Am I the only one who finds quality girls to be so damn rare?

_GaiusMarius_ · 2017-10-26T20:27:15+00:00

I feel you.

Just do pickup as a casual thing on the side.

Like, invest your pickup time into other hobbies and approach any girl you like there.

Should get you more compatible girls as well.

apollosocial · 2017-10-26T21:26:55+00:00

That's awesome that you've come to this realization, some guys never get there. Pick up and that type of lifestyle is unfulfilling, I've been there too. A lot of pick up is borderline manipulative and will attract of game playing and emotionally unhealthy girls. The best way is to start maturing more and learning more about your deeper psychology. Really figure out what you want and are attracted to and why. And yea finding a quality girl is hard, but who says it should be easy?

Ihatemost · 2017-10-26T22:27:40+00:00

Girl here and I have the same issue with men my age. Either they don't have much of a backbone (ex:agree with everything that I say) or they are only looking for something casual. I can't really blame either category. One hasn't had the time to develop their confidence in talking to women and the other don't want to worry about relationships yet. So I just learned instead to enjoy being on my own, to enjoy meeting new people without setting any sort of expectations and to welcome a relationship if it happens but not to actively seek one out.

I find that it has made me a much happier person, not only for myself but also in my interactions with other people. I don't get disappointed anymore if someone has a trait I don't like, I welcome it as it helps me understand better other people.

ChrisLeRoux23 · 2017-10-26T22:40:54+00:00

I feel like most girls are just copy paste

NoloRadio · 2017-10-27T02:33:28+00:00

This is a pretty standard realization which comes to guys who have done an intermediate amount of work on themselves and their attraction/pickup skills. While it's annoying and disheartening, you should also think of it as a good sign. Men who are afraid of women, who think that romantic rejection is a commentary on their innate worthiness, don't have this problem; they have a far worse one: Putting any woman who shows any attraction to them on a pedestal, refusing to treat her like a real person, and ignoring glaring signs of incompatibility which can have life-altering consequences.

Pickup/attraction is about building skills. Nightclubs and parties are useful places to practice these skills because they are a space where people go explicitly to look for sexual partners, and so offer better feedback (ie, if you try to pick up a girl at a nightclub, and fail, the likelihood that your failure is due to your appearance/body language and/or the words coming out of your mouth, rather than the huge gamut of reasons which could apply in situations in which women don't expect to be approached) as well as an efficient, concentrated population of women to 'practice' on. Unfortunately, this gets interpreted by many people as a mandate that you have to enjoy nightclubs and the people likely to frequent them in order to learn attraction skills. You don't, especially if your personal ideals are very far away from the average person who frequents clubs.

I'm super picky about women. I learned this the hard way--I had several relationships with women who I wasn't really attracted to, and in some cases who exhibited behavior which was extremely unpleasant to be around, but I stayed in those relationships because I thought I couldn't do any better, and because I saw sex and romance in terms of societal value tokens. This is a really fucked-up way to view human intimacy, and un-twisting that part of my brain was one of the greatest reliefs of my life.

The skills and principles apply to humans of most any social stripe with some minimal tweaking. You do not need to emulate the lifestyle that your teachers happen to lead, any more than you need to emulate the lifestyle of the people who teach you any other skill. Learn the fundamentals, and then follow your own interests in life--that's where you'll find women who excite you. I'm not a very social person (I was in a past life--worked in the entertainment business and couldn't walk down the street without running into 5-10 people I knew). I hate nightclubs (worked in them sober, which will usually do the trick) and barely drink. I value people (male or female) with ambition, focus, and a love of learning. I briefly wondered, like OP, if maybe my preference for quieter environments was holding back advancing my social/romantic skills. I thought about it a lot and came to the conclusion that while it's good to be able to socially survive the occasional night at a club, one shouldn't distort their preferences too far.

shitty_dix · 2017-10-26T19:35:09+00:00

Don't worry too much about it. If you just started college, you have a ton of experiences/encounters ahead of you. You don't have to only meet girls during nightlife. Try some hobby or club that interests you and you never know who you might meet.

2017-10-27T01:18:38+00:00

If you do interesting things you will meet interesting people. People who entertained by night clubs are not interesting to me.

Jigsus · 2017-10-27T04:52:26+00:00

Congratulations! You have reached a level of maturity in pickup. It's normal. Now you don't fawn over every girl you meet and will be selective of your partners. Now you can spend time alone when you want to with the knowledge that it's a conscious choice not because you lack options

2017-10-27T01:20:54+00:00

Most of the girls I meet aren't girlfriend material by my own personal standards. So no, you're not the only one. There has to be luck of finding her, chemistry, stability, a blue moon, and the sacrifice of a small pig in order to establish a relationship. I'm going to be single for a while, and I'm okay with that.

Edit: I'm a dating coach.

Spaceman7Spiff · 2017-10-26T22:54:09+00:00

Currently in a LTR. I remember feeling like this, exactly. So many lame people out there that have no real opinion or independent thoughts... but it does make the times you find them, that much sweeter.

DEVi4TION · 2017-10-27T04:58:04+00:00

Nobody's really mentioned the inverse. Quality men also rare.

BestOfPUA · 2017-10-26T22:18:13+00:00

Directly from Braddock from Love Systems "As you get better at game you will realize beauty is plenty, personality is rare!"

I slept with close to 40 girls until now. Opened more than 5k sets. Became friends with 100s of girls. Other than 2, I would never date any of those girls.

dudeman1345 · 2017-10-27T00:18:24+00:00

It's not about what you want, everyone wants to meet a quality girl. It's about how much you want to struggle for it. It can be a numbers game in finding someone you hit it off with but if you keep pursuing you will get there.

aznology · 2017-10-27T04:27:10+00:00

I really hate to even tell you this but the type of women your probably looking for don't hang out at clubs

2017-10-27T00:08:53+00:00

Yeah you got feminism to thank for that.

Cocky_Douchebag · 2017-10-27T02:40:01+00:00

People often settle

pureboy · 2017-10-27T09:11:53+00:00

This is why I'm single AF.

midnight_toker22 · 2017-10-26T22:07:09+00:00

Everything you've described here is 100% normal.

svesrujm · 2017-10-26T20:58:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

9874123987456321 · 2017-10-26T19:45:58+00:00

Can you give me a quick roll down of how you meet girls in the nightlife?

taeryne · 2017-10-26T23:41:09+00:00

Common courtesy & decency have gone by the wayside. Also, most people are boring AF.

2017-10-27T00:45:35+00:00

Maybe your long-term desires just aren't what you thought they'd be. That's all.

2017-10-27T01:12:26+00:00

It's like where and how you're trying to meat them ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) start hanging around places that those quality women would be.

2017-10-27T01:27:19+00:00

I think it depends on the city you are in. OP what city are you in?

meme100m · 2017-10-27T02:27:31+00:00

How do you define a quality woman?

wyvernwy · 2017-10-27T05:34:02+00:00

Like many other things in nature, the world is bell-shaped, and the interesting parts lie two standard deviations from the norm.

Lord_Augastus · 2017-10-27T05:48:08+00:00

Yes, finding someone you might fall in love is hard.

realneil · 2017-10-27T10:46:20+00:00

Become a man that brings out the best in people and you will be less disappointed.

xKarmek · 2017-10-27T13:25:09+00:00

I've come to a similar realization. I don't do pickup much but I strive to try and learn about new girls I meet, like, genuinely get to know them.

I've only had one relationship that lasted almost a year, but we went opposite directions and decided to stay friends.

Ever since, I have yet to meet a girl I share similar interests with. They're all in their bubble (20-25yo range) and seem to only want to go out, "travel the world" or are deep down spiritual beliefs that don't match mine.

I really wonder why there's literally 0.01% of girls interested in philosophy and science...

pru51 · 2017-10-27T15:48:30+00:00

I always think about what Bob Marley once said. If a girl is easy then she won't be amazing. If a girl is hard then she will be amazing. The truth is every girl will hurt you. It just depends if she's worth hurting for.

ImBadWithGrils · 2017-10-27T15:52:53+00:00

This makes me realize I should have talked to the super cutie at the gym this morning. First time ever seeing her, she seems to fit what I'm looking for because she lifts. Next time

AnnikaQuinn · 2017-10-27T17:16:55+00:00

Well yes, things that barely exist anymore are obviously hard to find

Lil_Kilo · 2017-10-27T18:44:58+00:00

I have 2 opinions on the matter. The first is that, you don't really know what you want, as humans, we never really know what we want. Most people just end up settling and falling into complacency. You're young, so I feel that most if not all kids in college are still figuring it out. My second opinion is, it could simply be where you live. And you might need to move somewhere else, if you live in Louisiana for example, you might need to transfer to a bigger city.

2017-10-28T00:45:54+00:00

Depends on what you want. I like women who don't drink, but the reality is I have to accept the fact that most women drink, and heavily at that. I also don't like smokers...same problem here, a significant portion of women smoke as well. You just have to keep plugging away until you find the one.

VoiceActorForHire · 2017-11-01T05:10:35+00:00

six direful light complete offbeat disarm hard-to-find icky handle voiceless

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

ajswdf · 2017-10-27T02:58:40+00:00

What do you define as quality? I've found the exact opposite, most of the girls I've been with, or even just been around platonically, I'd be ok with dating. Maybe it's because I'm a pretty emotionless guy so I'm not looking for anything serious, or maybe it's that I just happen to attract girls who fit with me, but I couldn't relate to this problem any less.

2017-10-27T06:50:57+00:00

Don't know where you are, but I grew up in Australia where most women hit the wall in their early twenties not to mention all the feminism, bitchiness, and weight problems. I left 20-years ago and have lived in Asia ever since...

DirtyProjector · 2017-10-27T12:04:43+00:00

Yes. It’s glaring, and it sucks. It’s especially frustrating to me because so many women (at least where I’m from) who are attractive are invariably totally vapid and uninteresting. It’s really hard to find quality women who are attractive, intelligent and self aware, and ready for commitment.

I’m totally over and uninterested in just dating casually and hooking up. I’m at the point where I want deep meaningful connection. I had a one night stand with this really hot chick last month, and it was totally not worth it.

It sucks. Im really not sure what to do about it, but have to resign to the fact that I may just need to give up and hope it happens some day.

Socialinception · 2017-10-26T23:55:22+00:00

A girl doesn't need to be marriage material to be able to have a fun night with her. If you can't have fun with hot girls you might be gay.

It sounds like you are looking for a greater purpose in game, you have an end goal you want to meet- a perfect woman- and because you're focused on that goal you're not enjoying the process of getting there.

Look, there might not be that girl who meets your standards, even if that's the case you can have fun meeting and connecting with new girls indefinitely. No girl is going to fix anything, even if she's perfect. The point of game is the game itself, not the results.

Title	Am I the only one who finds quality girls to be so damn rare?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	240
Comments	71
Date	October 26, 2017 7:09 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/78xtfd/am_i_the_only_one_who_finds_quality_girls_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/am-i-the-only-one-who-finds-quality-girls-to-be-so.1298529 https://theredarchive.com/post/1298529

Comments