Did my first cold approach today and feeling like shit

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miahoutx · 2022-09-17T02:28:32+00:00

Don’t ever shout

“Hey are you shy” again 🤣

Pok007 · 2022-09-17T04:15:08+00:00

1

So after growing some balls and feeling confident enough i finally do the cold approach....

It's important to realize that confidence is necessary but not sufficient when it comes to navigating social situations.

It's going to take some mistakes before you can find your way. Kind of like what you experienced this time.

2

.... the girl i was going for was with her friends and look like she was having fun, so i said "hi, i know people don't usually do this but I thought you are cute, so i have to say hello" and the girl just... ran and hide behind her friend back.

So, almost all the context is gone from this situation.

Where were you when this happened? What time of day?
What was everyone doing?
What country was this happening in?

All of this is important information to figure out what exactly went wrong.

Let's look at the basic facts:

A

Something was going on with this girl when you walked up.

B

An opener could have directly referenced what was going on right then. This takes some basic observation and then you just directly talk about what you have observed as you say hi.

For example: you said they were having fun. That means they were doing something. You could have walked up and commented directly on what they were doing when you walked up and said hi.

C

To contrast, the whole cute compliment opener which just will not die (and really should), is an interruption and has nothing to do with what was going on when you walked up. It's all about the person delivering it and what they want.

Why would a stranger care what you want when they don't know you? Especially when you just interrupted them.

This makes the opener risky, especially for beginners who are just learning.

D

The truth about the cute compliment opener is that it is actually quite advanced and it is pretty cruel that people keep spreading the idea that it's good for beginners to start off with this.

You have to be advanced to sell this kind of opener and get people who just met you a split second ago to invest in that as the start of a conversation with someone they just met.

3

I was so confused so i just blurted out "hey are you shy?" and she just kinda use her friend as a shield move away before i can even start any conversation. This interaction has bother me the rest of the night that i can't even continue.

All of these sound like natural human reactions.

It's natural for a person to respond to an awkward situation by making a comment pointed at someone else, like the shy comment.
It's natural for a girl in that situation to be weirded out by someone who came up randomly and interrupted what they were doing with a really bad line.
It's natural for this kind of situation to weigh on your mind afterwards.

4

Why does she react like that?

Why did she react that way in that situation? The wording is important. She probably doesn't act that way when everyone says hello.

But you are learning, and your delivery and approach was probably awkward. Which led to the results you got.

Am i so undesirable that girls don't even want to see my face?

It's natural to have this reaction but the truth is that what you've already said in this incomplete account already gives enough information to explain why someone would have been put off.

And none of it has to do with your appearance.

5

....after all the time i spent in gym and what for?

Listen to yourself.... Why are you talking about the gym right now? Let's back the train way the fuck up.

What is seduction really? It's a form of social interaction. It requires social skills. You need to navigate through social interactions to get to things like sex or relationship.

Does lifting weights in the gym somehow teach you social skills to navigate social interactions?

Of course not.

So beating yourself up over not having social skills after spending time lifting weights in a gym, is like a kid being upset with himself that he doesn't know how to dance after taking math class.

EDIT:

6

// None of those details honestly matter in the long run, country, time, place, what matters is he keeps trying and tries again, it doesn’t change shit.

I spoke on a variety of subjects, including how making mistakes is part of the process, and pointing out real issues with the opener used.

But so many people insist that a hard case newb with no social skills, will magically build up social skills by butting his head against the wall with shitty technique.

I remember either Owen Cook or Todd V coming out with a video a few years back on the topic of how Practice Makes Habit. Meaning that practice only makes perfect if you have some idea of what you're doing.

If someone has so little clue that merely opening someone during night game leads to them running and hiding, then clearly way too much is going wrong and some serious adjustments need to be made before repetition is going to be helpful.

Seriously people, consider what you're telling newbs to do here. It's irresponsible as fuck to advise people to just go keep doing exactly what they're doing, before establishing exactly WHAT they did (which almost no one in the thread attempted to do) and identifying areas for improvement before sending them off.

modidlee · 2022-09-16T16:40:46+00:00

Bro, unless you’re super smooth and confident the whole “hey you’re cute let’s talk” approach doesn’t really work. You come across as a guy aiming to hook up instead of what she actually wants: a cool dude she just happened to run into who’s cool to talk to. You should just find some way to start a general conversation about random things. Once she gets comfortable and you develop some type of rapport then you can start to throw hints about wanting to date or hang out sometime maybe. At least that’s always worked for me

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sashimipink · 2022-09-17T02:21:56+00:00

Please never ever say "are you shy" to a girl even if they are. Cringe.

Liberaler · 2022-09-16T15:13:46+00:00

not enough context to analyse the situation. You do not even tell us the location, where you did it.

It's not what you said or your appearance, her reaction was based on the WAY you came across, small details in your behaviour matter = calibration

Typical errors in beginners:

speaking too fast, because you are nervous
forgetting to smile, because you are nervous
startling her, because you entered her field of view too fast or from a bad angle
not enough presence in your body language and voice

R0ZPIERDALAT0R · 2022-09-17T06:44:10+00:00

Mate, you have balls! It's hard enough to approach at all, and especially with her friends around! She reacted like that because she was super shy and probably wasn't interested. That's her problem, not yours. It's a bit disrespectful to hide behind people like that and not even say anything, but you shouldn't stress about it. Just hope the next girl you approach is a little bit more mature.

If I may add one more thing - from what you said about the gym and the way the whole interaction impacted you it sounds like you have some issues with yourself. What I'd do is try to work on these so you love yourself more. When a girl is rejecting you the ideal reaction is to brush it off and enjoy your night as you were. When you're no longer insecure two things will happen:
1) You will feel a lot better and enjoy life
2) You will start to attract people (that's a bonus though, you shouldn't focus on that)

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no_not_this · 2022-09-17T07:30:39+00:00

Do all you guys use the exact same line ?

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car_tx · 2022-09-17T10:44:59+00:00

That's the game. If you get put out with one negative reaction you won't succeed. You may get 10 negatives for one success! Sorry to be blunt amateur.

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cruz_93-j · 2022-09-17T11:29:44+00:00

Grow some balls and accept rejection

Migluee · 2022-09-17T14:01:44+00:00

It’s also important to remember that no one owes you anything no matter how far out of your comfort zone you are, they do not owe you anything and if they decide to engage then good for you.

vicvicious420 · 2022-09-17T14:08:30+00:00

I would have done the same thing if a stranger came at me saying that. You don't just go hey you're cute can I have your number. You need to start a conversation first ti make them feel comfortable first not just go in for the kill with your very first words. If yoy say you're cute then all she thinks is "eww this creep was checking me out and wants to get in my pants." Have a conversation where at the end you can say, it was really nice talking to you. Do you have snapchat? And go from there once you have actually gotten to know her a little bit. Or gonwith the funny approach, that works well for a lot of guys. One time a guy ran up to me in the parking lot and said he i lost my girlfriend, are you her? Abd it made me laugh and he did indeed get my number.

rochre · 2022-09-17T18:23:42+00:00

This is a uniquely awful reaction. It's not typical. Sorry that happened.

No one woman gets to decide your worth so don't take it hard. She sounds either unkind or immature. Usually rejections are just a polite blow off.

GotThaAcid5tab · 2022-09-17T08:11:31+00:00

That’s because that line is fucking cringe.

No one wants your unsolicited opinion of them.

Start a conversation not a monologue.

Never take advice from redditors either.

swagnake · 2022-09-17T06:47:09+00:00

Bro i heard you did this in Vietnam? I'm Vietnamese and i used to do cold approach several times too. I said things like: "Hello, i think you are lovely so i want to ask for your phone number/instagram", works well everytime, i even managed to hold a decent conversation with them. I think the girl in your situation is pretty childish or rude, cold approach is casual stuff even in Vietnam, she shouldnt have made you an embarassment in public like that. Other girls i met in Vietnam are very friendly when i did cold approach. Just an unluck case, dont lose faith and keep being confident, man. But next time do not say things like: "i know people dont do this", that would give awkard vibe, cold approach isnt that rare in Vietnam, if you have a nice look and can conversate well, any girl would give you the chance to know them.

Zhaorenli · 2022-09-17T05:49:04+00:00

Lol chill bro. I did something like that just now at the grocery store and the girl just kept looking away/not acknowledging me. I felt stupid but at least I dont feel like a bitch. You did good my friend.

averageguy4you4 · 2022-09-17T10:22:43+00:00

I've seen this happening a few times to my friend who is a great natural PUA.

His reaction has always been looking at me and smiling in a way to say "look...who knows what's wrong with this girl. I don't care". A second after he forgot about her and he's looking for the next prey.

You don't know why she did what she did. As a woman she's got a lot of pressure on her. 99% of times is about her, not you.

The first rule of game is not taking it personally. The only thought you should think is "next!".

If you're not able to deal with such reactions you're not able to deal with shit tests either.

You need to not care as difficult as it sounds.

I, having the opportunity to go out with that friend of mine, had the chance to overcome some fears of mine cause I see he's human and gets rejected too and I noticed the difference between mine and his reaction to rejection and there lays the secret: i tend to go cry for a month, he forgets about it in a second. That's the only secret about picking up.

From what I learnt the only art you need to master for picking up girls is the art of not giving a f**k. And i think that's all the point of the self improvement to build the right mindset and self confidence. You need to build those quality only to be able to deal with rejection which will always be with you if you expose yourself.

Find a guy who knows how to do it. Go out with him. Learn from him.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-09-16T16:12:59+00:00

Maybe your outer game isn't on point and she didn't find you attractive so this was her innate reaction. Childish, but that's the only thing I can think of maybe apart from your delivery since your opener was decent enough (although I'd remove "I know people don't usually do this" from it, makes you seem weak)

rjones416 · 2022-09-17T08:34:12+00:00

girl sounds like a weirdo. i bet shes asian right? dont sweat it bruh.

camzZzop · 2022-09-17T06:58:32+00:00

I can tell why

Key-Western7803 · 2022-09-17T07:19:20+00:00

The biggest mistake you made was going up to her while she was with her friends

Befaltu · 2022-09-17T07:25:04+00:00

congratulations brother. don't worry about what went wrong, just focus on getting comfortable in approaching and saying your opener. don't worry about what the girl will think or say about you behind your back.

Make sure to approach from side front. not exactly opposite but a little left or right.

you can add some more information in your opener, hello, i saw you there and you looked attractive/nice/ anything you want to say/ and i decided that i should talk to you, maybe i never get chance again. Make sure to use proper pauses when you say all this, because she will be in flight or fight mode, she needs time to understand what you say.

beenpimpin · 2022-09-17T07:25:10+00:00

it's not unsual and could be due to anything. No point dwelling on it, use it to practice the art of moving on from rejection and starting again with a different tactic. Some girls are immature and will hide when they're embarrased. if you're going to approach my advice would be learn to have fun don't worry about getting the girl, that will come later, just focus on making it a fun/exciting experience. If this experience ruined your day that says you have developed a big ego from going to the gym and obsessing about your looks to much. That's something to work on. I'd recommend taking a break from the workouts and beauty routines if you're relying on your appearance. Looks should only be used a tool not a crutch.

Princealvaro33 · 2022-09-17T12:43:18+00:00

That’s one girl bro, why are you making her reaction mean so much, why does her opinion mean so much to you? Not to mention there’s multiple reasons for her to react like that

she’s one girl you don’t even know

power-patron · 2022-09-18T01:32:53+00:00

Don't start with "You're cute". It's way too horny out the gate. A large % of women are going to be super distressed.

Secondarily, you're not offering anything. "I'm horny" isn't interesting. Try starting an actual conversation. "What's the best drink here?" -- whatever.

Nalayak_Launda · 2022-09-22T08:10:30+00:00

You're in vietnam so it all makes sense😂 girls in europe or usa wouldnt act that way asian women are weirdos when it comes to interacting with strangers

Equivalent_Ad7389 · 2022-10-10T23:51:03+00:00

I wouldn't listen to any of these idiots on here. Nobody finds what they want in the first approach. You just have to put in the reps.

Be polite and honest. A compliment is necessary because you need to show intent otherwise she'll be wondering why you're speaking with her. Be present.

maxpossimpible · 2022-09-17T09:32:53+00:00

Why would you open up with validating her exterior? Makes no sense. Please read a book.

Title	Did my first cold approach today and feeling like shit
Author	DogeMeat20
Upvotes	359
Comments	118
Date	September 16, 2022 2:40 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xft4v2/did_my_first_cold_approach_today_and_feeling_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/did-my-first-cold-approach-today-and-feeling-like.1249917 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249917

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