Paternity test or not

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-05-08T18:06:34+00:00

Get the test. It's relatively cheap and easy and will help put your mind at ease.

That's why I did it. I was 95% sure but couldn't go around with that nagging 5%.

I'm still bothered because once I did get it, my wife seemed to genuinely not be sure which would have out her cheating behavior a full year and a half before my previous understanding of it. That or she was fucking with me because she does things like that.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-05-08T18:13:23+00:00

You have lost all trust in you ex and can not believe her. She has cheated and lied to you in the past and it is in her best interests to have you believe the child is yours.

If I were you I would want to know the truth regardless of what I may do with it.

The_Bearded_Cyclist · 2023-05-08T20:29:26+00:00

Do the test.

playerknowmore · 2023-05-08T21:41:59+00:00

I believe paternity tests should be done at every birth. But if she cheated, I don't care when. A paternity test is required. I wouldn't care if the if kids looked like me or if I just paid for college. Trust requires the truth. How can you trust again when you are not one hundred percent certain of the truth.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-05-08T19:10:37+00:00

You have to ask yourself if she can lie about other men and online cheating, what else is she lying about. You don’t have to tell her about a DNA test, just do it. If it’s your kid, stay silent and no harm no foul. However if it is not your kid then you have some hard choices to make, but at the very least you will know the truth and can move forward without doubts hanging over your head.

pharmd718 · 2023-05-08T22:31:04+00:00

While your son can still be yours and not have your features, you should definitely get the test done. You have nothing to loose and so much to gain.

RuRu_1999 · 2023-05-08T18:14:16+00:00

What are you hoping to accomplish with the test?

1). If you want to test just to know in your own mind, then do it. Be prepared for either outcome.

2). If you are doing the test to get out of paying child support, then understand that the test result may not help you. If you are listed as father on the birth certificate, and you have been supporting him since birth, then legally there is a good chance that a court would say that you are the legal father, even if not the biological father. That would mean that legally he was still yours, you would still get shared custody and still have to pay support.

You say that you love him more than anything in the world. If that is true, then it doesn’t matter if he is biologically yours. Many, many men raise other men’s kids and love them.

If it were me, I would get the test just to have certainty in my own mind. But I would still love him as my own, and I wouldn’t try to get out of shared custody / support.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-05-09T10:14:55+00:00

Look do the test and get rid of any responsibility for that child as far as being in his life do what feels right to you if he is not yours. Move on from this bitch and start a real family at some point

Major-Young9532 · 2023-05-08T23:47:07+00:00

Do the test for your own piece of mind. Regardless of the result, don't tell the mother.

If it's your kid, plan your next steps privately.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-05-09T01:11:41+00:00

Get the test.

ah11bb · 2023-05-09T01:13:06+00:00

If you were married at the time of birth most states consider you the father by default. Get the test and get a good attorney.

GooseMysterious5004 · 2023-05-09T02:51:23+00:00

Get the test. I had this argument with a co-worker once. (Worked in a restaurant, lots of time to sit around).

I am of the opinion that if the child isn't yours....you owe him nothing. His Dad does. Should you choose to remain...that is your choice. But if you were to completely abandon, I would argue you should not be judged at all.

I wound abandon if he weren't mine and so would most of my male co-workers. 100%. If the kid is 8 or 9, that's a totally different story and you are really really invested at that point.

At 2 he won't even remember you if your wife were to kick you out of his life in a year. Let his biological father step in and play the true role of Daddy. And if not, its a shame for thr kid...but this is life...its not always pretty.

onthisthing_ · 2023-05-09T03:57:01+00:00

TEST. TEST. TEST.

2023-05-09T07:09:56+00:00

I'd get the test. What you do is up to you if it comes out that the children aren't yours. But, as one who has mixed relatives (white and Hispanic) there is no doubt that they have Hispanic blood. Darker genes are more dominant. They definitely look more Hispanic that white.

Reflog1791 · 2023-05-09T08:05:29+00:00

Sorry brother. Pray about it. Very important decision for you.

Note the child support considerations are TIME SENSITIVE.

But most importantly above all and no matter the outcome, this is not the end all be all. You’re going to be fine. Happy couples on third marriages with all sorts of blended families are thriving every day.

I think the combination of the child being white plus the time sensitivity means get the test and hire a lawyer based on the results. Tough situation, Godspeed.

Cobalt_Bakar · 2023-05-09T20:46:16+00:00

OP, based on the wording of your post I get the impression that you consider that little boy your son. He is your son, because DNA aside, you are the only dad he’s ever known. Kids need dads, and so long as you love him and consider him your son, whoever his father is, is irrelevant.

I tried to compose a comment earlier today but it got very long. I copied it to an email draft and I may try to paste it here in two or even three replies. But my big piece of advice is to look at your own words. You say you love him more than anything in the world. Why for a moment would you even consider giving him up? Who does that benefit? Not you, and not him. This subreddit is about divorce. It completely makes sense that you’re hurt, betrayed, angry, and sad for how things fell apart between you and your wife. That you’re divorcing her does not and should not mean you have to cut your son out of your life, but navigating your relationship with him when you’re no longer married to his mother or living together in the same house full time is a very tough and scary situation. So please consider it as a separate issue from your divorce and try looking at other resources for advice about what to do from here. For starters, maybe you could repost your question in r/SingleDads and see what they have to say. Nearly of them have been in the place you are now.

SpiritualCelery · 2023-05-11T00:11:27+00:00

Do the test, not for you but for him. He deserves to have his biological father in his life. If you need to be discrete buy a test from Ancestry. You can find out easily that way. He will have matches that are in your family and some Hispanic DNA.

althaf7788 · 2023-05-26T17:41:09+00:00

Updateme!

Title	Paternity test or not
Author	Throwawayblahblah990
Upvotes	22
Comments	39
Date	May 8, 2023 5:49 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13bz9sx/paternity_test_or_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/paternity-test-or-not.1218736 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218736

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