Guys in their 30s who are not in a committed relationship and still hookup with random women, how do you deal with pressure from society?

Dubai_Sheik · 2021-12-06T19:54:01+00:00

Pressure from the society is a myth and is the result of spotlight effect. Nobody cares and we’re not the centre of anyone’s life.

Vacillating_Vanity · 2021-12-06T20:05:22+00:00

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2021-12-06T20:08:50+00:00

The “pressure” is an illusion. On an individual level, nobody truly cares as we’re all individuals.

lefthandedaf · 2021-12-06T21:03:58+00:00

I’m 37 and the only pressure I feel is my own. I don’t give a fuck what society or my parents are saying about me. But personally I’d rather settle down now because dating and hooking up is old to me now and a ton of work.

genoherpasyphilaids · 2021-12-06T21:39:14+00:00

Our society is pretty shallow, thankfully for me that works in my favor from both women and society. They don't see 30 they see, "oh he's cute"

It's easier for me now, more confidence and took women down from the mental pedestal I put them on early in my life.

I thought I peaked in my late 20's, I was wrong 😅

willgo-waggins · 2021-12-06T20:08:52+00:00

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TorrentOfLight07 · 2021-12-06T20:07:58+00:00

Ask yourself this question , social pressure from who exactly. You get to decide what to devote your time and efforts to, not society. If that's pursuing a long term relationship and raising kids then great. If that is instead jumping from one short term fling to another then also great. So long as you are not going out your way to harm others, you accept that choices have consequences and you are being true to your wants and needs then what's the problem.

The way I see it is this , you don't own society anything , not your labour , your time or your money (beyond mandated taxes). These things are yours to give if YOU choose to and for a price YOU are prepared to accept.

Agreable_Actuator84 · 2021-12-06T20:27:58+00:00

I don’t you ever fully escape the pull of the herd but their are Lots of ways to get stronger resistant that pull including

challenging your negative core beliefs, irrational assumptions, rules and automatic negative thoughts and deciding on choosing more life affirming core beliefs, assumptions, rules and thoughts.

-studying and practicing stoicism

-doing hard things. Do today what others find difficult, tomorrow you will do what they Donny even think is possible and the day after you will do things that they can’t even conceive.

-find a better crowd to hang out with

Among others.

Jay-Ames · 2021-12-06T21:54:12+00:00

Fuck society. If I would listen to society i wouldn't be able to do anything. I'm in my forties by the way.

It is not tougher for me. I pretty much enjoy what I enjoyed in my 20's. Still love to go clubbing, go to a movie, go on vacation, etc. So i still meet women everywhere. Also I don't have problems approaching random women. So, my life is very much the same. Just with some extra wisdom.

iMorphed · 2021-12-06T21:17:36+00:00

When people ask why i'm not married, i ask them why they're not dead.

Long8D · 2021-12-06T21:42:41+00:00

Fuck what people think. Do what you want to do as it’s your life. It’s something that took me a while to learn.

I’ll be 30 in just a few days and I’ve recently gotten out of a 12 year relationship. Of course I’m going to hookup with random women and just enjoy life. I’m not going to be looking for another serious hookup because of pressure from society.

2021-12-06T22:20:03+00:00

All the comments below are a perfect example of why women don't understand men.

We are built to be a bit apathetic to criticism. It's how we keep moving forward. Men that are too busy listening to other people, never get anything done because they are trying to please everyone else.

They are talkers not doers.

Sultmaker_9000 · 2021-12-06T20:29:57+00:00

Much much easier because 30's is the time when the not yet shacked up women are looking for a husband, but they all open their legs in 3 dates and under, never got through so many women. Consider 35 when you should call time on it if you want.

Leadeater · 2021-12-06T20:24:26+00:00

I'm in my 40s, but I deal with it by not even thinking about it.

didsomebodysaymyname · 2021-12-06T22:06:49+00:00

You have to remember there are a lot of people in the world. If only 1 percent are hooking up in their 30s for every Million people in your city, 1000 people are in their 30s and hooking up instead of settling down.

Have you been on 1000 dates? If not, you basically have an unlimited pool. Who cares what the rest think? You'll never meet most of them.

These numbers are completely made up. It's probably higher than 1000. The probability of first marriage by age 30 is 74% for women and 61% for men in the US, although not all of the others will want to be hooking up. The point is, the world is so big, that even if you aren't main stream, there are still tons of like minded people.

People who complain are probably jealous or religious or have some interest in you settling down like a parent. Counter with questions about why your choices are a problem for them and why you need to settle down right now. They won't have good answers.

Hawadleh · 2021-12-06T20:55:26+00:00

It depends on which society you live in. I am 36 years old. I live in North of Europe, people here don't get married they just have partner.

If I still lived in middle east for sure I will feel the pressure of society but here nobody actually care.

I have slept with 30 plus women just this year and half. It's not the goal to sleep with more is to have a fun and enjoyable life and sex is secondary.

2021-12-06T21:15:28+00:00

This is where frame and having your own mental point of origin comes in, which hopefully would've been cultivated having had a range of experiences with women and in life. You also hopefully would have established a strong social circle with likeminded people your age, younger than you (to keep you "young"), and even older than you (to keep you wise), who all still enjoy going out on the town. Sure that might not be what the entire world is doing, but it's what YOUR world is doing so who cares about the rest. Still, sometimes you humor people, particularly well-meaning family members. Other times you need to put your foot down and tell people to mind their own damn business... with a smile of course.

And to answer your question, I'm in my early 30s, and meeting women has never been easier tbh. As long as you stay in shape, continue to build, and so on. The neuroses I have at 20 I no longer I have. I plan on settling down at some point. Just not for a few more years.

2021-12-06T22:24:17+00:00

As a man I can imagine most men lose out on their potential granted they worked in their 20s to become successful in the 30s etc. A successful man in his 30s should definitely not be tied down. He is successful mature than his younger counterparts but still young he’s right in that sweet spot

lilabelle12 · 2021-12-07T00:13:04+00:00

I’m a 30 year old Asian woman and I can honestly tell you, I’d rather be a man than a woman at this point. If you feel shitty and all the societal pressures from being a 30 year old man, imagine how a woman must feel. Add a cultural stigma to this and bam, very tough. Add in the fact that you are past your prime and your biological clock is ticking and things are looking pretty hopeless. At the end of the day, be hopeful that you are a man because you can be an eternal bachelor like George Clooney and still have kids whenever (hopefully). Best wishes to you!

Turbopre2 · 2021-12-06T21:20:59+00:00

As long as you are taking care of business you can settle down at whatever age you want as a man. The "pressure" is more aimed at women considering they can only have children up to a certain age.

mabden · 2021-12-06T21:32:59+00:00

The only pressure is what you put on yourself.

DatBoiSaint47 · 2021-12-06T21:36:00+00:00

I'm not 30 yet. (29) but it's more of a state of mind . The older you get the less of a fuck you tend to give.

Ordinary_Yam1866 · 2021-12-06T22:02:03+00:00

Korona certainly helped to distance myself from those kinds of people, but before that I had a rule that helped me a lot.

Basically, the only people allowed to comment at all on your life are those that will drop everything and help you when you are truly down. Usually that's immediate family and a few close friends.

Everyone else can go pound sand for all I care.

SharkAttack-920 · 2021-12-06T22:14:56+00:00

By not caring what society thinks

2021-12-06T22:22:00+00:00

I assume once I buy a house a wonderful woman will magically land in my lap ready to start a family. I wouldn’t be comfortable trying to do that until then.

Also I don’t call my own wants and needs “pressure from society”. I can recognize that I want a family without blaming it on the media.

SweetChocolate02 · 2021-12-06T22:29:03+00:00

Hooking yo in your 20 is a game that women have an advantage at. Since they get to do that they wanna tell guys that they’re too old to be doing that. But we could be saying that “no YOU were too young to be hooking up this is a grown ups game” really no one settles when you have options and guys prime in in their 30s so don’t settle if you don’t want to. Most girls in their early 20s aren’t innocent as you may think so take advantage or your options and experience what you think they haven’t done

Xstream3 · 2021-12-06T22:41:49+00:00

I live in a major city and half my friends my age are single too and just want to date random people. Settling down is harder when there's endless opportunities

Rockfella27 · 2021-12-06T22:47:54+00:00

You should remove this thing from your mind.

willgo-waggins · 2021-12-06T23:12:59+00:00

First of all man up.

Why would you bother worrying about what “society” says you should be it act like as long as you have your shit together and are taking care of your responsibilities?

I have a better perspective. I am 51. I have been single and played the hookup game in my 30’s, 40’s and now 50’s. I will admit that BY MY CHOICE I have decided that I would prefer the emotion, solidity and companionship of a solid and steady relationship (just ended one at the beginning of summer actually because there was no “long term” in it for me).

However to your point. I have just since then been 1) back in the swinging lifestyle for a bit and hooked up a ton; 2) had a 28 yo FWB that was purely a sexual relationship and that rolled over to a 32 yo that started as FWB the. She wanted “more” then not and that’s where I said “we are friends now because I’m not playing pull/push with an immature woman who has attention needs”. Now I am just starting up with a 47 yo who is a lot more in my ballpark for what I am ultimately looking for and taking my time.

In between and along the way I had eight solid options to bed women on a one night or more basis but because I was in the feels some with the 32 yo I declined and just went home.

So honestly you should just do you and have your fun and not worry about what people say or think because it’s ultimately YOUR life, not theirs.

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2021-12-06T23:31:34+00:00

This is really my only advice for guys these days. All guys

https://youtu.be/t35rEpCur2E

Cards_s · 2021-12-06T21:33:57+00:00

First of all, if you care about what people think you are doing it wrong.

Fuck them, fuck everyone.

Second, is way easier to hook up in your 30's, you got money and the way women are behaving these it's a walk in the park.

Cheers!

dark_helmt8 · 2021-12-06T21:15:23+00:00

I dont

RainbowChardonnay · 2021-12-06T18:57:31+00:00

Fear of commitment is a big motivator for these guys.

the_monkey_knows · 2021-12-06T20:55:55+00:00

I don’t really think there’s any pressure. But personally, I got bored of it mid twenties, switched my interests to other things. So, maybe you think there’s some sort of pressure cause you don’t see that many men in their thirties hooking up as you used to in your twenties.

willgo-waggins · 2021-12-06T22:20:06+00:00

Most men peak at their early 30s. And trust me, it gets easier.. so enjoy it and stay within your OWN TIMELINE

tnpersona · 2021-12-06T22:32:51+00:00

Who cares what anyone else might think? Of course, we all do on some level because it’s human nature, but you should just do what makes you happy.

pebblefromwell · 2021-12-06T23:08:21+00:00

Only pressure is from parents, they want grandkids. Beside that, the rest of the world could care less!

Low_Fondant9911 · 2021-12-06T23:10:45+00:00

That's the neat part, ya don't 👌

angel-cowboy · 2021-12-06T23:13:38+00:00

If youre living your best life, you can throw the fears/ attachments around what people think of you out the window. :D You’re gonna be most impressive and shine more brightly as your happiest self, anyhow.

Bergfried · 2021-12-06T23:15:19+00:00

There is no pressure from society.

32M, serial dater.

Alextryingforgrate · 2021-12-06T23:23:27+00:00

I’m in my 40s what pressure. That’s something you are putting on yourself.

Twobithatter · 2021-12-06T23:26:26+00:00

Society expects me to get married, have kids, work a nine to five until i retire and die. They can think whatever they want, im not doing that.

CBguy1983 · 2021-12-06T23:38:31+00:00

My family has said hey when you getting married? Having kids? Or is it too late? Truth is I don’t care. I appreciate their concern. But I’ve always felt you ain’t puttin food in my stomach, roof over my head, paying any of my rent or utilities then your input is irrelevant. I live my life how I see fit...just like you. Thing is mentally I’m more warped than people think & I want someone whose just as warped. I ain’t found them yet.

meowingmemes · 2021-12-06T23:41:48+00:00

Live in nyc.

2021-12-06T23:45:47+00:00

Guessing not caring and having a good time

tedmobsky · 2021-12-06T23:46:16+00:00

We live in a society

2021-12-06T23:52:32+00:00

There's no pressure. My mother sister know my lifestyle and meet some of the women.

My friends support it, except for those who are jealous and will use societies expectations of you to passively aggressively attack your choices wishing they themselves could be in your shoes.

I have freedom. I can do what I want. Who i want. When I want. I come and go. I enjoy my hobbies and passions.

I've never felt judged or pressured though

2021-12-07T00:04:28+00:00

I don't meet many women that admit they want to hook up unfortunately. Not without adding a price tag to it. The average woman telling me she wants a serious long-term relationship is like a cop telling me they have an empty cell waiting for me.

lowandslow86 · 2021-12-07T00:25:47+00:00

Since when does society know better? Conforming doesn't benefit me so why do it? Id rather be single than settle and do the whole house and kids thing just because that's what you're supposed to do.im cool with being older dad or stepdad or maybe not a dad at all. 🤷‍♂️

2021-12-07T00:31:43+00:00

Easily.

2021-12-07T01:58:32+00:00

I chose to leave a ltr earlier this year. I'm dating around now and it's such a headache, but I'd be lying if I said the pressure from society didnt bother me. Theres a stigma against a guy my age living alone.

Guys in their 30s who are not in a committed relationship and still hookup with random women, how do you deal with pressure from society?

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