Confidence is non-transferable

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2023-07-25T11:58:59+00:00

No incl content.

Gravel_Roads · 2023-07-25T07:02:26+00:00

I agree that people who aren't confident don't just "become" confident. It actually takes time, effort and continuous exposure to challenges, which many people (both men and women) are reluctant to go through.

I disagree that a "chess grandmaster' is inherently less confident than an "average male porn star". Many people in movies, porn or otherwise, are actually very shy and introverted in real life, and many academics have plenty of confidence.

Confidence just means you have trust in yourself and your ability to navigate a situation. Even a man who strikes out regularly can be confident - it shows in how he doesn't develop avoidant or anxious behavior even if he has experienced rejection.

kt1a · 2023-07-25T05:41:53+00:00

Agree to an extent. I see this plenty with subject matter experts in many fields.

However, having confidence over multiple fields tends to bestow one with general confidence. If you get good at multiple things and demonstrate your ability to adapt and learn - you can have general confidence in most any field even if inexperienced. The problem is that feeling comfortable with the situation does not mean you’re good at whatever it is.

You might have learned how to speak five different languages. You’re generally confident about languages. You now are wanting to learn and speak a new language that has nothing in common with the five previous. You’re confident you can learn it and eventually do well but you know you will look stupid and be bad at it for a long time or until you finally master the language. You may never actually be good at it because maybe to be good at it requires being born into the country where it’s natively spoken or complete immersion. What is confidence in this sense? Hard to say.

We often misinterpret confidence for competence. They’re not the same.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2023-07-25T06:26:48+00:00

No. Women say they like confidence because that’s an attribute of hot, tall guys anyway. They’re not hot because they’re confident, they’re confident because they’re hot.

Mr_Chad_Thunderpenis · 2023-07-25T07:33:46+00:00

I don't think there is much to debate here. Being confident is basically knowing you can perform well and there is high likelihood you'll get the desired outcome. A lot of it comes from external sources that reinforces the idea that you can perform well and there is high likelihood of success. A confident surgeon is just sure he can do his job well most of the time, it can't be transferred to dating or any other area of life(like competitive swimming for example). If his success with women has been poor so far, he ain't gonna be very confident in his interactions with them, romantically wise.

Ok_Cycle225 · 2023-07-25T10:28:41+00:00

To me, confidence can be learned but charisma and being a 'peoples person' is innate and possibly related to IQ. It's like how some soldiers are born to be leaders of men and some are just followers.

dyngladfel · 2023-07-25T10:32:18+00:00

It's not the confidence is attractive, its that lacking confidence is unattractive. I appreciate that sounds like quibbling but it really is.

El_Don_94 · 2023-07-25T06:01:58+00:00

Forget about confidence & just live your life.

quadzillax · 2023-07-25T05:37:24+00:00

Why do you see communicating with women as being so different from communicating with men?

lostatlifecoach · 2023-07-25T05:43:37+00:00

Tom cruise is pretty short. A lot of the mma fighters are ugly as fuck. I'm sure you'll argue rich, good looking, high status.

Have you ever rode with a bike gang. My misspent youth taught me those men could score some of the hottest, wildest party girls. Dudes were ugly and fairly broke. I was in fights every night. The confidence of a real biker gang member doesn't come from looks or height. The tallest is best looking weren't usually the leader and definitely didn't get the most chick's.

Confidence is transferable. If your tough or really good at something it Carries over to other parts of your life.

ChancreMechanic · 2023-07-25T07:50:02+00:00

There are plenty of examples of unattractive men being confident, even in my own direct social circle. It can come from many places, especially a love of yourself, being comfortable with yourself. Far from being "dumb" to tell unattractive people to be confident, it's very good advice: women want someone who likes himself, who is comfortable in his own skin, who is socially competent. You, however, sound very bitter and self-denigrating, which is not very attractive. Blaming the outside world will just not solve your problems, you have to find the strength in yourself, although family and friends can help you.

I genuinely feel sorry for you too, because there have likely been moments in your life that have destroyed your confidence, your sense of self-worth, and I hope you have family and friends that can help teach you to appreciate yourself again. I really think that's step one, regardless of your success with women. When you post things like "All tall people are bad people", I worry about you, and I really think you should see a psychologist. Your obsession with your looks is eating away at you. I am sympathetic to how difficult it is for short men to date, and especially on the Internet women can be cold and cruel about that, but please hold out hope and don't destroy yourself with Internet pessimism, it's not going to make anything better -- just way, way worse.

Lysa_Bell · 2023-07-25T07:46:38+00:00

My fiance is very average. He is not tall, not rich (actually more poor), a bit pudgy which I personally would call dad - bod (not the Jason mamoa bs that gets thrown around here). But he is very relaxed and layed back. He always makes me smile and laugh and he is very confident in the things he does. He takes on leader roles easy in gaming, sport and work. He cared for his mother over half his life and had to make hard decisions since he was a teenager. He doesn't even have any school degree because he walked out of school for being bullied. He is confident in who he is and what he provides and that shows in everything he does. He is confident to acknowledge when he made a mistake and takes accountability. When he is gaming with his pals he can take on an almost commanding role and people are asking him for help and guidance.

That is what I mean with confidence is attractive. Watching him play his sports, going in for the goal even if he misses because he is determined is very hot to me.

Confidence breeds determination. The push to keep going no matter what. It's incredibly attractive.

It doesn't take the confidence of a billionaire pornstar to get a normal woman. Unless you are aiming obviously only for the super hot women. Then you might need more help than just a big confidence anyway.

TheOrangeGhost · 2023-07-25T08:04:57+00:00

You only gain confidence romantically talking to women by actually talking to women you like. It doesn't matter if you look like Thor or look like a troll your going to be nervous until do it quite a few times. Honestly the nerves don't really go away so much as become less troublesome and weirdly more enjoyable. Talking to women you like is supposed to be kinda nerve racking , its thrill seeking behavior and thats a really big part of what makes finding someone fun. So go have some fun.

bruhminer · 2023-07-25T10:31:45+00:00

So the girls claiming to be attracted to confident guys don't have self-awareness and are just attracted to tall good-looking guys.

I don't think anyone has any self awareness and it's not their fault, attraction is very much so subconscious.

343_peaches_and_tea · 2023-07-25T08:22:03+00:00

A chess grandmaster will never be as confident as an average male porn star when it comes to communicating with women

Where does this myth come from that highly intelligent, successful men can't talk to women?

Last I heard Einstein was a womanizer, Magnus Carlsen was very popular with women hell even Hawking was known to be very charismatic.

Chess Grandmaster Ben Finegold is incredibly overweight and respectfully not the best looking. But even he has a wife.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-07-25T08:32:57+00:00

when it comes to communicating

The primary factor is support networks. Primarily family. The argument can be made that all humans have inclinations. Towards extroversion. Towards introversion. However, environment, and family are major contributing factors. To social competence. There are charismatic engineers. Just like there are introverted car salesmen.

Confidence is confidence. Social skill is social skill. One is not mutually exclusive, from the other.

Godspeed and good luck!

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Ledinax · 2023-07-25T10:04:22+00:00

"Have confidence!"

*gets rejected

"No confidence!"

Rhinosaur666 · 2023-07-25T11:03:59+00:00

You are absolutely wrong about what confidence is and how it is acquired. Confidence is about lovingly not giving a fuck. When you can talk to a woman and it doesn't matter to you whether she ends up liking you or not, when both outcomes carry the exact same weight, that's confidence.

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-07-25T11:04:09+00:00

Confidence comes from within. Also from age and life experience. I strongly believe you make your own self worth.

Title	Confidence is non-transferable
Author	uggo_cel
Upvotes	27
Comments	75
Date	July 25, 2023 5:28 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/158ysbv/confidence_is_nontransferable/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/confidence-is-non-transferable.1226426 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226426

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