Girlfriend weight gain problem

mountainbiker178 · 2017-11-20T19:54:54+00:00

Guarantee if you break up, she would lose the weight.

tenxs · 2017-11-20T20:18:38+00:00

Problem is she goes to school full time and works nights so she doesn’t have really any time to work out or do anything for that matter.

She doesn't have time to eat less? Stop validating her bullshit.

She also said something last night that was very concerning. We were talking about skinny women and she said that being skinny wasn’t realistic for most people and everyone should just be comfortable the way they are.

Self-denial and a huge red flag. This is the time to remind yourself that it's just your turn with her and that turn might be over. Apply the levels of dread and lead by example. Seriosly consider if she's worth all the hassle OP.

ScottDurden · 2017-11-20T20:18:56+00:00

I’d say she’s gained probably 40 lbs in the last 6 months.

This says a lot about you as a man that she can let herself go like this & still expect you to stay committed to her.

Your LTR should fear every second of the day that you will leave her if she ever stops trying to please you.

Occams_Stubble · 2017-11-20T20:52:14+00:00

This is the lightest she is ever going to be for you.

pathetic21 · 2017-11-20T20:23:56+00:00

You will never, ever convince her to stop hamming it up, they literally are told from all directions it's normal and expected and if any guy says otherwise they are racist/sexist/ableist/evil. Here's what you do, break up, find an active girl (going to be harder), move on with life.

Narcissist456 · 2017-11-20T20:34:26+00:00

She’s gonna stay fat forever. Move on.

LordThunderbolt · 2017-11-20T20:52:56+00:00

She's on dat dere dreamer bulk of peace. Good luck OP. There are no weight classes in the jungle

RedwallAllratuRatbar · 2017-11-21T01:15:11+00:00

Stop saying this bullshit about gym to women. All they have to do is eat less. The only gym equipment to be in top 5% of women for them is RUNNING SHOES. It's that easy.

m0rphing · 2017-11-20T22:52:21+00:00

Stay with this girl for the non-sexual benefits she provides and squirt your frosting upon other cupcakes.

Kommanderdude · 2017-11-20T20:41:12+00:00

If she doesn’t give a shot about herself she certainly won’t give a shot about you. End it with this land whale.... like right now.

GayLubeOil · 2017-11-20T23:46:45+00:00

If you can't control what goes into your woman's mouth you can't control what goes into her vagina. You are not in control of your woman.

Heathcliff-- · 2017-11-20T21:23:50+00:00

Lead by example, a woman almost always adopts the hobbies and ideas of the man she loves. If you start taking working out seriously and spending a lot of time doing so, she will follow you.
Dread game, start spending less time with her and more time with other girls, make it slightly obvious but not overt. Her hamster will start spinning.
Be upfront about your stance, without attacking her directly. You can make fun of fat people in public, see a fat person on TV and say you're disgusted, say how much you respect people who can exercise; etc etc. Don't tell her outright she's fat and you hate it, but definitely make it clear you're not on board with the whole fat-girlfriend thing.
Speak with your actions; stop fucking her or even being interested in sex with her entirely, if she starts questioning or getting emotional about it, say it straight up; "you used to be so hot and I couldn't keep my hands off you, now you're getting chubby and it's not the same"
Nuclear option, if none of the above work; "You're getting fat and it's very unattractive. No one wants to be the guy with the fat girlfriend, I'd be embarrass just to be seen with you. Sort it out or I will find someone who can actually control what they're eating like an adult".

VladvonK · 2017-11-21T07:04:27+00:00

What's her mom look like?

generic____account · 2017-11-21T13:17:40+00:00

End it.

Dilusionalvoid · 2017-11-20T20:38:50+00:00

Dude if she started gaining weight and you stay with her and let it be, she is gaining control of the relationship. If she's a perfect girl in every other way, it's because she knows that you are higher value than she is. No girl is perfect if she is higher value. I'm just going to second what other people are saying here and say you need to up the dread game a bit, make sure she has to be a bit better for you to remain interested. I'm not telling to up and go cheat on her, but you need to make sure she knows you have other prospects. If she can't watch what she's eating to stay in decent shape then she just doesn't care enough any more or she is impulsive, both bad things for an LTR.

Pork_Sword3 · 2017-11-20T23:20:22+00:00

Can’t be said enough.

Dread, Dread, Dread.

Doesn’t matter how close you are to her, going straight up and saying “you need to lose weight” isn’t going to do shit for this situation except cause drama.

If you apply Dread correctly, one of two things will happen.

1) She will lose the weight fast as all fuck and give you the best BJ’s of your life.

2) She won’t notice what you’re doing because she doesn’t care about you which means this relationship is inevitably over unless secretly you have a fetish for land whales and that’s why you’re sticking around.

Rumzdizzle · 2017-11-21T01:40:01+00:00

Wow... lots of really bad advice on here or irrelevant bs. Just shoot straight with her. If you are losing attraction to her, talk to her. Tell her her weight is becoming an issue and it’s not gonna work out if she doesn’t work on it. You have no obligation to stay in a relationship with someone you don’t enjoy having a sexual realtionship with. If it does t work for you move on, if she’s worth it, she’ll work on it. Don’t feel bad if you have to end it, she’ll find another dude.

Whisper · 2017-11-20T21:13:19+00:00

Don't hint. Tell.

smirk_addict · 2017-11-20T21:59:43+00:00

Unless a girl already has an active lifestyle....some type of physical activity she’s passionate about(or just enjoys clean eating).. this shit is damn near inevitable. I broke up with a girl because she was just lazy and lethargic. She was skinny only because she became a waitress. But I knew once we settled down she’d get big as a house. She hated any physical activity. One of my best friends was the same. His ex gained 80lbs in a couple of years.

MattyAnon · 2017-11-21T11:03:28+00:00

Problem is she goes to school full time and works nights so she doesn’t have really any time to work out or do anything for that matter.

She finds time to eat though.

I even started going to the gym again because admittedly I put on about 10 lbs but it still didn’t motivate her much. So should I just come out and say “you’re gaining too much weight and need to change something”?

Fundamentally she doesn't respect you enough to want to be attractive for you. Food tastes good, you'll always be around, what's the problem? [in her eyes]

We were talking about skinny women and she said that being skinny wasn’t realistic for most people and everyone should just be comfortable the way they are.

In other words: you should accept her as she is.

You'll notice your performance is still a requirement, even while hers is not.

how motivated I was and she texted me “I’m sorry if you don’t like the way I look :,(“

Well, she's getting the picture. Do not comfort her on this point!

Although I'd be tempted to say "I love the way YOU look, but all that food doesn't look good on you". But it's a bad idea.

Only way I know is "right, we're both going to get in shape" and lead her to the gym and eating right and so on.

But realistically she's entitled as fuck, and that entitlement is "you, as boyfriend, have to accept me being fat".

Run dread, find other options, be comfortable letting her go. Because it's your commitment combined with her entitlement that's making her fat.

ineedabetterme · 2017-11-20T20:23:31+00:00

So she's your oneitis and you yourself didn't set an example from the get go by being being a consistent gymgoer before and you're wondering why she's getting comfortable and gaining weight? AND you made her gain 40lbs in 6mo before thinking of doing something? While you also gained 10lbs?

askmrcia · 2017-11-20T20:31:44+00:00

Problem is she goes to school full time and works nights so she doesn’t have really any time to work out or do anything for that matter.

Terrible excuse. Everyone has 30mins out of their day to workout. If they are not a CEO for some multi-national corporation or something then they have time.

Also why isn't she eating healthy if she likes to cook? Plenty of people don't work out and are still able to maintain a decent weight.

VengefullyY0urs · 2017-11-20T23:24:26+00:00

Lead. If you want her to drop weight, take ownership of your own health and include her.

Plan healthy activities with her, stop eating out as frequent and do more meal prep stuff in the home together.

When she makes progress, compliment her.

specialCupcake · 2017-11-21T01:55:12+00:00

Beating around the bush is communicating to her that she will be able to stay being fat because you're too weak to talk to her like a man should.

“I’m sorry if you don’t like the way I look :,(“

Me: I liked you more when you were thinner honey.

Source: My friend has the same exact problem, he has communicated to her that he wants her to lose weight and she's gotten even fatter.

WhorehouseVet · 2017-11-20T20:37:03+00:00

OP doesn't know a thing about competition anxiety.

The_Adm0n · 2017-11-21T01:35:08+00:00

Lots good advice here, but I want to throw my two cents in.

Do you two live together? If so, I recommend purging your place of any junk food. And don't allow it in your home. If she brings it home, you throw it away. Only healthy organic food is kept. You enforce this by being the one who goes grocery shopping. If she wants to eat at your place, she's going to eat healthy.

When you go out to eat. Only accept places that serve healthy (by your standards, not hers) food. Only order healthy food. If she asks you to get ice cream with her, or to try a bite of her dessert, refuse. You don't allow that shit in your house, and you don't allow it in your body. My wife actually did this to me, and I lost 30lbs.

She'll eventually bitch at you about it, saying that you're making her feel like shit or trying to guilt her or some other bullshit. Just keep frame, and standard RP responses. The diet is the most important part of losing weight. If you can lead by example, and get her to eat healthy, she'll lose the weight, and may not need to work out to get thin again.

As for exercise, she may be making excuses, but in her mind, they're good reasons. She's managed to convince herself that she actually doesn't have the time or energy to go for a jog a few times a week. Best way I know to keep her active isn't to try and get her to a gym, but make active dates. Ultimate Frisbee, laser tag, fun stuff that works her out, but the point of which isn't to actually work out. This'll keep her ass off the couch, and often ends up being a "gateway drug" to proper exercise. Also, have regular sex, and make her do all the work.

If she still wants you, she'll do what she needs to keep you.

And don't forget the dread game. Honest to God it saved my marriage.

Metalgear222 · 2017-11-21T02:15:03+00:00

Gaining weight is a lack of respect to yourself and your sexual partner. I'd dump her if she doesn't start hitting the gym tomorrow.

DanAffid · 2017-11-21T02:16:35+00:00

Dated a wonderful girl once who did the same. We broke up, we're still very good friends but she's simply huge now. Can't save 'em

d4nonymous · 2017-11-21T02:48:58+00:00

I’m having a tough time believing she gained 1.5lbs per week. That’s overeating by ~5,400 calories per week. Either she’s shoving food down her face like a polar bear getting ready for hibernation, or that info is just not correct.

dirtygarbage1974 · 2017-11-21T03:24:10+00:00

Boundary. Tell her she needs to lose weight. You won't date a cow. She can get fat if she wants but any girlfriend of yours won't do that.

Herdsengineers · 2017-11-21T03:51:35+00:00

value isn't inherent. it's earned. you work out, watch your weight, etc. that's basic. she doesn't.

i think you respond by telling her that your a high value guy. she needs to work on keeping up with her own value. she can make progress by simply eating different food. it's easy. finding time to work out, if it's important, people make time.

taking physical care of one's self is a basic in earning and increasing your value. and it should be pursued because improving/building/maintaining a high personal value is important to you, regardless of sex, relationships, etc.

a person that doesn't work to maintain their value is someone that thinks they are entitled to shit and don't have to earn their way. you're GF's conduct is a big red flag.

Pluglord · 2017-11-21T04:13:09+00:00

She's literally stuffing twinkies down her mug 24/7... HOW THE FUCK do you let your gf gain that much weight (in that short amount of time!) and not say anything?

DaddyIssues6 · 2017-11-21T05:42:50+00:00

Stop her while she’s at it. 40 extra pounds later and she’ll be upset that you didn’t speak up about it earlier - I promise you that.

Everyone has 30-45 minutes available to spend for their body. No excuses. If she doesn’t have the room, make the room, or else she’ll keep taking up room

dogapples · 2017-11-21T08:05:45+00:00

she doesn't even need to go to the gym to lose the weight. she can just count calories. if she still chooses to not even do that, then drop her.

DiggerClam · 2017-11-21T09:04:49+00:00

Won't be a problem when you're single and fucking dimes.

stacysmomlovesme · 2017-11-21T11:34:51+00:00

You too are fat right? What did you expect? You deserve more?

joedevice · 2017-11-21T11:52:08+00:00

Think of it like this. If she were dating Brad Pitt do you think she'd have let herself get fat?

Dread game. Dread game. Dread game.

Taipanshimshon · 2017-11-21T13:24:40+00:00

Update: I posted a picture of myself at the gym saying how motivated I was and she texted me “I’m sorry if you don’t like the way I look :,(“ no idea what to say

nice little pity party.

she knows she is fat. she knows she is not attractive. she is telling you "please love me even though I don't love myself"

depending on how much you value her- offer to help with the logistics of getting her into a gym. maybe.

women who value their man keep up their bodies

BusterVadge · 2017-11-21T13:00:25+00:00

I always set a boundary early on in the relationship. I'll tell her if she lets herself go, then she's not my girlfriend anymore.

Basically it goes like this... "You're having a rough day, or week, or whatever... I'll help you get through it. A rough month where you're binge eating or doing stuff that makes you gross to me, and you're not my girl anymore"

Kommanderdude · 2017-11-21T14:20:23+00:00

For the love God why is this on the front page still? Op has been told what to do. This thread and op should be nuked from orbit by the mods.

As for your update. This is what you do. You dump the fat ass land whale piece of shit!!!!!! This is a shit test. If you continue this relationship she’ll see you as having zero self value because you are willing to fuck a land whale. Pull you cock fag head out of your fucking ass and tell her it’s over. You don’t have to give her a reason.

trppr · 2017-11-21T16:54:44+00:00

There's no good way out of this.

If you tell her to lose weight directly you will be the bad guy (source of bad feelings)

If you keep hinting for her to lose weight there will be a slow build up to her being resentful towards you because you're the source of bad feelings.

She may have had weight issues her whole life, but lost it before she met you then got comfortable and went back to her normal weight. 40 lb is a lot.

She knows shes fat.

Title	Girlfriend weight gain problem
Author	TheNaughtyGarbageMan
Upvotes	26
Comments	72
Date	November 20, 2017 7:47 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7ebkj7/girlfriend_weight_gain_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/girlfriend-weight-gain-problem.118667 https://theredarchive.com/post/118667

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