What do you think about the idea of completely not focusing on girls but on yourself to be really the best version of yourself and then wait for the girls to chase YOU?

ThatSpecialPlace · 2015-09-18T19:14:02+00:00

It would be bitter sweet. If you're "waiting" for girls to chase you, you're still being somewhat outcome dependent on them coming to you. The best thing to do is to just focus on yourself, and try to have as much fun as you can in this short life.

I like the chase honestly, makes it interesting. Would get old after a while if you could just point to girl and that was that.

stephen-silver · 2015-09-18T21:27:38+00:00

Love the first half of the idea. Unfortunately, most women expect men to make the initial moves. Unless you're Tom Brady...

rmbarnes · 2015-09-18T23:46:40+00:00

Waiting for a sexual partner to come to you is a female mating strategy. Unless you happen to be a rockstar it's not gonna work well for you if you want to regularly bang women hotter than yourself.

puaCurveBall · 2015-09-18T19:17:48+00:00

Confident or not, it is always better to be the pro-active one. People are self-centered, and you should never put the responsibility or power of your outcome into the hands of others.

TheEyesHaveEyes · 2015-09-18T22:41:59+00:00

This works, albeit to varying degrees. Yes, better yourself in every conceivable way possible; you should already be doing this in order to live a fulfilling life. It is not a process that has an end, you must maintain some level of self-awareness throughout your journey of finding the right woman and beyond.

Sure, if you take the time to make yourself look good (well-fitting clothes, grooming, lifting weights, etc), better your career, and improve your social circle then women will gravitate toward you. I can attest to this. But the perfect woman for you may not be one of these women, you will most likely have to work in order to get "that" girl you've always dreamed of. Personally, I've always felt quality is much better than quantity, but to each their own, of course.

You may be able to get plenty of women, but over time you will see that the fruit which fall from the tree are not as sweet as the ones at the very top.

LUClEN · 2015-09-18T23:18:48+00:00

That sounds risky for a couple reasons. Firstly, women do not initiate romantic relationships as often as men so you could be waiting awhile. Secondly, you're basically picking from the women who do actually chase you, instead of selecting women yourself by approaching them.

Messisfoot · 2015-09-18T21:50:46+00:00

Why do you have to wait? Can't you do both at once?

BecomeInspired · 2015-09-19T12:22:00+00:00

A million times better idea than neglecting yourself for girls.

TheBreadWinner · 2015-09-18T20:59:01+00:00

someone shorter, uglier, balder, poorer, etc etc got laid last night with a hotter girl than youve ever been with

"working on yourself" is a form of procrastination "i would get so many girls if i just looked a liiiittle bit better, so why bother with them now"

Rayjaysdick · 2015-09-18T23:50:23+00:00

You will miss out on a million opportunities with a million women.

heliox · 2015-09-19T00:31:23+00:00

It's worked for me. But a lot of the girls are fucking crazy.

grass_cutter · 2015-09-18T21:44:14+00:00

It's a fine idea, but with that strategy, you need to bolster your chances of a girl opening you (or at least putting in warm approaches).

Get lots of hobbies that involve girls. Theater and dance are decent ones that I know of.
Build a huge social circle and run social circle game. It's a lot easier than cold approaches.

If you follow your steps, because awesome, ripped, have an awesome life, etc ... and play video games in your house all day outside of work, you ain't going to get very far.

rmbarnes · 2015-09-18T23:47:55+00:00

What counts as the best version of yourself?

2015-09-19T00:26:22+00:00

Good discussion point. I agree with most of the comments here. Yes, you must work on imprint yourself.. create the best version of yourself, but it should be done for you not others.. focus on building the best life because you deserve it..

Also good luck waiting for women to come approach you. We as men have to be proactive.

BravoPUA · 2015-09-19T03:19:43+00:00

Impossible. You can't become the best version of yourself without learning the skills you would acquire from approaching and dating some chicks.

thepillow86 · 2015-09-19T06:25:24+00:00

Waiting is often an excuse to not face your fears of approaching

Cookiest · 2015-09-19T12:30:23+00:00

This does and doesn't work.

Improving your smv is important to getting attraction.

But just improving attraction does nothing if that's where it ends.

You should improve yourself and ALSO work on your game.

Improving yourself helps build confidence. Confidence helps you walk away from a low value person. You're confident you can find another.

This confidence that you are worth a high value is what people are drawn to. Men and women. When using seduction with high confidence (not a showy fake confidence) you'll pull the best girls.

It's hard to read what this confidence looks like. Go out and improve yourself. Find older guys who are 5, words, 15 years older who have hot WAGs. Befriend and learn from them how a high smv man behaves. Find the style you like and emulate that.

Good luck.

tramplemestilsken · 2015-09-19T17:47:06+00:00

This can happen if you're involved in a lot of social circles, successful, and a bit older (like 35+). Women will definitely pursue. Younger attractive women will rarely pursue, because they don't need to.

Here's the thing, if a women just goes throughout her days and doesn't think about dating, she will still be asked out pretty frequently. If a man does that, he might get asked out once a year.

cluelessdudebrah · 2015-09-19T21:05:41+00:00

Girls don't care or approach guys 90% of the time. I mean it might work if you're really, really good looking, or if you happen to fall into a social situation where they can flirt with you, but otherwise you're probably going to end up disappointed.

Might as well at least put yourself out there, even if it's not with your full attention, you miss the chances you don't take.

AtticusWarhol · 2015-09-18T21:58:54+00:00

They would have more interest in you when you approach but you should be confidently approaching as you gain more sexual market value by exercising, gaining status and accumulating wealth.

HHughes12 · 2015-09-19T02:58:00+00:00

Even if you become the best version of yourself, you are still going to have to put yourself out there and show whatever traits it is you acquired that you believe will make girls attracted you. Tbe best products in the world don't sell if they aren't marketed well.

grapearls · 2015-09-19T08:52:09+00:00

I think it is too often made into an EXCUSE.

masterrod · 2015-09-19T11:48:09+00:00

That's like becoming a girl. That's really what girls do and are taught to do.

If you're in seduction reddit your goal to make yourself your best self so you can be with the girls you want.

2015-09-19T12:05:27+00:00

Amateur hour, you need to first admit to yourself that you are afraid to approach girls and this is a mental con job on yourself to justify not approaching girls.

Chasing women is not hard work that needs to be overcome like doing a manual labor job you hate unless you are afraid.

thegg99 · 2015-09-19T13:52:14+00:00

Bad idea and sounds like its based on fear of rejection or fear of approaching. Guys will do anything, rationalize any belief, upvote any post, if it allows to not approach and face rejection.

Build your life all you want, that's great, but you also need to approach if you want real results. And you have to learn how to approach, how to manage the first minute, first 10 minutes, first hour, first day of an interaction, and then you go from there with the rest of your usual life/social skills. Seduction skills are very important because your first X minutes/hours spent with her will decide everything: you can be an amazing guy, but if you come off badly right away (or just never approach) not many people are going to see the "real" you afterwards.

So build the best version of yourself, but also build seduction skills, and approach. Get the best of both worlds. Take control of your results and your life.

thegg99 · 2015-09-19T13:54:52+00:00

That's like saying you're going to build the most skills you have but never apply for a job or never start your own business, or saying you're going to get the best grades you can get but never apply to any universities because you'll wait for everybody to come to you. Sure, it may work, but it makes more sense to both develop those skills AND apply to what you want (or start your own business, etc).

You're just afraid of rejection and want a way out. "Guys, if I get a 6-pack and make $100k+ per year, can I get success without approaching?" The answer is "maybe, but not to the level you'd get with approaching."

2015-09-19T14:28:27+00:00

The guys who can successfully do this are very good looking and generally end up with girls who are well below their SMV. There is nothing wrong with that per se, but I think the whole point of learning seduction is to punch above your weight. If you are putting no effort into getting the woman that you want, then you aren't really seducing.

2015-09-19T15:07:12+00:00

I've been trying this for years bruv if you don't actually go to places with girls it won't work

2015-09-19T15:54:48+00:00

Life tends to favor those who ask for what they want. So, focus on being the best version of yourself, yes. But the best version of yourself should be someone who is confident enough to ask a girl out if you want to go out with her.

seduction_alchemist · 2015-09-19T16:00:43+00:00

I think its a good idea. It's something I think I need to seriously do. For a long time I have gotten completly frustrated with women that I believe that I'm cursed from having an abundant of women in my life. Like it seriously doesn't make any sense that I don't have any women in life whatsoever. I don't have any female numbers in my phone ( I deleted them all because I can't build shit with them, no matter what I do). So the only numbers I have in my phone are family, one guy friend, and like cellphone company, bank and agency numbers.

I think with me trying so hard to get just ONE woman I started to do stupid shit; made it to where I waste gas going city to city looking for women everywhere (malls, walking, apartment/neighborhoods, supermarkets), waste on money on drugs so I can boost my confidence to meet women and not taking care of my responsibilities (spending money on weed instead of paying my phone bill for example).

The sad thing is I'm a handsome guy (maybe an 7.5 or 8/10), no kids, got my own car and place. But I don't act like a needy, nice guy. I am arrogant, exude a hard attitude, I do have confidence approaching, teasing, negging, flirting with women, but it still gets no where, which is why I say i'm "cursed" from having women and which is why I purposely avoid women (especially considering I'm a black dude and black women are just shitty nowadays).

drewcontreras · 2015-09-19T19:08:31+00:00

that is the way to go! when you work on yourself you raise your value as a man! which will attract girls heres what you do focus on yourself, but when that girl comes ( and she will ) you fuck her and keep going down your path. you will also develop an indifferent attitude which is imperative!! bottom line, girls should never be the priority

tekbubble · 2015-09-19T22:30:27+00:00

You're on the right track; however, being the best version of yourself also means becoming the best version of yourself's approach to girls. To become better, and eventually the best, one must practice.
But detach yourself from the outcome of actually getting a girl. Study your behavior and results. Try different things. Observe outcomes.

2015-09-20T00:44:42+00:00

From experience, this is the best way if you do not value yourself or have low confidence. When YOU believe you are valuable and attractive, it's easier to pick and choose because you know that there will always be the next girl

2015-09-18T20:44:14+00:00

I think it's great to focus on yourself and make yourself the best person you can. But you should also do that for you, to make yourself happy, proud and confident. That will in turn make it much easier to find yourself a better partner more easily. But I wouldn't completely stop approaching women if you're looking to being with one. Sometimes yes women approach men, but most of the time women are shyer or just not in the habit of chasing men. This is coming from a woman who has never approached a guy. But to be fair I've been in a ltr most of my adult life so maybe I would have more if I was single.

Mouthpiece · 2015-09-18T20:09:13+00:00

You should never be "chasing" anyway. You should be approaching, sure, and escalating after your approach, but you should never, ever chase.

JBiebers · 2015-09-18T20:44:49+00:00

MGTOW, or "Monk Mode", doesn't yield the best results solely because you could also practice hitting on girls in the meantime, which is a skill no amount of value will give you.

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