A quick rant about Reddit’s views on cold approaches, and a word of encouragement

putcoolusernamehere · 2022-08-04T21:15:39+00:00

One of the top comments that always stuck with me from an AskMen thread on cold approach is "a cold approach is met with a cold response" upvoted to the moon. And then the second comment is "I think I'm going to get cancelled or turned into a tiktok meme for cold approaching." Either I'm living in an alternate reality, or these dudes who are saying simply never got over the anxiety and tried a few cold approaches for themselves.

Cold approach has led to some of the best random convos I've had in my life, and women are more often than not very welcoming of it (and when they aren't it's pretty damn obvious and you know to just say "well have a nice day, good luck on xyz"). Just this week I had an hour-long deep convo in a bookstore, a 20 minute chat about music in a park, a fun 5-minute chat walking around the streets, and a spontaneous interaction in a convenience store where a random lady said "WOW you're confident" when I was talking to this girl. Got 2 numbers and 2 IGs out of it. Will any of them go anywhere? Odds are no, I'm not in the best shape (working on it) and that makes it hard to create sexual attraction, and it's also just the nature of this style of approach to have lots of fleeting connections that go nowhere. There were some logistical issues and age gaps (not of the illegal kind, just 25 to 18/19) that make it harder with these specific girls too.

Does that mean it wasn't worth it or it somehow upset the women? No. It was totally worth it, these were fun moments. They built conversation skill and were a nice random moment in my day and the day of these women. As I get more and more back into cold approach after a pandemic break from it, I feel myself getting more and more confident, more audacious with my flirting, more direct with my intentions, better with my eye contact, less afraid to be bold over text, etc... I'm not getting many dates but I did actually make a friend from it and feel like the dates are going to be happening soon. It's been an overall positive in my life, and unless I'm a completely socially braindead fuck and am misreading signals girls are sending, at most the worst of the worst interactions get a reaction of minor discomfort that quickly dissipates when I say "have a nice day".

mjornir · 2022-08-04T20:56:15+00:00

100% agree. People are getting the wrong idea because they’re getting that kind of advice from a cross-section of the internet that rarely goes outside and genuinely dislikes people. Most normal human beings don’t give a fuck, go talk to strangers and just be friendly.

EarthTravelerxyz · 2022-08-04T18:28:57+00:00

I noticed a lot of people on here are awkward, anxious, thirsty and desperate. Of course those people shouldn’t hit on girls on the street it is weird but it you know how to talk and communicate like a normal person there shouldn’t be an issue with chatting a cute girl in public.

skykiller4000 · 2022-08-04T22:17:59+00:00

Even in this Sub people get ridiculed for cold approaching which is kinda wack.

I will say this. I know many attractive women who get approached very frequently. But the approaches they get are often really bad, creepy, disingenuous, etc.

If you appraoch in a calibrated, confident manner. You'll almost always get a good reaction or just a simple rejection like "I'm not interested" or "I have a boyfriend".

You can push past those objections in a smooth manner or you can just leave.

But almost everyone is open to a good calibrated non threatening approach

Mezmore · 2022-08-05T07:54:00+00:00

It's mostly subconscious game theory. Woman build a barrier to maximize benefits while minimizing costs - hear me out.

We all know most woman want the exact behavior from their mate that they decry from the population in general - they want a bold, strong, dominant male. Why then, would they speak against this? By shaming this behavior publicly, it builds an advantage for them in society by filtering out the weak males from approaching, and essentially minimizing the amount of unwanted male behavior. They want the bold strong male to partner with, but not from the other 99.9% of males they interact with. Think about it - we've all seen woman go for the men they speak against, the only difference between a knight and a creep is largely if they're attracted or not. This all makes much more sense if you think of it from a game theory point of view, and by preassuring men to act less bold and obtrusive allows them to benefit more in society (by partnering with a man who is exactly that) while minimizing the costs (not being approached in the supermarket). They still know the boldest men will approach them regardless, and those are the ones they will partner with.

Men do the exact same thing let's not forget - it's why we play the numbers game and don't give a damn about rejection in the first place. It's also why men shame promiscuous woman yet also want a woman who is dirty in bed. All game theory from both sides. My point is, see it as such - and be one of the few who sees past and acts despite the resistance. Fortune favors the bold.

Kundalini-Electric · 2022-08-04T18:09:53+00:00

Of course they would. Redditors are majoritively anti-social and awkward. It doesn’t reflect the real world. A lot of users on Reddit came from Tumblr so go figure.

Bright-Glass3175 · 2022-08-04T21:24:37+00:00

fr, cold approach is my favorite method, anyone that doesn’t support it is a pussy, it shows confidence and initiative, even if you get rejected it’s still experience, also cold approaching is the best way to find decent woman, because you won’t find good future wives at bars and clubs

HypNaughTyk · 2022-08-05T15:47:51+00:00

It depends on your energy level when approaching. If I get the feeling you only want to talk because I have a nice human meat suit, I would probably not be very intrigued but wouldn’t be rude about it unless I was met with hostility. I personally like talking to new people, meeting new people can be scary, but that’s what we’re all searching for…connection, adventure. Nothing great ever came by sitting under a rock. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there but know your boundaries as well and never compromise them for the sake of novelty.

koseabjitt · 2022-08-04T17:25:10+00:00

How weak can someone be to stop approaching women because some anons on reddit say "it's creepy" lmao your existence is creepy.

Disastrous_Schedule8 · 2022-08-04T17:40:48+00:00

I think cold approach is a spectrum. If a woman is clearly stressed busy working then no don't cold approach. Unless she is a booth girl she will be there some other time. If you are both trapped in a situation (stuck in a line together, or class, meeting, absolutely yes)Then thier everything in between which means you need to guage the situation. The reason that PUA and cold approaching fell out of favor was because there were guys who worked in absolutes and this lead to men approaching in extreme situations that were the completely wrong time. Like the video of the guy harassing the female police officer.

dobbs1997 · 2022-08-05T14:18:12+00:00

It’s funny cause those guys who are against approaching act like they know for certain how a chick is gonna react if you go up to her, the reality is these guys have little to no experience with women or meeting/interacting with women…they just regurgitate some BS they heard on youtube by some other dude who has little to no experience with women. To boil it down, guys are just too scared to go after what they want so they make up some dumb comments like “a cold approach is met with a cold response” lmao like fuck outta here you’re just a coward who can’t go after what he wants..That’s the cold truth.

ArkaStevey · 2022-08-05T16:57:35+00:00

It's a shame there's such a huge negative opinion towards cold approach online. I also made a post five years ago on AskWomen about this exact thing:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/6oouj7/women_do_you_like_it_when_guys_politely_approach/

It was startling to me that the overwhelming general consensus was a resounding 'No, leave me alone' with some outliers here and there who would find it somewhat charming. I thought it was going to be a more even, or at least quarter split.

This seems to be quite at odds with everyone who really seem to benefit from cold approach - having enjoyable conversations where both parties are seemingly happy with the interaction and connecting further through numbers and so on.

I feel like this is a complex dilemma for a number of reasons:

It makes women in general seem extremely unapproachable, with regards to cold approach. At the same time, there is a lot of success to be had with cold approach, otherwise guys simply wouldn't do it.
If guys don't have a eclectic and outgoing personal life, it's unlikely they're gonna meet any women outside of their work spaces, friendship groups. If they don't have those women or exhaust them as options, this means that the women they do meet are going to be in the only other natural spaces they come across, being on the street. I think there will forever be this ongoing debate about whether it's better for guys to cold approach, or for them to develop other interests of theirs and meet women organically, as they meet them randomly. I think a mix all possible solutions is the only real way of looking at it.
Both women and men are discontent with the nature of online dating. In a fair world, this would mean no one would go alone, but the dating game is skewed and biased. Everyone's trying to punch above their weight, are looking for the 'perfect' match or are just bored, and so the majority of people don't get what they want. This goes for men and women.
Guys need to have a certain level of 'not giving a damn' what a particular woman thinks when approaching them. The predication is that there is always potential for a random cold approach to turn into something cool, as people's personalities can gel naturally if given the chance. However, this requires a man to disregard the possibility that they're gonna piss off a woman by approaching her, which would seem like a highly likely possibility if you were to base this on reddit's female population's opinion. The situation isn't tremendously different through cold approach, with even the guys at The Natural Lifestyles getting rejected or ignored a lot when they cold approach (and these are good looking guys too) but the incidence of being ignored or told to fuck off or something is far less than reddit might make you think.

nordik1 · 2022-08-05T20:07:24+00:00

For how progressive Reddit claims to be, it’s so old fashioned

It's the opposite of old fashioned. The old fashioned way was talking to people face to face...because that's what humans have done for millions of years. Reddit is mostly a neo-liberal cess pool with a ton of people that don't go outside and socialize at all. If a bunch of random Redditors are saying talking to girls on the street is weird, that means you should probably go talk to girls on the street -- don't let Redditors project their fears and antisocial tendencies onto you.

Humans talking to humans in real life isn't weird. The internet is fucking weird.

Psuedo_Pixie · 2022-08-04T21:08:25+00:00

I think the setting is key. Speaking as a woman, being approached in a public and well-populated space (e.g., a bar, coffee shop, etc.) where people go KNOWING they are likely to interact with others is fine. Being approached in an environment where it is not generally normal to talk to strangers (like on the street or in a grocery store) is much less likely to be effective. I would also argue that the less populated an environment is, the more likely that a woman will respond negatively to a stranger.

Robofrogg1 · 2022-08-04T20:59:37+00:00

Preach!

AngeloMacon · 2022-08-05T00:42:29+00:00

I get what you're saying. You have to understand what is actually being said though. They're talking to average Joe, socially awkward Joe and loser Joe. Because they know Above average Joe and Chad ignore this talk. When they tell men what to do, they're talking to Chad. When they tell men what not to do, they mean less desirable men.

Neo-Rio · 2022-08-05T04:50:48+00:00

Is it illegal to cold approach women on the street?

No?

What's the problem?

no_not_this · 2022-08-04T22:40:14+00:00

It’s fine if your good looking. Women don’t like ugly guys approaching them. Plain and simple.

froze_gold · 2022-08-04T22:09:44+00:00

What makes this situation far worse is the girls that jump into the conversation saying how inappropriate and weird it is to get approached, when the reality is so much different. They know they want to be approached, just not by neckbeard bill who calls them queen. Girls will go around saying this negative shit about men but go back and get upset that men don't take initiative and talk to them. Like look bitch... You and a million like you asked for this by putting shame on the game.

helpMeOut9999 · 2022-08-04T21:08:05+00:00

I'll rant in the opposite direction. Every single girl I know gets approached and annoyed by guys repetitively approaching them. It's Luke they can't just enjoy their day without being offered dick.

I'm sure we can all agree reddit is generally of the demographic that women are not interested in. Overly pedantic, analytical, socially inept, etc. The exact type of guy women DONT want approaching.

So here we all are encouraging men and deluding them to think that approaching women is going to get you laid by an 8 or higher.

Truth is most girls don't want anything to do with you on the streets if you aren't a 7 or above and charming AF. MOST if which reddit is not. And I'm quite tired of men ruining dating culture for us all by consistently objectifying.

If your intent is to find a rationship and generally add to a woman's day - great! Have at it. But most dudes just have their dick being offered up on a platter - and it's getting worse and worse by the day.

BlueShooShoo · 2022-08-05T08:54:53+00:00

That's the worst reaction you've ever gotten? Then you probably haven't done that much, have you?

I mean, sure it rarely gets worse than that, but I had some weird shit happening already. Even though it's by far not the norm.

cormacru999 · 2022-08-05T02:08:21+00:00

It sounds to me like you've come to this conclusion because you don't personally know someone that doesn't like it, which is VERY odd because you seem to think people that disagree with you on Reddit are not real people? Depending on your age, your ability to socialize & make friends, where you live, your personality, you may never even be exposed to those people, that doesn't mean they don't exist. This is DEEPLY dumb man.

Try, just to learn, Google "Do any women like cold approaching?" & start watching the videos of REAL women who share how much they hate it, how intrusive it is at best, & how scary it can be. Or, go look at the other posts I've made where I had more time to educate the newest young guy on Reddit who has no idea how evidence works.

Freezingfield08 · 2022-08-04T21:22:42+00:00

I mean they're not wrong. All my female friends and sisters have said they think men approaching them in public are creeps at best and predators at worst.

It's not just an online mindset.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-08-04T23:21:20+00:00

Your wrong, don't cold approach gents, leave women alone unless you know gor sure she is interested from prior conversation, don't talk to women about anything remotely sexual or romantic, in public.

inline6throwaway · 2022-08-05T00:08:42+00:00

A man's theoretical options broaden a lot if he cold approaches. His real options are the women that already chose him. But this way he doesn't have to rely on his social circle, whatever size it may be. I've been rejected a lot but I'm glad I become more comfortable doing it with each passing year

2022-08-05T04:00:05+00:00

The only value of reddit is to lead you to external sites

WanyCaleb · 2022-08-05T05:44:05+00:00

Remember that something is only bad or wrong if it fails. Within reason and ethics that is.

doxisun · 2022-08-05T14:54:13+00:00

Couldn’t agree more. People who are against cold approach usually have a lower self esteem

Alittude · 2022-08-05T15:27:08+00:00

People who can’t cold apparich because they have no social game, which means no game at all.

Title	A quick rant about Reddit’s views on cold approaches, and a word of encouragement
Author	A_Chicken_Dino
Upvotes	199
Comments	70
Date	August 4, 2022 5:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wg6nzk/a_quick_rant_about_reddits_views_on_cold/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-quick-rant-about-reddits-views-on-cold.1252836 https://theredarchive.com/post/1252836

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