There is always someone else

ADivorcedGuy · 2024-07-12T17:18:16+00:00

I am sorry for your pain and loss. I don’t want to dimmish your feelings of betrayal, and I will agree that infidelity is often a cause for divorce, but not always. There are faithful people out there. I was also married for 18 years (almost to the day) to a stay-at-home mom. Over the years we drifted apart and became roommates and then strangers and then divorced. This was many years ago and I still do not believe there was someone else.

I know that this sucks, is a very painful situation and makes you want to distrust women, but for your own sanity in future relationships, don’t think that there is always someone else. That could drive a wedge between you and a future mate.

Fluffy-Palpitation36 · 2024-07-12T14:10:10+00:00

There is a cure for heartbreak and feeling sorry for yourself. It's a combination of time, working on yourself both mentally and physically, and then getting back on the market and dating many until one settles on you and you settle on her. Until then, forget about it!

miserylovescompany21 · 2024-07-11T21:36:06+00:00

Well, I'm glad you finally woke up buddy. It's a cold world out here.

awaythrow-8675309 · 2024-07-11T19:38:06+00:00

Even if there isn't actually someone else, there is the idea of someone else.

cyanidelollipops · 2024-07-10T23:07:34+00:00

Same here buddy, same. In 4 months my wife has moved on to 3 different someone elses. 4 if you count me when she thought she was gonna come back.

TXcumdevil · 2024-07-10T17:50:12+00:00

Yeah, my ex and I started a “separation” and I moved back to Texas. She forgot that I know her Reddit handle and was posting about her new boyfriend before she even sent the papers. Sorry you’re going through it man. It gets better with time.

NeverEndingConquest · 2024-07-10T14:52:43+00:00

Let her go, bro. This shit will eat you up. Don't let it! You must actively train your mind to LET HER GO and surely your emotions will begin to follow. I've been through this very thing. Astonishment, anger, resentment, and more. What you need to do is find peace and to do that, you'll have to let her go. Focus forward on your path, your desires, and your dreams. Let lie what you had with her. Everything changes. Let her go and focus on your growth.

Personal_Falcon2081 · 2024-07-10T13:40:02+00:00

Say it louder for the guys in the back.

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE. YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION.

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-07-10T12:12:20+00:00

Truth! It made me really cautious when I started dating again.

Any-Dare-7261 · 2024-07-10T11:15:57+00:00

No such thing as a single woman.

justaguywadog · 2024-07-10T11:06:39+00:00

It's just your turn

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2024-07-10T07:21:24+00:00

Yup.

Jiujitsu_Dude · 2024-07-10T05:49:22+00:00

The jaded feeling will turn to caution, it ok to have knowledge and experience and understanding of what to expect. This doesn’t mean you won’t find an awesome woman, you will just not be blind to the reality of how women operate. I love my now Girlfriend but I know how women operate and will never be caught off guard again. Ignorance is bliss but wisdom is reality.

Become_Pneuma · 2024-07-10T04:55:20+00:00

A classic case. Welcome to the club. Forget about the whore. Work on yourself and be happy.

Competitive_Motor840 · 2024-07-10T03:01:55+00:00

I’m very sorry for your loss and pain. Unfortunately I have come to realize that it’s the truth, plain and simple. These people don’t have the same mentality as someone who is not… (I’m trying to be sensitive and not disparage anyone but I don’t know how to say it any other way.) … who isn’t narcissistic/insensitive/screwed up. They will use you until you are drained and when they see they are getting close to that point, will put into place a replacement for themselves, so they can transition.

It’s an incredibly difficult situation to wrap your head around. I’ve been there — the feeling of being used and then discarded like trash, with no remorse on their part.

The only advice I can give comes wholeheartedly from my own experiences. Hold onto your self worth and try to take pride in yourself. The fact that you are so hurt and are willing to share that feeling in a public forum is an incredible achievement.

Wishing you all the best.

roshi-roshi · 2024-07-10T02:53:58+00:00

I’m still in denial I think. I really don’t think she cheated. She did tell me she wanted to get a divorce after a trip out of town. She went to the same place the next weekend. And she has gone out of town almost every weekend through this entire process. My kids don’t seem to have noticed anything.

It is kind of weird that things were getting better, I thought and then bam, she wanted to split. Seems that if she didn’t cheat she’d be a major outlier. Again, I really don’t think she did though. Who knows?

ZyoStar · 2024-07-10T02:15:35+00:00

There's always another lined up in the wings, with my wife it was a matual freind of ours. We hadn't spoken to him for a few years but in the last ~6 months of the marriage we just happened to get back in touch with him, convenient right?

Kaleidoscopesss · 2024-07-10T01:43:50+00:00

As a woman married to a narc... the opposite is happening to me... He denys someone else exists. I know for a fact someone does.

stupididiot78 · 2024-07-09T23:05:31+00:00

I remember I had friends and family telling me to check her phone records since we were on a shared plan. I thought they were full of crap and actually went and got the records just to prove them wrong because there's no way she would do something like that.

They were right. Even though I couldn't see text messages or even who called her, there were tons of calls from her to him. I was such a fucking idiot.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-07-09T22:40:19+00:00

Yup. And what's more, the other guy? He's the reason for the divorce. The wife doesn't decide to end the marriage, then find a guy. A guy gives her tingles, and that starts the process of her wanting to end the marriage. The guy though? It's something all guys do, we're all always putting some pressure out there to sleep with women; if by chance a lady gives a little under it, that's when they start pushing.

It's important for guys to understand to move on. One of the endless men putting sexual pressure on your ex gave her tingles. Once she got tingles, she started to like the other man, and liking another man means she starts to like you less, even if you literally did nothing, and could be objectively better; that doens't matter, her mind will start to re-organize to make the tingles 'correct'. This is why she starts treating you differently all the sudden. It was caused by another guy, nothing you were doing almost always.

And when she finally leaves, it's because she doesn't want to have to sneak around anymore, or only get bits and pieces here, she wants to ride it all day and night. Every reason given for the actual sepearation is just a cover for 'I don't want to be bothered while I ride this new dick'.

And the above, how she changed to make it seem correct to have the tingles for another man? It's the same reason she won't come back after cheating; she's convinced herself of a reality that the marriage was bad and so were you. If she does come back, it's literally because she doesn't have anywhere else to stay, the cheating won't stop, she'll just be wiser about rushing out the door before knowing the new dick would just leave.

And in furtherance of that, much like how she treated you badly inbetween getting tingles and leaving, she'll also do more sexual things with the other dicks than she did with you at any point other than start of the relationship, if then. Two parts is one; the tingles drive all of this, and they fade with time. IT's why it's always so good at the start of a new relationship with a woman. And two, by letting the guys do these things to her, it re-enforces in her mind she did the right thing. After all, if she treats you like crap, and lets the other guys raw dog and slap her, well, she would only do that if you really were that bad, right? She couldn't be making a mistake. So each time she does it, she becomes more certain how 'righteous' she is in the cheating. To the point where she won't even consider what she did cheating.

redragtop99 · 2024-07-09T22:09:04+00:00

I always tell guys who show up on here and their wives “just want to be free” or in my case, “just want to be on my own for once” that she’s probably cheating, as I can remember a time when someone first told me this and I too thought “not her, not us, she would never!” After years of being gaslit and projected upon, it’s hard to believe what we will believe sometimes.

BigPapaJava · 2024-07-09T20:51:01+00:00

Mine constantly kept accusing me of cheating all through our marriage.

She filed but swore there was no one else.

Then a day later I caught her meeting up with him when I was out in the field working and she was supposed to be in her office.

Slow_Complex9685 · 2024-07-09T19:48:17+00:00

Sounds similar to my story.

Equal-Morning9480 · 2024-07-09T19:05:54+00:00

Mine reconnected with her old boyfriend on LinkedIn of all places FFS. But when it originally went down she said she just needed space and couldn’t handle being in a relationship anymore after 25 years and four kids. Now she’s a 52 year old woman who thinks she’s 20 and acts like it as well

Independent_Owlz · 2024-07-09T18:49:35+00:00

I knew when I found her Snapchat account.

krazykanuck · 2024-07-09T18:44:33+00:00

It's a weird world we live in. To be devils advocate: image a world where the roles were reversed. A world where guys got attention for merely existing. Compliments were plentiful. Offers of gifts and friendly nights out were common.

Now be in a relationship where things feel like work. Where reality exists and it's not all compliments and gifts and making you feel like a prince among men. Fucking Janet from work ALWAYS listens to your hunting stories and she really cares! Kate said she'd help you pick out a new reel and even offered to pay. Your wife never did any of those things!!!

Bottom line, they are inundated with it. I'm not trying to excuse it, or say it's right, I'm just saying I get it.

slow-motion-pearls · 2024-07-09T18:21:19+00:00

Mine weirdly tried setting me up with a friend of hers…. By then I already had a gf.

capnjackstation · 2024-07-09T17:59:09+00:00

Always.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2024-07-09T17:45:03+00:00

I know this hurts. I’ve been there. But it helped to view it like this: it’s her right to not be into me. But now I get to be with other women and it’s pretty good. Think about all the new things you’ll get to try and the women you’ll meet. Again, this approach helped me when thinking about it, but it may not help you.

beezo123 · 2024-07-09T17:36:12+00:00

I am lucky that my ex either was faithful or was too slick not to let me find out, but either way, she wasn't into me, and I think that's bad enough. Granted I earned it through letting her lose respect for me through my behaviors. Not to say that was avoidable through effort on my end alone.

I myself was trying to cheat lol, just hadn't succeeded yet.

I do know my ex had all sorts of hidden social media trash but I think that was more for public attention. Who knows. I am very thankful I dont have the wound of getting cheated on. Though I am screwing hotter chicks now than ever, and if I am honest, ex was a cold lay and let herself go anyway!

azwildcat74 · 2024-07-09T17:18:41+00:00

There’s middle ground between becoming totally jaded and living in ignorant bliss, just be aware of the game and play it accordingly. Life’s too short to not have sex and have fun, just acknowledge the game and don’t lose yourself in it

jimsmythee · 2024-07-09T17:01:47+00:00

My now exwife was trying to setup a date with an old friend of hers, but she left her FB messenger account open on the computer. I was already in the process of dumping her and having to wait for her DUI conviction to be done so she could do her jail time, and then I was going to file for divorce.

I told her, "Just so you know. I know all about you trying to meet up with Dave. I flat out don't care. Better him than me. But you don't have a valid drivers license anymore, so you're not taking my car."

She screamed at me, wondering how I knew. Did one of her friends betray her? It was funny. In the end I told her she left FB messenger open. About a week later, she told me she "needed" to borrow my car. I told her "not just no, but hell no." She screamed that "half of that car is mine!" I told her, "You are an excluded driver on the policy. You have no license and you've totaled every car in the past 2 years. Would you, want someone like you, driving your car?"

She didn't get to drive my car. Turns out that other guy also had a DUI and lost his license too. Better him than me.

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-07-09T16:58:50+00:00

I just wrote a similar post about this. I'm with you. Although my stbxw hasn't sealed the deal. She's always on Instagram, or talking with other "colleagues", while shitting in the nest. I suspect she's already planned her next move, and has already emotionally checked out, hence the continuous rage, weirdly flawed accusations, and other shit that has become my every day. She claims, they are just friends, like brothers to her. I call BS.

Title	There is always someone else
Author	ww3historian
Upvotes	158
Comments	225
Date	July 9, 2024 4:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dz7bhw/there_is_always_someone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/there-is-always-someone-else.1523738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523738

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