Am I dating out of my league?

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-02-09T21:58:25+00:00

Am I aiming too high?

There is a general view and a practical view here.

The general view is no, you are not. Women date across and up dominance hierarchies and men date across and down. That can be problematic for educated/high earning women because the higher you go the fewer men will pass the "hypergamy" test. I don't know what "tall-ish" means, but you probably already feel that there aren't enough tall guys to go around.

Anyway, if this is accurate:

guys in the same socioeconomic and cultural bracket as me

then that's "across" and therefor perfectly ok for both you and the men.

I think that I am looking for the male equivalent of me, my “type” matches my lifestyle and values, but Reddit

Lulz. "But Reddit". Yes, well, the dating world is a bit of a Hellscape these days.

So as I said, there is also a practical view, which is that an individual's SMV is determined by the opposite sex. So if you think you are an "8" (not saying you do, just throwing a number out) but it's only "6" guys who will give you a relationship, then you should probably re-calibrate your view of your SMV.

As and aside, about 20 years ago, I would have closely matched what you are looking for (6'2", white collar professional, high earner, cool hobbies (but not golf or skiing)) and none of what you mentioned would have put me off of you at that time, all things being equal.

So back to the Hellscape. I think if you put out there that you are a woman who believes in traditional gender roles, want to be a wife and mom, etc., and if you know (or are willing to learn) how to cook (the most powerful weapon in a woman's RMV), you will, sooner or later, run into a guy in your preferred categories who will say smth like "Oh, thank God!"

Anyway, my $0.02 from the peanut gallery. Good luck.

Justwatchinitallgoby · 2023-02-10T03:01:52+00:00

Just be aware that your sex zone and your dating seriously zone are not the same. You can get a LOT more men to have sex with you then are willing to have a committed relationship with you.

The way the apps work you can get confused because you’re constantly being hit up for dates and sex by men some who are in and some who are out of your league.

Just don’t confuse the two zones, because if you start thinking of your sex zone as your dating seriously zone..you’re just in for a lot of disappointment

sunglasses90 · 2023-02-09T22:26:23+00:00

If you live in an area where there are a lot of these guys I think you will have no issues at all. If you live in a hillbilly town with 1 of these guys chances are pretty low.

Dating is a numbers game. Put yourself where these guys are. For me, online dating was great because there were a lot of professional guys my age in my area. Even certain bars had “types” based on what industries/jobs were nearby. One bar I called the “engineer” bar because every single guy who frequented there was some sort of engineer.

I’m not smokin hot so I got what I wanted by dating older men where my youth added value more than my particular looks. Just being honest.

2023-02-10T01:56:46+00:00

If you have all those attributes then asking for the same in return is “fine”. The problem arises when you have standards that, although are fair, aren’t realistic and cannot be realized.

You mentioned you have fake breasts. Do you showcase them or is that just something you decided to tell us? The reason I ask is; you may be advertising something that you’re not actually “about”. I did this a lot while younger, thinking it was fine to have my boobs out and wear short shorts.

Well, all I attracted was men who wanted to spend the night with me, and as soon as they found out I wasn’t into that, most would bail, and some would stick around to see if they could convince me. Aka it “fizzled out”.

As soon as I started covering up, I attracted a different caliber of man.

Not to brag but somehow I landed a wonderful man who is almost everything you described except now he’s not a 6 figure earner. Covid screwed that up. I was 32 and he was 42 when we met. And he was NOT my type at first. He was way too “nice”, but I was drawn to him in a way I’d never felt and even though I was afraid (he traveled for work and I didn’t want to be left alone for months on end) we went for it.

All that to say, it’s very good to have standards, just make sure you are open to a good thing when you see it, even if he’s a bit shorter, makes a bit less, or has a strange collection of designer toys 😂.

new_moon_solstice · 2023-02-10T01:15:40+00:00

Please don't believe everything you read on the internet. I think only a small fraction of men (and most of them might be incels living in their mom's basement) think that truly successful men just want a neverending parade of hot 20 year olds. Some sociopaths do, but most don't. Lots of successful, masculine men want a woman who looks pretty but with whom they can also actually connect, and who can provide them the support and love they need to continue to pursue their stressful careers.

Also, this stat of white, 6 figures, and tall might be the top 0.1% might be the national average, but it doesn't say much about your locale, so I'd take it with a grain of salt. Nearly everyone I know fits this description in my world (i'm a doctor in nyc). You say you are also white, educated, and moderately attractive so that probably puts you higher up too.

Maybe go on some dates and see if men the men you like also like you? And if you don't have sex with them too quickly you'll weed out the ones just looking for sex.

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-02-10T01:47:56+00:00

The cynic in me thinks you have a RMV problem (though it could be that you're attracting the wrong types of guys) - you're attracting who you want but they're not sticking around. I'd wonder why that is. Picking up cooking/baking might be an easy place to start.

Putting that aside, I would widen your search - what you're doing isn't working for you and you're not getting any younger. Start with what you're flexible on - I would recommend age. Guys are most desirable in that late 20s/early 30s range - when their careers are established and women their age want to settle down.

You could try late 30s where your age will be an asset and not a liability. You could also try mid 20s. TRP theorizes that men often want to settle down when they're younger and then become too jaded/too aware of their options as they approach 30 - whereas a lot of young women want to try being single and adventurous in their twenties and then settle down by 30.

I think a lot of the reason I bagged my husband is because we were both 20, haha. If I had waited until he was out of college and on the apps, I think I would've been outdone. But I had a good enough SMV/RMV and he wanted to settle down and so we did! He's Caucasian, six figures at 25, 5'10, very good looking, respected white collar job.

A bit off topic, but if you told a man like my husband that you were financially savvy and part of the proof was that you had an advisor, you'd be looked at real funny. Not exactly a good sign for long term personal finance. It's like saying you're good at cleaning because you hire a maid.

livn4summr · 2023-02-10T02:35:16+00:00

If your search is broad enough, you'll be found soon enough. Think of relocation opportunities like an AWACs giving you a radar feed far beyond your own sphere. If you're restricting to one spot, it's a pool. Not many fish in pools. Now, the OCEAN on the other hand...For example: HVM like their families, and their families tend to like them. If they're into you for the long haul, they bring you home to their tribe. If you're not down for that, it presents a challenge.

RedPillDad · 2023-02-11T04:24:13+00:00

Some great comments here, especially from u/VasiliyZaitzev

There's an old adage that men hunt and women trap. What a woman uses as bait makes a big difference.

Baiting with hotness lures all the men who want sex. The problem is that you're competing with every other woman trying to do exactly the same thing.
Baiting with a plate of fresh-cooked food will lure men who want something more enduring than sex.

As many a grandma used to say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

The amazing thing is that with so many women abandoning conventional domestic skills, especially cooking, you have the glorious opportunity to stand head and shoulders above your competitors who are all busy trying the baddest baddie. It's almost laughable how strong of an advantage you can build for yourself.

Something I learned in business: Being better is good, but being different is best. Nowadays, cooking is a great way for a woman to be different AND better.

Make your man's life better, make yourself indispensable to the point he would be a fool to ever leave. You'll have him hanging around for 40 years like me, whispering silly things like, "You know you're a crazy-ass b----, but I think I'll keep you around for a while."

Anonymous_fiend · 2023-02-09T22:06:25+00:00

https://igotstandardsbro.com/

The type of man you're looking for is less than 1%. 6fig and 5'10+ is rare. There's just not enough of them to go around. That's why women with Masters degrees who are high earners have issues dating. They priced themselves out of the market. It's not that these women don't have high smv and rmv it's a numbers thing.

Meeting these men in person will give you a better chance. Do you go to any social or networking events? Any religious servives? A top <1% man on a dating site isn't usually looking for something serious. And if he is you're competing against many other women in his messages. Are you coming off too strong? Men want to be wanted for them not because they tick all the husband boxes.

mistressusa · 2023-02-10T03:04:45+00:00

What's been your track record? Are your previous relationships with men who meet your ideal standards? What do you think were some reasons why they didn't work out? IMO, at 30, you may have to be a little more flexible, if you want children.

I know the 0.1% is probably technically true but I think it depends on your circle. I feel like my 22 yo daughter is surrounded by men who meet the criteria you listed. Her bf certainly does. And I agree with you that men of this caliber do care that you have a career that you care about. They may not care how much you make, but they care that your have direction in your life.

Latter_Ad_6840 · 2023-02-10T06:13:24+00:00

It also depends on the vibe that you are putting out. You know those videos where they ask women "How much money does a man have to make to date you?" and you have perfect 10's saying some crazy answer like 1 million and they get roasted and called 2's in the comments. That attitude is unattractive. That kind of attitude will put men off. It's really hard to base SMV off of bullet points because some people are also extremely annoying in person while seemingly perfect on paper.

But keep on doing what you are doing and you will likely attract someone like that in your life. I did find a high SMV man to date near 30 and the way it worked out is a bit weird because I assumed he was out of my league, avoided him, and I think since he is used to getting attention he was attracted by that. I've typically pursued men prior and they were lower in SMV but when you pursue men, they will rarely turn a girl down, but many of them are not in right space to give a relationship and it has nothing to do with you.

I think another problem is that when you date online, the "good" matches that are not players are typically taken out the app quickly, what you are left with are the douchebags. I've connected with my boyfriend through social media, sometimes you become active and see what bites and start talking, people you already know are better in my experience because online dating lacks the "filter" that IRL provides but at the same time, I know plenty of couples who met online and married. Also dating someone who actively uses social media can cause several headaches.

I'd say see who pursues you, be active online and in social events, you honestly seem like someone who won't have any problems.

AlBundyJr · 2023-02-10T22:58:56+00:00

Just something to keep in mind, as you mentioned you're finding guys on dating apps, so those guys are finding women on dating apps too. Their selection has broadened immensely in the last 20 years, now they can quickly find girls outside their work circles, outside their social circles, and even living in other cities, all in seconds. So you're going to be running into a modern problem, that while even a decade ago the guys you might work around and live around in that high socio-economic bubble would have more or less been fenced in to dating the women around them (not really a terrible thing), now they're not. If the man of your dreams sees the profile of a hot girl with a compatible personality type, but who lives on the wrong side of the tracks, works in a blue collar industry, he can just call an Uber and have them drive her over to his side of the city. Now he's taken.

That being said, if you're a good looking girl you shouldn't have difficulties landing a man in your general range, unless you've got a real snag in your technique of dating. Unfortunately nobody can really gauge that from a post on Reddit.

DunboyCastleInTheSky · 2023-02-10T16:28:38+00:00

I think you’re dating out of your league.

The men of comparable age and status to you are looking more so at women younger than you and they’re not too concerned about their finances.

You can determine who’s in your league by seeing who is interested in going on dates with you, discussing inclusivity unprovoked, and who mentions marriage unprovoked.

AutoModerator · 2023-02-09T21:36:33+00:00

Title: Am I dating out of my league?

Full text: How can you tell what your RMV is? I have no problem getting dates with good guys on apps, but I’ll hit 30 soon, and am terrified that I’ll have to give up on finding a partner who will like me back due to my age.

About me: tallish -125 lbs and SUPER active -good hobbies (skiing, golf, Spartan races, etc.) -am gainfully employed (I know men don’t care but many career-oriented guys have really respected strong work ethic and career!) -long blonde hair, clear skin, breast implants, etc. not a model but also not ugly -love my family and want my own ☺️ -Educated, read the news, financially savvy (800 credit score, have an advisor, etc.) -Pretty chill overall lol -definitely feminine and I allow the man to “lead” in a relationship. Not one of those “men are trash” type of girls! Wouldn’t mind being a SAHM one day but I can also continue my career, which I enjoy

Is it wrong to go for guys in the same socioeconomic and cultural bracket as me? They’re white-collar corporate (typically sales or consulting), come from a traditional family, Caucasian, and are the golfing suburban dad types. Reading other forums however makes me realize that everyone I go for is a high-earner (even tho 150-200k+ is fairly standard in tech/law/finance for California and NYC) and is the “top 1% of men.” I’m not super picky about looks but I do love some height so I can wear heels 🤣🤣

Am I aiming too high? I personally think that I am looking for the male equivalent of me, and certainly am not looking for a sugar daddy or someone with a boat, lol. I think my “type” matches my lifestyle and values, but Reddit is telling me that the “top 1%” is extremely sought-after and unless I’m 22 and angelic, I’m shooting for the moon.

Advice on how to determine your league and when to lower your “standards”!

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2023-02-10T19:33:35+00:00

I can’t even get a date so there is that

TheBunk_TB · 2023-02-10T12:30:51+00:00

Do you get bored easily? Are you automatically thinking certain men are beneath you?

psycho2098 · 2023-02-10T20:51:48+00:00

Well if you move to Metropolitan Texas cities you'll get snatched up in no time, they love blondes. Tall, shirt, fat, thin. If she's blonde and single she's a hot ticket item lol

aussiedollface2 · 2023-02-12T10:30:48+00:00

You have no trouble getting dates, then what happens? Do they fizzle out? Do they not seem serious? Do you not like them? What is it that happens after these dates. I think that’s an important factor.

You also point out that you’re aiming to date to sort of men that are highly coveted by other women. Once you get up to those top percentages, lots of other things start to come in to play. Things like what private school did you go to? Is your job prestigious or respectable? What do you parents do? Essentially these men have the pick of everyone so they can afford to be picky on random little things that other men wouldn’t be. This is just what I’ve seen in my experience. You might be gorgeous and friendly enough to slip through the net (def seen that happen too) but you would be the exception to the rule.

Don’t give up though! I met my hubby in my mid to late twenties, and I kept myself on the top of my game by being realistic and reminding myself of the stiff competition from the younger girls. Happily married now for years xo

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-02-13T03:10:53+00:00

This is very tough to determine quite simply because we don't know what you look like and how the man you're going for looks like.

You say you're blonde, great skin, breast implants, but that tells someone nothing about how your face looks. Being 125 pounds and super active also doesn't tell someone how your body actually looks, except for the fact that you have big breasts given the implants.

The same goes for when you describe the guys. Sure they are tall. But he can be tall with a killer physique or tall and chubby. He can also be tall with a face like henry cavill's or tall with a more plain looking face.

Title	Am I dating out of my league?
Author	jdkddkckck
Upvotes	13
Comments	58
Date	February 9, 2023 9:36 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10y6z8l/am_i_dating_out_of_my_league/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/am-i-dating-out-of-my-league.1151311 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151311

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