How to deal with another guy hitting on my girl?

ImJustSo · 2017-12-23T02:43:46+00:00

Here's some advice from a guy that's been making it work with a woman for 14 years.

I don't give a fuck who talks to my wife, I don't give a fuck what they proposition, because I don't give a flying fuck about any other guy. I'm not threatened by them at all. Why? Because my woman is responsible for what she wants. If she doesn't want me, then oh fucking well. Is there a single thing I can ever do to change that or be secure in knowing that she can't leave me at anytime? Nope. She can fuck anyone at anytime and there's nothing I can do to stop it and I wouldn't stop it, I'd just leave.

Ignore it, trust her if she said she'd handle it. If she doesn't and you find out later that she lied, fine. You learned something. Until then, your insecurities are driving your actions, so don't let that happen.

It's not weakness stopping you from intervening, right? So if you know you're not weak, then fuck it. It's meaningless.

My wife is fine as fuck, she's sweet as fuck, and I'd be retarded if I didn't know hundreds and hundreds of guys want to fuck her. Too bad, she's wrapped around my dick and loves the fuck out of me.

A good woman isn't going to fuck you over, and a woman that fucks you over isn't worth a single second of your life going forward. So until there's evidence otherwise, ignore the fuck boys.

Let her be an individual, thinking, human being.

Sidenote: If my wife mentions that a man won't take no for an answer and she can't handle it, then I absolutely handle it. If she asks, then you help.

My best friends know my stance and they're morons, so they test her. It's only become uncomfortable one time for her, and she asked, and I said something. We've not had a problem from him since, and he stood in our wedding. I love him, I love her, and he listened to my seriousness.

NilacTheGrim · 2017-12-23T09:28:16+00:00

I am going to run the risk of downvotes, but quite honestly, you are well within your right and I think she needs to figure out a fucking way to make that stop happening.

This is a guy she used to fuck. Not some co-worker with the wrong idea.

I think it's pretty shitty that she even has interactions with him at all. Ideally your girl doesn't continue to run into former lovers. But that's understandable. The fact that he keeps insisting means either he's a toxic douche (possible) or she's not putting her foot down strongly enough to get him to stop -- or worse, she doesn't actually really want it to stop.

If he's a toxic douche -- why is he in her group of friends? She should have better friends. Red flag.

If she can't get him to stop -- ask yourself why? Is she inept at that sort of thing -- like does she have problems asserting herself? Or does she, on some level, know it makes you jealous and enjoy the attention?

The ideal woman is secure enough and confident enough in herself that she doesn't need such chaotic shenanigans in her life to feel sexy, to be honest.

Also where are you at these parties? Are you right there when he does it? If you are, sorry to say it, punch him in the face. He's disrespecting you to your face, and deserves no less.

I think you're well within your right to be jealous/concerned. I wouldn't want to be in that situation. My antennae are raised at your gf, though, and think something is fishy about her, to be honest. Sorry. I've just seen this way too many times in my life with friends or even to me (I'm 40) and usually it's on her more than it seems at first, in a situation as you described it.

Also, she should be noticing that this stuff isn't exactly making you comfortable. Tell her it's fucked up and you want it to stop because it actually hurts you a little. If she really cares about you she'll figure out a way to make it stop, trust me.

She should be taking your feelings into account. It's on her to be faithful to you and not have a guy she used to fuck constantly cross the line.

Sorry -- really, I side with you on this 100% and do not think you are being unreasonable.

V4refugee · 2017-12-23T06:58:08+00:00

Personally, I don’t believe it would be right for me to hang out with an ex FWB if I could avoid it. If for some reason I had to go somewhere where there was an ex FWB of mine and she hit on me knowing I’m in a committed relationship, I would in a serious tone tell her to fuck off. If she hit on me again, I would tell her off in a very public and assertive way. I would say something like, “ fuck off, I’m out of here, you’re being fucking disrespectful and I don’t appreciate what you’re doing”. I would expect any girl I’m in a committed relationship with to respond in a similar way or ask me to. If not then I will assume we are just FWB. If that’s not what you want then you should drop her like a bad habit.

CelibatePower · 2017-12-23T16:10:03+00:00

Bro you're letting your girlfriend hang out with a guy she used to bang.

Alcohol involved? What's the worst that could happen

ShackledOrphan · 2017-12-23T17:38:56+00:00

Become alpha by sticking a finger in his ass while making the loudest roar possible.

jackson_c_frank · 2017-12-23T08:44:32+00:00

[permanently deleted]

LmDol · 2017-12-23T02:39:08+00:00

If she is your girlfriend, I don't know why you can't tell her this is annoying you. You have all the right in the world, and she as your girlfriend should tell him to stop.

kirauk1 · 2017-12-23T11:30:34+00:00

It's her fault , she should stop going to these parties if we truly loves you , if she doesn't maybe she wants to fuck this guy , the point is you have to get over it , you're a big man you'll know what to do

Lord_Augastus · 2017-12-23T02:24:57+00:00

Man up and kindly, but forcefully ask him to cut it out.

scrambler90 · 2017-12-23T16:23:50+00:00

Haha out of town for 5 weeks!?! She definitely fucked him

NilacTheGrim · 2017-12-23T02:57:40+00:00

That is not acceptable. Whether she thinks she can handle it or not I would still be very wary of this situation, lad. I think it's time you and this guy had a talk and for you to remind him who you are. Don't let anyone step on your toes, good luck.

2017-12-23T06:44:57+00:00

Sooner or later you will have an argue with your gf. In that case accepting that guys offer will be more probable (during the period of your conflict). Are you ready for such scenario ? You can go to those parties with your gf to send a message to that guy. It will be less reactive than going and directly talking with that guy.

NilsFlair · 2017-12-23T21:42:07+00:00

Over anything else, trust your intuition about this situation. Your trust in yourself is the most important thing, so make a judgment based on what you truly believe 100%.

And by that, I mean do you trust her or not? Are you worried because your brain is making subconscious correlations to similar events that has happened before? If yes, are you creating a self fulfilling prophecy here?

I would say, do some contemplation here, and really feel the core of the issue.

Is it you being worried and destroying a good relationship or is there some truth or other reason behind it that make you distrust her actions?

This is obviously something you’ve spent a lot of time worrying about, so do not make too quick of a judgement.

lechino3000 · 2017-12-23T03:14:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ijustlovebreasts · 2017-12-23T03:46:38+00:00

You shouldn't be okay with dudes hitting on your girl. Because then that could lead to her thinking it's okay for her to hit on them.

Finch518 · 2017-12-23T09:26:46+00:00

“I'm not insecure mate. There is a chance I misunderstood your comment but from what I understand, you let your girl do whatever she wants as long as she is still "your" girl.”

Yeah because that’s how relationships work for people that aren’t fucking incel. Isnt there some muck pit calling you to crawl back into?

To address OP: Id trust my girlfriend to handle it, but that would only work once maybe twice. Third time, id cave this dudes head in.

physicalbitcoin · 2017-12-23T11:56:46+00:00

She is most probably sleeping with other people. Renegotiate back down to an open relationship and do the same. Or face months and years of paranoia before you finally catch her.

ImJustSo · 2017-12-23T02:29:36+00:00

I was going to write a paragraph because reading this pissed me tf off but I’ll keep it simple.

Man tf up and choose better women to be with.

ClownPrince6 · 2017-12-23T08:57:21+00:00

Look, here's what you do. Pull the guy aside and tell him quietly that it's not funny anymore and he needs to stop asking my girlfriend to fuck. If he continues, I'd see that as a personal insult and k.o the guy. Don't talk to your girl about it, it's not her fault if some guy starts hitting on her.

brotogeris1 · 2017-12-23T05:21:58+00:00

You’re not mentioning, and maybe not realizing, that your girlfriend gets hit on by men all day every day. She can handle herself. You’re not around to see it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

IcarusWright · 2017-12-23T14:44:41+00:00

I would throw daggers but I would keep it under the radar. Accidentily sweep the drink off the table into his lap, and apologise profusely. Accidentally kick his chair right as he's trying to sit down. Excuse yourself to the restroom, and slash his tires. Have a conversation with your girl in front of him that he could take as you two joking about his small dick size, a simple nod in his direction while holding up your pinky, and telling her an unrelated joke that has her laughing. You are a fucking emotional ninja, fucking rainman with a rubix cube, your puzzle is how can you fuck up this guys day, and laugh about it.

kill_dano · 2017-12-23T19:18:50+00:00

As a guy in an open relationship, (so it's not even about the exclusivity thing) you have to set up some healthy boundaries for your self an the people involved with them. If this isn't some casual thingy you have with her, which you say it's not, you absolutely need to make sure this is respected, by people in your circle in acquaintances.

In the past I've taken the whole trusting her and not getting in the way if other people make a move, but there are ways to show that there are boundaries here that people will be expected to respect while interacting with either of you. Enforcing these boundaries in a responsable way will make both of you feel more comfortable about your relationship.

If I went to the bathroom and came back to see my gal had a drink from some dude who's chatting her up, I'd absolutely get right up in there, introduce myself to the dude, get cozier with my gal and establish that physical contact with her. Then continue to involved in the conversation and be friendly with the dude as long as he is being respectful.

If you're enjoying the dudes company keep it going, if not tell him you all are going to get going or go socialize around the bar but it was nice talking to him. Take you gal out of the convo, then.

If dude starts hitting on her in front of you, you need to tell him to stop. Not cause you don't trust her or think he has a chance, it's about respecting you, your relationship and boundaries.

Even in my open thing, I wouldn't allow some randy to come hit on my gal with me there, cause we are not here to pick up ppl or get hit on, we are with eachother enjoying our company and that sorta thing would make me uncomfortable so Id be sure to let ppl know they can't behave that way.

In your situation I think the best course is to ask your gal to give you the guy's number and I'd text him. Tell him how you feel about him asking to sleep with her and that you think it's disrespectful to your relationship. If he turns into to an asshole to you, then tell her you don't want her hanging out with this asshole who doesn't respect your boundaries or your relationship. If she doesn't want to stop being friends with the guy then you need to have a long conversation with her about this dude who is sexually harassing her and why she is allowing it. Tell her you're not going to stand by and let this little cunt treat you like a pussy.

AlfredJFuzzywinkle · 2017-12-24T02:18:01+00:00

Try going to places where they won’t hit on her?

-ATLAS-_ · 2017-12-24T19:47:57+00:00

It will always be in your best interest to have a girl fighting to keep your attention than fighting to keep her attention.

What I'm saying is, instead of being worried or focusing on your girlfriend and her opportunities that she has to turn down, focus on turning down your own opportunities. Try to go out and and have situations where you are the one turning things down. The girl you're dating will be so much more focused on that problem and being the best girl for you that this other guy won't even matter. It will naturally take care of all the problems in your current scenario.

Plus, you'll both be happier which is what you want anyways without having to confront or fight some idiot.

jglover82 · 2017-12-25T18:07:58+00:00

You are the prize, be non needy and non reactive. If shes going to hamster then next her. A good girl who is in love with you would never act on this

cincidiot · 2017-12-27T09:56:23+00:00

Man, it's hard to tell what's up from your post. You start off saying you trust her and that she turns down guys asking her to dance, but then you talk about her constantly getting drunk with a guy who openly tries to have sex with her, and finish with a question that makes it sound like she regularly leads guys on at bars far enough that they're getting handsy in front of you.

I've only taken any action with a guy hitting on/pursuing my wife once, because I trust her. This guy was so sneaky(?) (sleazy? slick?) that every girl I knew that knew him would say that he was basically a sexual predator "but he's always good with me." And that's how he fucked every one of them. So with him, I teased him in front of the men and women in the friend group.about every sly advance I'd witness or would pick up on from my wife. I'm not sure if he felt awkward knowing I knew his game, or if he was worried I was killing his game by calling it out in front of everyone, but he stopped and became super respectful.

Outside of that, my wife demonstrated that she wanted to have a secure, committed, exclusive relationship with me in the way that she shut down guys. I never had a good reason to be jealous. Sometimes guys would grab her ass or get physical, but never because she did anything to even slightly hint that she'd welcome the advance. And she always shut those dudes down with grace and dignity. She adjusted or ended relationships with exes and other suitors when we got a little serious. She earned my trust, so I've never had reason to wonder what I needed to do. When I've gotten jealous, it's always been obvious that it was my shit, and I've always dealt with it that way.

I wanted to point out that buried in the downvoted replies to the top comment in this thread is a reply by that poster that I took to mean the poster is a swinger. I think that's important information, because that seems like a different relationship model than you're looking for. Nothing wrong with open relationships; it's just that your post starts off by saying you're exlcusive.

nubepube · 2017-12-23T09:14:23+00:00

Don't be a bitch if she leaves it's on her

Title	How to deal with another guy hitting on my girl?
Author	throwSEDDITaway12345
Upvotes	228
Comments	162
Date	December 23, 2017 2:16 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7lm0cl/how_to_deal_with_another_guy_hitting_on_my_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-deal-with-another-guy-hitting-on-my-girl.1298563 https://theredarchive.com/post/1298563

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