Wife is the one who wants out, but is putting forth no effort to proceed with the divorce

email68 · 2023-07-27T04:18:04+00:00

I tried to come up with a plan with my ex. She said that’s what the mediator does. Nope…. She ultimately picked the mediator. I interviewed him before agreeing. First thing he asked was if we had a plan. I had worked on it myself, and said yep. Here ya go. Basically that’s what we went with.

All_fixed_again · 2023-07-27T06:30:45+00:00

My guess..she is having an affair.

By telling you she wants a divorce, in her head, she considers herself "seperated", free to pursue other relationships. In reality, she does not want a divorce...she wants the financial security you provide but also wants to have her adventures. She will maintain this state of "limbo" for as long as possible

It's up to you to end it ASAP and stop asking for her input...you are in control of this, not her

RunTheBull13 · 2023-07-27T04:12:18+00:00

Hopefully she's not taking the extra time to make plans to fuck you over.

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-07-27T05:43:57+00:00

You’ve got to do it all yourself dude. I had to go through everything in getting this done. Even to this day I’m doing things to clear both of us from it. It’s a mother fucker but peace is at the end of the line for this. At least as much peace as I can without her. Just do it on your own. Get everything started and finish everything. It’s Annoying as fuck but if you don’t do it, it’ll never be done

Mark_Foureh · 2023-07-27T10:56:01+00:00

You file, and do it now. She wants you to be the bad guy by filing. I'm guessing that she wants to bask in your perks (whether it be financial, emotional, or otherwise) as long as possible while she figures out some kind of plan for herself. If she said its over, than its over. Get the ball rolling asap so that eventually, she will be cut off from whatever you're offering her. like a place to live.

my wife separated from me, and then for like 9 months (While living free in the house i pay all the bills for, not working, running up credit card debt (8k that i had to pay off with my tax return), doing bare minimum around the house and for the kids) told me "I DON'T KNOW...WE'LL SEE" every time i asked if we were going to work on the marriage or just end it. Then one day she told me she for sure wanted to end it. i gave it another month, and she didn't do anything, so filed first, told the kids, and got this shit moving. Many women are lazy, and their heads are chaotic and emotional. She wasn't going to file, she wanted someone else to do everything for her. She also wanted to look like a bigger victim. "Oh he emotionally abused me, then left me! oh poor me! give me money!!" I still have to pay for the house and all the bills until the divorce is finalized. Had i filed as soon as we separated, and didn't let her jerk me around for 9 months, i'd already have her out of my life, and she'd be forced to get a job and figure out her own life sooner. I'm still waiting on things to be finalized. as soon as it is, she gets child support, then not another dime. she'll have work for the first time since 2010.

Complicatedlogic · 2023-07-27T02:32:10+00:00

You’ll have to do it yourself. I did. If I relied on her help, I’d be going on year 2.5 of the divorce process with no end in sight.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-07-27T07:19:48+00:00

How do you know really she wants the divorce?

extramediumweaksauce · 2023-07-27T11:04:16+00:00

Mine was like this. When they fall apart like this they fall. The fuck. Apart. Way too incompetent to manage something like a divorce.

The good thing is that you don't have to deal with her if she's giving you the reigns. It's not fair, but in some ways it's preferable.

wisstinks4 · 2023-07-27T12:30:26+00:00

I have friends who have been through this. It’s all talk until they take action. Beware of someone pulling the strings behind the curtain. Find out who she’s getting advice from and head this off at the pass.

One_Cartographer_465 · 2023-07-27T13:57:08+00:00

You are thinking logically and that is why you can't figure out her motives. Women rarely think logically or have a plan. You were the work mule in the marriage, why would you expect not to be the work mule in the divorce.

One thing I did to make my last EX stop stalling (I have told this before however, it will be more difficult for you with kids involved) BUT, my EX had no job no money, but also no incentive to leave. I simply stopped buying groceries. I grabbed something to eat on my way home from work. She kept giving me grocery lists and telling me the fridge was empty. It took 10 days for her to sign the orders and agree to move out... If I would start buying groceries again.

DON'T FEED THEM, they will leave.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-07-27T04:50:13+00:00

Have either of you filed? That’s the first step.

greatinven2161 · 2023-07-27T12:17:03+00:00

UpdateMe!

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-07-27T21:09:44+00:00

normal

my wife told me last june she didn't want to work on it and was 100% for divorce

i'm the one that had to eventually get appointments made to get the ball rolling

granted-she stands to lose more $$$$ in the split so it makes sense for her to be happy to leave things alone and leave me in limbo

that's why i ultimately got things moving. i'm stuck. she won't work on the marriage or spend time together and i'm not getting any younger...if i'm going to be alone i need to be free to do whatever i want to do

Chance_Refrigerator7 · 2023-07-27T15:25:03+00:00

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Title	Wife is the one who wants out, but is putting forth no effort to proceed with the divorce
Author	Either_Evidence_1986
Upvotes	15
Comments	60
Date	July 27, 2023 12:40 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15an17t/wife_is_the_one_who_wants_out_but_is_putting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-is-the-one-who-wants-out-but-is-putting-forth.1226569 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226569

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