How long should I wait to ask a girl out after a flake? Should I avoid texting her for a while?

puntingbaxter · 2012-11-13T20:29:17+00:00

What was the reason for the flake?

But to be honest, there is absolutely no reason for a woman to flake other than emergency.

If she's into you she will make time. If you suggest a time, and she can't make it she will give you a time when she can.

She might have just called your cousin to make sure she doesn't look like a bitch. Because for some people what people think of them is everything in life.

need_more_lube · 2012-11-13T22:07:52+00:00

chrissakes, just find out when she's free again and take her to the supermarket or something. buy soup for her sick sister and make it with her at her house. feed that shit to her sick sister and then bang the girl in the other room.

nixons · 2012-11-14T01:22:13+00:00

No contact. Boyfriend material? Yea maybe for her other GFs.

daredevil82 · 2012-11-13T21:17:25+00:00

If its a genuine emergency or holdup and she lets me know, then I'm happy to reschedule. If its a weak reason, then I don't bother.

GrantW01 · 2012-11-13T20:33:55+00:00

I'm in a similar situation, where the girl I asked out flaked, but I can understand why (honours dissertation draft hand in at the end of the week) now either that's complete bull on her part or she's telling the truth. But she has said she'd like to go out so I'm willing to believe its the latter, I'm just trying to gauge when to re-ask her. I'm thinking soon but for a day next week. If she's into you she'll say yes the second time, but as you've hit the nail on the head it all about timing. I'm still quite a noob but I'd guess you'd just have to feel for the right time.

HilarityEnsuez · 2012-11-13T21:31:34+00:00

I get the best results by not calling again. Because seriously, at this point in my life I don't waste time. They usually contact me a week or two later wanting to meet up very soon. If they don't, you saved yourself a lot of time, energy and money that could be better used elsewhere. And it is true that girls do care what you think about them, so when they do call you up, they will be eager to show you why it's in your interest to stay interested in them. Worst thing to do when communication lags on the girl's side is to keep contacting her. I learned this the hard way. If you haven't heard from her in awhile (like three weeks), it's okay to send a brief message to pop yourself back into her awareness (in case her situation has changed and she's more receptive now). This is with dating. If it's with a girl I want as a friend I'll ask them to hang out again the following weekend so they know I'm not mad at them.

backtothegame · 2012-11-13T21:02:43+00:00

1 avoid this situation from ever happening again by searching this forum for "Flake Preventer".

2 Understand you don't know shit about whether she actually likes you from one comment and some BS 3rd party call that's barely an IOI. Have a life or pretend you do, ask her to join you on an upcoming off-day night (M-T).

atheistjubu · 2012-11-13T21:13:36+00:00

Enough to make her worry just a bit. It's your situation, use your judgment. But make hearing from you again an exciting moment for her.

2012-11-13T21:30:51+00:00

For me, about a week. Not because it's some golden PUA rule that must be followed, but just because I have a somewhat busy life.

daLeechLord · 2012-11-13T22:22:59+00:00

Actions speak louder than words, man.

TonelessMoon · 2012-11-14T04:57:34+00:00

Carry on with life, remain busy and awesome.... If / when you remember her, then do it.

puffinprincess · 2012-11-13T21:11:51+00:00

Leave it up to her. Tell her it's ok and understand and then suggest that she set things up next time so that she has control over the scheduling and won't wind up having to cancel again. Shows that you're still interested but not a doormat

2012-11-14T00:43:26+00:00

tell her, so where are you taking me out to next weekend... hint at something cheap like some pizza joint or starbucks incase she's broke...and you can still pay for it if you want, but make her think she's paying for it..

and what was her excuse for flaking out?

jdepps113 · 2012-11-14T01:02:25+00:00

I would say you first make a point of telling her that your time is valuable and that she should not waste your time. Do it in a serious tone, looking directly at her as if disappointed. Then reschedule immediately, telling her all is forgiven (as long as she acts suitably and seems to be sorry), and smiling and putting her back at ease.

If she blows you off twice, you move on and stop calling her, barring extraordinary circumstances.

pigvwu · 2012-11-14T01:44:33+00:00

I'm a complete newb, so can you guys help evaluate what my natural response to this situation would be?

I would probably text her that I'd be hanging out at whatever place next weekend, and that she's welcome to join me or meet me. Then I would just drop all communication unless (until?) she reciprocates.

2012-11-14T02:41:51+00:00

Update. Results here matter.

superyay · 2012-11-14T03:46:43+00:00

There's a sidebar article that pertains to texting game. Or you might want to check out messaging messaging.

Calandresh · 2012-11-14T07:34:50+00:00

If it was an emergency, its ok. If she flaked for no reason, never speak with her again.

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-11-14T15:51:05+00:00

I find it a little appalling how many people on this forum are giving you bad advice. You need to fucking value yourself! Think of how you would react to a flake if you had four other girls ready to go out on dates this week. Would you be wondering about when to call her back? Would you be calling her cousin to find out if she's really into you and wondering whether her excuse was legit? Fuck no! You'd be going out with a chick who has enough sense not to flake on you!

It doesn't matter what excuse she gave you. It doesn't matter if it was an emergency or if she just didn't feel like missing the latest episode of How I Met Your Mother. A flake's a flake. Period. It's up to her to reschedule. Tell her, "okay, lemme know when you wanna get together" and leave it at that. If she doesn't contact you to reschedule, never call her again.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-11-13T22:46:17+00:00

Either tell her to call you when she wants to get real or end communication for a while. Either way she isn't worth your time cause she's a flake.

SupALupRT · 2012-11-14T01:18:51+00:00

Think logically about it. If she wanted to hang with you, she would.

jjjericho · 2012-11-13T20:52:06+00:00

Few weeks 2-3, I would think. Shows you have other shit to do, there's other women, etc. Your life shouldn't be at their beck and call.

2012-11-13T23:36:12+00:00

Abundance mentality has basically taught me that I text girls and try to set up dates for my own entertainment, and not because of any particular need for a womans company to live my life happily.

If she flakes, I really don't care, and by the time the multiple flake point has been reached, at least in the current state of my life I have met enough women in the time between meeting her that I legitimately forget about the flake at all.

2012-11-14T00:46:02+00:00

Let her come to you. too much attention given can sometimes drive them away.

2012-11-14T05:25:06+00:00

Don't make the next effort to schedule something, let her make it up to you and make it obvious that this is the exception to the rule and she's going to have to put in the effort after flaking. Otherwise you just establish that you need her more than she needs you and she can just sit back and let you do all the work. Also, if she has to put more effort into arranging the next date, she'll also be putting more effort into making it a good date

2012-11-14T07:03:45+00:00

Give her the benefit of the doubt unless she makes a habit of it. More flakes and call it quits; that only leads to frustration, pain, and personality disorders.

ytterp · 2012-11-14T16:11:52+00:00

I turned a flaker (one off - i knew she was testing) into a relationship... but my default response in spite of this is to say she flaked so move on and keep your life simple.

fuckthisindustry · 2012-11-15T04:09:35+00:00

If a chick flakes on me without a good reason, one strike she's out, fuck her too many other fish in the sea.

PenOrSword · 2012-11-13T22:02:47+00:00

Call her.

Emerce_Yourself · 2012-11-14T03:53:41+00:00

The only you things you need to do, is charge that broad to the game. If a female is into you she's going to going to exert that without your intermission. If she's flaking keep it moving, theres always another female behind her.

Title	How long should I wait to ask a girl out after a flake? Should I avoid texting her for a while?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	108
Comments	76
Date	November 13, 2012 8:24 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1351xe/how_long_should_i_wait_to_ask_a_girl_out_after_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-long-should-i-wait-to-ask-a-girl-out-after-a.1342690 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342690

Comments

1 avoid this situation from ever happening again by searching this forum for "Flake Preventer".

2 Understand you don't know shit about whether she actually likes you from one comment and some BS 3rd party call that's barely an IOI. Have a life or pretend you do, ask her to join you on an upcoming off-day night (M-T).