20 Mistakes You Make at the Bar

realjefftaylor · 2012-09-05T18:21:31+00:00

20 is the most important I think. I used to go out only hoping to get laid, and used to hate going to bars. Once I started going out just to enjoy myself, not only did I have way more fun at bars, but I actually had more success with women.

itsiceyo · 2012-09-05T20:00:32+00:00

being outcome independent is what its all about. If you go out looking to get laid, and dont get laid. Youre gonna have a bad time. If you go out with the mindset of just having fun and a good time. Then you're gonna have a good time.

HedoNNN · 2012-09-05T23:19:12+00:00

15 is definitely something every Sedditor should do:

Write down a list of 5-10 (minimum) qualities you look for in a woman. I like laid back, family-oriented, techie, creative, openly sexual women. Start asking questions that get her to convey or talk about those qualities. Examples: “What’s your nerdiest hobby?” “Are you close with your family?” “Where’s the wildest place you’ve had sex?”

nycprowl · 2012-09-05T20:45:30+00:00

Good list, there are some that I get really hung up on:

You don't focus on the girl you're interested.

I usually try to address the group, and when I do to try escalate with the girl, I ALWAYS get cockblocked by one of her friends. I do not have a wing, and prefer not to, to be honest. How can I get over this hurdle.

Approach anxiety and perfect line

I guess not much else can be said then just go introduce yourself, but what about high energy environment bars where there is dancing and super loud? It's tough to approach then. What's a good way to approach on the dance floor?

Logistics

I always have major issues with logistics since I don't drink, I'm usually the DD and can't really abandon my friends. In addition, I often go to bars not near my house. How can I do better logistically?

silkat · 2012-09-06T06:30:25+00:00

I work at a bar and I have to say this is a lot of great advice. I see guys looking for girls all the time and the ones who succeed are generally following these steps. I think the biggest thing that works, and OP says this in a comment, is to stop treating it like a mission. Realjefftaylor says this too, when you go out and are trying to have a great time by yourself, women seem to flock to the guys who I see do this.

Also as someone who works at a bar, I think a good tip is for guys to become a regular at a bar. When you come in during the early evening a couple times a week, I guarantee your bartender/server will get to know you and eventually start hooking you up with drinks (if they can, I work in a single establishment non-corporate bar, also never ask- they will do it on their own).

What I find is that when girls see guys who know their way around, get along with their bartender/waitress and look like they are just there for the fun of it, they flock to these guys who seem confident and comfortable like this. Also, I have other tables or customers at the bar- there are lots of times where I am asked, "where are the cute guys at here?" And let me tell you, I point them right in the direction of the guys who I think are cool and I know are looking for women.

Anyway I guess I don't know if this works at any bar you would go to but in my personal experience I love helping the regulars I genuinely like get with girls who I think are worth it for them.

budguy68 · 2012-09-05T18:46:54+00:00

I want to add 'You spend your whole time on 1 target'. Ever been to the bar, approach a group of girls and you end up staying with them for like 2 hours? You even get a make out and a number but it doesn't got anywhere. Solution to this is staying on a set for 25 mins then moving on to a different set and find other sets to connect with. Then afterwards you can go back to the set you connected with the most.

IAmTheOmNom · 2012-09-06T01:07:24+00:00

Ok. I do Number: 1, 5, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 15.

nice how I got all those middle things in a row, because they are all connected and that is exactly where I lack.

Usually, when I go to a club or bar, where you can dance, I immediately start having fun there, easily make nonverbal and, after getting into it, also verbal connections with people. Hell I even get approached by the girls! And then, then I feel like I have no idea where to go from there. Usually a short conversation or a little bit of dancing, then nothing to say, I don't know how to escalate or if I should ... aaand scene.

Damn, when I think about all the lost opportunities, just because I couldn't pull the trigger. It makes me wanna shed a tear.

Also I realize that I am biased on how I approach a group. If I approach , because I find a girl in the group attractive then my approach gets way worse reactions and they are more likely to not be receptive. If I approach because I wanna have some buddies to have a little chat with, they are way more receptive and some girls I wasn't really interested in at first seem to be making themselves more available.

NickTDS · 2012-09-06T03:22:06+00:00

I was at a few bars the other weekend, and three girls showed interest in me. One waived at my friend and followed me over from another bar. One saw me walking in and came inside and looked me right in the eyes. A similar situation happened with the third. What happened? First, I hesitated and other guys got to each girl. I was also not on my best game because I was a tad too drunk and tired. Moral of the story, you don't need to be perfect, but you can't be in the state I was in.

NickTDS · 2012-09-06T04:35:21+00:00

The last point, #20 is my biggest showstopper most of the time.

sthree · 2012-09-05T23:59:58+00:00

With some people like me, it's: you enjoy too much dancing and don't give a fuck about the girl looking at you.

For poor guys like me, my generous and wise counsel is: go to bars to dance and have fun, approach girls anywhere else but there! ;)

MattDamonsNipples · 2012-09-06T04:05:40+00:00

What's this about holding your drink near your chest being a display of defensiveness? How is this so? I've always held mine high without really putting too much thought into it.

Nerf_Circus · 2012-09-06T03:24:19+00:00

I'm planning on going out solo tonight for my first attempt at being a PUA. Great timing on the post. IF i get over AA tonight and start talking to sets, how do i isolate the girl I like? Any good guides someone can link me?

TheIslander829 · 2012-09-06T16:29:07+00:00

I think 12 is the most common for all guys here.

RedHot91 · 2012-09-07T15:43:09+00:00

I think I'm going to read every night before I go out until I know them like the back of my hand. Great points, thanks for posting this.

gethereddout · 2012-09-06T02:25:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

KallistiEngel · 2012-09-06T04:37:19+00:00

A couple things I want to point out:

You arrive too late. [...] Especially in cities where last call is by 1-2 AM, you want to get to the venue early.

When I do that in my town, where last call is 1am, there's hardly anyone at the bar at all. People rarely tend to go out before 10 or 11 here for some strange reason. So depending on your area, your results may vary.

You don’t look your best. Dressing well and smelling fresh is one of the easiest ways to stand out against competition. I cringe when I see guys walk in with wrinkled shirts and BO. Take an hour to trim your facial hair, shower, and iron your clothes.

I think a better rule is "dress appropriately/know your audience". If you're going to a hipster bar it's acceptable, and sometimes desirable, to be sporting a scruffy lumberjack beard and wearing ripped up clothes. If you're going to a punk/metal bar, I don't think anyone is going to give a damn if your shirt is ironed. For a hip-hop club you might want to dress a bit more casually than a button-down or polo shirt. I agree 100% on the BO thing though. Avoid it at all costs.

Title	20 Mistakes You Make at the Bar
Author	NickTDS
Upvotes	448
Comments	60
Date	September 5, 2012 5:52 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/zej0b/20_mistakes_you_make_at_the_bar/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/20-mistakes-you-make-at-the-bar.1338686 https://theredarchive.com/post/1338686

Comments

20 is the most important I think. I used to go out only hoping to get laid, and used to hate going to bars. Once I started going out just to enjoy myself, not only did I have way more fun at bars, but I actually had more success with women.

15 is definitely something every Sedditor should do: