I hate the feeling of having an enemy living in my house with me

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2022-07-18T01:34:30+00:00

Grey rock. Talk to lawyer. Video and record everything. Avoid conflict at all cost. Start pumping iron.

SixOfWandsRedux2022 · 2022-07-18T02:25:30+00:00

This sucks and I’m in this exact predicament. Being held hostage by a cheating piece of shit wife who has nothing but bad intentions. I’m laser-focused on the kids and me and that’s helped. Going to join a gym this week as that might help, too. Hope we can both get out of this vortex of treachery and evil soon and unscathed. Godspeed.

occoptionplaya · 2022-07-18T13:20:07+00:00

Get a body camera right now! Do not argue with her, because she will file a frivolous restraining order and your ass is out of the house. I'm currently kicked out and haven't seen my kids in 14 days. You might actually consider staying at a friend's or family members house. Be careful.

whatskeeping · 2022-07-18T03:40:19+00:00

Man I made it past it all. Don't worry fellas kids will grow up fast. Continue your life like you know it's going to be alright. Cause it is. You might even do this a couple times in your life. Don't laugh plenty of guys have done it and still kicked ass. What's done is done, treat her with respect, she's your baby mama now. It's OK to be cool with her but your done with that.

johnnybozzz · 2022-07-20T13:55:06+00:00

YOU CAN STILL WIN AT LOSING!

Oh man do I have advice for you, I literally just did this and am winning! Well as much as you can win for my daughter and myself. I’ll start with a bit of hope! Here you go… I currently have: 1. A TRO against my wife for me and my daughter 2. A No contact order 3. Full custody (temporary) until the hearing 4. She got booted from the house, I’m back in which is amazing for my daughters mental health

So here it is, I planned for an amicable divorce and filed the paperwork. Served her and she didn’t take it seriously. Thought if she was nice for a couple weeks I would withdrawal it. When she realized that was not the case she tried to threaten me with the cost, attorney fees, supporting her, taking my daughter away, etc. —- stay the course, this too shall pass —- Finally when she realized I was going through she lost it, started screaming at me, calling me names, and throwing things at me. I barricaded myself in the back room, called 911 and asked for an officer to escort me out safely (DO THIS). Do not engage!!! I packed my bags, essentials… and the police escorted me out. She slipped pictures of my face cut out of family photos under the door, wrote a not calling me names, etc. (evidence). I asked the police for the response card (case number). Left to my parents and called my lawyer on the way. —— do not engage, call your lawyer—- My lawyer went to work, 24hrs later I had emergency custody, TRO, and she was escorted from the house. I have been in the house for 45 days with 12 to go before the emergency hearing. —- yes you can win, I have my daughter and she is going to camp and getting positive emotional support from me and my family. —- PRICELESS

I’ve given (yes you decide) my wife supervised visits, and have been very gracious with the time. But they are supervised, not outbursts toward my daughter allowed. Positive safe space only. The visits I have agreed to are twice a week in the evenings and every other weekend with no overnights. This is important! All supervised. —- hold your ground, this is about your kids now —- Take what you can, GIVE NOTHING BACK!

You’re emotionally drained, frustrated, you want it all to be over… stay the course, this too shall pass.

Your shelling out $$$ like a sailor at a titty bar, stay the course, this too shall pass.

You feel like your lawyer is not pushing back enough, not tough enough, etc… they work for you, make them work for you and your kids. Don’t be afraid to change lawyers, you don’t owe them loyalty, they work for you.

WHEN YOUR LAWYER STARTS PAYING ME, then she can start making decisions. Until then, she works for me… that’s why they call them counselors!

Stay the course, this too shall pass!

gtivr4 · 2022-07-18T02:26:04+00:00

Figure out why she is so angry. Was it something you actually did? Or is that her nature? I’m finding my STBX is really showing her true colors. Angry, wicked, controlling, narcissistic. Just wish I had known earlier.

Not saying yours is, but if that’s her, no amount of attempted civil conversation will help.

EmotionSix · 2022-07-18T12:16:08+00:00

When I was in this situation I got myself a therapist to help me deal with my emotions. Since you won’t be able to change your wife, you can only change how you react and how she makes you feel. Try to see the therapist once a week.

SnooDucks2052 · 2022-07-18T18:25:06+00:00

Be cool. Lead by example and be the person that you are. After a while it’ll only be her keeping up the BS. Friends are important. Don’t discuss specifics with them though.

HalfTheMan611 · 2022-07-18T20:29:12+00:00

I know first hand how difficult your situation is - I've been in the exact same boat for many months now. It has been the most difficult time of my life. Being a dad is the most important thing in the world to me - the truest identity I've ever had. To consider losing 50% of my time with them remains incomprehensible. Although we haven't been getting along for a couple years now, it was earlier this year where my wife told me (in so many words) it was over between us. I never in a million years would have predicted this outcome. I have been an amazing dad, provider, worker, etc. Didn't prioritise our relationship I think and it suffered irreparably, particularly through the pandemic. Wife just fell out of love and wants out, but hasn't yet gone anywhere yet. Just started ignoring me, icing me down, rejecting me. All I can say is I've been trying my hardest to be a good man - nothing to gain by being bitter, resentful, angry, and depressed. Often easier said than done. It's taken me a while to understand what people mean when they say you can't change what someone else does, thinks, or feels, only what you can. Do your best to be happy, kind, and the best father you can be. Try and let go of holding on - if this is what she wants, so be it. Be the better person. Let her be on her phone. Find your zen place. A good friend said treat this as another challenge life has thrown your way and find a way to prevail. You're strong and will get through it. Look up the serenity prayer. It was hugely powerful for me to learn and recite now and again.

playerknowmore · 2022-07-18T21:52:59+00:00

Acting like nothing bad is happening; will not save anyone from the bad stuff that's happening. I believe you should ease the kids into bad decisions that affect their life.

OP can act like the darkness isn't imimet, but a train is about to run through his house. But I agree with you he can do whatever he wants.

divorcedredeemed · 2022-07-20T13:52:16+00:00

Most of that crap doesn't matter. How care what others think of you? You are about to go through one of the most devastating events in your life. Anything you can do to alleviate your stress is paramount at this time. Perfect, civil dialogue and focus on the kids is the best way to navigate living together under the same roof for a while. You don't have to play happy family, because it is not. Set some boundaries with her and get through the process.

pegleg_legal · 2022-07-18T05:02:17+00:00

When you say "wife and I have talked about divorce" it means what? Looks like you told her you want one. Hell hath no fury, so it goes ... don't expect civility, don't expect anything except anger, rage and discomfort. Discussing before filing and preparing is typically a huge mistake, so now that you're in this position, what are you doing about it?

It is very difficult to divorce a person who doesn't want a divorce. And if you've checked out of the relationship already, she needs to go through that process.

Secure your area within the house, secure your documents and possessions, change your passwords, protect your share of the assets, get a lawyer and move the process along. If you're serious about it.

As for the ideation of her demise, it's not rare but it's not healthy. You should probably see someone to help process how you're going to co-exist until this is over and what kind of environment you can create on your own. Do NOT expect anything from her. It's about you and what you can do for yourself and your kids. You've grabbed the tiger by the tail.

lostcanuck007 · 2022-07-18T07:45:52+00:00

I would suggest finding a safe space...like a small room you rent just to hang out and relax. Sleep at your own home with your kids. Setup a calendar and alarms to ensure you spend time with the kids. At least twice a week. Video and pictures of you doing activities with them and doing house chores as well. Keep the receipts. Move out anything tiny but important right now. Like your documents.

Have a go bag ready and always be ready thinking the police are going to come visit you. Voice activated recorder and keep a camera for where you sleep, make sure it has wireless streaming and local SD card recording simultaneously. They are branded as baby monitors nowadays.

James1933-75 · 2022-07-18T11:46:54+00:00

Good Lord sir, have you even talked with a lawyer yet? You need to YESTERDAY! If not, why on earth did you bring up divorce to your wife? Us she a cheater? Are you the cheater? You left out so many details.

Tiger_27 · 2022-07-18T12:50:43+00:00

JAWOF

KasperCaveMan · 2022-07-18T14:25:44+00:00

Am in similar situation. Almost right down to the kids ages. But we are so friendly we almost have no idea we split up. I do but she keeps trying to end the ending with new crazy sex or just pretending. She would rather stay in broken relationship, I would rather not.

I think the only natural progression, for you as well, is one person moving out. Then comes the breath of peace and thhe ability to think. Sounds like you bith need it.

playerknowmore · 2022-07-18T16:35:39+00:00

Personally, I would stop sleeping in a bed with someone I don't trust. I would set up a bedroom couch schedule. Actually I basically moved in the basement.

cleos808 · 2022-07-18T21:10:29+00:00

I know how you feel. It's normal to have mixed feeling. However you look at it, separation/divorce is a trauma and you need to focus on yourself, self care is now your number one priority. You're right she's probably plotting against you and you should not expect less so be ready.

I'm the guy who didn't believe others when they warned me about the dynamics of divorce. I thouhgt I knew my stbxw enough and that she would be incapable to harm me. I thought we didn't have to bring lawyers into our business. We loved each other for many year! There was no way this could be that bad.

I refused to leave my house and moved into my office. I gave her all the space she needed but I wanted to be there in case she would change her mind and that was a big mistake. I became her target. She's extremly sarcastic and constantly naggs and as day pass by it's getting worse. I'm responsible for anything and everything that can go wrong in her day. It's insanity!

Get proactive and do not underestimate how vicious she can be because she wil become your worst enemy. She will try to destabilize you to make you weak. If you can, move out asap with a separation in place. Living under the same roof is going to unravel a dynamic you never expected and might even kill any chance to fix it. Forget about civil conversation, from now on you can't trust one word she says. Don't worry about your kids, find the money and get a lawyer so you can fight for yourself. You don't have to be nice from the begining, better being legally aggressive and then leverage so you get to see your kids as often as possible.

Title	I hate the feeling of having an enemy living in my house with me
Author	orangekrush19
Upvotes	30
Comments	41
Date	July 18, 2022 1:31 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/w1n1mq/i_hate_the_feeling_of_having_an_enemy_living_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-hate-the-feeling-of-having-an-enemy-living-in-my.1124044 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124044

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