(29M) My spouse and I (29F) had a “surprise” pregnancy right before I’ve started the divorce process. I’d appreciate any advice

Dell_Hell · 2022-05-19T19:58:01+00:00

The courts will NOT give you primary custody in Texas as a guy unless she has SERIOUS problems - psychotic suicidal / absolute junkee. If she hasn't been to the psych ward, rehab, or jail - you are never going to get primary custody for financial reasons alone.

Why you ask?

Because you are going to get hit hard financially.

20% for child support, and you will likely be paying "spousal support" for 2 years (half the duration of the marriage)

So effectively, you get to pay for BOTH her household and yours for two years.

Infants / Very young children are much more challenging to co-parent due to the amount of "crap" they require and that you may not want / be able to afford to buy two of.

sicrm · 2022-05-19T20:54:02+00:00

drunk make up sex happened one night, which caused this “surprise”.. my spouse has infertility issues, so it was completely off guard

she could’ve already known she was pregnant or used this as a Hail Mary.

like others said, get a DNA test and a STD one as well.

Gxl4 · 2022-05-19T19:39:02+00:00

>my spouse has infertility issues.

Appearently not.

Whatever you do, get a DNA test. Assumption is the mother of all fuckups.

OwnerAndMaster · 2022-05-20T00:43:44+00:00

The child is mine

lol'd.

jimsmythee · 2022-05-19T21:40:19+00:00

You're not going to get primary custody of the child, so just stop. You can sit there and spend $75,000 in legal fees and what-not. And only get 50/50 custody. So please be reasonable in that respect.

Just shoot for $0 alimony. It's a short term marriage. shoot for her to have a deeded income of minimum wage 40 hours to minimize CS$ obligations.

jnuttsishere · 2022-05-19T20:01:13+00:00

Doubtful they’ll give primary custody to the father for an infant. All she has to do is say something like breast feeding.

Eve-3 · 2022-05-19T20:48:08+00:00

Why do you want primary custody? If there's something wrong with her and you can prove it you might have a chance. Otherwise you aren't even getting 50/50 in Texas, not for an infant.

The good news is you probably don't have to worry about alimony. Did she attend college or any sort of training beyond high school? Even something she isn't using now, but she could use it if she wanted to. Basically does she have any income earning potential? How low is next to nothing? 15k is very different from 40k, but both could seem like next to nothing to you.

As others have said, get a DNA test. So many years of trying with no luck, perhaps it's you that's got the issue but the new guy doesn't have that problem. Might be a temporary blow to the pride but better than 20 years of paying for someone else's kid.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-19T20:48:52+00:00

> spouse works part time
> I work full time

This is why you won't be the primary parent. You should aim for Texas Expanded Standard Custody, which is about 58% her/42% you. It's the best you're going to get from the court if she doesn't agree to 50% parenting time.

pegleg_legal · 2022-05-20T01:41:54+00:00

Well. Man up and see her through the pregnancy and first 12-18 months, I'd say. Then reassess. Unless she's willing to terminate.

fhl415 · 2022-05-20T02:59:30+00:00

One of the top ten rules is no unprotected sex when planning for separation/divorce is planned or even contemplated, and suspicion of infidelity. In your case after trying for so long this may be a blessing. You are young enough to have more children as well to someone you want to be with.

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-05-20T08:24:37+00:00

DNA test. If the marriage was in it's death throws she might have been sleeping about to find another branch to swing to.

Highwayman90 · 2022-05-20T14:17:00+00:00

Abort dude. Sorry to be the one to say it, but you should abort.

IttyBittyWeenieDog · 2022-10-06T04:17:15+00:00

A little late, but…how did it go? You ok? I’m 36 and I can’t even imagine the position this out you in, especially at your age.

Hope you are well.

dubbsix · 2022-12-04T16:59:06+00:00

Honor your responsibility to take care of your kid and proceed with the divorce. If i had done this in my relationship 18 years ago I wouldnt be fighting in court right now.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-05-19T21:29:52+00:00

Get an abortion. Pay her $50k-$100k to get one. You don't want this kid raised by this woman.

velesxrxe · 2022-05-19T22:15:21+00:00

Ooof. You fucked up big time bro. You could’ve been free and clear but you just had to get that last session with the pee sleeve. She going to stay pregnant?

How do you know the kid is yours?

stent00 · 2022-05-19T21:51:26+00:00

Skip to the Philippines quick and don't look back.

Spodee5 · 2022-05-19T22:34:38+00:00

The more parenting time you have the less you will pay in child support.

How you get there can cause it’s own problems too.

If she is willing to be amicable about all of it and give you 50% parenting time and sign uncontested out of court…..this could save you tens of thousands of dollars in attorney fees if you end up in a drawn out contested divorce in court.

If your already in a pising match then by all means yes motion for a DNA test.

It’s going to be difficult to get a large percentage of parenting time for an infant you don’t have an established parenting history with…especially if she is breast feeding. I have known some guys who got orders where parenting time increased as the child’s age increased and then they readdressed child support to get it reduced in the future.

Do your math. Is it cheaper to pay higher child support for 18 years? Or cheaper to fight for parenting time with an attorney?

I don’t know how you get much parenting time awarded for an infant.

whiskey_piker · 2022-05-20T20:56:08+00:00

This is a bad situation. You’ll be completely on the hook for child support and alimony for 18yrs. You might be better served staying in the marriage for a little while longer to clean up any debt (otherwise you will be stuck with all of it PLUS her alimony).

Tiger_27 · 2022-05-26T18:04:53+00:00

You might request a paternity test. You never know.

Title	(29M) My spouse and I (29F) had a “surprise” pregnancy right before I’ve started the divorce process. I’d appreciate any advice
Author	platonic_thoughts
Upvotes	20
Comments	46
Date	May 19, 2022 7:36 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/utbb4w/29m_my_spouse_and_i_29f_had_a_surprise_pregnancy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/29m-my-spouse-and-i-29f-had-a-surprise-pregnancy.1119313 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119313

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