Anyone else feel like the pandemic has really given them the space to Queen it up?

AutoModerator · 2021-03-19T19:56:24+00:00

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jasaminex · 2021-03-19T21:45:38+00:00

Yes! 100%.

I broke up with my long term partner just before the original lockdown started. We'd been together 6 years, and STILL any indication of commitment would have him in panic mode. Getting married was something we never talked about because he just shut down if it came up. We were just starting to look for a place to live together, and he said that his priority was needing his own space in any house we bought "to get away from me" and after everything else, it just broke me, honestly. Ended things the next weekend after. Moved cities a few months later to somewhere totally new.

And then pandemic hit and suddenly had all this time to myself and to be with my thoughts. Was a bit brutal all told, to go through a hard breakup without being able to see any of my friends or anything, but it really gave me the space to think about what makes me happy, what I want out of life, and how I want to spend my time when it's just me.

lillylilacladybug · 2021-03-19T20:13:11+00:00

Same- I’ve gotten to a place where I couldn’t possibly give less of a crap to the stuff that was marking me a nervous wreck before. I was surrounded by women getting married or having babies simply because they thought that was the only thing that would add value to their lives and it was really disheartening. In quarantine I got to block all of them out and focus on my work and hobbies and have learned so much more about myself.

On the flip side all of the LVM/NVM bottom feeders who were just lumbering annoyingly and full of entitlement on the fringes of my life through FDS I was able to scoop into the trash can and keep moving on.

volcanic_equation · 2021-03-19T20:53:23+00:00

Yes! I got into FDS during the fall too. I’m a completely different person than I was a year ago. Looking back, I’ve found more than 1 silver lining to the quarantine.

Not to diminish the struggles that came about for many people, as a result of the pandemic. But at the very least, it’s provided me with an opportunity to rediscover myself.

I’ve also learned a lot through FDS and all of the wonderful ladies in here. This place has truly become a safe-haven for me, and I’m so grateful to have found it.

2021-03-19T22:54:12+00:00

Full stop I am determined to come out of this a new person. A whole year by myself let me think about where I was in life, how much of myself I had given away over the last five years, how much of myself I've lost to bullies and narcissists and a toxic work place.

When the pandemic hit, one year ago, I took it as a sign from GOD that it was time to get my ass in gear and actually live the life I WANT to live.

I quit my shitty, soul sucking abusive AF job and have been focusing on new skills, polishing my old skills, getting ready to move house, and dropped all people in my life who were dragging me down.

I don't ever want to be that depressed, low self-esteem door mat again. I hate that I let myself get to that point.

Flappy44 · 2021-03-20T02:02:48+00:00

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_queeeen_ · 2021-03-19T21:49:22+00:00

Absolutely. When I feel down about the L’s I took personally and professionally during covid, I remind myself of how I have completely transformed my inner experience since March 2020. And I’m only getting started, Queens. 💕

immortallogic · 2021-03-19T21:06:02+00:00

Haha yes also Especially because make depravity has become so much more apparent both in the online and teal life spheres, and more women are beginning to connect the dots

Breesasha · 2021-03-20T02:43:12+00:00

The pandemic forced me to see the light. I ended a situation ship in the beginning of the quarantine. I also started to reevaluate my friendships and my career.

I landed my dream job at the end of 2020 because I stopped making excuses. I had been eyeing this job back in 2019, but I made excuses that's out of town because it was "too far", "too scary", and it was a managerial role but that's a promotion that I needed/deserved. I took the plunge during COVID when the position reappeared and I got it 😁. I've been doing it for 5 months and I love it. I can handle it, it's nothing like I feared.

As for my friends, I started seeing a lot of my friends, even the highly successful and career-driven ones, were pickmeishas. Although I haven't let them all go because some of them have other super redeemable qualities like our love of nature or sharing yoga/meditations that we can do together. But I've learned how to limit the time I interact with them and how to avoid being roped into "hangouts" where I am the 3rd wheel or having to listen to them vent for hours.

I also took up hobbies...I got into hiking and photography. I have really taken into hiking. Local ones, even ones by colleges or around my neighborhood. I'm excited about getting more into that even when COVID is done. It's like I'm a whole new person.

Bbqchilifries · 2021-03-19T20:56:12+00:00

I feel like I've become a lot more assertive about the things that I need.

Side story though. I really hit it off with a guy online. We had a 3-hour phone call last night. When I told him that I don't like sex jokes after he made one, he instantly backed off and apologized and validated my discomfort.

I've been talking to him 4 days now and this morning I make a joke about his pet pig having a boyfriend "how does it feel when your kids go off and get into a relationship."and he responded with. Idk mine are 2.5 and 4.

He waited until now to tell me that. It fucking sucks and I feel like I got blindsided. He asked me how I feel about that and I openly said "I don't even bother with guys who have kids. I'm old enough to know what I want (33) and I know that's not it.

Gourmay · 2021-03-20T00:50:38+00:00

Yes! I found FDS last summer near the end of a very confusing relationship with a probably narcissistic (per therapist) LVM. Therapy and FDS have helped me move past the anger and confusion about men I dated with narcissistic personality disorder, to pity and indifference towards them. It also helped me see how HV a male friend of mine is, be in a healthy relationship with him and break a five-year cycle of dating men with serious disorders like sociopathy and NPD. And generally realize my value and like you said, deal with all friends and acquaintances better. It's even helped me have better boundaries with my mother.

And as a foreigner in the US, it has really helped me understand the dating and general culture better.

frogchickenhorse · 2021-03-19T23:49:33+00:00

I found fds just when our restrictions were easing (Australia) and I had ended a situationship and was having trouble letting go. I used old as a bandaid against the loneliness and touch starved feelings. I was starting to feel crazy towards the end of restrictions. I realised old is not good for my mental health and I am much happier and non stressed when single. I had to work out why I was behaving so out of character. It has taken me months to sort out my head and feelings. I’m back to being me. I’ve learnt that I need good social people in my life to have good mental health and I love getting out of the house. I’ve started a diploma to hopefully find a better job. I’ve also decided to have surgery that will improve my quality of life (dbs) and now just to work on my fear of loosing weight... fear that I will attract men and fear that nothing will change, I’ll still be invisible and mental health will still be a struggle. Contradicting I know, hence the working out. I’m slowly gaining my love of reading back. If I hadn’t lost that, restrictions would have been fun.

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-03-20T01:09:34+00:00

Very well said. There comes a peace with no longer giving a fuck and being a pickme. When you’re no longer stressing about impressions and the facade, it makes time with others much more enjoyable and anxiety free. This’ll be the next roaring 20’s for us!

finance_lady · 2021-03-20T02:45:12+00:00

This pandemic totally ended up in me being a level-up queen, so yes! I lost a bunch of weight, taught myself makeup/fashion, and landed a new full time job with a 5 figure pay raise. I've been hanging around FDS/FLUS for a year now, since my ex unexpectedly dumped and ghosted me just as COVID really hit the fan.

c_a_t_lady · 2021-03-20T07:27:20+00:00

Totally, 100%. ☺

I came across FDS during the pandemic, maybe a couple of months ago.

I moved to my own apartment a few months before the pandemic originally started. 😅

And lately, I haven't been meeting up with people a lot, so I've had a bunch of time to focus on myself. 💕

cloudless-blanket · 2021-03-21T03:59:50+00:00

I am loving all of these comments.

Dumped my situationship last fall after finding FDS.

Went on one other date as I was in the middle of reading the handbook. Long-time crush (anti-FDS sentiment, which I know now). He didn't pay. Block & delete, my first time. Not going to lie, he was beautiful, and I didn't want to do it (his arms, omg), I wanted to believe he was/could become the dream I had fantasized about (he was soooooo fine UGH WHY). But I literally came home from the date and read the portions of the handbook about paying and not having crushes. Thank the lord. He would have been stringing me along to this day if not for FDS.

Reading all of the posts and similar experiences on FDS was mind blowing. I could not believe all the women telling the exact same stories. It was this absolutely incredible world-shift for me, the unequivocal and unquestionable realization:

I am not crazy! IT'S NOT JUST ME!!

FDS taught me how to set boundaries, and more importantly, how to set boundaries in a way that was accessible to me and my personality. Block & delete is so appropriate. My whole life I have been Trying To Do The Right Thing in regards to confrontational or uncomfortable situations. Didn't realize I was pandering to men. Didn't realize that by trying to assuage a situation, I was giving them all the power.

I bought myself a ring. Real rose-gold and diamonds, fitted exactly for my ring-finger. I basically proposed to myself lmao; aside from my car, it's the most expensive thing I own. Really though no man has EVER treated me better than I treated myself--and that was before I was even trying. Now that I'm actually trying, holy shit. I buy flowers every week. Every week! I have a regular rotation! Don't even get me started on what I'm planning for my birthday.

And now, I'm saving for a house. Like actually putting that money aside, talked to a lender and broker, and truly assessed my affordability. I take financial advice and planning much more seriously. I'm continuing to research stocks. Also exploring the idea of opening my own business. Pre-FDS me would have thought "Oh no, not me. I'm not that kind of woman; I'm not crazy ambitious like that, I'm not the kind of person who could open my own business." Post-FDS me sees that um, no, actually, I am EXACTLY the kind of person who would EXCEL with their own business. More research is in order before I jump into it, but this whole mindset shift...I honestly feel like a whole new person.

One of my favorite posts on this sub at the beginning of my journey was a quote: I am becoming the man I always thought I would marry.

TB56 · 2021-03-20T15:43:20+00:00

I came across FDS in October 2020 and it has really helped clear up a lot of lies liberal feminism and peer pressure from school forced me to accept. Although it has been a tough lockdown for me finacially, I have learned to be selfish for my rights and wants, just like a man. I put myself first and only go out of my way for those I love. I refuse to engage or humour with people I don't like, even family members. FDS has changed the whole of me but also let's me see how unfair women have it if they are not economically well off. Women need to have money to have basic rights, and even then we are not protected from r*pe and micro aggressions, especially women of colour. But FDS gives me hope. If I can find and implement the handbook then so can others. If I can feel motivated again after years of depression, then others can too. FDS is like a torch in a cold dark tunnel of my life and it gives me strength and encouragement. I think FDS is best when you read feminist literature too like Bell Hooks to cement and further understand women's fights and men's audacity.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2021-03-20T16:58:55+00:00

Yes.

I discovered FDS last April during the lockdown. Initially, the lockdown was super stressful due to all the uncertainty about the virus (and I was in-office everyday, working with the public) and whether myself or family members would lose jobs, get sick, etc.

Then, lack of social things to do helped me to really focus on improving myself. It gave me space to define my boundaries and to think deeply about my role in different situations (where things went wrong). Mainly, that was an over-focus on being good and nice and liked, which caused me to feel resentment when I got repeatedly stepped on at work, at home, in relationships, and sometimes with friends.

Due to finishing a new certificate, I left a job where I was being treated awfully for a new one that I really love and got a 5 figure raise. The gratitude I feel for the opportunity to have leveled up this part of my life is overwhelming.

My friendships and relationships with most of my family members are SO much better, because I've done a better job of taking responsibility for my boundaries. I imagine things will go much better with dating as well, as I've already gone no-contact with prior situationships who reappeared, and with men who have approached me but don't meet my standards.

The only negative is probably physical fitness-- I had hit my goal weight and gotten pretty fit, but once winter hit I was stuck inside and lost motivation, so I gained some weight. But I'm working on it rather than hating on myself like the old me would have done.

As this time is coming to a close, I'm working in the next couple weeks on writing down some of the discoveries I've made, new standards for dating and social interactions, boundaries, goals, my financial plan, and keeping that journal close by so that I have a reminder of what what I've decided matters the most, as things open back up.

elainejay82 · 2021-03-20T18:58:57+00:00

YES. Dumped a NVM just before the pandemic hit. Always grateful for the fact that I didn't get stuck with him during that time and I feel for ladies who were stuck during pandemic.

It's really been a soul cleansing experience. I landed my dream job during this time. I figured out why I kept choosing NVMs. I got a dog. I literally cut every toxic person in my life away from me. Won't lie, the pandemic is hard because I like to be social, but wow it really changed the game for me to just focus on myself. I don't think I ever would have done it to this extent otherwise.

It's been a blessing in disguise and has shifted the entire course of my life for the better. I'm grateful for it all the way around.

One foot in front of the other, every single day.

Mella_20 · 2021-03-23T12:43:30+00:00

Absolutely.

2 weeks after quarantine started, I left a patriarchal religion that made my life a living hell because of its teachings. This was after 3 months of questioning my beliefs and crying all day and all night because of my confusion and fear. Then I took steps to deprogram my brain from all the internalized misogyny.

I thought that by leaving the religion I left a patriarchal society, only to realize that I didn't escape shit and the whole world is filled with misogyny. Reddit didn't help. I started to concern myself more with the dating world and really didn't like the idea of how normalized porn usage is, as well as how men seem to get away with treating women like shit none of these women feel like they deserve any better. I thought I needed to become more "open" by accepting porn and open relationships and other garbage. Then I found FDS. It pretty much validated my concerns and put me in the "vetting mindset".

Words can't describe how much relief I felt when I stopped thinking about how to impress men and instead put myself in the mindset to not even talk to a man or consider his advances unless he treats me well, and nothing less. I'm not scared anymore. Of dating that is. Even if men are out there acting a fool, its none of my concern, cause I'm not getting into a relationship unless he's proven himself.

So a lot has happened during quarantine 😆. And I'm glad I came across this sub, and other resources such as mental health and self help books that helped me change my mindset and become happier and stronger. And I'm glad I gained access to these at my young age.

Title	Anyone else feel like the pandemic has really given them the space to Queen it up?
Author	wrice05
Upvotes	331
Comments	27
Date	March 19, 2021 7:56 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m8pkq2/anyone_else_feel_like_the_pandemic_has_really/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/anyone-else-feel-like-the-pandemic-has-really.1190488 https://theredarchive.com/post/1190488

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