If you notice a trend in how your past partners treat you, it’s probably your fault. Instead of generalizing “all (wo)men,” realize that there’s something lacking in what you offer.

Ok-Faithlessness3068 · 2022-03-23T18:24:03+00:00

In the Book of Job, Job is a faithful Jew who lives essentially how he supposed to, as outlined in the Book of Proverbs. You might be familiar with the book. Basically, Job is a well-off farmer with servants, children, plenty of land and animals, and good health. Through a series of calamities, Satan (really, HaSatan, in Hebrew; directly translating to "the one who is opposed") is allowed to take literally everything from him. By the end of it, his entire family is dead, his farm is destroyed, and he is covered in horrible boils and in agony. The bulk of the book, over 30 chapters, is dense lines of Hebrew poetry where he goes back in forth with his friends. He insists that he has done nothing wrong and they insist he has, even coming up with false accusations of horrible things he must have done in order to justify this punishment. It ends with Job finally breaking down, cursing the day he was born, and calling on God to justify what has been done to him. God, surprisingly, does come down to answer him, in the form of a storm cloud. He shows him things, but I won't get too into the metaphors there. Perhaps the most important is a terrifying Leviathan, typically conceived of by modern audiences as sort of like a megalodon, floating in an endless primordial sea. Essentially, the experience deeply shakes Job and returns him to being a good Jew, living in fear of the Lord.

Everything he lost is restored to him many times over, including literally having way more kids, interestingly. People often interpret this as a reward from God; he endured the suffering and remained faithful, so God restored his losses. But it's important to remember that he did not endure the suffering. God had to intervene directly to stop Job from spiraling into despair. What he endured was not a punishment and what he gained was not a reward. It was simply what happened.

I say all this because it is interesting to me that even thousands of years ago, people asked why bad things happen to good people. Even people who sincerely believed in a just, interventionist God were perplexed by it, but understood that it happens. It's easy to find someone wailing at their lowest point and to concoct various reasons why they're at fault, but it might just as easily be the case that they are not. We want to believe that good people cannot be victimized because it makes us, who think of ourselves as good, feel safer and more secure. In truth, everything you have could be taken from you with a moment's notice.

The_Meep_Lord · 2022-03-23T18:01:59+00:00

Or the just world fallacy is a fallacy and bad things happen to good people.

AreOut · 2022-03-23T22:46:48+00:00

I used to blame women for all the stupid shit they've done to me, embracing TRP helped me realize it was all my fault for letting them do so.

rhumel · 2022-03-24T04:53:43+00:00

Are you seriously telling abused women it’s somewhat their fault? I mean I’m sure people can improve even to self-protect from malicious people, but throwing all the burden of abuse to the victim doesn’t seem fair to me.

Now as soon as we see this on abused women we all go “wow wow wow! Wait there! I didn’t mean them!” But why is it different?

Shitty people are shitty people. Maybe people must learn how to protect from them and not be vulnerable, but a guy being cheated by several women is not necessarily at fault for “lacking in what he offers” and he may as well be at fault of not protecting himself from the many red flags he got prior to the fact.

baresquad · 2022-03-23T18:02:19+00:00

It’s easier to play victim than self-improve.

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2022-03-24T10:46:28+00:00

Many people that suffered abuse or a dysfunctional or many NPD, BPD like parent in childhood strongly fall for and go for partners that mimic the abusers traits. If they have daddy problems to they obsess over men like this, if they have mommy issues and were dominated by a more masculine but abusive mother they go for crazy women that cause highs and lows to mimic the love they received and think they deserve. Childhood is everything in human psychology.

andtheywontstopcomin · 2022-03-23T22:17:42+00:00

I kinda agree with this.

In the past, I noticed that a lot of the girls who liked me were fat and uglier than me. I was annoyed by this. Then I realized, at the end of the day it's ME. I am the one who is settling again and again for these subpar women. Why? Because mainstream discourse about gender and sex, mostly on social media, conditioned me to think that I deserve nothing more than a mediocre woman who has nothing to offer besides her loose vagina and bland personality.

In a similar way, a lot of the women who seem to end up with shitty men are actually picking those men are subconsciously ignoring red flags. Usually because these women want good looking men first, and a good personality second.

Consumer31314 · 2022-03-23T17:56:07+00:00

Couldn’t agree more. This is what causes “toxic” women to say “where have all the good men gone?”. Likewise all the “nice” guys to say “All women want are assholes!”. Total lack of self reflection.

sarkington · 2022-03-23T18:51:30+00:00

The people who repeat mistakes are the least likely to change them

-Giga- · 2022-03-23T18:24:59+00:00

Nonsense.

If the culture supports and rewards specific behaviors, just about everyone touched by that culture exhibit these behaviors. It is not our fault that people with this culture are this way

What the fuck do I, as a woman, have to do with how men who watch the same shows, listen to the same music, support the same causes, and gather online hoarding the same shitty advice live?

Men LOVE to act like they are so individual yet copy/paste the same insults, same attitudes, regardless of looks

If thats whose here, thats whose here.

However

The fact that male shittiness is so world renowned that both women and men attest to it should tell you something

There are WAY MORE excellent women available than excellent men

I am speaking of straight men specifically.

Im not about to sit here and make the behavior of a generation of porn addicts any kind of indictment on me tf

Magnito-was-right · 2022-03-23T22:13:14+00:00

I had a pattern of dating people who when I broke up with them, would not take no as an answer and started sending me a bunch of gifts. I would feel bad for them and get back together with them.

2022-03-24T01:06:04+00:00

I’d say the range of people I date they are all pretty much different. I think the biggest thing that we all have in common is being insecure. I’m a 23f and date mostly older men 25 and up. No matter the age I find most are insecure about something.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-03-23T19:52:14+00:00

If every girl I dated cheated on me I would have to take personal accountability and ask myself why this keeps happening.

My first assumption would be that I was trash at sex

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-03-23T18:34:33+00:00

True true

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-03-24T01:56:52+00:00

There’s a lot to be said for recognizing patterns and one’s own contribution to the situation, but the dating landscape is also a big factor in dating outcomes.

What if the pool of people who meet certain non-negotiable criteria has a lot of duds in it? You select and you act as carefully as possible, but it’s still a high risk situation and you may get burned quite a few times.

DiamondLilyD · 2022-03-25T03:02:43+00:00

Just world fallacy

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