How important is it for you and your S.O to be on the same page?

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-03-29T17:24:35+00:00

Very important.

I need a partner who will stand up for my rights to exist.

I need a partner who isn't hung up on gender dynamics. Meaning he doesn't expect me to cook and clean anymore than he expects himself to cook and clean.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-03-29T19:31:50+00:00

Some of it is important, some not as much. What matters to me is having someone who respects my bodily and personal autonomy. A lot of men who call themselves “feminists” are actually pretty horrible, and a lot of okay men don’t understand feminism, so that part really doesn’t matter to me. Some differences in perspective on gender issues is fine, but I couldn’t be with someone who had regressive values (against women having equal legal rights and access to birth control and abortion for instance). Or who loved Andrew Taint and had a giant chip on his shoulder about women.

EulenWatcher · 2023-03-29T17:06:41+00:00

For me it's important to have compatible core values. If they're compatible then little disagreements here or there don't matter much and you can discuss them and often find a common ground or a compromise.

I'm egalitarian, feminist, support LGBTQ+ rights, pro-choice, liberal, environmentally conscious. And when my husband and I met I was trying to go vegetarian. I think out of the things I've mentioned he could use "liberal" and "pro-choice"(although probably he’d just say that he thinks abortions should be free, safe and accessible), but he's overall far less interested in social issues or movements. He believes people are equal and should be treated with respect, so we have compatible values here. He's also got far more environmentally conscious as we've been together and now we both try to make our consumer choices based on it. He's egalitarian but has some specs of benevolent sexism ingrained into him by the way he was raised. I don’t mind it much and I think a lot of it is just performative and it's okay with me.

CimZim · 2023-03-29T18:08:34+00:00

It is the same level of importance as me finding him sexually attractive, so very.

ComfortableOk5003 · 2023-03-29T19:06:19+00:00

Generally speaking pretty important.

If you voted for Trudeau not really sure I could take you seriously lol

I personally couldn’t long term be with a feminist or vegan/vegetarian.

In the broad strokes of things yes we should align more than differ, but when you get very specific some divergence about certain topics would be normal.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-03-29T17:17:58+00:00

It's very important, we don't have to agree on everything 100% but we have to be on the same page about important things - how we manage the household, what our expectations of each other are, what do we do in case of an unplanned pregnancy. I couldn't be with someone who is staunchly anti-choice and thinks my role is to be a homemaker and my only job should be to make his life easier. I'm sure some people want that guy, they're free to have him.

chalkandapples · 2023-03-29T17:08:56+00:00

Pretty important. Why not have similar values? If I go out and find someone with not similar values as me to live with every day, that's just looking for conflict, why would I do that? Most people in my social circle is on the same page on this so honestly it was never an issue.

newyork_ripper · 2023-03-29T17:28:03+00:00

Being on roughly the same page is important, I'd say. You don't need to be carbon copies of one another, but my experience has been that big lifestyle discrepancies can negatively impact the relationship.

Obviously, there are some things that matter more to some people than others.

I'm childfree and vegan, for example (no crossfit to complete the trilogy of insufferability unfortunately) and need a longterm partner to be on the same page as me with those three core things because they are the tenets that actually affect my life.

Everything else is up for grabs. Politically, I am fairly apathetic. Centrist, even. Which means I'm not fussed about a partner's own political alignment as long as it isn't extreme on either end.

Same with religion. I'm atheist, but as long as someone isn't a religious extremist, I don't really care what they believe.

MistyMaisel · 2023-03-29T19:44:41+00:00

We don't have to agree on everything 100%, but we have to be living in and perceiving the same reality in a similarish way for me. For example, my current man and I agree on basically everything except for abortion (I'm anti, he's like, soft pro). That's fine with me and I enjoy our semi annual debate about it. But we mostly perceive life the same way and sometimes just come up with different answers based on him being more cynical and me being more romantic. But we aren't people looking at the sky coming up with entirely different colors that it is. At most different shades.

I've dated guys where we agreed on nothing and didn't really perceive life the same way. It's a headache. It's like dating a treadmill honestly. Like, you love them, but most of the time you're detoxing from the last disagreement and you feel like you're in a relationship with a lunatic.

I should mention, I want to raise children and I really cannot imagine how you do it if you and your partner don't largely agree.

But also, I mean, it depends how much the person believes what they believe in. My boyfriend isn't strongly pro abortion. I'm strongly anti-abortion, so it works. If he was some "murdering babies is great" sort, I don't think we'd get on so well.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-03-29T19:46:06+00:00

We don't have to agree on everything but we have to be on the same planet. Someone who discounts the humanity of myself, my neighbors, my friends is not going to be someone I can date. Someone who doesn't strongly support bodily autonomy is not someone I can have sex with.

I need to know I will be safe... that someone won't put a bounty on my head if I get pregnant, however unlikely it is that I would become pregnant. I need to know my friends will be safe and welcome at parties, in my home, when going out.

Why do I care?

Because I even if I'm dating someone casually we both should be on the same page when it comes to things like the humanity of people and things that will impact our time together or our decision to get intimate.

Safinated · 2023-03-29T18:57:11+00:00

I’m not into arguing, so important. Some people do like disagreeing and conflict. It’s drama

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-03-29T17:38:52+00:00

extremely

LeaveNCountAlone · 2023-03-29T19:27:41+00:00

It’s important to be on the same page about where you are in life and where you want to be in the future.

You don’t have go looking for someone who checked every single little box on your checklist. They do have to agree with meeting you on important life milestones like getting married, buying a house, having kids, where you want to live, what kind of lifestyle you want, etc. Mostly anything outside of that is easily negotiable.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-03-29T20:20:00+00:00

Important. Common values and beliefs are not just preferences to me. They're deal breakers

I believe in egalitarianism, prochoice, and pro lgbtq+ rights. Agnostic.

Three of the four to me are non-negotiable. I'm flexible on religion to an extent 5. You can be on the "I believe in God but not religion" or "I identify as a very progressive Christian" all the way through to atheist and anti-religion. But not more religious than that.

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-03-29T20:21:15+00:00

If we get along on everything but she is a flat earther idk…

iamprosciutto · 2023-03-29T22:29:48+00:00

Incredibly important. Both my partner and I are very liberal in our politics, and we share the same vision for our future. We know we want kids, but both of us fluctuate between 2 or 3. We like complimentary sexual kinks. We both like some of the same hobbies (hiking, video games, movies). We share a lot of taste in music. It's good knowing that I can typically trust her to make decisions that I will agree and be happy with, and I know she feels the same way about me. I can't imagine trying to have a contentious relationship

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-03-29T22:48:46+00:00

Very important.

It would be a waste of time if we had different expectations.

And if my partner believes disrespectful things like red pill and Manosphere shit. I don't want to be with someone that sees me as less than. You can't have respect and respectful treatment at someone who doesn't respect you by the fact you are a woman.

I want someone who supports my rights and more progressive about gender dynamics

SignalPraline6585 · 2023-03-30T01:06:58+00:00

Not hugely important to me personally as long as it's not a radical difference. My wife and I don't agree on absolutely everything, but we do more often than not. I primarily was looking for someone that respected others and was respectable herself, and that's easy to size up in the first minute of meeting someone.

AristedesAllow · 2023-03-30T12:04:05+00:00

Very important that she is on my page; her page is probably not solid.

hungrychick404 · 2023-03-30T16:47:26+00:00

Things that we need to be on the same page about: politics (democrat or further left), the importance of voting, feminism, LGBTQ rights, pro choice, sympathetic to environmentalism

Things that would be nice to have in common but wouldn’t be a dealbreaker: dietary choices (I’m a vegan), religion (as long as they’re not super religious because I’m an atheist), child free (I don’t want to give birth but if my spouse wanted to go through pregnancy they could or we could ethically adopt)

DisasterPeace7 · 2023-03-31T04:45:58+00:00

Very important, I am married and yes the fact that we are I'd say 97% in line politically and socially and in regards to gender Dynamics is important, I think opposites can attract for sure but if you're having children it's important to be on the same

whappersnapper · 2023-03-31T09:37:50+00:00

The girl always cares because she thinks she’s going to be the man’s equal partner who wants to discuss ideas with her

BirdMedication · 2023-03-29T17:12:43+00:00

Pretty important I'd say. You don't want to be having dumb arguments all the time about political shit, plus it'd be confusing for your kid to be brainwashed from two extremes on every single issue.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-03-29T17:54:40+00:00

Depends on the extent to which each view affects your relationship. If you both see gender roles in relationships very differently, that's not going to work out, you want to run your relationship different ways. If one of you cares a lot about women's rights issues and the other one cares a lot about men's rights issues, that's less likely to matter so long as you respect (doesn't mean agree with) each other's views.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-03-29T18:13:06+00:00

I think someone else said it already but we both have to have similar core values, I believe us both wanting the exact same thing isn’t healthy and is pretty boring, a little banter in a relationship is good but ultimately we have to value the same things and want the same outcome

RP-MJ · 2023-03-29T17:01:48+00:00

I Literally don't care about being on the same page or not

Aa long as she knows at the end of the day am the leader in the relationship

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SeemedGood · 2023-03-30T18:14:42+00:00

Vital. If a woman is not on her man’s page about pretty much everything tragedy ensues.

Title	How important is it for you and your S.O to be on the same page?
Author	New-Friendship-4089
Upvotes	11
Comments	107
Date	March 29, 2023 4:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/125tprw/how_important_is_it_for_you_and_your_so_to_be_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-important-is-it-for-you-and-your-so-to-be-on.1207519 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207519

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