How will I ever get over not seeing my kids every day.

WartimeDad · 2023-05-13T05:05:10+00:00

Bunch a dads in here missing their kids.

AlmostThere22 · 2023-05-12T23:02:40+00:00

I say this lovingly and respectfully.

I know it's hard.

But you need to get over your kids not being with you half the time.

Your kids will grow up and spend MOST of their time away from you.

Be super dad when they're with you and when they're not with you, live a great fucking life until they come back.

A life to be proud of is what you're aiming for.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-05-12T23:16:23+00:00

Bro at least you're seeing your kids at all. I've had 4 hours of contact with my kids in the last 3 months.

New_Classroom_1840 · 2023-05-13T02:55:55+00:00

I'm getting the double hit. Went from stay at home dad to divorced seeing kid every other week. When I do she's on her phone in her room. I try and tell myself she was going to be pulling away at this age anyway, and I was going to be living to just see her for moments anyway, but it doesn't help. When she's here I try and get her to cook with me, we have a few shows we watch. That's about it. I chat with her a little in the car on the way to and from school, every other week. They grow up, they go live their own lives. I did it to my parents. I just wasn't ready for it. Just make the most of the time you have with them.

IceDue123 · 2023-05-13T02:04:07+00:00

If you try, you can actually increase your time with your kids with a 50/50 over two,parent household.
Dont cook dinner for them, Get a recipe, have them make a list, buy ingredients cook together.

Whatever dumb show or movie they like, you like.

Wherever their friends and them want to g, you drive them. Make them listen to your music, listen to theirs.

If you have a dog, you all,go to the dog park

All,grown up stuff and house cleaning etc on days alone.

Examples:

Fathers day-Breakfast at the bagel shop, dog park, home work, cook fried rice, watch School of Rock.

Mothers Day-90 minute Breakfast at IHOP

All it takes is a little planning

strutt3r · 2023-05-13T12:50:16+00:00

I dunno man. I never got over it, just got kind of numb to it eventually. Can't allow myself to linger on those thoughts very long though. Keep your mind busy, and if you can't keep your mind busy keep your hands busy. Woodworking has been the best therapy I've found so far, and even though my kids are away they're surrounded by little boxes and shelves and desks I've made for them.

riserobotrise · 2023-05-13T01:19:29+00:00

Sorry man, I know how you feel. Ex brainwashed my kids and I get to see them once a month, maybe twice. Hurts to not hear their laughter, hopes or fears. My youngest is starting high school this year after several years of homeschool, so like most dads totally freaked out about it. Hasn't gotten easer in the 17 months we've been apart, and the first year was rampant self-destruction because of the loss of them. Took a while but I pulled out of that dark dive, got a little therapy which only convinced me the only one that can heal me is me. Hang in there bud.

wisstinks4 · 2023-05-13T01:25:33+00:00

Your feelings are valid and real. All your comments make sense.

However, you need to find things to fill open time. Start a Hobby, athletics, a book club, biking, investment club, camping, hiking, visit national parks.

Find a way to let go, move your mind to a new way of life. Focus on your wellness. You may never understand why she did what she did. There may be another guy. Please stop beating yourself up. Trying to solve a broken puzzle.

You are going to be the best you, starting today. You can do it.

Jonger1150 · 2023-05-13T02:04:16+00:00

I'm sitting on my couch alone right now, while my 12 year old didn't want to go to mom's.

I feel it too.

No_Key_6276 · 2023-05-12T23:15:00+00:00

I also have 50/50. It’s not ideal but I’ve grown an amazing relationship with my son. It’s something that gets easier with time. It’s never easy but use the time you do get and crank that shit up to 11. Be super dad when you can and enjoy/improve yourself when you have alone time

xjeeperx · 2023-05-12T23:50:00+00:00

It sucks, definitely takes a while to get used to and I have mine 3 weeknights for 3 hours and every other weekend. I generally just say busy on the off days. Gym, work, housework, anything I can find to do. Grinding hard to build the life I’ve always wanted, doesn’t leave much time to feel sorry for myself.

cormacpara · 2023-05-13T03:26:58+00:00

I’ve been 50/50 for about a year and a half now. It hasn’t gotten any easy. Just talking with other people about it is a start. Days I’m able to get outside and move my body lessens the mental parts of missing them. I haven’t arrived at the kids are away so I grind part yet but slowly learning that discipline when you don’t have them = freedom.

RxRobb · 2023-05-13T07:48:06+00:00

I haven’t seen my kid in person in six months , the mother is a Cunt taking advantage of the system

shedsmokerOG · 2023-05-13T08:21:03+00:00

Feel you man… same, same. I was drifting through life with no real direction til I had kids and then they lit a fire in my soul. It was only when I had them that I realised how much I wanted to be a father. Now I have to sit back and watch the ex and her partner fill my kids head with crap… struggling with it all myself brother so I don’t know what advice I can give other than keeping busy when they aren’t there, and being Dad Max when they are there.

Everyone tells me it will get easier and I just hang in there and hope it does. Lately I’ve tried really hard to stop thinking about where they are and what they are doing when they aren’t with me and it’s helping keep the sadness at bay more time. Good luck with it man, let’s hope it does get easier.

JonathanApple · 2023-05-12T23:53:04+00:00

I am only truly happy when I'm an engaged parent. Everyone is different but my dreams were shattered in a lot of ways. The time I do have is wonderful, the rest of the time is generally coping.

The truth is though soon I'll be only needed to schlep them from one place to another. Which I'll lovingly do. I get to ease into the empty nest I guess.

It would all be so much easier if ex wasn't poisoning during her time. That is what ticks me off.

DadVader77 · 2023-05-14T03:39:52+00:00

I’ll be in the same boat soon enough. Dealing with a spouse who wants a divorce because she stopped loving me years ago is bad enough. Dealing with her sleeping with some random dude her BFF set her up with is bad enough. But not seeing my kids every day? That’s what will kill me. And to make it worse, the STBX keeps saying she does everything and makes sure the kids come first. Except that she spends 2hrs every night talking to her fuckbuddy on the phone, spends maybe 15min a day with our kids, stays over at his place at least 1 night every weekend, and is so far behind on regular house/yard maintenance it’s not even funny. Yet I’m the bad guy.

dc-cards · 2023-05-14T04:42:24+00:00

Shit man, its hard. I can relate big time...and you have every right to have these feelings. Im into year 3+ of a contentious divorce and custody battle (we were only married for 2.5 years), fighting a stbxw requesting an out of state move away. And its looking like another year before we go to trial.

I wont lie, it still occupies headspace daily (my daughter, not my ex), but it does get slightly "better" as time progresses. I've learned to take these feels and channel them into productive actions. Ive never been someone that plans life far in advance. Now, ill lay out my calendar 6-12 months out, planning each custodial day with something fun or "adventurous". I never take a visit for granted...and i see how its paid off with the bond my 5-year old and I have developed.

Hands down, i will have a closer relationship with my daughter then i would have if my ex hadn't asked for a divorce.

I also find myself working a lot on my house and making it feel like a home. Ive hung pictures, purchases seasonal decorations, made an art station w/ all the supplies and wrote up responsibility/chore sticker charts. My daughter and I spent a lot of time making her bedroom hers, as her interests change. From paw patrol to Disney princesses to her current obsession, cats & kittens, there are inexpensive ways to do this together.

Finally, the thing that helps me the most, is if at the end of the day, I can ask myself "was my kid my #1 priority and focus during the time i had with her?" Not only being there physically, buy mentally and emotionally? If i can answer yes, then i know ive done all i can do and i might sleep a little better that night.

Hang in there...as they continue to grow up they will recognize all the effort you made to be a great dad...they probably already do.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-05-13T10:50:37+00:00

This is your new reality you got to make the best of it

ranger69danger · 2023-05-12T22:58:59+00:00

Dude. This hits me. My first child was born, out of wedlock, by my oldest and dearest friend, four days, 1hr and 3 mins ago. The connection I feel with that little human of my line is WILD and powerful.

I divorced about five months ago. Thank dog we did not have kids in that relationship.

I don’t know how you will make it through this but I believe that your love, your children’s love, have the potential power to make it happen. Stay the course. Don’t give up.

MNCPA · 2023-05-13T12:10:47+00:00

I know this is hard but spend the free time working on building your new life.

Sea_Capital168 · 2023-05-14T20:23:44+00:00

It hurts. I miss my kids terribly when they're gone, but I guess its just human nature to adapt. I started going out and enjoying my time to myself more. I've done things I couldn't have done if my kids were here, I've bought things that are just for me, I've eaten whole pizzas on the couch at 2am in my underwear. It gets to be a sense of freedom you didn't realize you were lacking, and it eventually starts feeling normal.

I'm sorry you miss your kids. I know it hurts.

Title	How will I ever get over not seeing my kids every day.
Author	HalfTheMan611
Upvotes	30
Comments	29
Date	May 12, 2023 10:31 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13fz7wz/how_will_i_ever_get_over_not_seeing_my_kids_every/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-will-i-ever-get-over-not-seeing-my-kids-every.1219122 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219122

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