To my friends and family: Where were you when I needed you

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2023-11-29T14:04:33+00:00

No one cares about your problems and half of the people are glad that you have them.

The sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll begin your recovery. If you want unconditional love - get a dog.

mubelsjedenn · 2023-11-29T09:39:39+00:00

Were your friends and family against you being with her?

capitalawesome2016 · 2023-11-29T10:58:35+00:00

Women are more emotional and empathetic and I think that makes it easier for them to get support from other women. My guy friends were similar and most didn't offer support but it i asked to talk they were willing to listen. Do you have any family nearby that can help? Is your divorce final? Make sure your document the date she moved out and document every night what meal you cook for your son and take pictures occasionally so they're is evidence she's not there and your taking care of the kid.

Remember that you're a good dad and your son needs you. Stay strong.

Some things that helped me were:

join a few men's groups
ask your parents for help, invite them over for dinner
go to a Church that has some families with kids your son's age
cooking meals with a crockpot like beef stew, chicken

- explain the situation to others and ask for help, and ask to get together with other families with kids for dinner at their house and offer to bring a side or main dish (less cleanup for you)

lyricbaritone2 · 2023-11-29T09:37:40+00:00

You are better off without that bitch. Never ever think a woman is adding any value to your life that you can't add to yourself. She is an accessory at best. And keep in mind that you brought the value to the relationship. She ran off and left the child. That says enough. And to the people that turned their back to you in your time of need....big fat middle finger for them.

ViolentTakeByForce · 2023-11-29T12:29:48+00:00

Men are disposable and it’s clear.

The thing I don’t get, how does this post help you or other men? I’m seeing so many posts about men feeling sad and down about what they are going through, wanting help in some way from others. My advice: seek God. And I’m not being sarcastic.

I’ve been through some incredibly tough times but I never once sat there asking where everyone else was and where my support came from. At times, my family didn’t agree or wasn’t with me because of smear campaigns, but I knew in the long run everyone would come around. There’s something about women that is just “weak” for lack of a better word that people want to support them over men and hear them out over men. And women recognize this and try and take advantage and lose sense of reality, to the point they can just start misrepresenting if not create complete works of fiction, and most third party people don’t take a second to question these stories because “why would someone lie about that?”. Of course there are good women who don’t do this and hold other women accountable, but it’s very few. It’s easier to believe the “victim” or “underdog” of a story and a lot of women are telling the story with them in that position.

Men need integrity, not just in what we’ve been taught the word meant, but integrity in the sense that we are dealing with situations in a way that we can say “we did our best”. If we truly did our best and fought the good fight, we need to accept the results of trying our best. An example is if I go to the gym but I don’t push myself, and I know that I just half assed everything, I won’t be satisfied with myself and it will fuck with my head. The alternative is if I had an amazing workout, there’s a dopamine hit and I sleep better. Now imagine I have all these situations I know I’m fucking up, not doing my best, and half passing life in general. How the fuck can you be happy? We need to give shit our all and have integrity about the situations and events no matter how minor or major to feel fulfilled.

It’s tough for me to read these posts because the reality is, my relationship with God becomes stronger and I truly find myself when I have little to no support for situations, and I don’t complain about it. I challenge myself. I realize everyone is different but what the fuck is the alternative? A pity party? Don’t get me wrong I’ve reached out to people who need help on different subreddits and seemed like they were in a bad place and gave advice where I could, but I can tell you straight up, most of the time the integrity I mentioned above is the root cause of why they are in the situations they are in. The great thing about being a man, is normally when other men call us on our shit, we accept it whereas (most) women double down on how it’s not their fault.

Seek God, do your best, and accept the results.

kdthex01 · 2023-11-29T13:13:19+00:00

Every time I go through some shit my friends and family have been there and I’ve told them I’m fine because I didn’t want to be a burden.

Make sure you are letting people help you. Maybe even ask for help… something simple like “I could really use a night off from cooking, think you could make us some of your famous lasagna or take the kids to a movie one night?”

Women get more support because they do the work. They take the time to nurture relationships, remembering that mom’s lasagna is🔥 and auntie loves movies. And when the shoe was on the other foot, they were there for mom and auntie and maybe made them a pie or something.

Big_Marsupial_8142 · 2023-11-29T16:05:11+00:00

For me and my situation - I internalize a lot of emotion / stress. I don't outwardly ASK for help or give the appearance that I need it. My friends and family are supportive whenever I ASK for help or bring up an issue. But I have to seek out that support when I want it - they don't call or show up out of the blue and offer assistance or check on my well being. It is on me to know when I NEED outside help and spend time rebuilding / nurturing those relationships when the time comes. I'm not one for drama - so I don't broadcast my shit online or seek validation from that community.

When you feel down - call a friend / family member just to talk. Get in your car and take a short drive and listen to your favorite music. Take a deep breath and reflect back on why you divorced in the first place... We all tend to have revisionist history when we start thinking that "things weren't that bad"... Yes they were - and you need to remember that as well!!!

Good luck to you with your journey. Hopefully you've found this sub to be of help when you need it - not everyone has the same story, but we all understand the struggle for sure....

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-11-29T17:18:51+00:00

My own mother took my ex’s side , even after I showed her evidence that she cheated. If your mother cannot be trusted to stand by you…what hope anyone else will. The only person who truly had my back was my best mate. Bros before hoes, it’s truer than you know.

Ncfc48 · 2023-11-29T20:55:59+00:00

I was lucky all the lads I grew up with went through school with lads holidays weddings (I'm the only divorced one not bad most of us late 40s but still plenty of time for them!

Those guys and close family work mates got me though so lucky I guess

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-11-29T22:04:53+00:00

Yeah I hear you brother, reached out to my so called best friend couple times to see if we can get some drinks and shoot the sh!t and every time its “I’m busy or I’m working” so that friend is no more. Thank god my whole family supported me through the whole ordeal. This forum is actually like therapy to me and I’m not sure if I would’ve recover as quick without it. We’re all here for you man!!

RiKo2020 · 2023-11-30T00:32:51+00:00

Don’t take this the wrong way, but count yourself lucky you have your son. Forget about everyone else and build the best life possible for you and him. I wish I was in your position, mate. I can forget about my ex and everyone else, but I can’t stop missing my son every second of every day, and I still see him once a week.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-11-30T00:53:19+00:00

The ones you stick by you through a divorce are the ones you keep, the rest cut off communication.

AffectionateAd6060 · 2023-11-30T02:45:23+00:00

I experienced this too. Family -- gone, totally silent and excluded me for awhile. Friends -- ha no where to be found except one. Family will come back around in time when the dust settles but friends are largely overrated, make sure you have one or two that you closely confide in and are for real.

Correct_Song4624 · 2023-11-30T07:57:22+00:00

Did you nurture those relationships independent or your ex wife when you were married?

Title	To my friends and family: Where were you when I needed you
Author	ww3historian
Upvotes	29
Comments	31
Date	November 29, 2023 8:35 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/186kswz/to_my_friends_and_family_where_were_you_when_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/to-my-friends-and-family-where-were-you-when-i.1239602 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239602

Comments

- explain the situation to others and ask for help, and ask to get together with other families with kids for dinner at their house and offer to bring a side or main dish (less cleanup for you)