How do you stop being a "hopeless romantic"?

TopsyMitoTurvy · 2015-07-18T07:24:39+00:00

Have other, bigger, more ambitious goals in life than just to have a romantic relationship with someone.

ImJustSo · 2015-07-18T07:28:49+00:00

You don't talk to enough women. When one responds, speak to another one before that one.

xEnsox · 2015-07-18T07:59:17+00:00

Cultivate values. Understand that no one can make you happy. The best love is self love holmes.

Once you have been in a few LTR's, you realize that getting a gf was never the thing that was going to "fix you".

user_none · 2015-07-18T07:54:44+00:00

Get fucked over enough times.

1vibe · 2015-07-18T07:40:59+00:00

You don't have to give it up, just add more women to be hopelessly romantic with. Use it as a strength.

newatthis1599 · 2015-07-18T13:05:28+00:00

Remember three important things:

1- The person you have to live with the longest is you, so love yourself.

2- Love like respect should be earned and never given.

3- Women WILL walk all over you if you are always available, be romantic once in a while its great. All the time and you are a sap. DO YOU WANT TO BE A SAP.

CharmFormula · 2015-07-18T11:09:48+00:00

This is very normal! Unfortunately. Its common mostly because men are raised by women without a strong masculine influence in their life. When you are raised by women they teach you what they think about women. How much they love romance and men being sweet and nice to them. Problem is that these traits that women teach young men are not what makes them attracted to us. Understanding why we behave this way is the key to changing ourselves into more attractive men.

Ive written an article on the subject that might help explain this more to you if you are interested. Let me know what you think :)

http://charmformula.com/how-to-stop-being-needy-definitive-guide/

n3kr0n · 2015-07-18T13:07:51+00:00

Dude you are not in love, you are just an average horny dude who cannot differentiate between the normal reaction to a beautiful woman "i want that" and "I love this woman and want to spend my life with her".

You dont even know her, you dont know how fucking insane she is (or not), how intersting she is (or not) or how good she is in bed (or not). Understand, that you just find her hot, you dont love her.

From there directly follows: Why would she want you? Every woman has a theoretical bunch of average horny dudes she could be with. Why should it be you? What do you have to offer apart from the typical boring "I love you so much because you look nice" she gets every single day?

There is plenty of time to be romantic with your girlfriend, once you actually acquired one. And you dont acquire one by just being there and adoring her.

Khower · 2015-07-18T16:27:41+00:00

get your heart stomped on enough you become a cold calculated fucking machine

lasvegasfun · 2015-07-18T08:08:49+00:00

There is nothing wrong with wanting to find someone special to spend the rest of your life with, but you need to be able find happiness in yourself first and the eventual lucky lady will be a supplement to your own happiness. You need to understand that to find that one person it takes talking to a whole lot of people, many girls who are special but not quite it and not changing who you are to make someone else happy. You also need to understand that your'e a good guy and that the special girl deserves someone who is willing to treat them as good as you, unlike most guys out there which puts you way above the playing field for most other guys.

doomgiver45 · 2015-07-18T12:23:44+00:00

Not sure how this'll turn out for you, but for me, it went from "hopeless romantic" to "jaded cynic."

Diece · 2015-07-18T15:26:06+00:00

simply meet more women, you are attaching yourself to chicks because you have no abundance in your life.

There is no such thing as a special girl. Or the ONE,

bones_and_love · 2015-07-18T07:56:53+00:00

Just stop being a fucking loser. You have no reason to love a person you don't know. Love is a value judgment that another person deserves your allegiance, protection, help, advice, etc. By your criterion, beauty, a slut or prostitute deserves all of that. Fuck off with that shallow shit.

Basic bitches are meant to be fucked and nothing else. They aren't a life companion.

If you meet a beautiful woman and find she is more than her surface, you can fall in love. But until then, if she barely seems on your side, only watches Netflix all day, and spends her mornings drinking wine, you're dealing with a shell of a person. Just fuck her. Why would you love her?

CharlieFortuneCookie · 2015-07-18T07:37:22+00:00

Let your heart die. That's why I did and now romance never crosses my mind

Dirkz · 2015-07-18T17:34:56+00:00

Talk to women frequently... especially when they are in groups and are comfortable with you. You'll hear plenty of stuff that will kill your delusions of romance.

very_crazy_idiot · 2015-07-18T18:35:47+00:00

You are enough. You don't need to, and shouldn't depend on girls as your primary source of happiness. To you, your life is amazing as it is regardless of how many women you have in your life. Do you have hobbies, passions, goals? If not, get some.

Imagine if a girl is head over heels into you but she has literally NOTHING else going for her in her life - bad grades in school, dead end career, no hobbies and passions, and that the only thing significant about her is that she has a crush on you. They're fucking creepy. Trust me, I've met such girls, and you don't want to be like them. Sure, they might be attractive at first, and if you've never had a girl crushing on you before you'll enjoy it for a while, but once you discover they're nothing beyond the surface level you'll want to run the other way.

Once you establish this "you are enough" mindset you will get far less disappointed by rejections. Also, talk to more women in your life. It's clear you look like your exposure to women is close to null. Once you do that, a single rejection will mean nothing to you.

also this video will help with your problem. Just close your eyes and listen to him rant: https://youtu.be/GdnYedTpToA

juanlee337 · 2015-07-18T12:01:34+00:00

stop dating. Start fucking

skweebop · 2015-07-18T13:53:03+00:00

I think a lot of us have been there. I learned the hard way like a lot of responses here. For me, it wasn't about changing my behavior to more successfully attract the same type of women that fucked me over in the first place. It was more about seeing red flags and knowing when to peace the fuck out. Sometimes you just have to contract "oneitis" several times before developing an immunity to it. Took me about 12 years, I hope it takes you less time.

idevastate · 2015-07-18T14:32:22+00:00

It's like someone said, you get fucked over enough times. You learn to not project some fantasy dream future, but rather, take each relationship with someone as "Enjoy it while it lasts." If it ends up lasting a long time, then good for you. Otherwise, same shit.

zomgitsduke · 2015-07-18T15:34:28+00:00

Never make the relationship the end goal. Do what interests you and self improve as much as possible. A girlfriend is the compliment to your life, not the defining characteristic.

zeek_ · 2015-07-18T17:37:02+00:00

Having more options.

heyyou11 · 2015-07-18T17:55:33+00:00

The only place these thoughts come from is fantasy. Romance movies are no more real than any movie. You don't expect to have super powers after you watch a super hero movie. Why do you think you life should be like a romance film?

blownstang · 2015-07-19T04:06:08+00:00

I agree with the whole 'doing things that make you happy' answer. I've noticed that when I'm working on some project for days or weeks at a time, feeling both stressed and bored, I begin to become very needy towards both friends and girls. But, when I'm enjoying myself (e.g., small weekend trips and participating in my favorite hobbies), then I'm much more attractive as a person because I'm ACTUALLY happy. I guess my point is, if a guy is genuinely happy, then girls will not be able to effectively use their mind-controlling voodoo anymore.

viksenpai · 2015-07-19T06:12:08+00:00

Apart from xEnsox's comment, I'd suggest that you stop putting labels to things. Stop putting the labels "the one", "romance", "love" and so on and start experiencing and living live. There is no need for those labels, no need to make wedding plans after meeting a girl, no need to live in the future or past. Try to be in the present moment overall, just spend your time with people actually being there and this should help you with not getting too attached to your imaginary future world.

RickyRockyDude · 2015-07-23T08:32:46+00:00

Start approaching more girls, and if you want to eventually date multiple at the same time. This will take YOU out of scarcity and THEM off the pedestal.

It also helps living a fun and active life where you don't really NEED a girl. A girl will just be a plus.

kently7 · 2016-01-10T09:58:22+00:00

I'm the same way. I think the key is to just take things slow and be aware of yourself and your hopeless romantic mindset. Keep things in perspective, and try not to worry about her being 'the one.' Perhaps don't place her on your mind 24/7, so she doesn't consume your thoughts and wishful thinking too much.

iCaney · 2015-07-18T14:25:29+00:00

get married.

mada0207 · 2015-07-19T06:17:17+00:00

Stop being a little fucking pussy bitch. Realize your a man. The Kings. Realize you have the power to have any girl you want. Stop being Mr. Nice Guy. in fact read that one book on how to stop being mr nice guy

Title	How do you stop being a "hopeless romantic"?
Author	AR96
Upvotes	128
Comments	65
Date	July 18, 2015 6:48 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3dpr97/how_do_you_stop_being_a_hopeless_romantic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-stop-being-a-hopeless-romantic.1391191 https://theredarchive.com/post/1391191

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