Like a lot guys, I’ve been in situations where I went on a date with someone who displayed high level of initial interest, and maybe even had sex with the person.

Inexplicably, in a relatively short period of time, they began to go cold emotionally . The communication halted, or stopped altogether. In many cases, this was followed by a phone call or text telling me that they thought I was a great guy, but they didn’t see things going anywhere.

This has happened to a lot of us, and it can be utterly confusing until we realize the innate nature of how women think.

We expect women to think like us, which is a gigantic mistake. If we are attracted to a woman, have fun with her, hook up with her, we’re thinking in terms of trying to get her locked down, in a relationship. Men make this mistake far too often, too early in the dating process. We tend to be future-oriented in our thinking.

Women are extremely anchored to the present moment in their emotions. Say you meet someone at a party, talk flirt, and she appears to be extremely interested. You talk all night, and get her number. You text her the next day, and she never responds.

Logically, you believe that if since you had a great conversation, she was flirtatious, her body language indicated she was interested, so she must like you. False. She liked you in that moment.

Think of her emotions like a tank. While the tank is full, and she is talking to someone she is attracted to, she is on an emotional high. While in this state, she might think that you’re boyfriend material, or someone who she wants to get to know better.

Don’t read into things too much and take the viewpoint that she is into you just because she displayed interest. You have to use some restraint at this point.

If you have a deep emotional conversation upfront, or you reveal too much of yourself, her emotional tank will burn out quickly. Only by letting her get to know you gradually over time (the way it’s meant to be in dating), will her feelings remain in tact.

There isn’t one simple reason for hot-cold behavior. There are usually a few factors at play:

-The guy is too desperate/needy/overbearing and she begins to feel trapped

-She is talking to another guy(s), or has a feelings for an ex. For whatever reason, she cares about this person more than you, and you were a distraction

-She felt intense attraction/emotion with you upfront. She came down from the emotional high and doesn’t feel like the emotions can be sustained

  • You misread her signals

-She got an emotional high just from your attention and validation,not you

This is why you must not be overbearing, and continue to live your life if you meet someone. Just because you shared a pleasant experience together doesn’t mean she’s into you. Women develop feelings slower and are more evaluative of the guys they date. Take the same approach.