When does the anger stop?

Gattsama · 2023-05-06T23:34:41+00:00

So the time is going to vary, but the process is path is semi predictable. You should look up the 5 stages of grief. You will go through all of them, which ends with acceptance.

The quickest path to acceptance is to go no contact; to work towards indifference and focus on your physical & mental health.

You want to work on being physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. If not already find a physical outlet and focus. Lift, BJJ, boxing, running, etc. It doesn't matter what, just as long as you keep at it. Exercise is as good or better than medication / therapy for uncomplicated depression.

And you want to embrace all feelings. Do not suppress feelings or thoughts. If they come to you, just embrace them, let them wash over you, and then wash off you. Pushing them down only delays dealing with them. Remember, the goals are indifference and acceptance, so it's best to embrace all feelings and issues as they come to you. Hate, anger, depression, crying, panic, joy, happiness, indifference, etc.

Get a good support network: family, friends, church, gym, hobbies, etc. Remember that you are never a burden; but people are not always available. So, the wider the network, the more options / support you will have.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-05-06T22:14:56+00:00

I don't know. Everyone has their own time. I foresee myself being angry for a very long time. Take it out on the iron at the gym. That's what I do and it's saved my life.

IAmOculusRift · 2023-05-06T23:50:13+00:00

Look at the stages of grief my man. Just getting past that myself.

80% of divorces are started by women. 90% if she had a college degree.

So glad we die in wars for this shit.

bopapocolypse · 2023-05-06T23:28:58+00:00

There is no timetable. But it starts getting better when you begin to focus on what you can control. The choices you make as a father, the things you do to take care of yourself physically and emotionally, how you spend your spare time, these are things you can control. What your ex does, what she thinks, who she sleeps with, these things are out of your control and the longer you obsess over them, the longer your resentment and anger will last.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2023-05-07T02:31:33+00:00

It takes a long long time. I’m over 2 years out and I’m still furious.

JohnnyMnemo · 2023-05-07T01:39:35+00:00

Rule of thumb is one month per year together.

It sounds like horseshit but at least in my case it was surprisingly accurate. Married for 25 years, over her in about 2 years.

I actually remember the exact street corner I was walking down when my brain turned the corner. It was like a light switch; from that exact step I stopped focusing on the past and started focusing on the future (without her).

The_Bearded_Cyclist · 2023-05-07T01:34:30+00:00

The anger stops when you realise that not being married to this woman is the best thing for you. That this toxic person removed themselves from your life and allowed you the chance to finally breath fresh air, focus on yourself as a man and as a father and allow you to find the person who deserves to be with you for who you are. The anger stops when you realise you are no longer imprisoned but have been set free. The anger stops when you realise you've got a chance to be reborn.

life-is-short- · 2023-05-06T22:35:40+00:00

Find something that would get your attention out of this shit

JD-Anderson · 2023-05-07T01:31:43+00:00

Get away for a bit. Go see a movie alone, or eat at a restaurant. Get your mind off this for just a little while to give it a rest. All this stuff can be put off for a few hours while you enjoy a mental getaway.

Bluetoes1 · 2023-05-07T02:12:03+00:00

Dude, it definitely varies. My ex had an affair Nd left me for the scumbag. They still live together today and she actually tried to get my daughters to call him daddy. It has been 5 years, and I even ended up marrying that guys ex-wife, so his kids are now my step-kids. It isn’t top of mind anymore, but I still have anger boiling up when I hear about the bag of shit trying to tell my kids about right and wrong.

ranger69danger · 2023-05-07T02:47:53+00:00

As your forerunner in this process of divorce I can tell you with certitude that anger damages only its vessel.

For me, I was fortunate in finding a new job that put me into daily access to a relatively risky full flow activity. I have since moved on work-wise but my choice to invest in that activity benefits me to this day. I am fortunate that my new partner supports my owning a very expensive 300cc trailbike. All of this is to say that you should invest in and pour yourself, your time, into a new recreational pursuit or hobby.

Dirtbiking helped me to prove I needed a divorce. Dirtbiking is how I access flow on the daily.

lostcanuck007 · 2023-05-07T05:24:10+00:00

When it does.

Trust me there is no logic to it.

You can realize a ton of things and suddenly go into full rage mode in the middle of a bowling alley or in a cinema or a business meeting.

Your Brain makes stupid connections seem VERY significant.

libsreallybad · 2023-05-07T00:13:24+00:00

They all deserve to die

Accomplished-Toe5220 · 2023-05-07T02:56:26+00:00

It really never does and to be honest it shouldn't. You ever been sanke bit? You have a whole new understanding of the danger noodles. Consider this your first nip. You will survive. You will move on. However, until you f*king die you'll always remember. Take the lessons you've learned and move on... Just like the stinky snakes round the pond are shot on sight. The only good snake is a dead one genesis chapter 1.

dnbndnb · 2023-05-07T17:28:01+00:00

We had 35 years together, 31 married. It’s been 22 months since she called it & 16 since papers were signed. I’ve had many a conversation with myself in my head over that time. I’ve done a bunch of reading, viewing, etc. I made some personal life mistakes (don’t include her) over that 22 months. I won’t say all the anger is gone, but I will say that I’m finally feeling in control of myself and highly optimistic. YMMV

rhett342 · 2023-05-08T21:02:32+00:00

Its been almost a year since she left and our divorce still isn't finalized but that hurt and anger come and go for me. There are times where that anger is still as strong as it ever has been. I just have better ways of controlling myself now.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-05-10T14:46:01+00:00

FIND SOMEONE ELSE OR MULTIPLE SOMEONE ELSES

Title	When does the anger stop?
Author	MrRight1980
Upvotes	18
Comments	18
Date	May 6, 2023 9:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13a3dqw/when_does_the_anger_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-does-the-anger-stop.1218551 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218551

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