can get it done and dusted in a couple months if you cave on everything and thereby fuck your children's future.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-11T11:29:30+00:00

It'll take as long as she wants it to take. You've fallen on your sword and put her in the driver's seat.

Fyfel · 2022-05-11T12:56:45+00:00

They’re your kids! Time to step the fuck up and not roll over man! Who cares how much money her ass hat dad has, let them waste money on lawyers and you just keep dragging it out. It’s a war of attrition not a sprint. Your kids need their father!

PurpleTacoTuesday · 2022-05-11T13:35:14+00:00

Mine took 13-months and still settled in mediation.

Lot of bullshit can happen to make sure mediation goes their way.

Obviously it can be much quicker/easier and everything varies by state.

missmewitDam · 2022-05-11T15:29:14+00:00

I advise you to be truthful during deposition. My soon to be ex-wife lied her ass off during her deposition, and is going to pay heavy consequences for it. Her paramour got depositioned as well (a late birthday gift for her from me) and if either of them even think about "attempting" to get rid of the evidence I already collected when we were together there will be severe legal consequences for both of them.

Being completely truthful aside, fight like hell for what's yours if you are a good man. Do not settle to be an every other weekend parent, ever. Those are your babies and all studies show kids need their father in their lives or the chances of them turning out awful go way up. Take that debt on to get equal representation if you have to, it's a small price to pay for your children.

jkw118 · 2022-05-11T15:44:18+00:00

So my ex, who's the one who wanted the divorce, her parents have millions.. I make ok money (but nowhere near what they have sitting around), and I've paid for the house and pretty much everything.

At the beginning she wanted me out of the house, and for me to stop by and take care of the kids daily. As well as continue to pay for everything. I refused to leave, primarily because she barely took care of the kids (I did primarily).. And the one who leaves is the one who's abandoning the relationship legally in my state.

Ideally you split everything evenly, my ex has dragged out my divorce for almost 5 years so far.. first it was medical/mental issues, then covid and two of her lawyers died. Now she's just trying to delay, as she's on my medical. She's taken god knows how many thousands of dollars worth of stuff. If I'm lucky in the end I'll get the house if she ever signs it over.

At the moment she's been delaying everything as she's not happy with the custody. She gets them every other weekend, and 2 weeks for vaca in the summer. I've been giving her additional time here and there, but she's got alot of issues, and can't always handle it.. she barely takes care of herself.

So yes it can be a nightmare, on the positive side she isn't living in the house, she left on her own. Really if you love your kids and want to spend the time, and can handle it with your job/life try for at least 50/50 otherwise you'll miss out on a lot.

david10277 · 2022-06-14T00:11:43+00:00

Why would you roll over and take it...

Shes making you scared ..so what her dad has a big checkbook .

If you have not been a abusive father/spouse why would you not expect 50/50.

Title	I was served last week and just hired a lawyer. How long does this process take if you just stay in mediation?
Author	DamnColorblindness
Upvotes	4
Comments	61
Date	May 10, 2022 6:43 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/umpmmz/i_was_served_last_week_and_just_hired_a_lawyer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-was-served-last-week-and-just-hired-a-lawyer-how.1114729 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114729

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